


All Those Things They Couldn't Say

by midas_touch_of_angst



Category: A Series of Unfortunate Events (TV), A Series of Unfortunate Events - Lemony Snicket
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Role Reversal, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Attempted Murder, Family, Family Feels, Found Family, Gen, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Implied/Referenced Sexual Harassment, Implied/Referenced Torture, Murder, VFD is Terrible, Violence, runaways - Freeform, tags will be updated as story progresses
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-08
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-02-27 18:41:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 51
Words: 136,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22620430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midas_touch_of_angst/pseuds/midas_touch_of_angst
Summary: The Baudelaire Family have been on the lam for about fifteen years, ever since Beatrice and Bertrand's role in the Opera Incident was revealed. A life on the run is all that Violet, Klaus and Sunny have ever known- but they may have a chance to escape a life of danger and live like a normal family.Their only contact, Lemony Snicket, tells them he may have a way to clear their names- but a series of unfortunate events leads to Violet, Klaus and Sunny fighting for their lives. However, against their enemies' expectations, these children will not be easy to take down... and they won't give up until their family is together and safe.Runaway Baudelaires, Updates Daily from 3:00-4:00pmEST
Relationships: Beatrice Baudelaire & Klaus Baudelaire, Beatrice Baudelaire & Quigley Quagmire, Beatrice Baudelaire & Sunny Baudelaire, Beatrice Baudelaire & Violet Baudelaire, Beatrice Baudelaire/Bertrand Baudelaire, Beatrice Baudelaire/Bertrand Baudelaire/Lemony Snicket, Bertrand Baudelaire & Klaus Baudelaire, Bertrand Baudelaire & Quigley Quagmire, Bertrand Baudelaire & Sunny Baudelaire, Bertrand Baudelaire & Violet Baudelaire, Klaus Baudelaire & Isadora Quagmire, Klaus Baudelaire & Sunny Baudelaire, Klaus Baudelaire & Sunny Baudelaire & Violet Baudelaire, Klaus Baudelaire & Violet Baudelaire, Klaus Baudelaire/Duncan Quagmire, Sunny Baudelaire & Duncan Quagmire, Sunny Baudelaire & Isadora Quagmire, Sunny Baudelaire & Violet Baudelaire, Violet Baudelaire & Carmelita Spats, Violet Baudelaire & Duncan Quagmire, Violet Baudelaire & Isadora Quagmire
Comments: 296
Kudos: 182





	1. Prologue

**CHAPTER ONE**

_ Prologue _

“Why are we always running?” 

Beatrice and Bertrand always knew this question would come. It was inevitable, what with their situation, their way of life, one their children would always notice wasn’t considered normal. But still, it took three attempts before they finally answered. 

First came when Violet was five. Old enough to notice that everybody else had permanent houses, permanent cities, who moved only rarely and were impressed that she couldn’t even remember how many places they’d lived. When she asked, while little Klaus was stumbling around the room trying to find a book for their father to read to him, Beatrice just forced a smile and told her that she’d explain when she was older.

Second was when Violet was six. She was older, she’d thought, so she should know now. And it was after she had come home from the playground with her mother, crying because the other kids wouldn’t let the new girl play with her. She was always the new girl. Would she never have anyone to play with? When she asked Bertrand, he fell silent and asked her if she wanted to practice her lockpicking. That distracted her as well as cheered her up immensely; she was  _ very _ good at picking all sorts of locks, and loved finding out how they worked. 

Finally, third, came from Klaus. And when their youngest asked, their little five-year-old confused that he couldn’t get a library card if he didn’t live in town, while his seven-year-old sister looked up behind him, begging with her eyes for them to finally explain, they realized they couldn’t delay it any longer. 

Beatrice held out her arms, and Klaus ran up to her, stumbling over his own feet and blinking behind his new glasses, leaping onto her lap and curling up against her chest, already clinging to her arm. He was definitely more of a cuddler than Violet, who preferred to only occasionally give hugs and would rather just wave or blow kisses from across the room to show affection. Still, Violet went over to Bertrand, sitting on his lap so he wouldn’t feel left out and wrapping and unwrapping a ribbon around her hand. 

Beatrice glanced around the room a moment; they were in a small hotel, for the next two weeks before they could catch the train. This was a relatively safe city, but it still made her uneasy. She didn’t like staying so close to anything VFD-related for long. But if they caught this train, they might have a month or two before moving again. 

“Mama?” Klaus glanced up at her. “Are you gonna answer?” 

Beatrice and Bertrand shared a very sad look. No sense delaying it longer. 

“Well…” Beatrice muttered, running her hands through Klaus’s hair as he snuggled against her again. “You see… it’s not a very happy story.” 

“Tha’s okay.” 

Beatrice held out her other arm, and Bertrand grabbed and squeezed her hand.  _ It’s okay,  _ he was clearly saying.  _ We’ll do it together. Like everything else.  _

She had to hold back tears- don’t let them see you cry, Bea, don’t let them see you cry- and managed to say, her voice breaking only a little, “Mommy and Daddy did something very bad.” 

Violet looked over at her, surprise in her eyes. Beatrice didn’t dare look down at Klaus; he hadn’t moved from her grasp, but she was sure he was also shocked. They’d never imagined their parents could do something bad, something so bad it would ruin their lives before they even began. Not that they understood their lives were so horrible yet; this was all they knew. 

“We, um…” she took a deep breath, and then glanced at Bertrand. He nodded. 

“You know those kids a few towns back who were a part of those Scouts?” Bertrand said. “Where they gathered together and learned things at the same time?” 

“Yeah, like a club.” Violet nodded. 

Bertrand sighed. “You see, there are some of those for adults, and not all of them are good. Some of them are very bad, and make you think doing bad things are okay, and the only good thing you can do is stay in the group.” 

“That sounds scary.” Violet said. 

“It… it is.” Bertrand said. “And when Mommy and Daddy were… were about your age, our parents gave us to a group like that, because they didn’t know it was bad. They were told it was… was a good thing to give their kids up. But we’d never do that, okay?” He looked very seriously at both his children. “We learned better, and we’ll never let anyone take you away.” 

Klaus and Violet nodded seriously. They couldn’t even imagine a parent giving up their child. It was unbelievable to them. 

“We grew up there.” Beatrice said. “And they made us do bad things and think they were good. And one of those things… we tried to leave, and that bad thing was revealed.” 

“You know how the police are supposed to help people, but we always tell you not to talk to them unless it’s an absolute emergency?” Bertrand said. “It’s because they’re looking for us.” 

“Why can’t you just explain you didn’t know it was bad?” Violet asked, tilting her head. “Wouldn’t they believe you?” 

“I’m afraid not, baby.” Beatrice said. She let go of Bertrand and wrapped her arm around Klaus, hugging him as best she could. “Our group is secret, and keeps themselves very secret, so nobody knows about them, and if we try to tell people, they won’t believe us.” 

“And we… it’s still our fault.” Bertrand said. “No matter what we were told, we should’ve known what we did was bad. We were told that… that it was a bad thing, unless our group asked it of us. We should’ve realized how contradictory that was.” 

Klaus looked up at him. “What does ‘con-tra-dic-to-ry’ mean?” 

Bertrand smiled a little. “Logically opposite, inconsistent, impossible to connect.” 

“Oh.” 

“And if we turn ourselves in,” Bertrand said, glancing at the ground, “Then our enemies will find and hurt us. And, even worse… they could find you.” 

“And we want you to know,” Beatrice said, very slowly, “That no matter what Mommy and Daddy have done, we will never do anything to hurt you, ever. We’re running so the people who want to hurt us, and the group that hurt us, can never find us or you.” 

“But we might be able to stop someday.” Bertrand said. “We have a…” he and Beatrice shared a look. How were they supposed to explain his relationship to them? “A very close friend. He’s working on getting our enemies locked up for the bad things they did, and…” 

“And getting us in a good enough place that we can find somewhere to live safely.” Beatrice said, and she ran her hand through Klaus’s hair again. “Or… or at the very least, you can be safe. Even if we’re not, the most important thing is that nothing happens to you.” 

They’d considered that for a very long time. That they might have to turn themselves in. For what they’d done. For the blood on their hands. They would do that if they could, they knew; it was deserved. They’d killed people, they deserved the consequences. But Violet and Klaus didn’t. They didn’t deserve any hurt, any of the horrible things that could happen to them because of what their parents did. If all went well, Lemony could clear their names. But if he could only get the Firestarters locked up, get VFD off their backs for long enough… Lemony would take care of their children. They knew he would. 

“It’s very hard to tell you this.” Bertrand said, remembering that he’d been told it was important to be emotionally open to your children so that they understood, and by God, did he need them to understand. “You know how hard it is to admit you did something bad to someone you love.” 

Violet nodded slowly, thinking hard. She knew what it was like to admit that she’d pushed Klaus down, or broken something that didn’t belong to them. Even Klaus knew what it was like to confess that he’d ripped a book on accident or stolen extra food on purpose. Of course, none of that was as bad as murder, but it was the worst thing they could probably think of. Enough to at least understand how their parents felt. 

“But we do have to tell you.” Beatrice said. “We just wanted to wait until you were old enough to understand a little. We’ll explain more as you get older, and can understand everything. Is that okay?” 

Violet and Klaus were silent a moment, and even though they knew it was unlikely, Beatrice and Bertrand both felt a fleeting moment of panic that their children  _ didn’t  _ understand, and were  _ angry,  _ and were going to yell and scream and hate them- or worse, run away and end up right in the arms of people who could hurt them. 

Then Klaus nodded. “Okay.” he said.

Violet nodded, too, getting back to work on wrapping and unwrapping her ribbon. “Okay.” 

Their parents shared a very significant look, one full of sadness, yet relief. 

“So, we have to keep moving until things are safe.” Beatrice finished. “And I’m very sorry. That’s also why you get to learn so many things-” 

“Like math?” Klaus asked. 

“Well, no, everyone should know math.” Beatrice said, forcing herself to laugh a little. “We mean like… stuff other kids don’t know. Like lockpicking, and self-defense-” 

“And codes?” Violet asked. 

Beatrice bit her lip. “Yes. And codes.” She took a deep breath. “We can’t answer all of your questions right now. But we will, we promise. We can’t hide this from you while we keep you on the run with us. But do you have any questions? We’ll try to answer whichever ones we can.” 

Violet and Klaus shared a look, considering, while Beatrice and Bertrand met each other’s frightened gaze. 

Then Violet asked, “What was the bad group called? So we don’t accidentally join?” 

Klaus nodded his agreement that yes, that was a good question. Beatrice sighed, thankful they hadn’t asked for more specifics on their parents’ crime. 

“It was called the Volunteer Fire Department,” Bertrand said, “But they call themselves VFD. They use those initials as a code.” 

“There are two different parts of the group.” Beatrice said. “Some of them work to stop fires and preserve knowledge, and some of them start fires and work to gather material possessions. But they both make their members do whatever they want, and convince them that they can never leave.” 

“Both of them will try to hurt you, if they find out you exist.” Bertrand said. “And we’re very sorry about that, and we don’t want to scare you. But we also want you to know what to stay away from, and what is dangerous, so that you don’t end up with them, thinking they’re safe.” 

“Okay.” Violet nodded. “Tha’ makes sense.” 

“Can we go to the library now?” Klaus asked. “I wanna finish that book on tide pools.” 

Beatrice smiled, and once again had to remind herself not to cry. “Yes, of course.” she said. “Do you want me to read it to you, or do you think you can do it yourself?” 

“I think I can.” Klaus nodded seriously. He felt very grown-up, now that his parents had told him a secret. Which reminded Beatrice-

“Oh, and one more thing.” she said. “You can’t tell anyone about this, okay? We don’t want to get caught.” 

Violet and Klaus nodded, even smiling a little, excited to be trusted so much. 

They got up to get their bags to go to the library, and both Beatrice and Bertrand tried not to cry. 

Beatrice and Bertrand rarely contacted Lemony back. They felt bad about it, but when they went on the run, they all agreed it was best. They would send him something inconspicuous when they were to stay in a town for long enough for him to send a report back. Sometimes a message, if they could risk it-  _ Violet learned Sebald quickly. Klaus has finally managed to scale a building. Thank you for the coats, they were useful. Violet’s recent invention was so magnificent, you would be impressed. Klaus can recite  _ Beowulf  _ in the original Old English, you’d love to hear it. We miss you.  _

_ She has your eyes.  _

They weren’t to be in this town long- only until the boat could ferry them across the harbor in a few days, but they knew they had to risk it. 

Violet was upstairs, working on making a portable toaster so they could cook food without setting a campfire. Klaus was downstairs, reading some books they’d stolen from the library, which they would return before they left, something about the life of one historian or another. They were growing up so fast. Too fast. 

Beatrice had grown even more nervous since they sent the message, and every time Bertrand came back from the post office, shaking his head that there had been no reply, she got even more concerned. 

They were both terrified, but they’d felt this terror before. On the island, when Beatrice realized why she was so nauseous when she was no longer at sea. Several months later, when they were hidden in the basement of an old house Lemony could visit, and he and Bertrand had to help her by themselves. When they were swiping food from the store, and she was shoving bags into her coat while Bertrand distracted the cashier with how cute Violet was, and she was feeling dizzy, and she, with shaking hands, also stole a test from beside the counter. Months after that, when they were in the woods and Bertrand had to zip Violet into the tent so she couldn’t wander off while he used his little medical knowledge because they couldn’t get to a hospital even if it would’ve been safe for them to. The several weeks when their infant son needed help to breathe, and kept getting sick, and all those nights they couldn’t sleep because they were terrified he’d slip away and stop moving forever while they weren’t looking. 

But it had been a long time, and the terror returned like a gutpunch. 

Finally, while Violet invented and Klaus read, Bertrand returned from the post office with a telegram. He and Beatrice sat on the couch to decode it, and smiled a little when the message read something that wasn’t angry, or judgmental, or even sad. 

_ If you name them after our chaperone, so help me God…  _

Bertrand laughed, and Beatrice laughed. And then they cried. 

“One day,” they promised each other, “One day soon, they’ll all be safe. They won’t have to run. They won’t have to hide. Maybe this one won’t even grow up on the run.” 

They knew that was a promise they couldn’t keep, but they were content with pretending. 


	2. Beatrice and Bertrand make a Grave Error

**CHAPTER TWO**

_ Beatrice and Bertrand make a Grave Error _

The Baudelaire children usually didn’t go out on their own. It wasn’t that their parents didn’t trust them, but there had been several instances where they had to drop everything and immediately leave town, and Beatrice and Bertrand were absolutely terrified that one day their children would be too far away for them to pick up, and they’d end up separated, and then somehow the world would explode. But sometimes, if the kids were reasonably cautious, they could take a day to themselves. 

Violet was sitting at the edge of the beach, tying back her hair. “Klaus, at what angle are the prevailing currents?” 

Klaus pulled a book from the basket, reading aloud from the chart inside. Beside them, Sunny gnawed on a rock, gave it a glare, and then tossed it aside, reaching for one that wasn’t sandstone. 

“Of course, we’ll need the right projectile.” Klaus said. 

“That’s where Sunny comes in.” Violet said. “How you doing, sweetie?” 

Sunny smiled and held up the stone, now perfectly flat. “Asill!” she called, meaning something akin to,  _ “Ready!”  _

Violet pushed back the picnic basket, and stood, waving the rock in her hand. 

“Excuse me, Violet,” Klaus said, “Why are you using your left hand?” 

“I’m curious to see if I can throw as far with my left as I can with my right.” 

“I thought this was to gather data, though.” 

“My invention may need to differentiate between dominant and non-dominant hands.” 

“I guess that’s true. Mark the rock.” 

“Shit, I almost forgot.” Violet said. She knelt down, opening up the basket, and pulling out some chalk from underneath the canned food. “Here it is.” She drew a large X, and then stood up again and skipped. The three siblings watched as the rock tossed itself across the water and then, after Klaus called out nine skips, Violet handed him her ribbon and dove in. 

Sunny cheered as the siblings were splashed. She loved getting wet and messy, though she knew it was a bad thing, as they only had a few clothes at a time. “Luto!” she cheered, meaning,  _ “Get mud on us next!”  _

“Sunny, no.” Klaus sighed, pulling a dry shirt from the basket to wipe his glasses. 

“Ye!” Sunny said, which meant something like,  _ “Sunny, yes!”  _

Klaus replaced his glasses and looked back to the water, to see Violet emerging several feet away, her hair pressed against her face. She held up the rock, and called, “How far?” 

“What?” 

“How  _ far?”  _

_ “What?”  _

Violet sighed and swam closer, eventually making her way back onto the sand, now dripping wet. “I said, ‘how far?’” She repeated, handing Klaus the rock.

“Oh.” Klaus considered, absent-mindedly pocketing the stone, and then told her his best guess. 

“We’ll need exacts, of course,” Violet said, squeezing her hair, and then shaking like a dog. “We’ll need some kind of measuring device.” She took her ribbon from Klaus, tying her hair back again. “I need a measuring device. Portable and waterproof. Sunny-” 

“Gack!” Sunny shouted, pointing ahead.  _ “Look at that mysterious figure emerging from the fog!”  _

The children looked up; the beach was, indeed, quite foggy, and up ahead, was some sort of figure moving towards them. 

Violet immediately tensed up, and grabbed the basket, slamming it shut and flipping the lock. Klaus lifted Sunny, who leaned into his shoulder and squinted her small eyes. 

“It only seems scary because of all the mist.” Klaus said. 

Violet looked very carefully, and then instantly relaxed. She dropped the basket to the ground, and ran forwards.

“Mother! Father!” 

Klaus’s face brightened, and he also ran with his big sister, lifting Sunny higher as she cheered. Out of the mist, Beatrice ran forwards, enveloping her daughter in a tight hug. 

“Do we- Father!” Klaus squealed as Bertrand also hugged him, then decided to go the extra mile and spin him and Sunny around. Sunny laughed and threw up her arms as if they were on a ride, while Klaus just said, “Dad! Come on!” 

“I assume this isn’t urgent, then?” Violet laughed, as Beatrice let her go and looked her over. 

“No. Why are you all wet?” 

“I jumped in the water to get a rock.” 

“Well, okay. So long as your clothes dry-” 

“These will be fine, they’re the right material.” 

“Is it time to go already?” Klaus asked. “We only just stopped looking at fish and tide pools and just started skipping rocks.” 

“Sorry, Klaus.” Bertrand said, putting him and Sunny down and straightening Sunny’s bonnet. “But the post office is closed for the weekend, which means we can get into the attic if we hurry before the custodians lock the doors.” 

“Will Lemon Man send us a telegram?” Violet asked, in a sing-song voice; she’d come up with the half-rhyme when she was eight, to entertain Klaus. 

“We hope so. His last message said he should be speaking soon.” Beatrice said, her face lighting up a little. 

“And,” Bertrand smiled slightly, “When we get there, we have a surprise for you children.” 

“Cake?” Sunny asked, excited. 

“No, afraid not.” Bertrand laughed, and he took Klaus’s hand. “Come on, let’s hurry it up before we have to climb through the window.” 

Beatrice creaked open the backdoor to the post office, peered inside, and then waved and went in. Violet followed cautiously, holding onto Sunny with one arm and Klaus’s hand with the other. Bertrand took up the rear, glancing behind them every now and again just to make sure they hadn’t been followed. 

Violet remembered a few years ago- she’d had to have been ten or eleven- when they  _ had _ been followed. Beatrice had quietly asked her if she recognized the man in the black hat behind them at the bookstore, and Violet realized he’d been a few tables away at the café, and Klaus muttered that he’d been at the same grocery store. Beatrice and Bertrand had taken them down several aisles of the shop they were in, zig-zagging best they could, before going out into the road, running wildly down several streets until they found a crowd, pushing through it, and then picking a well-populated spot to sleep- a homeless shelter, where thankfully nobody asked questions, and a nice lady taught Violet and Klaus how to play clapping games. But even then, Violet remembered a dread in the pit of her stomach, one that didn’t go away until they were three towns away, and the black-hat man made no further appearance, and Klaus had already forgotten the incident and almost ran away to chase a cat. 

She hated that dread, and now she had  _ two _ siblings to help her parents look after, one of whom had no sense of fear. But at least they weren’t completely helpless; Sunny was quite the biter, and though Klaus was a slower learner than her, he could hold his own in a fight at least long enough for backup to arrive. They could run, they could hide. And they were all on the lookout for followers, anyone they recognized too many times- or sometimes even specific people. Every now and again, Mother or Father would see something in the newspaper, and turn it around and point to someone and warn them that person was an enemy- either from VFD or against, it didn’t matter. They were an enemy to their parents, and therefore the children. 

Beatrice directed them away from a room with some noise inside- probably a janitor, making sure everything was clean and locked up- and herded them towards a staircase. There, she signalled them several numbers with her hands- two, fifteen, twenty-seven. The stairs that creaked. Violet went up first, swiftly skipping the steps, while Klaus took a bit longer, watching to make sure Violet skipped the step before doing so himself. Even Sunny fell silent, which was very nice; it had taken them quite some time to convince her that, yes, she had to stop humming or crying or giggling when they needed to be quiet. 

Beatrice finally pushed open the door to the attic, and peered in, lighting a candle that lay beside the door. The small room flickered with the dim light, and Violet’s eyes flickered, too, as she saw the old telegrams stored around them. 

“These still work.” Beatrice nodded as Violet put Sunny down, reaching again for her ribbon. “Take one apart if you want, but leave at least one working, in case Lemony contacts us.” 

“Loco?” Sunny asked, which meant something like,  _ “He knows where we are?”  _

“He has a… general idea.” Bertrand explained, as Klaus put the basket by the wall and he closed the door. “We never tell anyone exactly where we are, Sunny.” 

“But more importantly,” Beatrice knelt by the ground, and her children quickly sat around her, forming a circle with a space left for their father, “Our surprise. Are you ready?” 

“Mother, of course we are.” Klaus tried to hide his smile. 

“Enough with the theater kid reveal, just tell us.” Violet said. 

Beatrice made a pouting face. “What? Too dramatic for you?” 

“We’re not babies, Mom.” 

“Dis,” Sunny said, which meant,  _ “That’s offensive.”  _

“Shut up, Sunny, you wanna see, too.” 

Bertrand sat inbetween his two youngest children, looking more excited than they were, and said, “Bea, dear, show them what we got.” 

Beatrice smiled so, so brightly, and then she reached into her jacket pocket, and whipped out a deck of cards. 

The Baudelaires immediately lost their minds. 

“Holy  _ shit!”  _ Klaus shouted, forgetting that they should still be quiet and also that he probably shouldn’t swear in front of his parents. 

“Oh my God!” Violet started bouncing up and down, a dazzling glee spread across her face. “Oh my  _ God!  _ You got some? We can have some? For a  _ while?”  _

“Pok!” Sunny screamed, which meant something like,  _ “You’ll teach me to play, right? You said you would!”  _

Beatrice also bounced slightly, dropping the pack onto the floor in front of Sunny, who immediately grabbed it and bit into the plastic wrap to open it. “Yes! There was some in the convenience store, and since it’s finally warm enough we could ditch one pack of matches,  _ so _ we have room for these now!” 

“I’ll deal!” Klaus took the cards from Sunny, while she continued to bite into the plastic. “What are we playing first?” 

“Pesca!” Sunny said.  _ “Go fish!”  _

“Or,” Beatrice took a card from Klaus, “I could show you some tricks!” 

“Yes! Yes!” Violet cheered. She quickly turned to Sunny and said, “Mother’s card tricks are the  _ best.  _ She can make them disappear!” 

Sunny gave her a look of disbelief. “Jan,” she said, which meant,  _ “Yeah, right.”  _

“Well, Sunny,” Beatrice said, showing her the ace of hearts, “If you think so…” Then, with a swish of her hand, the card was gone. 

Violet and Klaus clapped, while Bertrand laughed. Sunny, however, widened her eyes in shock, and then she let out a wail. 

Beatrice’s face fell. “Oh, no, Sunny, look, I can bring it back!” She waved her hand, and the ace of hearts was in her hand again. 

Sunny stopped crying, a look of amazement on her face. “Wow!” she clapped. 

“Now,” Bertrand said, “I was thinking about Patience. Klaus, do you want to show Sunny how to play?” 

Klaus nodded, spreading out the cards. “See, Sunny, here the symbols don’t matter, but the numbers and colors. You know what numbers to look for, right?” 

“Dec!” Sunny said, which meant,  _ “One through Ten!”  _

“Good. Then after Ten comes the Jack, the Queen, and the King. Now, can you remember them in descending order?” 

“Toidi.”  _ “Yes, Klaus, I’m not an idiot.”  _

Klaus spread out the cards, and they all spread out, calling out cards they thought they could play. This continued for quite some time, to the point where Beatrice had to light a second candle so they could keep playing, and Sunny had to make sure nobody saw her yawn and would make her go to bed. 

“Who taught you how to play cards?” Violet asked, after a while. 

“My foster mother.” Bertrand said. “Beatrice learned from…” 

He trailed off, but Beatrice finished. “From my chaperone.” 

They fell silent. Then, Klaus said, “Well, I bet they didn’t think that part of the game would be trying to keep an infant from eating the-  _ Sunny, stop it!”  _

Sunny put down the queen of spades, huffing. That was enough to brighten the mood again, and Beatrice let out a loud laugh, almost doubling over. “S-Sunny, please- please, they’re not food.” 

“Doo,” Sunny said, which meant,  _ “Everything’s food if you eat it.”  _

_ “Sunny.”  _ Bertrand laughed. 

“God, you’re going to be a disaster when you get older.” Violet giggled, placing a card down. 

“Xis,” Sunny huffed, which meant something like,  _ “No, I’m going to be the Queen, so bow to me, peasants.” _

“Now, Sunny,” Bertrand chided, “That’s no way to talk to your loyal subjects.” 

“Loyal my ass,” Violet snorted. “We’re throwing her down the garbage chute first chance we get. Too much dead weight.” 

“Bapa!”  _ “I’ll show you who’s dead weight!”  _

Sunny launched herself at Violet, barely shaking her balance. Violet, though, flopped on the ground, crying, “Oh no! The Queen has gone mad with power!” 

“The Queen is attacking the Royal Scientist!” Klaus shouted, before picking Sunny up and waving her in the air. “Off with her head!” 

“Viva la Revolución!” Violet cheered from the floor. 

“Now, now,” Beatrice laughed, “Does the Empress have to step in?” 

“No, the Empress can go make out with the Emperor.” Klaus said, as he tossed Sunny into the air and caught her again. 

“Well, if you insist-” Bertrand said. 

“Dad,  _ no!  _ Not in front of the baby!” 

“I’m baby!” Sunny cheered, as Klaus tossed her again. 

But before they could say any more, they heard a telegram machine start up. 

Beatrice immediately leapt to her feet, rushing to the machine that was printing out a small paper for them. Bertrand froze, eyes wide. 

“Lemon Man has sent us a telegram!” Klaus said. 

Violet didn’t join in his laughter, though, instead inspecting her parents’ faces. Whenever she was present for the receiving of a telegram, her parents always had the same look, a mixture that took her several experiences to decipher. First, in their jumble of instant emotions, was an excitement- whether positive or negative depended on how much of a jam they were in, though her parents made sure that they were never in too much danger to begin with. Second was relief, because it meant Snicket knew where they were and could send them news, though it was always in code. Third was a fear, fear that this would be horrible news, or someone else’s message, telling them that Snicket had been captured and someone was coming for them. Last, and hardest to figure out- in fact, Violet only placed it now, as Beatrice returned with the paper, showing it to Bertrand, who took out a pen to help decode- was a longing. She wondered what the longing was for- for the life they’d left behind, or just for their friend. They’d always seemed very fond of Lemony, whenever they discussed him; they must have been incredibly close. 

“He hasn’t used this code in a while.” Beatrice snorted. “Finally remembered it existed.” 

“Yeah, he’s gotta stop using Sebald. Too wordy.” Bertrand said. 

“First of all, that’s just how Lemony is.” Beatrice said. “Second, bold words coming from ‘attempting a botanical hybrid through the tuberous canopy, which should bring safety to fruition despite its dangers to our associates in utero.’” 

“Hell, Bea, you still have that memorized?” 

“I’m an actress, dear, memorization is my job.” 

“Get a room!” Klaus said, rolling his eyes and bouncing Sunny on his lap, where she had started to eat her bonnet. 

“You need any help with that, Mother?” Violet asked, peering over at her parents circling letters and scribbling them at the paper’s edge. 

“Thank you, Vi, but I think we’ve got it.” Beatrice said. She got to the last sentence, and said, “Alright, let’s see what our silence knot has for us today.” 

Her and Bertrand’s eyes widened, however, as they read the message, and Violet could see a flash of fear. Shit. That wasn’t good news.

“Mother? What does it say?” Klaus asked, his face falling. Slowly, Violet started to pick up the playing cards. 

Beatrice scanned the note, as if hoping that it would say something different. Then, quietly, she read. 

HURRY. YOU ARE IN DANGER. I CAN KEEP YOU SAFE BUT YOU MUST RETURN TO THE CITY. MAY BE ABLE TO CLEAR YOUR NAMES. BRING ALL ASSOCIATES. O IS NEARBY. -YSK

Violet knew “YSK” was Lemony’s way of signing off-  _ Your Silence Knot,  _ some kind of inside joke they shared- and she knew that O was one of the people they were running from- what was his name again? Omar? But it didn’t matter what she knew; the message chilled her. 

“The city?” Klaus’s voice grew quiet. “You said that’s where we were running from.” 

“We shouldn’t be there.” Violet said. 

Beatrice shut her eyes, taking a few deep breaths. Bertrand was the first one to respond. “Children, we trust Lemony more than anyone else on this planet- except you, of course. If he says…” he trailed off. “God, this is risky.” 

“He wouldn’t ask us to do it if it wasn’t important.” Beatrice whimpered- the children had never known their mother to whimper. 

“Are we sure it’s him?” 

“Nobody else would sign off with YSK, or know our location.” 

“How can Olaf be nearby?” Olaf, that was it!

“Which one is Olaf again?” Klaus asked. 

Bertrand drew in a sharp breath. Beatrice shook slightly, and said, “He’s… he’s the one we wronged.” 

Violet and Klaus went pale, while Sunny just looked up in confusion. “Whazzit?” she asked, but nobody responded. 

“Are you… gonna tell us what happened?” Klaus prodded, and Violet elbowed him. 

“We… we can discuss that when we’re safe.” Beatrice said. “We’ll have to move quickly. If we catch a train tonight, we should be there by morning.” 

“Do you have money?” 

“I have enough. We can put Sunny in the basket if someone wears an extra jacket, so we don’t have to pay for her ticket.” 

“Sure.” Sunny nodded, excited to do some sneaking. 

“Should we really bring the children?” Beatrice asked, glancing towards them. 

“Lemony said to bring all associates. Who else could he mean? He must have some kind of plan, right?” 

“Maybe he wants us to invite the designated safe people.” 

“It would take a while for all your safehouse peeps to show up.” Violet mentioned. Their parents had them all memorize the addresses of places to go if they got separated, but she doubted Lemony would know which houses they were- or, indeed, if the people living there knew they were a safehouse. 

Beatrice glanced back down at the telegram, running her hand over the message. Then, quietly, she said, “Do you think he could really clear our names?” 

Bertrand met her gaze, and they were clearly asking the same question-  _ do we want him to?  _

“So,” Violet interrupted, knowing her parents were thinking terrible things and not wanting that to continue for much longer, “Does this mean we get to meet our mysterious Lemony man?” 

Beatrice and Bertrand each took a deep breath, and then Bertrand said, “Yes.” 

Klaus smiled brightly, and he picked up Sunny. “What are we waiting for, then?” 

Beatrice grabbed her husband’s hand, and as the children ran to get all their bags and make sure they had everything, she whispered, “We’re seeing him again.” 

“We’re seeing him again.” Bertrand repeated, his voice just as full of hope as hers. 


	3. The Baudelaires break into Lemony's apartment

**CHAPTER THREE**

_ The Baudelaires break into Lemony’s apartment _

Klaus always had trouble sleeping while they were on the move, and the train ride was no different. They’d been on the train a few times; not enough that he could consider it their main mode of transportation- which, honestly, had to be their own feet first and foremost, followed by their Mother hijacking cars- but enough that he could be comfortable knowing their exit routes. If they needed to jump out the window, they should do so while the train was moving uphill, and roll so as not to break bones. They could also run towards the end of the train and leap from there- Beatrice and Bertrand always tried very hard to get them into a compartment towards the back for this purpose. If all else failed, they could draw any attackers towards the engine and push or trip them into furnaces. That was the worst case scenario, though; they should try to avoid harming someone else. They didn’t want to be put on the watchlist of law enforcement. 

The kids had been sitting at a table together, but Sunny fell asleep leaning against Violet’s arm halfway through biting a stick they’d found for her, and Violet had dozed off soon after, her ribbon still dangling in her hair, as she’d been thinking of a way to make a better emergency brake for trains. Klaus was having more trouble sleeping, though, even though he brought some books with him to calm him down. It was a bit hard to carry books from place-to-place, but if he packed one less outfit than his siblings did, he could fit two or three books into the bottom of his bag. They each had a bag for all the essentials, and, well, he considered books essentials. His parents told him that was okay, so long as he didn’t throw away any food. In fact, his father sometimes had books with him, too. And both of them had carried small commonplace books in their jacket pockets for as long as Klaus could remember. Last time they were in a convenience store, he’d swiped one for himself, and it now rested in his inside pocket. He hadn’t written anything inside yet, except the addresses of the safehouses on the second page; he wasn’t sure what else to say. 

Slowly, Klaus slid out of his seat, slinging his bag over his shoulder-  _ don’t go anywhere without it, Klaus,  _ had been drilled into his head,  _ You never know when you might lose it forever.  _ That was also a philosophy that was to be kept with the rest of his family, but… well, right now the pressing matter was that he couldn’t see his parents. 

There was a small bathroom compartment attached to theirs, and when Klaus looked up from his History of the Roman Empire book, and he’d realized both his parents were gone, he assumed that’s where they would be. They thought he didn’t know, but he and Violet had figured out ages ago that when their parents wanted to have conversations that they didn’t want their children to hear, they’d go into the bathroom, because it was quite rude to try to open a locked bathroom door. Usually, he and Violet didn’t eavesdrop, because their parents told them whatever they were ready for. The only secrets they kept were ones to tell the children later. 

But, well… they might be safe soon. If Lemony, their parents’ only friend, the only person the family could trust, thought he had a way to clear their names… they could stop all of this. Find a place to stay put. No more secrets, ever. 

Klaus didn’t know how to feel about that. He didn’t know what he’d do, just sitting in one place. He’d always be worried that they were going to be attacked- would he ever get it into his head that nobody was coming after them? Would he even be happy, staying in one place? He kind of liked seeing new things. 

He picked up an empty glass from the food tray and pressed it against the bathroom door, kneeling to put his ear to it. If he strained, he could hear his parents. 

“-almost fifteen years now. Do you think it’s any different?” 

“Come on, Bertrand, that city didn’t change at all while we were growing up. I bet some of our graffiti is still there.” 

“Lemony didn’t tell us where we was staying.” 

“He won’t be hard to find. He has his private detective business, we’ll just find out where his office is.” 

“You really think he won’t make that difficult?” 

“He wants clients who  _ aren’t  _ part of VFD.” 

There was a bit of a pause, and then Bertrand said, “We’ll have to try and stay out of sight. There’s probably still a volunteer presence in the city.” 

“I have a few wigs we could use. Kids should be fine, I still think their existence is a secret.” 

“Still, make sure one of them has Sunny with them at all times.” 

“Link arms in crowds.” 

“Stay alert.” 

Klaus bit his lip. Very little of this was new information, he was starting to regret taking the time to eavesdrop. 

Then, he heard his Mother say something, so quietly he almost missed it. 

“We might be almost done. This might be almost over.” 

“Do you really think so?” 

“If Lemony believes… maybe we can have our old house back. It still belongs to me, I think, it’ll need repair-” 

“We can do that. I bet the kids will like having their own rooms.” 

“I think there’s still a library there.” 

“God, it’d be nice to have a… a home.” 

Silence again. Then… “Klaus, darling, I can see your shadow. Come on in.” 

Klaus swore under his breath. Slowly, he put the glass back onto the table, and waited until he heard the lock click before slowly peering through the door. 

Inside, his parents were looking sadly at him. He went over to his mother, and she gave him a side hug, letting him bury his head in her chest. “Can’t sleep?” she guessed. 

“Never can.” he muttered. 

Bertrand put an arm around him, too. “Are you feeling alright?” 

Hesitantly, he nodded. “Just… nervous.” 

“I know. Big cities scare us, too. But you know all the safehouses, and if it gets too loud, you should still have earplugs somewhere-” 

Klaus glanced up at him, and said, “What if you get caught?” 

Bertrand’s face fell, and he shared a look of despair with his wife. “We won’t.” was all he said. 

“What if you do?” 

“Then… then Lemony will take care of you. I promise. We’ll make sure we all know the address before heading out, in case we get split up.” 

Klaus bit his lip, staring down at the ground a moment. Then, he said, in a very shaky voice, “What if Lemony doesn’t like me?” 

“Oh… oh, honey.” Beatrice moved around, kneeling in front of him and putting her hands on his shoulders. Slowly, she moved one palm to his cheek, smiling as he leaned into her. “Oh, honey, Lemony’s going to love you. You’re so alike, in so many ways. He loves reading and research, too, and he’ll help you with your interests. He knows what it’s like to… to talk nonstop about things you love, and to not understand the cues people are giving…” 

“He knows a little about you already.” Bertrand reminded him, taking his turn to half-hug his son. “Anything we could tell him. He’ll be so excited to meet you and your sisters.” 

It was a bit hard, understanding that he was actually going to  _ meet _ the mythological Lemony. All these years, he’d just been… a figure. Someone to send reports to, get warnings from. Someone their parents laughed and joked about. Not someone you  _ talk to.  _

“Are you scared?” Beatrice asked, and Klaus nodded fervently. 

“Well,” Bertrand said, “Remember what Lemony taught us.” 

Beatrice smiled. “Do the scary thing first…” 

“Get scared later.” Klaus whispered. 

Beatrice stood up and gave him a good, proper hug, and Bertrand did, too, and Klaus wrapped his arms around both of his parents and tried to breathe steadily, as the train pushed on. 

Klaus eventually did fall asleep, snuggled against his Mother when they went back to the booth and sat down. Bertrand sat beside his daughters, and fixed Sunny’s ponytail as she snored beside him. He pulled Violet’s ribbon out, tucking it into her pocket, and pushed her hair out of her face as she flopped against the window. Beatrice removed Klaus’s glasses, placing them on the table beside Violet’s bag. 

“We’re almost there, we should wake them.” Bertrand said after a while. 

Beatrice nodded, but neither of them moved. 

After another while, Beatrice sighed and said, “It’s been so long. I can’t believe we’ll be seeing him again.” 

Bertrand smiled a little. “We’re gonna walk in there, and he’ll probably just start rambling about something, like he does when we fluster him.” 

“Bertrand-” 

“It’s been fourteen years. We could walk in there looking like pure shit and he’d still go nuts.” 

“You say that as if we’re not going to freeze up and embarrass ourselves in front of our babies.” 

“Yeah, but we can team up and pick on Lemony for it later. Who’s he gonna team up with?” 

“Bertrand, don’t tease him. At least wait a week.” 

They smiled at each other, and that longing was in both their eyes. It’d been so many years… 

The train started to slow, as light shimmered in through the windows. Bertrand shook Violet slightly and she groaned a little, and then yawned. “Hey. We’re here.” 

She blinked her eyes open, as Beatrice gently woke Klaus. “Really?” 

“Yeah. Get your stuff. Who has the Sunny Bag?” 

“K-Klaus.” 

Klaus sat up, and gestured to his bag, which had straps on the other end, so that Sunny could be strapped on like a baby bjorn. He’d put it on backwards, so that he didn’t lose sight of her. 

“Alright.” Beatrice tried, and failed miserably, to hide the excitement in her voice. “Let’s go get Lemony.” 

Slipping through the city was easier than they’d thought, and Bertrand and Beatrice were over the moon. They pointed out several things to the children as they walked- “Look, that’s the Fountain of Victorious Finance!” “That’s the bank where our money used to be.” “That road goes to Lousy Lane- there’s a horseradish factory there, and Safehouse One.” “Our house might still be down that way.”- and the longer they went on, the more comfortable the children felt. It seemed that their parents had this city  _ memorized;  _ surely no danger could befall them here. 

After a while, Beatrice found a wall of advertisements, and Bertrand found a paper advertising Snicket, private investigator. He traced the paper, almost disbelievingly, and then read the address aloud for them all- The Rhetorical Building, thirteenth floor. They found their way there, and once outside, Violet pulled her hair back, and Klaus straightened his glasses and jacket, and they both whispered to Sunny to be careful what she bit, at least in order to make a good first impression. 

They went up the stairs- hadn’t trusted elevators since Violet spotted a security camera in one- and were relieved that nobody passed them. “This building is probably among the most boring in the city,” Beatrice explained, “So rarely anyone will be here. Good for us.” 

Violet nodded, though in the back of her mind, she remembered something she’d been taught fairly early on- while less people meant less chance of getting spotted, it also meant that there was less chance of getting help if something should happen. 

They made it up to the thirteenth floor, and Klaus unstrapped Sunny from his bag and put her on the ground; while she couldn’t walk yet, she could at least crawl, and maybe take a few shaky steps if Klaus and Violet both held her hands. He slid his bag to his back, and noticed, out of the corner of his eye, his parents taking their disguises off, sliding them into their own bags and running their hands through their hair. 

Carefully, Violet walked up and knocked on the door. She then proceeded to leap back, surprised, when the door swung open. It was already unlocked. 

A flash of worry spread across Beatrice’s face. She carefully pulled the children behind her, and pushed the door open. “Lemony?” she called. No answer. 

“Maybe he’s not home?” Violet suggested. 

“Maybe he went to meet us at the train station and we missed him.” Klaus added. 

Beatrice and Bertrand shared another look of worry, and then she said, “Stay behind us.” 

They crept into the room, and though the kids normally listened very attentively to their parents’ requests, they found themselves wandering around a bit. It was a neatly-kept office, with a desk in the middle of the room, papers stacked efficiently. Several other desks and tables lined the walls, and Violet moved to drawers, opening them to see files inside. There were also several tall shelves lining the walls, filled with books that Klaus immediately gravitated towards. Sunny wandered over to a small mini-fridge, trying to open it with her tiny baby hands. 

The Baudelaire parents, though, weren’t as enchanted as their children. Beatrice went over to the desk, moving behind it and pushing the chair away. She looked over a pile, and said, “He never keeps things this neat.” 

“It’s been fourteen years.” Bertrand said nervously, though he moved to stand next to her. “Maybe he finally picked up some of my organizational skills.” 

“If he didn’t while we were living with him, there’s no way-” 

“Maybe he missed us.” 

“Of course he missed us.” 

Violet opened another drawer. A familiar spyglass- one her parents had, with the VFD eye emblazoned on the cover- rolled around inside, but otherwise there was nothing of interest. She wandered over to a window, peering out onto a fire escape that led to an alley. She then moved over to Klaus, who had pulled  _ The Wind in the Willows  _ from the shelf, flipping through it. “He’s written some stuff in here.” Klaus muttered, scanning the simple substitution cipher. “But it looks like he’s just pointed arrows to animals in the illustrations and labelled them with names, like ‘Moxie’ and ‘Jake.’” 

“Root beer.” Sunny identified, as she looked into the mini-fridge she’d finally pried open. 

Klaus moved over to a door that led to another room, only to find it locked. There was another one across the wall, but he didn’t bother looking at it. He really should’ve, because he would’ve noticed it quietly swinging open. “Hello? Mr Lemony Snicket, sir?” he called into the locked door. 

“Why would he call us here, then not be here when we arrived?” Beatrice’s voice had a tinge of panic to it. 

Bertrand pulled their last telegram out of his jacket pocket, scanning it. “Maybe we missed a message. A meeting spot.” 

“Why would he leave his door unlocked?” 

“He’s an idiot sometimes. Or maybe he’s meeting us here? Being dramatic, you know.” 

Klaus returned to the shelf, sliding the book back into place, while Violet glanced towards Sunny, who had closed the fridge and was now biting into a can of root beer to try and open it. Slowly, she grabbed Klaus’s arm. 

Beatrice pushed a strand of hair behind her ear, and said, “Maybe we were wrong.” 

“What else could the message have meant?” 

“Maybe he was compromised. Maybe he was…” Slowly she shook and picked up a small paperweight, shaped like a leech. “I think we need to go.” 

“Oh,” said a chilling, cold voice behind them, “But the fun’s just about to begin.” 

The Baudelaires froze. Violet was the first to turn and stare at the man who’d entered the room from the other door. He leaned against the wall, watching them with a dark look across his face. She noticed his appearance quickly- one long eyebrow, instead of two, with graying hair and eyes that were shining with some kind of excitement. Sunny, who was much closer to the ground, noticed something different first- he was wearing no socks, and had the tattoo of an eye on his ankle. 

He didn’t look at all like how their parents had described Lemony. In fact, he looked very much like someone they were warned away from. 

“Beatrice. Bertrand.” said Count Olaf. “It’s been a while.”


	4. Violet jumps out of a window

**CHAPTER FOUR**

_ Violet jumps out of a window _

Instantly, Beatrice shouted,  _ “A-flat!”  _

They’d decided, years ago, to adopt several different escape strategies, and after tallying up their different opportunities, they’d labelled them according to musical notes. 

_ A-flat  _ denoted their very complex plan of  _ run as fast as you fucking can.  _

Violet gripped tighter to Klaus and dragged him to Sunny, while Beatrice leapt over the desk to charge Olaf, and Bertrand whipped around towards the children. But they hadn’t taken more than a few steps before, suddenly, more people were in the room; some raced in from the hall- they’d foolishly left the door unlocked, how could they be so dumb?- while some came from the same door the Count had. 

Violet screeched as someone grabbed Klaus, ripping him from her grasp. She turned as fast as she could, but she barely caught sight of him being pulled back by someone of indeterminable gender before she felt something cold and metal pressed under her chin. She froze over, glancing down and seeing what might be a hook wrapping around her stomach, too- either than man holding her was very good with hooks, or he had them for hands. As she froze, she thought she heard the man whisper, “I’m sorry, just stay calm,” but it was muffled by her parents’ struggle. 

Bertrand ran for them, only for him to let out a cry of pain; something had struck him from behind. A bald man with a long nose yanked him back, and as Beatrice turned, only a few feet from Olaf, her terrified eyes falling upon her children and husband, a tall woman strode over, and immediately shoved a rag over her mouth. Beatrice whipped around, trying to punch her, only for a woman with a powdered-white face to grab onto her from behind. The first woman managed to slam Beatrice into the wall, where she swiftly delivered a kick in the stomach. Beatrice gasped, and Bertrand, who had been thrown to the floor, screamed. 

“Let go! Let us-” Klaus began, only to be silenced by a punch to his stomach. He let out a cry, and let out an even louder one when another woman with a powdered face lifted Sunny by the collar of her dress. Sunny screeched and started swinging and kicking, baring her teeth. 

“Boss, what the hell do we do with this… gremlin?” the woman asked. 

“There’s a birdcage in that room there.” Olaf gestured towards the room he exited. “Just stuff it in that.” 

“No!” Klaus shouted. “No, Sunny!” 

“Esme, go get the birdcage.” 

The woman who’d kicked Beatrice gave him a dark look. “Why do  _ I  _ have to do it?” 

“Beatrice is handled.” Olaf said, and Violet darted her eyes to her mother, terrified to see her slumped on the floor, gasping, while the white-faced woman was handcuffing her. 

“No!” Violet whimpered, as the tall woman groaned and strutted into the next room over. “No, don’t-” 

“Shut up.” the man holding her whispered, and Violet fell silent, shaking slightly as the metal pressed against her. There had to be a way out of this… there had to be… 

As Esme returned with a cage, swinging from her hands, Bertrand was yanked back beside Beatrice, his legs tied with some kind of tight rope. Klaus started to cry, his eyes darting from his parents, who were still struggling but not very effectively, to Sunny, whom the white-faced woman was now shoving into the birdcage. She slammed the door shut, and pulled a key hanging from the top to lock it, before shoving it in her pocket. Sunny pounded against the bars, screaming, confusion mixing with terror in her eyes. 

Beatrice tried to stand, but her legs had been cuffed, too, and as soon as she fell, Esme walked back over, and pulled her back up by the hair. Beatrice let out a cry, and Esme said, “Hello, dear Beatrice. It’s been a while.” 

“Esme.” Beatrice spat, her eyes defiant. “Lose anything valuable lately?” 

Esme’s eyes sparked with a sudden fury, and she immediately slammed Beatrice’s head into the side of the dresser. Violet and Klaus both let out screams, and Bertrand tried to leap to her defense, only for the bald man to yank him back by the binds around his hands. 

“Beatrice!” he cried, as his wife spat blood, and was once again shoved into the wall. “Stop it! Esme, stop it!” 

Olaf carefully stepped in front of the parents, a dark triumph behind his eyes. “Now, this was much easier than we expected. See, Esme? I told you the trick was to surprise them. If they don’t expect you, they can’t prepare.” 

“Get the hell away from us!” Bertrand shouted. Violet flinched; she’d never seen him look so fearful, not in all their years on the run and in hiding. 

Olaf didn’t even respond to him; instead, he nodded at Esme, who proceeded to kick Beatrice again. As she let out a cry, and Klaus and Sunny let out strangled sceams, Olaf turned towards the children. His eyes narrowed, and he stepped towards the older two. Violet let out a whimper, still wildly glancing around for some kind of escape route, while Klaus screamed and tried to pull himself back. “G-get away from us!” 

“Now, now,” he said, “Why are all your associates such young children?” 

“They-they’re not!” Beatrice shouted, struggling again against the white-faced woman. “We don’t know them, they were here when we arrived!” 

“Don’t hurt them, they have nothing to do with this!” Bertrand pleaded. 

“We don’t have associates! We came alone!” Beatrice attempted. 

Olaf just gave them a look of disbelief, and then turned back to the children. After a frightening second, his face grew even colder, and a wicked grin spread. “Why, Baudelaires. Don’t tell me you  _ procreated _ on the run.” 

“No! No, we don’t-” Bertrand began, and the bald man holding him took the opportunity to ram his head into the wall to shut him up. 

“I’m not an idiot, Baudelaires.” he growled, and he reached over and pushed Klaus’s bangs out of his face. Klaus flinched back, tears still welling in his eyes, which were locked on the frightening man before him; slowly, he started to shake. “Oh, this is all too fortunate. I never expected tormenting you to be  _ this _ easy.” 

“No!” Beatrice shouted, as Klaus’s eyes darted to the ground, and he let out a low whimper. “No, they’re not-” 

“Someone shut her up.” Olaf said, and Esme gleefully slapped her across the face. Olaf then drifted his attention towards Violet, who found herself, once again, frozen in place. He smiled another wicked smile, and reached out, stroking her hair as she shivered. “You’re a pretty little thing, aren’t you?” 

Sunny wailed louder, and Beatrice and Bertrand started screaming. “Get  _ away _ from her!” Bertrand called, still struggling against the bonds that held him. 

“Don’t  _ touch _ her, you piece of  _ shit!”  _ Tears sprang to Beatrice’s eyes. 

Ignoring them, Olaf put his hand under Violet’s chin, turning her face up so he could look more closely at her. Violet tried to glare back at him, though she wasn’t sure if it worked, or if she just started crying. Olaf didn’t seem affected by either possibility, but he did meet her eyes. “Well, isn’t that interesting?” 

“Get _away_ _from them!”_ Beatrice cried. “Or I swear to _God_ we will rip you apart!” 

“They have  _ nothing _ to do with this!” Bertrand shouted. “Leave them alone! They’ve done nothing to you!” 

Olaf slowly released Violet, who tried not to crumple, lest she hit the metal wrapped around her neck and stomach. Then, he turned, staring at their parents, and he stepped closer. 

“They’ve done nothing?” he repeated, edging closer to them. “Have they? I seem to recall two other people who had done nothing. A Count and a Countess, who just wanted to enjoy an opera.” 

Beatrice looked like she’d been struck again. Bertrand pleaded, “Olaf, please, you can do what you want to us-” 

“Oh, I am.” 

“-but let them  _ go.”  _

“I don’t think so.” said Esme, leaning against the wall. “I think we deserve to have some  _ fun _ with them, too, don’t you all think?” 

“Esme-” Beatrice began. 

Olaf leaned over, smiling very darkly. “Do you know how long I’ve been waiting for this moment? It wasn’t enough to put you on the run, my dear Baudelaires. I told you, I intend to  _ destroy  _ you, and everyone you  _ love.”  _

The last word was some kind of taunt, and Beatrice and Bertrand both stiffened. 

“It was all too easy to get you here.” Olaf said. “Once we realized you were still in contact with your little Snicket lad, Esme just paid off a telegram operator, and we got everything we needed to know to drag you back here.” 

Beatrice was the first to recover, as the white-faced woman pulled her back. She snarled, staring the vile man dead in the eyes, “Where’s  _ Lemony?  _ What did you  _ do  _ to him?” 

Olaf stared at her impassively for a moment, and then said, “Lemony Snicket is dead.” 

There was a dead silence for a moment, broken only by Sunny’s continued wails. And then, to the children’s shock and horror, Bertrand let out a shriek and started thrashing and kicking, his eyes locked on Olaf as the bald man held him back; startled, the white-faced woman holding Sunny’s cage quickly shoved her onto a table and ran to help hold the enraged man back. Beatrice, beside him, froze over a moment, her face paling, and then she dropped to the ground, letting out a half-broken scream, before bursting into sobs. 

“You  _ bastard!”  _ Bertrand shouted, and Violet shook even more. “Piece of- you’re lying! You didn’t-” 

“Just…” Olaf smiled. “Sent a poison dart through the air, while he was investigating suspicious activity at a dairy farm. Then set the place on fire.” 

“You- you  _ can’t-”  _ Bertrand looked terrified and furious, still struggling against the two people holding him back. “You piece of  _ absolute-”  _

Olaf very calmly took a step forwards, and delivered a kick to Bertrand’s stomach. 

At this, Violet heard another cry; one of the person holding Klaus. She turned, horrified, to see that her little brother had finally managed to deliver a painful blow, and ripped himself from his captor’s grasp. He took off running, and Violet noticed, as he did, that the hooks holding her slackened slightly, and the one around her neck moved, reaching out to try and hit Klaus- the man  _ did _ have hooks instead of hands, holy shit. His change of position might give her enough time to move, if- 

Klaus made it to Olaf, and Bertrand’s eyes widened as he cried out for him to stop. Klaus didn’t listen, instead throwing his weight against the man, causing him to almost lose his balance. “Leave them alone!” Klaus cried. “Le-” 

Olaf whipped around and slapped Klaus across the face. Beatrice and Bertrand both screamed, and Sunny threw herself against the bars of the cage, screeching, pushing her cage dangerously close to the edge of the table. Klaus fell to the ground so hard that his glasses flew off his face, landing several feet away. But Olaf wasn’t done; he leapt over, grabbed Klaus by the hair, and slammed him into the floor again. 

“No!” Beatrice sobbed, and now Esme had to join in holding her back. “No,  _ Klaus!”  _

“Klaus!” 

And then Violet whipped around and spun. The Hook-Handed Man, taken by surprise, leapt, and Violet managed to free herself from his grasp.  _ “Klaus!”  _

Beatrice tried to dissuade her, shouting her name, but she didn’t pay attention; Olaf had thrown Klaus to the ground again, and her little brother was all she could see. 

So she didn’t notice the Hook-Handed Man behind her, reaching out to try and grab her again. He didn’t manage to do so, but he did reach his hook far enough that it hit the edge of her arm, and as she ran and he tried to yank her backwards, the cold metal dug into her skin. 

Pain flashed into Violet’s mind, and she let out a scream, stumbling back, as the hook ripped through her arm. She stepped away, staring down at a bloody cut on her shoulder. 

_ “Violet!”  _

She put a hand to the cut, shutting her eyes a moment, and then she ran to Klaus again. Count Olaf had let go of him for a second, looking curiously at her, but she ignored him, instead racing to her brother. She put her non-bloody hand under his arms, pushed him behind her, and then crouched over him, blinking back tears and trying to ignore the pain coming from her arm. As soon as Klaus was behind her, she turned her glare up to Olaf, and she shouted, “Don’t  _ touch him!”  _

Olaf stared at her with those shiny eyes, as Esme let out a horrible laugh. He turned to the Baudelaire parents, and said, “Well, you certainly haven’t been doing a good enough job teaching them how to  _ behave.”  _

“Olaf…” Beatrice begged, her voice falling into a horrified whisper. “Olaf,  _ please…”  _

As Olaf stepped closer to the adults, Violet quickly grabbed Klaus’s glasses from the ground, flinching as she pushed them back onto his face; he had a horrible bruise on his cheek. She leaned over, whispering in his ear, “Fire escape out the window.” 

Klaus’s eyes widened, as Olaf began talking again. “We’ll set this place on fire and head back to our hideout. Then do you know what we’ll do? I have some  _ ideas _ on what to do with your beautiful brats.” 

“No!” Beatrice was starting to sob now. “No, O, please-” 

“The little baby over there,” Olaf gestured to the birdcage, where Sunny was still wailing and pounding at the bars, trying not to fall over the edge of the table, “We can just toss her out a window. Watch her  _ splat.”  _

“No!” Bertrand cried. “She’s a  _ baby-  _ Olaf, you can’t-” 

“E-flat.” Violet whispered to Klaus again, before shaking and turning back to face Olaf, so he wouldn’t think they were communicating. 

“This precious boy- why, Beatrice, he looks just like you, doesn’t he?” 

“No! No, don’t touch him!” 

Olaf knelt slightly, smiling at Klaus, and Violet shakily stood up, putting a hand over her wound. “I think it’d be fun to watch him bleed, don’t you? Or maybe  _ burn.”  _

“Get away from him!” 

_ “Don’t you dare!”  _

Violet stood as tall as she could, straightening herself and trying not to shake. As Olaf turned to her, a very dark smile on his face, Klaus edged slightly closer to Sunny’s cage. The hook-handed man and other person of indeterminate gender were watching from the corner, as the hook-handed man nervously cleaned blood from his hook and the person just stared, looking oddly blank. None of them looked likely to move to restrain the children again, which was a good fucking sign. 

Beatrice’s eyes fell on Violet, bleeding and paling, and her voice broke. “Violet! Violet, I’m  _ sorry,  _ we’re sorry-” 

“Violet.” Olaf said, and he once again reached to stroke her hair. Violet tried to stop quivering, watching out of the corner of her eye as Klaus moved a little farther.  _ Just a little more…  _

“Don’t  _ touch her!”  _ Bertrand was on the edge of panic. “Violet, I-” 

“I know just what to do with you.” Olaf said, his eyes shining. 

Violet saw Klaus finally get a few feet from Sunny, and so she gave her parents one small, certain look. She shut her eyes and shuddered as she leaned into Olaf’s hand, praying that he would drop his guard if she wouldn’t fight back. He did, relaxing a little, and she knew it was time. 

Then she said, very loudly and clearly, “E-flat.” 

And then she turned and bit his hand. 

Olaf let out an angry yelp, and Violet kicked him in the shins and spun on her heel, running. Klaus leapt to his feet, and within two bounds was holding Sunny’s cage, clutching it to his chest so she could reach through the bars and touch her brother. Violet grabbed Klaus’s arm, yanking him down as someone threw something sharp at their heads- they didn’t have time to see what it was, they were too busy making their way to the window; the closest person to it was the person of indeterminate gender, who honestly didn’t look  _ there _ at the moment. 

Esme let out an angry screech, but she turned towards Beatrice, who was trying to use the element of surprise to throw off the people holding her. As Violet ran, she looked back at her parents, just as Esme and the Bald Man each pulled a syringe and shoved it into their necks. 

Bertrand gasped, doubling over, while Beatrice just looked up and yelled, “It’s knockout! Go! Run!” 

“Mama-” 

_ “Go!”  _

Violet, Klaus and Sunny each gave their parents one last, panicked look, as they realized everyone was starting to run towards them, and then Klaus slammed into the window, knocking it open, and the siblings leapt through. 


	5. Klaus breaks into a library

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends! 
> 
> I'm afraid I'm going to have to put up a trigger warning for this chapter. While it is only a discussion, and never onscreen, there is a discussion of attempted sexual assault of a minor. If that could trigger you, try to skip to the line: _They were silent or a long while, and then Klaus asked, "What do we do while we wait?"_
> 
> Love y'all, and stay safe!
> 
> Midas

**CHAPTER FIVE**

_ Klaus breaks into a library _

Violet ran down the fire escape as fast as she could, her hand gripping so hard onto Klaus’s arm that her knuckles went white. She could hear footsteps pounding after them, and she didn’t want to guess what would happen if they caught up, so she just pulled her brother along as he desperately clung to their baby sister in a cage and sped as fast as they could. 

“Go, go,  _ go!”  _ she shouted, as Klaus stumbled getting off the steps and into the alley. 

“What about Mother and Father?” 

“Just keep  _ moving!”  _

Sunny screamed something, but Violet didn’t listen close enough to translate, instead directing Klaus out of the alley and onto the sidewalk. She kept running down, looking ahead at a street that a few cars were crawling through. The siblings rushed onto the crosswalk, moving as fast as they could, hoping the vehicles coming near might block their pursuers for a few precious seconds. They heard some shouts, but didn’t look back, instead pushing on and racing down another street corner. 

“That’s not gonna hold them for long!” Klaus said. 

“It doesn’t need to.” Violet said. “We just need somewhere to hide!” 

But their hiding spot didn’t come for another two streets; Sunny was wailing and pounding against the bars again, as if she could break them herself, and Klaus muttered something about his legs starting to hurt. 

Finally, though, another alley, this one inbetween a café and a bookstore, came into their view, and after a quick glance behind to make sure their pursuers weren’t close enough to see them, Violet ducked into it, pulling her siblings behind her. She ran for the dumpster, throwing the lid open, and Klaus, quickly deducing her plan, leapt in, holding Sunny’s cage to his chest so she didn’t shake too much. Violet jumped in after him, shutting the lid on top of them. 

The dumpster had thankfully been recently emptied, though it did smell horrible. Still, the three siblings huddled together, trying to breathe very slowly and make as little noise as possible. 

They heard footsteps rush by, but even so, they stayed still and silent for several minutes- maybe an hour, just listening. Waiting. 

After a while, Violet ripped off a strip of fabric from her dress, tying it tight around the cut on her shoulder, though the bleeding had already slowed. She put a hand on Klaus’s cheek; there was nothing she could do for the bruise at the moment, but she wanted to comfort him. Let him know she was still there. 

Finally, Violet said, “I think we’re safe.” 

“We’re not safe.” Klaus said, shaking slightly. He pulled away, blinking in the dark to look at the cage in his hands. “We’re… Violet-” 

“I know.” 

“He has Mother and Father.” 

“I know.” 

“He’ll kill them.” 

“He won’t.” 

“He  _ will.”  _

“No.” Violet firmly shook her head. “He wants them to suffer. And for that… he needs  _ us.”  _

She shook, as if she could still feel his cold hand running through her hair. Klaus shuddered and wrapped his hands around Sunny’s cage. Sunny glanced up at Violet, and shakily asked, “Whazzit?” 

“I…” she shut her eyes. “He knows… he can hurt them physically. He  _ will.  _ But the way he looked at us… he knows that our pain will hurt more. They… I think they killed someone important to him. He wants them to see us hurt.” 

“Holy shit…” Klaus muttered. 

Sunny still seemed confused. “Dermur?” She asked, which meant,  _ “Mother and Father have killed people?”  _

“Yes.” Violet said, a certainty in her voice that threw her siblings off. 

Klaus started a little, and then said, “Violet… have you ever seen them kill someone?” 

Violet shut her eyes, and took a deep breath. “Yes.” 

Klaus and Sunny both had very wide eyes. “Wha- when?” 

Violet didn’t look at him. “Klaus, did you… did you see the way that man looked at me? Different from-” 

“Yes.” Klaus shuddered, closing his eyes and running a hand through his bangs.

“Do… do you remember when you were watching Sunny in the playpen at the grocery store while the rest of us bought food, and- and when we got back we said Mother wasn’t feeling well and went home ahead of us? And then the next day we left super early?” 

“Yes.” 

“I… I went outside, outside the store, to try and see if the windows locked. If we could sleep there if need be. While Mother and Father were checking out. And…” she shuddered, and curled up in on herself. “There was- there was this  _ man,  _ he looked at me like that, and he grabbed my arm… he told me I-” she bit her lip. “He said he needed help finding his dog. I… I was so scared, Klaus, I  _ froze,  _ I fucking  _ froze  _ just like how I froze in there… you could have  _ died,  _ both of you, and I just…” 

“Vi, no.” Sunny crawled to the edge of her cage, reaching her hand out to touch her leg. 

“Violet…” Klaus began. 

“I froze and- and then Mother and Father came, when he pulled me into the alley, s-saying his dog might be there- he was lying, I knew it, and I still  _ froze.  _ And Mother and Father came and…” she curled up more. 

They hadn’t talked about it after the fact. They’d just gone home, and Beatrice hugged her until she fell asleep, and the next morning they got her favorite tea and cake before her siblings awoke, and they fled town as fast as they could. They hadn’t spoken of the incident since it had happened. And God forbid she mention it to her siblings- Sunny was a baby, she wouldn’t get it, and Klaus… Klaus would just get scared. He didn’t need to be scared, he was anxious enough as it was. 

“Father hugged me and told me not to look.” Violet whispered. “But I could hear. Mother… she didn’t… she didn’t let him go fast. And from the way Father held me, I… I could tell they’d done this before.” 

Klaus was silent. Sunny was silent. 

“Mother had to go because she was covered in  _ blood, _ Klaus. She had to wash it off before you two could see it. She left his body in the dumpster. I got a glimpse, when I thought Father wasn’t looking, I…” she shivered. “I know he deserved it. I don’t feel bad for him. But… but just knowing they could  _ do _ that…” 

Klaus leaned forwards, hugging her very tight. She let him, trying not to shake. “They’ll find us.” she whispered, as he hugged her and rocked back-and-forth. “They’ll kill that bastard and they’ll find us.” 

They were silent for a long while, and then Klaus asked, “What do we do while we wait?” 

Violet took a deep breath. They were alone. Not for long. They wouldn’t be alone for long. “We have to get Sunny out of that cage.” 

Klaus nodded, and Violet pushed open the lid of the dumpster, clambering out. Klaus handed her the cage before climbing out himself, and she said, “We’ll have to hide it. People in public will notice it and ask.” 

“Maybe she could pretend to be a doll.” 

“Goty,” Sunny said, meaning,  _ “I can definitely do that.”  _

“Maybe my jacket’s long enough that I can use my ribbon to tie my cage to my stomach,” Violet said, “and tie the jacket around so that it looks like I’m pregnant.” 

“You look like you’re twelve, that’ll still raise suspicion.” 

“Maybe if I stand on my tiptoes and look taller-” 

“Not gonna work.” 

“Do you have a better idea?” 

“I…” Klaus trailed off, peering out of the alley and towards the street. 

“Klaus?” 

“There’s… there’s a car…” Klaus began, pointing shakily. 

Violet glanced out. A long, black car was driving, rather fast, down the street, quickly approaching them. “Yeah?” 

Klaus shook slightly, took a deep breath, and said, “I saw it parked outside Mr Snicket’s building.” 

Violet froze a moment, and then grabbed Klaus and pulled him against the wall, thrusting Sunny’s cage into his hands. They stood against it, watching the car race past. 

And then Violet said, “Let’s go.” 

“What?”

Violet grabbed his arm and started running. “We need to position ourselves close to him, for when Mother and Father escape.” 

“That sounds like a good way to get captured.” 

“Or to reunite with Mother and Father as fast as possible.” 

“We could go to a safehouse.” 

“Or we could  _ go to them.”  _

Though Klaus argued a little more, he kept running alongside Violet, as she kept to the shadows of the desolate streets, following the long car. They kept to the darkness, and kept far enough behind that nobody inside would be able to identify them. Of course, the cage was a dead giveaway, but Klaus managed to keep it at his side, so it was partially obscured. Anyway, the car seemed to be going too fast to notice the outside road anyway. 

They had to chase it down several, winding streets, more than once ducking into an alley because they thought someone was heading down the road and could spot them, more than once almost losing the car when it swerved around a corner. 

Finally, after what felt like ages, the car pulled into the driveway of a tall, dilapidated house, one that made Sunny shrink back in her cage in fright and grab onto the edge of Klaus’s jacket. The bricks were stained with soot and grime, and the few windows were closed and boarded up. A tall tower rose from the left of the house, tilting slightly and sounding as if it creaked in the wind. The house desperately needed repainted, and seemed to sag. Most worrying of all, carved into the middle of the door was an image of an eye. A very familiar eye. 

“So this guy’s in VFD.” Violet muttered. 

Sunny tilted her head. “Heate?” she asked, which meant,  _ “What’s the eye mean?”  _

“We’ll explain when we’re safe.” Klaus said quickly. “Nobody’s getting out of the car.” 

“Probably waiting to make sure nobody’s watching.” Violet said, slowly starting to tie her hair back. She glanced down the street, and then said, “Klaus, you see that building next door to bastard’s house?” 

“The much more pleasant-looking one?” 

“If we move behind these houses, we can plant ourselves behind that wall. Get a decent view of the front door. We’ll miss any movement from the driveway to there, but we won’t be spotted.” 

“Sounds good. Sunny, try to stay calm and not rattle so much.” 

“Kuts,” Sunny said, which meant,  _ “Oh, I’m sorry, do  _ you _ want to be stuck in the fucking birdcage?”  _

“Watch your fucking language, Sunny.” Klaus said, as Violet grabbed his hand and dragged him behind the house. 

They ran between bushes and trees, and as they did, they thought they heard car doors slam. “Shit, fuck…” Klaus muttered. 

“We’re not missing anything,” Violet assured him, hoping that he’d be a bit quieter. “We would’ve had to hide from sight anyway. Maybe we can see them go inside if we move faster.” 

And move faster they did, until they reached the prettier house next door to what they only assumed had to be Olaf’s residence. They reached the corner of the building and peered around, just in time to see the door swing shut. 

_ “Son  _ of a bitch.” Klaus said. 

“At least we know they’re in there. Mother and Father must still be knocked out, they would’ve been making noise or escaping.” 

“How long do you think he’ll keep them drugged?” 

“Not long. He wants them to suffer. Can’t suffer if you’re unconscious.” 

Klaus backed up a moment, and then sunk to the ground, still hugging the cage to his chest. “Oh, God.” he whispered. “Oh, God, he’s going to torture them, he’s-” 

“They’ll get out. They’re our parents.” Violet assured him. Then, cautiously, she crept to the other side of the house, peering out into the backyard. She quickly retreated and said, “There’s an older woman back there, gardening. Maybe a bit older than Mother and Father. She didn’t see me.” 

“Is she…” Klaus took a deep breath. “Is she looking at the other house?” 

“No. Just her flowers.” Violet walked over to a window on the wall, and peered through. Her eyes widened as she saw the inside. “Klaus, do you think…”

“What?”

She considered. “Do you think she lives alone?” 

Klaus shut his eyes, thinking about context clues. “I didn’t see a car or a garage, so either she uses public transportation or someone who lives with her is using her automobile right now.” 

“Best guess?” 

“Probably alone. Why? Are we gonna rob her?” 

“No, just…” Violet paused. “If we sleep here, we’ll be nearby our parents for when they bust out. Someone could sit at a window and wait, and the others could be on watch for her. One resident won’t be hard to hide from. We can sneak food- Mother and Father said there’s a trolley, right? We could jump on that. Or, well, one of us could, while the other watches-” 

“Should we?” Klaus’s eyes widened. “Won’t it be dangerous?” 

“Life is dangerous, bud.” Violet said. She felt the edges of the window. “It’s locked. What kind of lockpick do we need?” 

Klaus hesitantly set Sunny’s cage on the ground, and walked beside her, glancing at the lock. “It’s an ordinary-enough pin-tumbler. I have a hairpin, just- oh holy shit.” 

Violet smiled a little as Klaus looked inside the room, his face lighting up a little. Inside was a room filled, top-to-bottom, wall-to-wall, with books. 

“Oh, we’re staying here.” he said. 

“Then pick the lock. I’ll get Sunny, and once we’re in we’ll bust her out of the cage.” 

“Meg,” Sunny said, which meant,  _ “I could probably bite through it.”  _

“Yeah, don’t try your luck, Sunshine.” 

Klaus knelt by the lock, quickly pulling out his pin and picking as fast as he could. Violet lifted Sunny’s cage, turning it around a little. “Not a pin-tumbler lock.” she muttered. “But we’ll fix it, Sunny. Don’t worry.” 

“Mno.” Sunny said, which meant something like,  _ “I’m not afraid, I’m just pissed.”  _

“Got it.” Klaus opened the window, immediately climbing in. Violet hesitated a moment, before creeping back to the corner of the house. She glanced at the old, dilapidated Count’s house beside. It somehow seemed even worse upon second viewing. Possibly because she knew who was inside. 

“Don’t worry,” she whispered, forgetting that Sunny could hear her, “We’re right here.” 

Then she turned and followed her brother. 


	6. Violet breaks a birdcage

**CHAPTER SIX**

_Violet breaks a birdcage_

Klaus had already run to a far corner, standing on a chair to grab a thick book. Violet placed Sunny’s cage on a table, re-tying her ribbon and considering. 

“This looks to be wrought iron.” she said, feeling the metal. “It should break under pressure. But the question is how to apply pressure that won’t hit Sunny…” 

“This book seems to be on pet bird care.” Klaus said, sliding down onto the chair. “Let me see if there’s something here.” 

“Bite.” Sunny said stubbornly. 

“No, no biting.” Violet felt the bars. “Maybe-” 

“Oh, wow.” Klaus blinked at the book. “This is _not_ the proper storage cage for pet birds. It’s far too small-” 

“Is that important?” 

“No, but it is interesting.” 

“Sunny’s in a cage, Klaus.” Violet glanced at Klaus, and then flinched. “We need to swipe some ointment for that bruise. It looks bad.” 

Klaus glanced down. “It… it feels bad.” 

“Klaus-” 

“How’s your arm?” 

Violet bit her lip. “If I’m focused, I don’t notice it. So let’s focus. Is there a bit on how to open a cage if you don’t have the key?” 

“I’m looking for this type.” 

Violet paused. “Go look for books on lockpicking. Or…” her eyes lit up. “Find something heavy. If we slam a thick book against the lock, it may break. It looks a bit rusted, that should help-” 

“Violet.” 

“Look, I know you don’t like using books as projectile weapons-” 

“The door’s opening.” 

Violet started, following his gaze towards a door they hadn’t noticed before, in the back of the room. It was, indeed, slowly swinging open. 

Violet grabbed Sunny’s cage and ran to a bookcase that stood in the middle of the room, as part of a column of similar shelves, followed quickly by Klaus. They ducked behind it just as the door swung open, and Violet held her breath. 

They heard the woman who lived there enter, mumbling something under her breath as she shut the door behind her. There was a few fretful noises of items jumbling up; she must’ve been carrying all of her gardening tools. There were some footsteps- _shit,_ she was heading this way; she’d have to move between the aisles of shelves to get back into her house, she could spot them… 

Klaus edged towards the end of the shelf, and Violet quickly caught his drift and followed, while Sunny grabbed the bars of her cage and tried not to make any noise. Slowly, the children moved to the side of the shelf, waiting. 

Just as they saw the woman out of the corner of their eyes, stepping into the aisle and carrying a gardening bag, they ducked down, almost throwing themselves onto the other side of the bookshelf. They heard the woman stop walking a moment, and they froze, panic entering them, wondering if they’d been spotted, if she was going to turn around and see them. 

But after a moment, she just shrugged and continued walking. 

They waited until they heard the door close to breathe again, and then Violet said, “Heavy book. Go.” 

Klaus nodded and ran between the shelves, as Violet pushed Sunny’s cage against a shelf. Sunny edged herself into the corner, and gave Violet a trusting smile. “Tuo,” she said, which meant, _“I know you’ll get me out, don’t look so worried.”_

“I’m not worried.” Violet lied. 

After a moment, Klaus returned with a dictionary of some language the children couldn’t speak. “This might work.” he said. 

“This will work.” Violet nodded. “Sunny, stay in that corner. If you think we could hit you, tell us to stop.” 

“Tsurt.” Sunny said, which meant something like, _“It’s okay, I’m sure you won’t hurt me.”_

“Just be careful.” Violet said. She studied the lock, and then lifted the heavy book. “Klaus, step back.” 

Klaus obediently retreated a few steps, and Violet took a deep breath, and then _slammed_ the book onto the lock. 

It wiggled and creaked, and Violet took another breath. That was a good sound, very promising. She’d just need to keep hitting it. She slammed again, and again there was a creak. She shut her eyes, scooted a little back, and then proceeded to slam the book against the lock as hard as she could and as fast as she could. She pounded and pounded, ignoring the loud pangs of the lock hitting the book and cage, of the book sometimes hitting the table Sunny’s cage sat upon, of Klaus gasping beside her and trying to say something. She couldn’t listen right now. She had to get Sunny _out_ of there. 

Finally, after what felt like forever, after her hands had started to feel numb, after the wound on her shoulder started to hurt with the rapid movements her arms were making, and pain started spreading through her, she slammed the dictionary a final time, and with a loud, but satisfying _clang,_ the lock sprang open, crashing onto the edge of the table, and then toppling to the ground. 

Violet tossed the book behind her, ignoring the flares of pain from her hands and shoulder, and she reached for the cage door, fumbling with the handle in her haste. Klaus ran forwards, too, just as Violet swung the door open. 

Sunny let out a cry of joy and leapt forwards. Violet caught her and hugged her tight, holding her up so that when Klaus raced to them, he could hug her, too. The three siblings embraced a moment, trying not to cry as they heard the cage door swing, and Sunny clung to her older siblings and muttered something about knowing they’d get her out. 

Then, after a long moment, they heard a voice behind them. 

“E-excuse me?” 

Violet whipped around, still clinging to Sunny, while Klaus hastily let go and reached in his pockets to see if he had a weapon available. 

The woman who owned the house was standing behind them, eyes wide. Violet swore under her breath. 

After a long moment, Sunny said, “Shit.” 

The woman jumped, and Violet ran over her options in her head. They could run, but the woman might make noise, and attract attention from next door. Not a good idea. They could fight, but they didn’t want to hurt this woman, she seemed innocent enough- just a bit surprised at finding three dirty and wounded children in her library with a broken birdcage. 

So Violet whispered to her siblings, in a low enough voice that the woman couldn’t hear, “C.” 

At that, Klaus promptly burst into tears, and Sunny let out a soft wail. Violet wasn’t quite as good at crying on cue, but she did scrunch up her face, adjust her position so that her wounded shoulder was in view, and pleaded, “Please don’t tell anyone! We’ll leave, we just needed to open the cage!” 

The woman’s face fell into a look of startled sympathy, which was exactly what the siblings had been hoping for. “Oh my goodness! Oh, dear, don’t cry, children, it’s alright, I’m not mad!” 

Sunny continued wailing, to send the point home, while Klaus just grabbed Violet’s non-cut arm, burying his head in her shoulder. Violet said, “We’re- we’re sorry, please don’t tell anyone…” 

“Oh, children, it’s okay.” the woman moved forwards, putting a hand on Klaus’s arm. “It’s okay. You’re not in trouble. What’s going on? How’d you get in here? Why are you hurt?” 

“It’s… it’s a long story.” Violet made herself tremble, and said, “I’m Malina. These are my siblings, Louis and Presley. Do you live here?” 

The woman nodded. “My name is Justice Strauss. You children look hurt- why don’t you come with me? I can get you some food and try to help with those…” she glanced nervously at Violet’s cut and Klaus’s bruise. 

Violet bit her lip. “We’re not supposed to go with strangers-” 

“I understand that, but I also want to help. Here, why don’t we say this- you three won’t be separated, and I’ll stay in your sight at all times. Will that help?” 

Violet glanced at Klaus, who looked up at her and gave her a subtle nod. 

“O-okay, but you…” Violet took a breath. “You have to promise you’ll help us.” 

The woman nodded. “I promise.” she said. “Now, let’s get you some food.” 

Justice Strauss brought them to the kitchen, where she pulled out some cookies for them, and then she sat beside Violet, working on bandaging her arm. 

“Now,” she said, as Sunny, sitting on Klaus’s lap, reached for yet another cookie, “What happened?” 

Violet glanced at Klaus. They hadn’t had time to come up with a convincing story, and he was the best at that. 

“We lost our parents at the store yesterday.” Klaus said. “And some scary men took us away and hurt us. They left to get their boss, and we managed to unlock a window and run away.” 

“They put Presley in a cage.” Violet said, flinching as Strauss tied the bandage. “So we had to take that with us. We were breaking it open when you found us.” 

The Justice nodded. “That would explain the noise, and the cage. I can’t imagine who would put an infant in such a thing.” 

Violet considered shaking a little, to sell their fear, but that might disrupt the bandaging. “We don’t know what they wanted with us, but they said if we went to the police they’d find us, so we were just hiding out until our parents… til they find us. They’ll protect us.” 

“Now, children,” Justice Strauss said, “It is best to go to the authorities. If they threaten you to keep you from going to the police, that means they’re scared you will.” 

“But we don’t want to get kidnapped again.” Klaus mumbled, reaching to stop Sunny from taking another cookie. “We were hoping to just find a place to sleep and then wait for our parents to find us.” 

“Children, as much as I trust you have the best intentions, it really would be best to contact the police. They can help you.” 

Violet, Klaus and Sunny shared a doubtful look. 

“Well, it’s getting dark. I don’t want you wandering around at night.” Justice Strauss finished tying the bandage, and continued, “You can stay here tonight. I have a guest room, but there’s only one bed, I hope that’s alright.” 

Violet nodded. “Louis and I fall asleep very easily. But only if you’re sure- I’m sure we can find somewhere else tonight.” 

“Nonsense. I’m not about to let you all out when you believe yourselves to be in danger.” Justice Strauss said kindly. “I’ll show you to your room, and while I don’t think I have a crib for Presley-” 

“Lindell,” Sunny said, which meant, _“I can sleep on pillows and blankets.”_

Klaus translated for her, and then said, “Thank you so much, Justice Strauss. And please don’t tell anyone where we are.” 

Justice Strauss looked a bit distant and unsure. Then, she said, “I’ll make sure you children are safe.” 

Violet and Klaus shared a worried look as they stood. 

The guest room was quite large, with a long desk, several lawbooks stacked atop it. The bed was pretty big, too, and all three children could easily fit onto it without problem.

“Justice Strauss, are you a lawyer?” Klaus asked, running his hand over the books with interest. 

“She’s a Judge, Kl- Louis.” Violet sighed, sitting down on the bed with Sunny. “That’s why she’s called a Justice.” 

“Oh.” Klaus’s face went a bit red. 

“It’s quite alright.” Justice Strauss said warmly. “If you children need anything, my room is right down the hall. I have a phone in the kitchen and in the living room, and you can take whatever food you need. Tomorrow morning I’ll see if there’s more we can do about your injuries.” 

“Thank you again.” Violet said, though she actually did mean it. “There are plenty of adults who would’ve thrown us out or called the police.” 

“I’m sure there are, but I can never stand to see someone in need of help.” 

After that Justice Strauss wished them goodnight, and then went to bed. 

“She didn’t even ask why we had so much shit in our bags.” Klaus said, after a second. “She seems very naive.” 

“Very trusting.” Violet bit her lip. “Feel a bit bad about all the lies.” 

“It’s better than telling her we’re on the run for our parents’ crimes.” Klaus said. He sat beside her, putting an arm around Sunny, and said, “Do you want to sneak to the library and take first watch, or should I?” 

“I’ll go. Wake you up in a few hours to switch.” she said. She looked down at her baby sister and said, “How are you feeling? Did you get hurt inside the cage?” 

Sunny shook her head, and then said, “Dian,” which meant, _“I like Justice Strauss, do you think she’ll let us stay a while?”_

Violet and Klaus glanced at each other, and then Klaus slowly said, “Maybe.” He glanced down, and then said, “Violet?” 

“Yes?” 

He took a deep breath. “If… if Mr Snicket is dead… can anyone clear our parents’ names?” 

Violet was very, very silent. Then she said, “I’ll come get you when it’s your turn for watch.”


	7. The Children evade the Police

**CHAPTER SEVEN**

_ The Children evade the Police _

Around seven in the morning, Klaus slid away from his watch and returned to the room. Violet was asleep, curled up around a snoring Sunny, so he gently shook his sisters awake. Once they were up- and had grabbed new clothes from their bags and freshened up a bit- they all went to the library, where they could sit by the window overlooking Olaf’s house and wait. Klaus flipped open his commonplace book, to the page on safehouses. 

“I saw a sign for Lousy Lane on the way here,” he said, “So Dr Montgomery’s house should be closest. Once Mother and Father get out, we’ll head there.” 

“Do you know the way to Lousy Lane?” 

“I can find an atlas.” 

And so he did, digging up an atlas of the general area from Justice Strauss’s books, and then he returned to his sisters, flipping through rather quickly. After a while, he found their city, but sighed as he copied the map. “I’m useless with these.” 

“Sucks we don’t have a cartographer in the family.” Violet said. “You think you could at least get us there?” 

“The road seems pretty straightforward.” Klaus said. “We’ll have to sneak away from Justice Strauss.” 

Violet glance guiltily at her bag. “Maybe we could leave some money for her. For the food.” 

“Maybe.” Klaus said, just as guiltily. He glanced out the window and said, “Do you think Mother and Father are in that tower?” 

“Perhaps.” Violet looked at it, then pulled out her ribbon. “Maybe I could make a grappling hook to climb up there and check.” 

“That could be dangerous.” 

“Everything is.” she pulled her hair back. “And, besides, if we can get them out-” 

“You think  _ we _ could get them out?” 

“Whyno?” Sunny asked, looking excited. 

“That man wants us  _ dead, _ Sunny, and he might only be leaving Mother and Father alive until he can catch us.” Klaus said, shaking his head. “We can’t just rush right into danger. For all we know, he knows we’re here and is waiting for us.” 

Sunny shivered, and Violet said, “It’s better than just sitting around. We…” she trailed off, hearing what sounded like Justice Strauss’s front door open. 

They all paused, listening. They hadn’t even realized the woman was awake. Unless someone  _ else  _ was coming in the house… 

“Did she call anyone?” Violet asked, worriedly. 

“I don’t know.” Klaus said. “I… we wouldn’t have been able to tell from this room. She could have… fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck…” 

“Okay, stay calm.” Violet said. She glanced over at Olaf’s house, and an idea formed in her head. “Do you trust me?” 

“Yes.” 

“Then hold Sunny, do  _ not _ let anyone take her.” Violet said. “And stay as close as you can to me.” 

Klaus nodded, picking up the infant just as Justice Strauss entered the library. She had a vague sense of guilt behind her smile, which just confirmed to the kids what was going on. 

“Hello, children. How did you sleep?” she asked, sitting beside them. 

“Very well, thank you.” Violet sad, trying to sound unbothered. “We were just going over some books of interest until you could wake up. We’d like to thank you again-” 

“Oh, there’s no need for that.” Justice Strauss assured them. “But… now, I know you said not to call the police…” 

“But you did, didn’t you?” Klaus’s heart sank. 

Justice Strauss took a breath. “I know you’re all very frightened, but I can promise nobody is going to hurt you. You can trust the law.” 

The siblings stayed silent. 

“They’re just going to come in here and ask you a few questions. Do you want breakfast?” 

“No, thank you, we have snackbags.” Violet said quietly. 

“Would you like me to stay?” 

No. “Only if it’s convenient for you.” 

“Now, it doesn’t matter whether it’s convenient for me, but I’ll stay if you think it will help.” 

Violet inwardly groaned, but she smiled and nodded. “Well, so long as you think we’re safe.” 

“Of course you are.” Justice Strauss nodded. “Let me get the officers.” 

She stood up to leave, and Violet turned to Klaus. “Do you have the rock from Briny Beach, still?” she whispered. 

He nodded, pulling it out of his jacket pocket and handing it over. “Why?” 

“I have a plan. We have to get outside, but not into the car. Don’t let them take us, they’ll realize our alibis are bullshit fast and we’ll be in foster care with our parents marked for arrest before-” she whipped around, smiling nervously and sliding the rock into her pocket just as Justice Strauss returned, with two uniformed officers beside her. “Hello.” she said, dropping her voice and wavering it a little to sound nervous. 

“Hello, children.” one of the officers sat across the table from them, while Justice Strauss re-took her place beside Violet. “We heard you’ve been through quite the ordeal.” 

Violet nodded, and glanced at Klaus, who said, “You’ll have to forgive us. We’re capiophobic.” 

The police didn’t look like they understood what he meant, but they nodded. “We know you’re frightened,” said the other, “But we’re here to help. Can you tell us about what happened?” 

Slowly, very slowly, Klaus dropped Sunny to the floor. Violet shot him a look, saying  _ What did I tell you?  _ He shot one back, saying,  _ I know what I’m doing.  _

“Um, yes.” Violet said, pulling her ribbon out of her and shoving it into her other pocket. “Um… Louis and I were-” 

“Oh, yes.” the officer said. “What’re your names?” 

Violet bit her lip. “Malina, Louis and Presley Handler.” 

“Do you live nearby?” 

She shook her head. “We were passing through town. We’re going to visit our Grandmother.” Play dumber, Violet, they’ll underestimate you. “Do you think our parents left without us?” 

“No, I’m sure they didn’t.” the other officer said. 

“Are we in trouble?” Klaus asked, also playing dumb. 

“No, of course not.” 

“Um… we were, we were at the grocery store… I think.” Violet said, unsure if there was a grocery store in town. “Somewhere where you buy food? And we lost our parents.” 

“Then some people grabbed us.” Klaus said, glancing out the window and making himself shake a little. 

“Who were these people?” 

Klaus considered a second, glancing at Violet. She gave a subtle nod. “There was a man with hooks for hands, a bald man, two women with powdered-white faces, someone else, a tall, scary man with one eyebrow and a tattoo of an eye on his ankle… they struck me across the face and cut Mali’s arm. They said they were going to kill us.” 

“We tried to run, but they put Presley in a cage.” Violet pointed to the cage, still on a table a little ways away. “We ran to the first house we could find and climbed in the window to try and break it open. Are we in trouble for that?” 

“No, no, I promise-” Justice Strauss began. 

Klaus started, then looked at the floor. “Where’s Presley?” 

Violet paused, then glanced under the table. Sunny was gone. “I thought you were supposed to be holding her!” she said, praying that Klaus  _ did _ have a plan. 

“She wanted down! And she’s been so clingy after-” 

“Presley!” Violet shot to her feet, as the officers glanced at each other. “Pres-” 

“She’s outside!” Klaus shouted, pointing out the window. There, they could see Sunny, sitting in the grass and digging her hands in the dirt, looking for bugs to eat. 

Part of Violet was relieved that Klaus (and probably Sunny, that smart little baby)  _ did  _ have a plan, and he hadn’t just lost their sister. The other part of her realized that Sunny was in full view of Count Olaf’s house. 

_ Hurry, Violet, hurry.  _

Before the adults could say anything, Violet leapt to her feet and raced for the backdoor, vaguely remembering where it was from when Justice Strauss entered the day before. She heard Klaus and the adults hasten to follow her, but she’d have to be faster than them. She’d have to be as fast as she could. 

Luckily, a life on the run taught you how to be very,  _ very _ fast. 

Violet raced outside, stood behind Sunny in the grass, took the rock in her hand, and before anyone but Klaus could get outside, she’d hurled it through a window, shattering it immediately. 

As it shattered, Sunny caught onto the plan and let out a loud shriek, managing to mask the noise somewhat. Violet dropped in front of her sister as the rest ran out, and Klaus made it to them, whispering, “What are you  _ doing?”  _

“He’ll come to investigate.” she muttered. 

“Yeah, I  _ know!”  _

“What happened?” Justice Strauss reached them, and Sunny let out a wail again. 

“Oh, she’s fine.” Violet said quickly, picking up the infant and thrusting her into Klaus’s arms. “She just ate a bee and got stung. She does that a lot.” 

“Presley likes to bite things, it’s an interest of hers.” Klaus rambled, his face paling with fear, glancing towards the broken window. He thought he saw someone behind it, but that might’ve just been a shadow. 

“You shouldn’t run off like that.” said one of the officers. 

“We know. We never run anywhere.” Violet lied. 

Klaus forced himself to cry again, though it was much easier this time due to his nerves. “We’ve just been… so worried…” 

“It’ll be okay.” Justice Strauss said comfortingly. “Now, why don’t you come back inside, and-” 

“Actually,” an Officer interrupted, “I think we should take these kids to the station.” 

Klaus jumped, instinctively screaming, “No!” 

“No, we can’t go!” Violet finally got herself to cry now. “They said if we went to the police they’d kill us!” 

“We need to find our parents!” Klaus cried. 

“Now, now, children,” the officer said, a bit sternly, “This is standard legal procedure. We’ll simply have you wait with us until-” 

Violet looked over their shoulders and shuddered as she saw the door to the Count’s house swing open.  _ Let it be him, let it be him…  _

Klaus panicked, backing up more and clinging to Sunny. “We need to find our parents! We can’t go with you!” 

“We have to leave!” Violet added, as more than one person filed out of the Count’s house.  _ Oh, even better.  _

“Now, officers,” Justice Strauss began, “The children are very frightened. Why don’t we go inside-” 

“Officers!” Violet backed up to Klaus as Count Olaf let out a call. Striding towards them was the Count, followed by his henchpeople- save Esme, who seemed to not be present. “Officers, I’m sorry, I believe-” 

Violet grabbed Klaus’s arm, whispered,  _ “C,”  _ and then shouted, “That’s him! That’s him, that’s the man who kidnapped us!” 

The Officers stiffened, and Justice Strauss gasped. “Children, you must be mistaken! This is my neighbor and his acting troupe!” 

“The children are clearly confused.” Count Olaf said. He turned to the kids and said, “These are my cousins. Their parents are waiting inside.” 

“You  _ kidnapped _ our parents!” Violet screamed, unable to contain it, as Klaus and Sunny made themselves cry. “You said you were going to kill us all!” 

“He’s going to kill us, don’t let him take us away!” Klaus added, finally seeing Violet’s plan. 

“They do match the children’s description.” one of the officers said to the other. 

“Now, now, Violet-” Olaf began. 

“Her name is Malina.” Justice Strauss said, backing up a little. 

Olaf narrowed his eyes. “I’m afraid  _ you’re  _ mistaken. These are the children of my cousins.” 

“We’re no relatives of yours!” Violet spat, backing up a little, and then whispering,  _ “D-sharp.” I’ll take care of Sunny while we run. _

“Sir,” thankfully, one of the officers seemed suspicious enough to intervene, and she stepped forwards. “Sir, if you could just-” 

Everyone was facing Olaf, which gave Violet exactly enough time. 

“Go,  _ now.”  _ she said. 

And the three children turned and ran. 

They heard Justice Strauss call after them, and the Officers cry something and Olaf, in quite the incriminating way, order his henchpeople to go catch them. But the children had a good head start, and for them, that was all they needed. 

They ran to the bus station, and once there, Klaus said, “We’ll have to go to a safehouse now.” 

Violet quivered, but she did nod. “You’re right. He’ll be expecting us to follow him now. If he’s not arrested, his house is too dangerous.” 

“What if they search his house and find our parents?” 

“They’ll get away and find us.” 

Sunny leaned onto Klaus’s shoulder, shivering in the wind, and she whispered, “Txen?” which meant something like,  _ “What do we do now?”  _

“We head to the first safehouse. Dr Montgomery.” Klaus said. “Maybe our parents will come.” 

“Or maybe he can help us.” Violet hoped. 

They all knew hope was a dangerous thing. But right now, it was the only thing that they had. 


	8. Beatrice and Bertrand do Not have a good time

**CHAPTER EIGHT**

_ Beatrice and Bertrand do Not have a good time _

“Bertrand, stop it.” Beatrice said, huddled against the wall. “It’s not going to work.” 

They’d been in this cold, dark room for what had to have been hours. Nobody had come for them, and they’d only barely been able to gather their surroundings once the drugs had worn off. The room seemed to be made of metal, and quite a bit wider than the last prison they’d been stuck in, though it seemed smaller due to the two benches they’d been left on. There were no windows, and the only light came from the small crack that marked the door; there was no visible handle, meaning it could only be opened from the outside. Even if they could open the door, the short chains stuck to their ankles ensured that they were stopped just a few feet from it, almost tauntingly. Olaf had thought this out well. 

In other words, they were stuck. 

Bertrand was underneath one of the benches, trying to pry it; it was simply a slab of metal coming from the wall, but he’d been hoping he could break it down. 

“We can do it.” he said. “If we can break down the door, we can find our way out.” 

“Bertrand, it’s not going to come loose. It’s part of the wall.” 

“There has to be something.” 

“Bertrand…” 

“There’s  _ always _ something. We can’t just…” 

“Bertrand!” Beatrice looked up, barely able to see him in the dim light. “Would you just  _ stop?  _ It’s useless!” 

Bertrand stopped a moment, and then he stumbled back, falling on the floor. He curled up and Beatrice, instantly regretful, raced forwards. Her chain clanged and part of it slammed against her ankle, but she hardly noticed. Instead, she rushed over to her husband, barely able to reach him. She threw her arms around him, and said, “I’m sorry.” 

“I…” Bertrand stumbled. “I’m… there has to be a way out. We can pick these locks once we… how do we pick these locks?” 

“They’re not ordinary-enough pin-tumbler locks.” Beatrice sighed, pulling away from him slightly, feeling the lock with her fingers. “God, I wish we had a brick or a dictionary. I might be able to pound it off.” 

“You’d break your ankle.” 

“Yes, but then I could break your lock, and you’d carry me.” 

Bertrand smiled a little. “I think it’s more likely you’d carry me.” 

Beatrice sighed. “So. Where do you think he’s holding us?” 

Bertrand considered a moment, reaching up to adjust his glasses. “I’d say the tunnels, but this room is too metallic.” 

“It can’t be far from the city.” Beatrice said. “He could have taken us through the tunnels in order to reach this place without being spotted, but we can’t have been knocked out for that long. Maybe a day at most.” 

She shared a worried look with Bertrand, just as he said what she was thinking. “The kids are alone.” 

Beatrice took a deep breath. “They’ll be okay. They’re resourceful. Hopefully they’ll go to a safehouse. Monty, or Ike, or… they’ll take care of them.” 

“Unless Olaf finds them first.” 

“He won’t.” Beatrice said uncertainly. “He  _ can’t.”  _

Bertrand stared at the ground, and then he said, “Do you think Lemony’s really dead?” 

Beatrice fell silent, and then she hugged her husband again. She wrapped her arms around his shoulder, stretching in order to rest her chin against his head. He trembled slightly, leaning against his wife, and said, “We should’ve gone back to him sooner.” 

“That would’ve just made us, and him, targets.” 

“He ended  _ up _ as a target, Bea. Olaf… Olaf  _ killed _ him to get to us. And he’ll kill them.” 

“He won’t. We won’t let him.” 

They heard the door creak open, and Bertrand flinched, not even looking up, knowing who it was. “Speak of the devil.” 

Beatrice bristled, pulling herself up and still gripping onto her husband’s shoulder, glaring as best she could. 

“Well, well, well. Our little guests are awake.” Olaf said, a very haughty look on his face. 

“Piss off, O. We’re not in the mood.” 

Olaf gave her a look, and then stepped forwards, gave her a swift punch to the stomach, and retreated out of her reach before she could retaliate. Beatrice gasped, dropping a moment, and then it was Bertrand’s turn to have an arm around her. 

“Just fucking  _ kill  _ us already!” Bertrand shouted. 

“Now, now, Bertrand,” Olaf said, as if he was scolding a petulant child, “It’s a bit early to be begging for death.” 

“You already killed Lemony!” Bertrand’s voice broke. “What more could you take from us?” 

Olaf smiled, and then said, “Everything. Starting with those pretty little children of yours.” 

Beatrice cried, “You can’t hurt them! They didn’t do anything to you!” 

“No, but you did.” Olaf smiled. “You’ll be pleased to hear we’re on their trail now, as are the police. Before long you’ll be reunited.” 

“Fuck off!” Bertrand shouted. 

“The police don’t even know they exist!” Beatrice said. “No one does! You’re bluffing!” 

“I don’t bluff, my dear Beatrice.” Olaf said, his voice dropping into a growl. “They were trying to break into my house, and now the police think I kidnapped them.” 

“You did kidnap them.” Bertrand said. 

“Shut the fuck up!” Olaf groaned. “God, I forgot how annoying you two were!” 

“Well,” Beatrice said, glaring at him, “We forgot how much you smelled, but here we are.” 

Olaf narrowed his eyes, and then he smiled. “You don’t get it yet, I don’t think.” he said. He took a step forwards, and Bertrand threw his arm in front of Beatrice. “We may not have your precious little angels yet. We will soon. And in the meantime…” he knelt down, his eyes shining. “We do have you.” 

Beatrice and Bertrand struggled not to flinch back. “We will kill you.” Beatrice finally spat. “You fucking piece of shit.” 

Olaf’s eyes narrowed. “I see you intend to finish the family off.” 

Beatrice shut her eyes, breathing slowly, as Bertrand tensed. He looked over at the man who used to be his friend, his eyes pleading. “Olaf, we were under orders.” 

“You know as well as I that doesn’t matter.” 

“We were  _ children.”  _

“So was I.” 

“And so are our kids, Olaf. We don’t have to continue the cycle with them.” Bertrand begged. “We don’t have to hand on our misery to them.” 

Olaf narrowed his eyes, and said, “You know what, my dear Bertrand? I don’t  _ care.  _ All I care about now is seeing you  _ suffer.”  _

“Olaf-” 

“And just wait until I get my hands on those children. You’ll both have the honor of seeing everything I do to them.” 

Beatrice tried to throw herself at him, the chain stopping her from even getting close. “Don’t you  _ dare!”  _

“We can go one-by-one. It’ll be more slow that way.” 

Bertrand tried to move, too. “No-!” 

“I think we’ll start with the little baby.” Olaf said. “And then the little boy. Be fun to see what their organs look like, won’t it?” 

“Don’t  _ touch them!”  _

“Oh, and then that sweet girl.” Olaf said. 

Beatrice’s eyes lit, the fury of a thousand fires behind them. “No! Don’t you  _ dare!  _ If you lay a  _ hand _ on our daughter I swear to  _ God  _ I will ensure you rot in  _ hell _ where you belong!” 

“Your daughter?” Olaf’s eyes shone again, and he turned to stare directly at Bertrand. “I saw her eyes. Is she really your daughter?” 

Bertrand flared. “We’ll kill you, Olaf. I swear to God we will. You won’t touch our children.” 

Olaf smiled his wicked smile again. “Bertrand, Beatrice,” he shook his head, smiling even wider, “I’ll touch  _ whatever _ I want.” 

Beatrice let out a furious scream and tried to throw herself at him again, but he simply stepped back and said, “I’ll return shortly. Esme and I plan to have some  _ fun _ with you.” 

He slammed the door, and Beatrice dropped to the floor and started to sob. 

Bertrand, though he was also crying, moved over to try and comfort her somewhat. He helped her into a sitting position, hugging and cradling her as she cried into his chest. 

“They don’t deserve this.” she whispered. “They don’t… if he… if he  _ dares…  _ dares to…” 

“Nothing’s going to happen. Nothing’s going to happen to them.” 

“He’s going to kill them… he’s going to kill Sunny and Klaus and… and he’s…” she shut her eyes. “She’s our daughter.” 

“I know.” 

“She’s  _ your _ daughter.” 

“Bea, I  _ know.  _ He doesn’t get it.” 

“He’s going to kill them. And it’s our fault. It’s our fault…” 

Bertrand ran out of words, so he cried, too, and he and Beatrice held each other in the dark, cold prison. 


	9. Sunny bites a snake

**CHAPTER NINE**

_ Sunny bites a snake _

“Lousy Lane sucks.” Violet said. 

The children had departed the bus a stop or two from Monty’s house, in case any of the other passengers got it in their heads to talk to them. They walked along the road, with Klaus eventually getting tired of carrying Sunny and so strapping her to his bag again. She swung from the bag, giggling, as Klaus and Violet mumbled along as they seemed to finally approach the end of the road. 

“What is that  _ smell?”  _ Klaus asked. 

“It’s horseradish.” Violet said. “Remember? Mother and Father told us the horseradish factory was here, to combat that poison thing- what was it called?” 

“I don’t care, I want to die.” 

“We all want to die, Klaus, but we’re almost to Montgomery’s place, so suck it up and deal.” 

Klaus flipped her off, and Sunny giggled. 

They trudged along in silence, until they finally turned a bend and spotted a driveway, leading to a large, bright house, surrounded by hedges. 

“That,” Violet said, “Is a  _ lot _ of fucking snakes.” 

Indeed, as they walked down the driveway, and got closer, they could see that the hedges around the house had been cut and shaped into the forms of large snakes, looming over the children in magnificent shapes. 

“Pretty.” Sunny noted. 

“I suppose.” Violet said. “Guess he really likes snakes. Klaus, what’s the name for someone who studies snakes?” 

“I don’t recall.” Klaus said. “But hopefully he’s helpful.” 

“He better be, or we traveled down Lousy Lane for nothing.” 

“I would rather hand myself over to Olaf than travel down Lousy Lane for nothing.” 

“Tough shit, Klaus.” 

They reached the door, and Violet quickly knocked thrice. They stood, waiting a moment, and then Klaus said, “He’s probably not expecting us.” 

“I wonder if he’ll call the cops.” Violet said. 

“Mother and Father designated him a safehouse.” 

“Still…” she knocked again. “You never know. How long’s it been since they’ve been in contact, you think?” 

“I don’t- stop, I hear footsteps.” 

Violet paused. “Let me take the lead. We’re gonna be a bit more honest this time, since he knows our parents.” 

They heard the footsteps stop, and straightened up a little as the door swung open. A tall, confused man looked down at them. 

“Hello?” he said, glancing behind them, probably expecting to see an adult accompanying them. 

“Are you Dr Montgomery?” Violet asked, very professionally. 

The man blinked. “No…” 

“Is he here?” 

“Yes, but-” 

“Good.” Violet then immediately pushed the man aside and strode into the building, her siblings following close behind, and Sunny shooting the man a smirk. 

The man gaped, and then said, “Excuse me? Excuse me!” 

“You’re excused. Piss off, where’s Montgomery?” 

“I can’t just let strangers into this house! You know, Monty has several enemies-” 

“And we’re babies,” Klaus said, “Where is-” 

“Gustav?” came a voice, from a room beneath some staircases. “Gustav, is someone here?” 

The man sighed. “Yes, Monty. Some children just walked in.” 

“Children?” A man poked his head out from a slightly-open door. “Oh! Hello!” 

“Are you Dr Mont…” Violet trailed off, eyes going wide. 

The man stepped, and the children could see that he had a large, black snake wrapped around him. It raised its head to look at them, hissing a little. Klaus immediately threw his hands over Sunny, while Violet pushed her siblings back. 

“Monty!” Gustav said. “Why’d you bring the Incredibly Deadly Viper out?” 

“The  _ what?”  _ Klaus asked, startled. 

“Don’t worry, it’ll stay with me.” Monty waved a hand. “Who are you, children?” 

“Are you… are you Dr Montgomery?” Violet asked, still eying the snake suspiciously. 

“That I am.” the man chuckled. “Are you young herpetologists?” 

“Afraid not, although Sunny hasn’t been able to develop an interest in anything but biting recently, so she may very well be.” Klaus said, slowly moving around Violet’s arm to get a better look at Monty. 

Monty cocked his head, and then said, “I didn’t realize this was a sad occasion.” 

Violet and Klaus stiffened a moment before remembering they were supposed to pretend not to understand that. “Hopefully it’s not.” Violet said, hoping that clued him in that  _ no, we are not volunteers.  _ “We need your he-  _ holy fuck!”  _

The coal-black snake, in an instant, unwrapped itself from around Monty and threw itself at Klaus and Sunny. Klaus screamed and leapt back, but not fast enough; the snake wrapped around his shoulders, leaned over, and bit Sunny on the chin. 

“No!” Violet felt panicked, and she instantly jumped forwards, grabbing the snake and trying to yank it back, her fight instinct kicking in. Klaus let out a cry, and the heavy snake simply shrugged Violet off and hissed at Sunny. 

Monty burst into laughter, and even Gustav let out a chuckle, while the snake looked at the infant again. Sunny considered for a moment, not even looking concerned, and then she leaned forwards and bit the snake on the nose. The snake widened its eyes in surprise, as Violet once again tried to yank it away. 

“What are you  _ doing?  _ It just bit our sister!” Klaus screamed, tears springing to his eyes. 

“What the fuck is  _ wrong  _ with you?” Violet shouted. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry children,” Monty said, reaching forwards and stroking the snake. It hissed and slithered back onto him, as he said, “I didn’t mean to scare you, but the Incredibly Deadly Viper is quite harmless. Your sister will be fine.” 

Violet stared at him in horror, while Klaus said, “You just said it’s called the  _ Incredibly Deadly Viper.”  _

“Yes.” Monty chuckled. “And I discovered it. That means I got to name it. I gave it a misnomer. Do you know what a misnomer is?” 

Violet looked to Klaus, who was carefully running his hand over Sunny’s chin to make sure the bite wasn’t deep. “I…” he muttered. “Is it a very wrong name?” 

“A very fitting definition.” Monty said. “You see, I want to play a trick on the herpetological society.” 

“They’re rude jackasses, if you’ll pardon my language.” Gustav said, leaning against the staircase of a bannister. “Keep calling him ‘Montgomery Montgomery’ just as a joke.” 

“Is your name Montgomery Montgomery?” Violet asked. 

“Yes, but I’d prefer it if you called me Monty.” Monty smiled. “And what are your names?” 

The children glanced at each other. He  _ had _ just let a snake bite Sunny… but it was a harmless snake, and Sunny didn’t seem hurt; in fact, she was looking excitedly at the Incredibly Deadly Viper, waving a greeting and giggling. And their parents trusted him. Even if he had dropped a VFD phrase, they trusted him enough to tell their children to go to him first. 

“My name is Violet,” Violet introduced, “And these are my siblings, Klaus and Sunny.” She took a deep breath. “We’re the Baudelaires.” 

Monty froze, and Gustav’s mouth dropped open in shock. 

“Our parents, Beatrice and Bertrand, are alive,” Violet said, “But they’ve been captured. By Count Olaf. We need you to- to hide us until they can escape… we don’t…” 

Suddenly, her throat felt clogged up, and her stomach felt heavy. She hadn’t cried,  _ really _ cried, in a while; she’d just been in “protect Klaus and Sunny” mode, “find a place to hide” mode. But everything hit her again, right there. Her parents were gone. She was in charge. Their only hope was trusting a man they barely knew. 

She glanced down at the ground, hoping nobody could see her tears. But Monty quickly moved forwards, kneeling slightly so he could put his hands on her shoulders and look her in the eye. 

“There, there, now.” he said, in a very soothing voice, and the viper leaned forwards and nuzzled her. “It’s alright. It’s going to be alright. I promise we’ll keep you safe. Do you need food? Or a new change of clothes?” 

“We… we have clothes…” Violet was choked up. “But… we’re running low on food, I’m sorry-” 

“Don’t be sorry.” Monty turned to his assistant, and said, “Gustav, can you show them where the guest bathrooms are so they can wash up? I’ll prepare them a cake.” 

“Oh, you don’t have to-” said Klaus. 

“Nonsense. Anything for the Baudelaire children.” Monty smiled. “You know, I’m surprised I didn’t recognize you earlier. Klaus, you look just like your mother, though you have glasses like your father. Sunny looks just like Bertrand. And Violet…” 

“Th-thank you.” Violet hesitated. “Are there any snakes upstairs?” 

Monty chuckled. “No, though there might be a lizard or two wandering around. Most of my animals are in the reptile room over there.” He pointed at the door he came from. “And they’ll stay there, unless I move them. Don’t you worry. We’ll keep you safe.” 

Violet bit her lip, and then nodded. “Thank you.” 

She usually showered very quickly; when you live on the run, you never know how long you have. But in Monty’s bathroom. She stood in the shower, watching the dirt fall into the tub, feeling the water pound against her skin, slightly irritating the wound on her shoulder, though Gustav had helped her re-bandage it with something waterproof, after giving it some simple first aid. They’d done that while Klaus was showering, and then Gustav had shown him to another bathroom so he could wash Sunny while Gustav went to help Monty. She wondered if she’d have a scar. She didn’t have many of those, though she probably should at this point. 

She buried her head in her hands, letting water splash around her. God, what was she going to  _ do?  _ How would she know when her parents were free? Would they be able to find them here? They had to remember the safehouses. 

Would her parents even get away? Sure, they were incredibly capable, but… they’d been  _ terrified  _ of this man. He had a team of people, and chains and drugs… God, what if they  _ never _ got out? What would she do then? How was she supposed to take care of Klaus and Sunny on her own? 

After a much longer time than she normally took, she stepped out of the shower, throwing on her most comfortable clothes; she’d need something to make her feel a little better. When she stepped into the room they’d decided on- one that had two beds, so they could all sleep near each other- she saw Klaus already seated, helping Sunny into a soft onesie. Her hair was falling a little in her face; they’d have to cut the baby’s bangs soon. 

“What do we do?” Klaus asked, which was exactly what Violet had feared he’d ask. 

She sighed and sat on the edge of the bed. “Wait for Mother and Father to come. They will. They’ll find us.” 

“What about until then?” 

“We have to trust Monty.” Violet sighed. “But not too much. Just in case.” 

She shivered slightly, and Klaus picked up Sunny and moved over to her bed, sitting beside her. “Are you okay?” he asked. 

Slowly, she shook her head, and he hugged her tight. 


	10. The Baudelaires tour the Reptile Room

**CHAPTER TEN**

_ The Baudelaires tour the Reptile Room _

Eventually, Monty called for them, and the children made it back downstairs and found their way to the kitchen. They were surprised, upon entering, to see that Monty had indeed made a cake for them. Gustav and him sat at the table, and handed each child a piece before letting them choose their seat. 

“Sunny doesn’t like soft foods, I’m sorry.” Violet said as they sat. 

“That’s unusual for an infant,” Monty said, “But not for many snakes. Perhaps she would like a raw carrot?” 

“Ooh-ee.” Sunny said, as he pulled a carrot from a bowl and passed it to her.  _ “That would be lovely.”  _

“Thank you, you didn’t have to do this.” Violet inspected the cake. Perhaps he had poisoned it? No, Gustav was eating, too, and he’d let them select their own pieces… 

“It’s really no trouble.” Monty smiled. He paused, and then said, “Your parents… told you about me?” 

Violet hesitated. “Not a lot. We don’t know much.” 

“But they designated you our first safehouse should we be separated.” Klaus explained. 

“Well,” Monty grinned. “That is an honor.” 

Gustav cleared his throat. He looked a bit more skeptical than Monty. “You said you were Beatrice and  _ Bertrand’s  _ children?” 

The way he emphasized their father’s name confused Klaus a moment, trying to figure out why that was important. Violet quickly said, “Yes. They got married after running away. We… we can name facts about them, if you-” 

“No, no, we believe you.” Monty said. “Like I said, you look just like your parents.” 

“You knew them well?” Klaus asked. 

Monty nodded. “We volunteered together.” 

They tried to hold back sighs. “That’s nice.” Violet finally said. “We hate to impose, but… we just need somewhere to stay until our parents escape.” 

“What exactly happened?” Gustav asked, leaning forwards. “You said that…” 

“That Count Olaf captured them?” Violet stared very hard down at her food. “Yeah. He did. We… he…” 

“He forged a telegram from one of our contacts.” Klaus decided that was the best way to put it. “And killed him. The telegram told us to come to the city and meet him, but it was a trap. They… they got our parents, we only got out because of Violet.” 

“If you hadn’t run for Mother and Father,” Violet said quietly, “I would’ve been too frozen to think of anything, and we’d still be in his horrible clutches.” 

“If I hadn’t run for Mother and Father, I wouldn’t have gotten this bruise.” 

“But we would’ve been worse off.” Violet shook, remembering the Count’s hands running through her hair. “They put Sunny in a birdcage. When we escaped, we broke into a house that had a library, so we could use a dictionary to break the lock.” 

“How did you do that?” Gustav asked, confused. 

“We hit it until it fell off.” Klaus said. 

“Oh.” 

“A… a woman found us.” Violet started to fiddle with the edge of her shirt. “But she called the police. We got them to at least suspect Olaf of trying to hurt us, but we had to run. We… we came here. Sorry-” 

“Don’t be sorry, children.” Monty leaned over and put a hand over Klaus, who was seated nearest to him. “You are in trouble, and you came to us, and we will protect you. Gustav, you said you administered medical treatment to their wounds?” 

“As best I could.” Gustav considered. “I doubt a hospital would be wise. I assume you don’t legally exist?”

The kids shook their heads. “Bit hard to fill out a birth certificate on the run.” Klaus said. 

“We could contact… some associates of ours.” 

“Please don’t.” Violet said. 

“Gustav,” Monty said carefully, “You know Beatrice and Bertrand… didn’t part on good terms with our associates. Let’s let the children stay awhile and figure out what to do.” 

“Only if that’s okay.” Violet said cautiously. 

“Of course.” Monty smiled. “You’re always welcome in my home. Now… do you children want to see my collection?” 

“Raccolta?” Sunny asked, which meant,  _ “What collection?”  _

“Why, my reptiles!” Monty stood up, holding out his hands to help the children to their feet. “I’m a herpetologist, after all! What kind of a herpetologist would I be if I didn’t have reptiles?” 

“Is that the… reptile room?” Violet asked. 

“It’s  _ my  _ Reptile Room, Violet!” Monty said. “And it’s filled with all sorts of wonderful creatures that Gustav and I are studying! Would you like to see?” 

“Is it safe?” 

Monty smiled. “It’s perfectly safe. I promise, so long as you keep a level head, no harm will come to you in the Reptile Room.” 

Klaus, who had read a little about reptiles but never had the opportunity to study them, looked to Violet hopefully. “Vi, can we?” 

She hesitated, and then nodded. “Sure. Why not?” 

Klaus grinned and picked up Sunny, shouldering her as Violet carefully followed Monty, glancing back to see Gustav coming after them, watching them just as carefully. 

Monty led them to the door underneath the stairs, and he showed them his top-of-the-line security system- a bunch of useless levers and gears, disguising the simple doorknob. 

“Brilliant.” Klaus said. 

“Ooh.” Sunny said. 

Monty smiled and swung open the door, and Klaus immediately gasped and ran inside, a cheering Sunny in his arms. 

The room, walled with glass, was filled to the brim with cages and containers, all with brightly-colored reptiles. Snakes and turtles, lizards and newts, everything the children could think of. Klaus immediately ran to a glass container, showing Sunny the two-headed cobra inside, while Violet found herself wandering to a large cage, holding three winged lizards, flapping between perches and chirping. She knelt by the complex lock, eyes widening. 

“This is impressive.” she said, reaching for her hair ribbon. 

“It has to be.” said Gustav, smiling. “The lizards keep escaping.” 

“In fact, the only one we haven’t figured out how to lock up is our Incredibly Deadly Viper.” Monty said, smiling. He glanced towards a cage that was, indeed, swinging open, and said, “Speaking of which, where’ve- oh! There it is!” 

Sunny giggled as the coal-black snake slithered over a hanging pole, made to look like a tree branch. It slid down, hissing in Sunny’s face; Klaus hesitated slightly, wondering if he should move back, but Sunny laughed and reached forwards, grabbing its head. 

“Dr Montgomery,” Klaus said, eyeing the snake. 

“Oh, please call me Monty.” 

“Dr Montgomery,” Klaus continued, “Are there any snakes in here that are dangerous?” 

“Why, of course.” Monty said. “You can’t study reptiles without coming across dangerous ones. Why, I have a cabinet filled with venom samples from every snake known to herpetology! But all the poisonous reptiles are kept in cages with sturdy locks. I promise you, children, they cannot harm you in here.” 

Violet inspected another lock; these did seem to be very well-made, hard to remove. She looked up at the snake inside, and then she smiled a little. “This place is amazing.” she said. A crocodile, contained by the wall, let out a cry, sounding very much like it was saying  _ Woe is me.  _ Violet smiled, and then imitated its call. “Woe is me!” 

Gustav, surprised, came over to her. “You have a very good impression of the broken-hearted crocodile.” 

“I can imitate lots of different voices and sounds.” Violet shrugged. “But Klaus is better at forging-”

“Monty,” Klaus started, looking over at a far wall, “Are those  _ books?”  _

“Of course! That’s my library! You may read whatever you wish from it.” 

“We can read…” Klaus was enchanted. 

“And you won’t call the police?” Violet asked, just to be sure. “They’ll just arrest our parents when they come for us.” 

“No. Just us. And if you’re uncomfortable and want to leave, I’ll ensure you get to the next safehouse as soon as you can- I’m sure you have others?” the children nodded. “But please, make yourselves at home.” 

Violet paused, and her and Klaus shared a look. They weren’t sure what they were to be expected to do in return. Every now and again they’d stayed in the guest room of some house or another, and their parents had done some chores or repaired a furnace or something. 

“We could help around.” Violet said after a while. “I’m very good at repairing things.” 

“I can clean the library, and I can read up on snakes to help with the care.” Klaus volunteered. “I’m sure we can think of something for Sunny to do…” 

Monty smiled warmly, and walked over to Violet, putting a hand on her shoulder. “That won’t be necessary. That won’t be necessary at all. You’re guests in our home, and we will take care of you as best we can.” 

Violet stared up at him, and felt some kind of peace wash over her. 

He’d take care of them. 

They all slept in the same room- for understandable reasons, they really didn’t want to be separated at the moment. 

As Violet crawled into bed, Sunny curled up and snoring on the pillow beside her, she said, “I think we can trust him. For now.” 

“Yeah.” Klaus nodded fervently. “So long as he doesn’t call the police or VFD on us. What do you think of Gustav?” 

“Bit more suspicious.” Violet considered. “But he seems to listen to Monty. Be a bit careful around him, but I don’t think we have to worry too much.” 

“Are you sure?” 

Violet sild under the blankets, tucking them over Sunny, too. “I’m never sure. But- close as I can be, yes.” 

“And do you think our parents can find us here?” 

Violet shut her eyes. “They will.” 

They have to.


	11. Everything gets Chaotic very fast

**CHAPTER ELEVEN**

_ Everything gets Chaotic very fast _

Three days. That was all they got. 

On the first day, they wandered a bit, unsure of what they were expected to do. Finally, Monty brought them into the Reptile Room, and Klaus found a chair to curl up in with a stack of books, and lost himself in those. Sunny quickly fell into a routine, each day, of going to the Incredibly Deadly Viper and playing with it or crawling around with it looking for things to bite. Violet followed Monty and Gustav for a while, asking them if they needed help with anything or if they’d received news from their parents yet, until she’d wander to Klaus and read with him.

On the second day, when Klaus was still reading and Sunny was still playing, Violet finally found some chores she could help Monty with. She helped him with traps that wouldn’t harm the reptiles, and fixing locks and cages. When she was done, she’d continue to read with Klaus, or watch over Sunny and the Incredibly Deadly Viper, or sometimes she’d sit and watch some of the reptiles. She liked spying the flying lizards zip from perch to perch, sometimes landing on her shoulder and giving her a little snuggle, or laying by the larger animals and imitating their calls. 

It was nice. Distracting. 

Halfway through the second night they spent at Monty’s, Klaus called out, “Violet?” 

“Yeah?” 

He paused. “Can I sleep with you and Sunny tonight? This room’s too big.” 

Violet glanced at Sunny, and they both nodded, and they all curled up together. Until Sunny stole the blankets. 

The third day was when things started to go wrong. 

It went by like normal, though Sunny cried over lunch because she had hoped their parents would come by now, and Klaus had to step out with her to calm her down. Monty ran off to help, leaving Violet alone with Gustav. She glanced over at him awkwardly; he hadn’t spoken to her much, and she’d spent most of her time with Monty or her siblings. 

Finally, after a while, she said, “You haven’t told anyone where we are, have you?” 

“No,” he said, but Violet wasn’t convinced. 

“It’s dangerous. If anybody knows we’re alive, they’ll kidnap us, to get to our parents. Olaf’s already after us, we don’t need-” 

“I know.” Gustav said carefully. “I have not told anyone you are here.” 

Violet bit her lip, knowing that tone of voice. The kind Klaus used when he said that he hadn’t snuck out the back door (because he snuck out the back window, technically). 

“Have you  _ implied _ we’re here? Or sent it in coded message?” 

He didn’t respond, and Monty walked in, then, so Violet stopped her interrogation for the moment. 

The day after that, when they came down for breakfast- Violet had offered to help cook, but of course, Monty continuously turned her down- she noticed that Gustav wasn’t there. 

“Where’s your assistant?” she asked Monty, as Klaus put Sunny down beside a bowl of apples. 

“To be honest, I’m not sure.” Monty said, glancing at Gustav’s empty chair. “He went out to get some extra groceries last night and hasn’t come back. Perhaps he went to visit his sister? I assume we’ll receive a telegram soon.” 

Violet and Klaus shared a frightened look. 

As soon as Monty left for the Reptile Room, Violet leaned over and said, “I think he’s contacted VFD about us.” 

“Then why would he leave? He’d want to make sure we’d stay here.” Klaus said. 

“I seriously think he told them, Klaus, he was suspicious yesterday.” Violet said. 

“Whatever happened, he’s probably not just late.” Klaus said. 

“Sus?” Sunny asked, which meant,  _ “What should we do?”  _

Violet took a deep breath. “Someone knows we’re here. Whoever it is, it’s not good.” she shut her eyes and clenched her fists. “We gotta dig into the bottom of my bag.” 

Klaus’s eyes widened, while Sunny let out a squeal of joy. “Are you sure?” 

“Even if it’s nothing, it’s better to be prepared.” Violet reached over and grabbed Klaus’s hand. “Remember what Lemony taught us?” 

Klaus nodded. “Do the scary thing first.”

Sunny put her hand over her siblings’, too, and said, “Eltsiht.”  _ “Get scared later.”  _

Klaus shut his eyes. “Upstairs, then.” 

They raced upstairs, and Violet dumped out her bag’s contents. “I’ll put this back when we’re done.” she said. “You two repack anything you’ve taken out, too. Keep your bags with you.” 

Then she put her bag back on the carpet, and flipped open the false bottom. 

“Get your shit.” she said. 

It happened mid-afternoon. 

Monty was in the Reptile Room, and though he did notice how on-edge the children were, he must have chalked it up to nerves, because he did little more than give them extra sweets. They politely thanked him, and stored the candy in Klaus’s bag. 

After a while, the Incredibly Deadly Viper went to take a nap, and Sunny crawled over to Klaus, so he picked her up and took her into the kitchen to look for something hard to chew on. After a moment, Violet followed them. 

While in the kitchen, she said, “Mother and Father should’ve escaped by now.” 

“They’ve never left us alone this long.” Klaus agreed. 

“No?” Sunny asked. 

“Longest was two days, a little before she got pregnant with you.” Violet said. “Couldn’t be avoided, police found us. We met up with them at a museum.” 

“They took us out for ice cream to apologize.” Klaus smiled a little. 

“We better get a triple-decker cake for this.” Violet giggled. 

“Cake!” Sunny looked excited. 

“You… you don’t think they’re hurt, do you?” Klaus asked. 

Violet considered. When they’d been next to Olaf’s house, and her adrenaline had been high, she’d considered breaking in. Finding her parents. Being the hero. But now… she was fourteen. They’d always gotten out of everything. She shouldn’t worry. 

“No, I’m sure-” 

They heard a crash from the reptile room, and knew something horrible had happened. 

“Monty!” Sunny shrieked. 

“Sunny, get to the exit! Meet you outside!” Klaus shouted, and he and Violet took off. 

Fortunately for them, Sunny had not been alive and on the run long enough to follow orders very well.

The two siblings ran to the reptile room, throwing the door open and racing in, their feet flying. Klaus slid to a stop first, reaching to yank Violet back. 

There, indeed, was Count Olaf, standing over Monty Montgomery. The reptiles were screeching, crying, as something was jammed into the herpetologist’s neck. He had already collapsed by the time they ran in. 

“No!” Violet gasped, staring at the man who’d been so kind to them. 

“Monty!” Klaus cried. 

Olaf looked up, his eyes sparkling, and he let the body fall to the floor. “Well, well, well,” he said, almost amused. “I expected it to be a bit harder to find you.” 

“Monty!” Violet stepped back, but even in her grief-stricken panic, she gave Klaus a small tap on the arm.  _ Move, soon.  _

“You see, that Sebald fool used his own code to tell his friends you were with the good doctor here. They won’t be coming, though.” Olaf smiled, and he pulled a large knife from his pocket. He pointed it at the children and said, “My associates are outside. So if you would be so kind as to come quietly-” 

“Now!” Violet shouted, her voice broken. 

Klaus reached into his own pocket, whipped out a dagger, and threw it at the Count. Violet, meanwhile, turned and ran into the hall. She heard Olaf shout- whether from surprise or pain, she didn’t know, as she didn’t bother to turn around. Instead, she raced to the phone in the hall, dialing the police station as fast as she could. 

She heard Klaus shout some kind of curse word from inside the room, just as the operator picked up. “What’s your emergency?” 

Violet shut her eyes, and, as best she could, imitated Gustav’s voice. “This is Gustav Sebald. I’m at the home of Monty Montgomery. A man named Count Olaf has broken in and is trying to kill us. We’re on Lousy Lane.” 

Before she could lose her imitation, she hung the phone up, prayed the operator took this seriously, and then turned around. 

Immediately, the bald man with the long nose grabbed her. 

Violet screamed, kicking back, and he said something about how it’d be much easier if she didn’t struggle. She promptly ignored this, reached into her pocket, and whipped out a small capsule. 

“Eat shit!” she shouted, throwing it to the ground and stomping. At that, it blew, and smoke burst from the ground. The bald man, in surprise, loosened his grip, and Violet tore away, running into the reptile room. “Klaus!” 

As she reached the room, she realized that Sunny had not gone outside. 

She realized this because Sunny was sitting beside the cage of the Mamba du mal, biting off the lock. 

“Sunny!” 

“Klaus!” Sunny pointed into the room, and Violet followed her gaze, seeing that Olaf had turned to glare at her; he was standing over Monty’s overturned desk, and as she looked around, she could see several other tables and chairs had been thrown. Klaus must be hiding somewhere. 

“Sunny, run!” Violet ordered, knowing the Bald Man would come after her soon, and she grabbed her own knife from her pocket, stepping in front of the infant and glaring down Olaf. 

“Where the  _ hell _ did you little brats get all your weapons?” Olaf hissed. 

“What?” Violet asked, shouldering her bag, “Did you think we were completely defenseless, shitbird? We’re Baudelaires.” 

His eyes flashed with fury, and as they did, Klaus leapt out from behind a chair and stabbed him in the leg. Olaf gasped as Klaus leapt back, and then turned around, swinging his own knife. Violet screamed as Klaus’s shoulder was gashed, and the boy scrambled back, eyes spitting fire at the man. 

Violet heard a noise behind her, and turned around, pointing her knife at the Bald Man standing in the doorway. “Stay back!” she warned, and glanced towards where Sunny was. “Sunny, we- Sunny?” 

Sunny was gone, and after a moment, Violet heard, “Lesmis!”  _ “Revolution!”  _

She realized, very quickly, that Sunny- and the Incredibly Deadly Viper, which was hissing and waving a ring of keys with its tail- had opened the cages to most, if not all, of the reptiles, because they were all rushing out. 

“D!” Sunny called, riding the back of the broken-hearted crocodile. 

Plan D: Find something very fucking distracting. 

Olaf jumped back as the flying lizards pelted his face, giving Klaus the opportunity to get to his feet. He ran to Sunny, picking her up, as two snakes attacked the Bald Man. 

“We have to go!” Violet said, her eyes darting around the room. The Bald Man was in the doorway, there were probably more outside… 

She heard a hiss, and looked down as the Incredibly Deadly Viper waved its tail at her, tossing the keys at another lizard. She reached back as Klaus ran to her, grabbing his arm, and they took off after the snake, who seemed to know where it was going. 

Violet kicked a chair behind them when she realized that Olaf had managed to swat away the lizards, hoping it would buy them a few seconds, as the Viper banged its head against a back panel of glass. It banged again, and the panel came loose. It slithered out, and Sunny said, “Per!”  _ “I trust it, follow it wherever it goes, it’ll keep us safe!”  _

“Go, go, go!” Violet shouted, and the siblings managed to squeeze themselves out through the panel and into the yard. Sunny pointed towards the tail slithering into the hedge maze, and they ran. 

“How’s your arm?” Violet asked, rushing into the foliage. 

“Not good, can you hold Sunny? With your arm being injured, too?” 

“Got it.” 

They stopped a second, with Violet taking the toddler. 

As they did, Violet glanced out the maze, and met eyes with Olaf, who had also just crawled out of the reptile room, and was staring right at them. 

“Stick together.” Violet said. “And A-flat.” 

And, thus, they ran like hell. Klaus reached forwards and grabbed onto the edge of Violet’s sweater as they took off, following the faint hissing noises of the Incredibly Deadly Viper. They stayed as quiet as they could, though it was hard with the leaves under their feet and pressing against them. 

“Oh, Baudelaires.” they heard Olaf’s voice, much closer than they’d like, maybe only a few turns behind. “Baudelaires!” 

Klaus pulled closer to Violet, who saw the viper’s tail disappear behind a corner. 

“Baudelaires! There’s nowhere to run!” 

They raced around the corner, only to freeze and realize they had gone into a dead end. 

“No.” Klaus muttered. 

“Children,” Olaf hissed, “If you come quietly, maybe you’ll die painlessly. Don’t you want to see your parents again before you go?” 

Sunny whimpered, and Violet looked into the corner of the hedges. The Incredibly Deadly Viper was there, gesturing at the dirt. 

_ “Baudelaires!”  _

Then they heard a terrifying  _ thwack,  _ and distantly, saw a wall of hedges break. 

“He’s cutting his way through, we’re fucked.” Klaus muttered. 

“We’re…” Violet stepped towards where the Viper was gesturing, and put Sunny down. “There’s gotta be-” 

Sunny, then, shoved her hands into the dirt. After a moment, she pulled up a panel. “Sacktrap,” she said, which meant,  _ “Trapdoor.”  _

“Good work, Sunny.” Violet grinned, turning to Klaus. “Get in, go.” 

Klaus ran forwards and jumped in, as they heard more slashing, and Sunny turned to the Viper. It waved at her, hissed something, and then slithered into the leaves. 

“Viper?” Sunny asked. 

Not wanting to wait much longer, Violet grabbed Sunny and leapt down with her. As soon as they landed- it was only a few feet deep, thank God- she put Sunny on the ground and reached up, slamming the door over them. She fumbled for a lock, relieved when she found one. 

Once it was locked, Violet picked up Sunny again, hugging her close. Klaus pulled a flashlight from his bag, flicking it on. 

They heard a pounding on the trapdoor, then- well, shit Olaf knew where it was. “Baudelaires!” his voice was full of fury. “I know you’re there!” 

“We have to run.” Klaus muttered. 

“You’re still bleeding.” 

“We can treat it on the way.” 

“The way to where?” 

_ “Baudelaires! I will break open this door!”  _

“Shine your light.” 

Klaus did, and after turning a few times, he found some arrows, simple initials marked beside them. 

“These look like names.” Klaus said. 

“Where’s our next safehouse?” Violet asked, hugging Sunny as Olaf continued to pound. 

“Ike and Josephine Anwhistle, at Lake Lachrymose.” Klaus said. “I assume that’s the LL, to the right.” 

“That’s a dangerous assumption.” 

“It’s better than standing here and waiting for Count Olaf to slaughter us.” 

They stared at each other, then, pain in their eyes. 

“He killed Monty. And Gustav.” Violet whispered. “Because of us.” 

Klaus shut his eyes. “We’ll have to hope the Anwhistles don’t tell anyone where we are, so he can’t find us. Come on.” 

He started walking, not wanting to think about it. Violet followed, slowly putting Sunny on the ground to crawl beside them as she dug through the back of Klaus’s bag for medical supplies. 

They walked away from the pounding on the trapdoor, and tried to look ahead. 


	12. Beatrice and Bertrand have a lot of Regrets

**CHAPTER TWELVE**

_ Beatrice and Bertrand have a lot of Regrets _

“Do you think they’re alright?” 

Beatrice sighed, rolling her head into her husband’s arm, so that the tears at the edge of her eyes would be better hidden. “They’re our children. They’ll be okay. We’ve… we’ve prepared them for this. We knew it might happen.” 

“He won’t catch them.” 

“They’re going to be okay.” 

Neither of them were very convinced. 

“This isn’t what we wanted for them.” Bertrand sighed. “We wanted them safer than this.” 

“They’ll get a better life.” Beatrice said, her voice dropping low. “We’ll kill Olaf and find someone to take care of them. In someplace safe.” 

They were silent for a bit longer, and then Bertrand said, “I… I know they’ll never be safe with us, but-” 

“I know.” she curled against him. “I know. But it’s better to know they’re safe and happy than to… to be there. Putting them in danger.” 

“We’ll always be on the run.” 

“Unless we turn ourselves in.” 

“VFD will find us.” 

“But they won’t find them.” 

Bertrand put his arm around her, and she ran her hand over his chest. She tried to ignore the dark stains on his shirt, which had been a worrying red just a little bit ago- or was it yesterday? 

“I’m surprised they haven’t broken your glasses yet.” Beatrice whispered, once again leaning her head into his arm. 

“They want me to see what they’re doing.” 

“Well… they’ve overlooked that it gives us a bit of an advantage.” Beatrice mumbled. “You’ll be able to see when we escape.” 

“Yeah.” he whispered. “When we escape.” He leaned into her, and said, “Do you remember the last time we spoke to him?” 

She nodded. “Violet was just two months old. She was already so bright.” 

“She would smile whenever he so much as looked at her.” 

“You could always make her laugh the best, though.” 

“But she’d cry if you were more than two feet away from her.” 

“That continued until she was four.” 

“She seemed upset the first few weeks. When she didn’t see him with us.” 

Beatrice shivered slightly. “We couldn’t have stayed with him. VFD was investigating him.” 

“I know.” 

“Should we have taken him with us?” 

“Can you imagine Lemony Snicket on the run?” Bertrand smiled a little. “He’d be so bad at fake names.” 

“He’d just use anagrams.” 

“I mean, he might have an advantage, considering he doesn’t photograph for shit.” Bertrand’s face fell. “Didn’t.” 

Beatrice’s face fell, too. “Didn’t.” she repeated, softly. Then, “When do you think they’re coming back?” 

“Whenever they fucking feel like it.” he spat, glaring at the wall. 

She sat up, running a hand over his cheek. “I won’t let them hurt you again.” she said, her voice shaking. 

Bertrand turned to her, a sad look in his eyes. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Bea.” he said, and he put his forehead against hers. 

“How long have we been walking, do you think?” Klaus asked. 

Violet had just finished re-applying the bandages around both of their arms, while Sunny ate a health bar from her bag. 

“Maybe a day or so.” Violet said. “Not including when we slept. I think we’re almost there. Tunnel seems to be thinning out, and it’s getting a bit brighter. We should keep moving. Sunny, stop eating the wrapper, let’s go.” 

Sunny sighed, but shoved the wrapper in her pocket and nodded. 

Klaus lifted her up, shivering a little, and he said, “Should we grab extra jackets?” 

Violet signalled for them to start walking, and as they headed out, she said, “I think we should be good.” she sniffed the air. “What’s that smell?” 

“Water.” Klaus said quickly. 

Sunny cocked her head. “Non?”  _ “It doesn’t smell like water.”  _

“Well, to clarify,” Klaus said, “It’s water around us. These tunnels should be nearby a lake or sea, and we’re smelling what’s basically all that water behind piles of dirt and metal and whatever else this tunnel is made of.” 

“Mud?” 

“Yeah, sure, Sunny, mud.” 

They fell silent again, walking for several more minutes until they finally reached a small crack of light from above. Violet made her way over to the trapdoor, and stood on her tiptoes, reaching up; it seemed to be blocked, but a hairpin and two minutes of quiet swearing solved that. She pushed it open and hoisted herself up, only briefly glancing around to make sure they were safe before reaching down to take Sunny, and then helping Klaus up beside her. 

Klaus also surveyed the area, putting a hand on his bag. They seemed to be in some kind of drab kitchen, with chipping blue paint and only a few scattered dishes around the counters. Violet shrugged at him, and he lifted Sunny, before the two of them found a window to climb out, onto the gray street outside. There were several dusty buildings, a few with broken windows or crumbling walls. A truck labelled  _ Lucky Smells Lumbermill  _ was parked outside a warehouse, and Violet looked from that to the sign above them, reading  _ The Anxious Clown.  _

“See? There’s the lake.” Klaus pointed, and his eyes widened. “That thing is  _ huge.”  _

“Yep.” Violet peered over at it. “Looks more like an ocean.” She glanced around some more, and observed, “There aren’t very many people here.” 

“It’s a stormy season, seems like,” Klaus gestured to the gray clouds above them, “So it’ll be off-season for any tourism.” 

“Means we won’t be spotted,” Violet muttered, “But if we have trouble, there are less people around to help.” 

Klaus gave her a quick look, clearly communicating,  _ You don’t have to remind me.  _

A taxi happened to drive by on the street, and Violet held up her hand, waving it down. When the driver lowered the window, she asked, “Excuse me, where can we find the Anwhistle house?” 

“Anwhistle?” the man looked confused. “All the way up on the cliff. Are you sure you want to go there? You know it’s Hurricane season.” 

“I thought hurricanes only showed up on oceans.” Klaus said. 

“With a body of water as large as Lake Lachrymose,” the taxi driver shrugged, “You can get anything.” 

“Sandy,” Sunny said, meaning something akin to,  _ “I’d rather not experience a hurricane at the moment, we have enough problems.”  _

“We need to reach the Anwhistles.” Klaus whispered to her. 

“We’ll go. I think we have money for the fare.” Violet nodded. She opened the backseat, sliding inside, and she said, “Did you say this was called Lake Lachrymose?” 

“That’s right.” the man nodded, as Klaus and Sunny slid in. 

Klaus shut the door, and as the man started driving, Violet turned to her brother and asked, “What does ‘Lachrymose’ mean?” 

“Literally ‘inducing tears.’ An adjective describing something sad, or given to weeping.” 

“Sounds pleasant.” Violet sighed. “But, then again, it doesn’t smell like horseradish.” 

“It was named after Ivan Lachrymose, actually.” the driver informed them. “Lake explorer. Perhaps you’ve read his biography?” 

“Afraid not.” Klaus said. “Is there a library in town that has it?” 

“Yes, but it’s closed for the off-season.” the driver said. “Just about everything is but the fried egg place, that clown restaurant, the Fickle Ferry, a general store, and the train station.” 

“And the taxi, of course.” Violet said. 

“Yes,” the man smiled, “We volunteer round the clock.” 

Violet froze, and then grabbed Klaus’s hand. Sunny glanced at them curiously, and then said, “Arewe?” 

Klaus paused, and then translated. “When do we arrive?” 

“Soon enough. Just hold up, we gotta go up the hill.” 

The taxi driver started going up, and Violet whispered, “Do you think he’s VFD?” 

“Whazzit?” Sunny asked. 

“Tell you in a mo.” Violet muttered. 

“I don’t know,” Klaus shivered, “You usually have the better ideas.” 

“Not true.” 

_ “Whazzit?”  _

Violet took a breath, and then said, “What do you know about the Anwhistles?” 

“Not much. In fact, I thought it was just Josephine living up here. But I haven’t seen her around town in years.” 

“Josephine is one of the ones Mother and Father told us about.” Klaus whispered, and then he looked up and said louder, “What happened to Ike?” 

“I don’t know. Honestly, I’ve been in-and-out of town.” 

“How many people do you regularly pick up?” Violet asked. 

“Not much. It’s the off-season.” 

“You’ve mentioned.” 

“Would you like to see a picture of my baby?” 

Violet groaned, and Klaus said, “No, thank you. We have a baby of our own that we have to stare at constantly.” 

“Wanderkit,” Sunny said, meaning,  _ “I do tend to run off on my own sometimes.”  _

There were a few more minutes of the taxi driver trying (and failing) to prompt conversation from the kids, and eventually he parked and said, “Well, here we are. Why are you visiting Josephine, anyway?” 

“We have some business to attend to.” Violet said stiffly. “Klaus, come on.” 

“Thank you, sir.” Klaus said, passing some money over to the taxi driver. 

“Got a tip?” he asked. 

Violet hesitantly handed him an extra few bills, and then grabbed his wrist, stared him in the eyes, and said, “I’d prefer if you didn’t tell anyone we were here.” 

Some kind of fear flashed in the man’s eyes as he glanced up at her, and he hesitantly nodded as she slid out of the taxi. 

As soon as he drove off, Klaus said, “Very nice, Vi. Very subtle. Now he’ll tell everyone some kids threatened him.” 

“And admit he was scared?” 

“He’ll just tell VFD someone visited Josephine. Do you think she’s a Volunteer, too?” 

_ “Whazzit?”  _ Sunny groaned. 

Violet sighed, and then leaned down to get face-to-face with Sunny. “Mother and Father were in a cult. VFD. We’ll explain more inside, okay? When Josephine leaves us alone.” 

“Fine.” Sunny huffed, crossing her arms. 

Violet gave Klaus a quick smile, and then they walked to the door. She pressed the doorbell, and then paused. “No noise.” 

“Maybe we just can’t hear it from out here.” Klaus said. 

Violet tried again, and then she moved and rapped on the door. Again, silence, and she groaned. “Maybe she’s not home?” Klaus guessed. 

“I didn’t crawl through cult tunnels for the bitch to not be home.” Violet huffed. She began to knock again, only for the door to fling open. 

“Don’t  _ knock  _ on the door!” a woman shouted, panic in her expression. “The wood could splinter and give you a cut!” 

The Baudelaires stared at her in utter confusion. Then, Violet sighed and said, “Are you Josephine Anwhistle?” 

The woman, a bit nervous, stuttered, “Yes. Yes, I- who are you?” 

Violet put a hand on her hip, gave her a glare, and said, “I’m Violet Baudelaire, and these are my siblings, Klaus and Sunny.” Josephine’s eyes widened in fear, and she continued, “May we come in?” 


	13. Violet is ready to snap

**CHAPTER THIRTEEN**

_ Violet is ready to snap _

“And that is the telephone.” Josephine said, carefully gesturing towards an old phone at the end of the kitchen counter. “I never use it, for fear of electrocution.” 

“Phones are fine, Ms Anwhistle.” Violet sighed. “I’ve taken them apart to see how they work before, I can do it again to show you.” 

“Oh, no, no.” Josephine shook her head. “That’s alright.” 

“I’ve read books about telephones, I could explain them to you.” Klaus said. 

“No, I’d rather not.” 

“Delmo.” Sunny said, which meant,  _ “If you wish, I will bite the telephone to show you that it’s harmless.”  _

Josephine narrowed her eyes.  _ “Delmo  _ is not a word. It’s not grammatically correct whatsoever. Violet, Klaus, don’t you find grammar to be one of the most important things in life?” 

“Sure.” Violet sighed. She sat at the table and said, “I’m assuming you want an explanation for our existence-” 

“I’m a bit afraid to hear it, but I suppose I’ll have to, won’t I?” 

“Yes.” 

Josephine sighed. “Would you children like soup?” 

“Hot soup would be nice, it’s very chilly.” Klaus said, sitting beside Violet and bouncing Sunny on his lap. 

“Oh, no, it’s cold.” Josephine said. “I’m afraid to turn on the stove, in case it bursts into flames.” 

Sunny gave her the most bewildered look she possibly could, opened and closed her mouth several times to try and find words, and finally managed to mutter, “Fuck?” 

“Sunny’s a bit confused.” Klaus translated, as Josephine started pulling bowls out to dish out the soup. “I’m not sure that’s possible for most stoves.” 

“Well, you never know.” Josephine’s eyes darted around. 

Josephine brought them their bowls and spoons and nervously sat across from them, and Violet said, “Well, Klaus, I did the last explanation. You wanna go?” 

“Not especially.” 

“Sucks to be you.” 

“Oh, please don’t fight…” Josephine said. 

“We’re siblings, it’s our job.” Violet said. “It’s also how we cope.” 

“Yeah, and we need a lot of coping.” Klaus said. “We did a bit of crying on the way over but now we gotta move the fuck on.” 

“So, catch you up to speed, Bertrand and Beatrice are alive, have been on the run for about fourteen, fifteen years.” Violet said. 

“Had us.” Klaus added. “And about… a few days ago? Yeah, Count Olaf found us.” 

“Olaf?” Josephine jumped. 

“Yeah, he’s got our parents held hostage.” Klaus nodded. 

“Hideo.” Sunny said. 

Violet quickly translated, “They gave us a list of safehouses to go to in case we got separated. We went to Monty but that didn’t…” 

She paused, getting choked up, suddenly feeling a pang in her chest.  _ Don’t think about it, just move on. Just move on…  _

“Olaf found him.” Klaus shook. “Our… our parents told us to go to you next.” 

“We don’t think we’ll be found here.” Violet said unconvincingly. “We just need someplace to lay low until our parents break out.” 

“Oh dear.” Josephine reached for a handkerchief to wipe her brow. “Oh dear, this is absolutely terrifying. You children must be so frightened.”

“We’re sure our parents will get out.” Violet said. “They’re very resourceful.” 

“Nire,” Sunny said, which meant,  _ “And so are we.”  _

“Again, we just need to lay low somewhere.” Violet paused. “Can you help us? Without calling the police.” 

“Oh!” Josephine gave her a nervous smile, and reached over to pat her on the hand. “I would never call the police here.”

“Really?” Klaus looked relieved. 

“Of course.” Josephine nodded. “I would have to use the phone to do that.”

The Baudelaires fell into a grimly annoyed silence, and Sunny said, “Pleh,” which meant,  _ “Get her help.”  _

“But I must admit, children, I am a bit overwhelmed.” Josephine said. “This is a horribly horrifying situation. Are you quite sure you’ll be safe here?” 

Violet smiled grimly, glancing around the kitchen, and then she said, “I seriously doubt Olaf will think we’re with you.” 

“Well, if you think so…” Josephine paused. “I’m afraid I’m not prepared for guests.” 

“We have our own food that should last about a week.” Klaus said. “And we have money to buy more.” 

“Well…” Josephine paused. “I believe I do have an empty room you all can sleep in. And it may be nice to have someone in the library to study with.” 

Klaus brightened. “You have a library?” 

“Yes! It’s full of all the books on grammar it can hold.” 

Klaus deflated. “Grammar?” 

“Yes! My greatest joy in life, I believe I said? What do you think, don’t you agree?” 

“Um.” Klaus gave Violet a look. “Yes.” 

“I want to die.” Violet said. 

She flopped onto the bed, groaning. There was a guest room with two, and they’d managed to fill a basket with blankets for Sunny to sleep in, though it seemed more likely she’d sleep on Klaus’s pillow. 

_ “This  _ is our safehouse?” Violet said, staring at the ceiling, trying to make sense of it all. “That woman is scared of her own shadow!” 

“Well,” Klaus said carefully, “At least she’ll be scared of Olaf when he arrives and she’ll get us out of here.” 

“If she doesn’t fend for herself.” Violet rolled onto her stomach, shooting her brother a look. “It’s what we would do.” 

“Mother and Father appointed her a safehouse for a reason.” Klaus said, flipping open his commonplace book. “Who knows? Maybe she was braver when her husband was alive.” 

“Is her husband dead?” 

“Ike doesn’t seem to be here.” 

“Could be on a trip.” 

“I dunno. I haven’t seen anything that suggests more than one person lives here. Sunny, any thoughts?” 

Sunny bit onto the edge of the pillow and shook her head, causing the pillow to fly around a bit, some stuffing flying into the air. 

“Well, we can make the best of it.” Klaus said hesitantly. “We just have to hold on until our parents escape.” 

“...yeah. Until they escape.” Violet said quietly. She laid down, curling up around her own pillow, and said, “What are the next safehouses again?” 

Klaus flipped his commonplace book back to the first page. “After the Anwhistles? The VFD Hideout in Paltryville- remember, that’s the one father says doesn’t have much contact with main headquarters, and the volunteers positioned there would be sympathetic.” 

“Yeah, they owe Mother and Father for some shit.” Violet waved her hand. “That it?” 

“Prufrock Preparatory School.” Klaus read. “And…  _ that’s  _ it.” 

“Well, hopefully they catch up to us here.” Violet said. 

Sunny spat out the pillow, crawled onto Klaus’s lap, and then faced Violet. “Vee?” she asked, and Violet sighed. 

“Klaus, how do we explain VFD to a toddler?” 

“How did Mother and Father explain it to us?” 

“I don’t know, I was  _ eight.”  _

Klaus sighed. “Well, Sunny… sometimes people band together into groups. To learn the same things, or protect each other.” 

“Yee.” 

“And sometimes those groups can turn… bad. They convince you that if you ever leave the group bad things will happen, and then make you do dangerous things for them, or give up your money and life for them.” 

“Vee?” 

“Yeah, that’s VFD.” Violet said. “Mother and Father were given to the organization when they were young children, and raised there, so they didn’t know anything but serving VFD. They did… bad things, not knowing how bad they were.” 

“And they tried to leave,” Klaus said, “And then people found out about the bad things, and… and Lemony was trying to clear their names…” 

“So that we could stop running.” Violet sighed. “But they can’t tell anyone about VFD, because it’s very secret, and good at covering its tracks.” 

“Scary.” Sunny said. 

“Yeah.” Violet nodded. “But we don’t have to fear. Mother and Father will get us, and we’ll… we’ll find some other way to clear their names.” 

“And avoid VFD.” Klaus said. 

Sunny quietly nodded, and then nuzzled against Klaus’s chest. “Tired.” 

“Go to sleep, Sunny.” he smiled and ran a hand through her hair. “We’ll be right here.” 

Violet glanced at the ground, and then nodded. “Always.” She curled up on her bed, and said, “Goodnight, Klaus. Let me know if you want me to come over there.” 

“Goodnight, Violet.” 

He rolled over, too, cradling Sunny in his arms. Violet laid on her bed, but faced them. She waited until she heard their snores before quietly getting up, sliding her socks against the wood floor to prevent noise. She crept past her siblings, knowing they were, like her, light sleepers, so she’d have to be very quiet. 

She moved into the hall, before peering through doors. Searching. 

It took a while, but she finally found the library. It was a sprawling room, shaped pretty circular, with most of the walls made up of shelves. She stepped through, and her eyes locked on the far wall- a round, tall panel of glass, behind which was a rather impressive view of the lake. Violet wasn’t one for aesthetics- even if she didn’t live on the run, she didn’t see the point in caring about the appearance of something if it was functional- but even she had to admit, it looked gorgeous. She moved to the window and slid to her knees, putting a soft hand against the glass as she stared at the rushing waves, reflecting the waning moon ahead, and the sprinkle of stars surrounding. 

It looked black, the lake beneath her, but she could still make out the waves, to and fro, to and fro. She remembered once, she was sitting on the beach on her father’s lap, playing with some shells she found. She asked, if she threw the shell into the water, would the waves push it back? He’d smiled and said, “Yeah. It might take a while, depending on if it sinks or floats, or how the waves are moving, or if something hits it, but it’ll be back. Could take a few seconds, could take a few years. But everything washes up eventually.” 

“Everything comes back.” Violet whispered to herself, once again looking at the waves beneath her. 

Then she stood and moved to the shelves, running her hand over the spines of the books, eyes narrowed. She knew what she was looking for- she knew where and how people hid things in libraries. Sure enough, halfway across the wall, there was part of the shelf indented behind the rest. She grabbed the edges and yanked, pushing it back into the wall. 

Behind it, above her, was a portrait of a man Violet guessed was probably Ike. Well, added to the “dead” theory. Beneath that was a safe, which piqued her interest much more. 

She knelt down, feeling around the fob and fuming a little. There’d be a thousand different combinations to try… 

Well, good thing she had Klaus. And, well, if he couldn’t get it open, she could just invent something to break the door off. 

She stood up, sliding the shelf back into place. Soon as Josephine was gone, she and Klaus could break into that no problem. She kept moving around the room, looking for something else suspicious. She paced from one wall to the next, scanning titles and trying to see if there was anything she could investigate now. But most of the books seemed to be about grammar, so they were probably just boring. 

Then she spotted a book, a bit tilted on the shelf, that didn’t have any writing on the spine. She pulled it out, noticing that it was quite tall, and bound with a ribbon. Perhaps a scrapbook? She slipped off the ribbon and flipped it open- yes, scrapbook. 

She knelt on the ground, flicking through pages. Pictures of Josephine and Ike, her fishing, skydiving… shit, wrestling lions. She  _ did _ used to be cool. The photos weren’t very interesting, but she kept on, until she reached somewhere in the middle of the book, and froze. 

There were photos of some of Josephine’s friends- people she didn’t recognize, for the most part. But in the center was a picture taken of three people at a picnic on the beach- maybe sixteen or seventeen years old. 

She recognized her mother first, with the shape of her eyes and face, so similar to Klaus, and the waves as her hair fell over her shoulder, tied into a ponytail. Sitting cross-legged on the far left was her father, with his glasses and slight curl in his hair, and the way he smiled that looked so much like Sunny. He was sitting beside his future wife, a book on his lap, looking like he’d only just glanced up at Josephine behind the camera. 

She didn’t recognize the third person beside them- a boy about their age, his face a little blurred. But he had an arm around Beatrice, and had a frown on his face, like he was very invested in a conversation that the other two thought was humorous. 

It was funny. That was the same frown she got, when Klaus was annoying her. She’d seen that same look, when she glared into a mirror while something was going wrong with her latest invention. 

Hmm, she must have picked up that look from one of her parents, who got it from him… that had to be Lemony Snicket, then. 

Her parents must miss him a lot. 

Slowly, Violet put the photos away, taking a deep breath, and tried not to think about the obvious question: without him, would they be on the run forever? 


	14. An Incident at the Marketplace

**CHAPTER FOURTEEN**

_ An Incident at the Marketplace _

Violet was very quiet for the next several days with Josephine. The kids didn’t have much to do that didn’t involve giving Josephine a heart attack, so they mostly just sat around in her library. Klaus tried desperately to find the grammar books interesting, while Josephine tried to teach grammar and English to Sunny, who instead found hardcovers to bite on. Violet, meanwhile, had taken out her own commonplace book, and kept either scribbling furiously or doodling, with her ribbon keeping her hair back. She wouldn’t let Klaus see what she wrote, but she would show him and Sunny her drawings- usually blueprints for another invention, or a sketch of something nearby, like a book or Sunny asleep on the table. A few times she drew the sea, and she always got a distant look in her eyes as she did. 

Every now and again, they’d ask Josephine how she knew their parents, or about Ike, or if they could  _ please  _ show her how the oven worked, but she always changed the topic, so they eventually gave up. 

Finally, one day, Klaus asked about Lake Lachrymose, and Josephine’s eyes did the same thing as Violet’s, where she looked like she’d fallen into a distant, but fond, memory. 

“Oh, I grew up on these shores, you know.” Josephine said. “I know every cave and curve, from the Lavender Lighthouse, above Curdled Cave, to the edge of the Fickle Ferry’s route.” 

“Could we go swimming?” Violet asked, as she bounced Sunny on her knee. “I’d love to skip rocks again, and-” 

“Oh, no.” Josephine shook her head. “No, I can’t go near the lake now. I can only bear to view it from this window.” 

The Baudelaires shot each other tired looks. Klaus said, “I know lakes and similarly deep-water locations can be dangerous, but if you know it so well-” 

“Oh, it’s not that.” Josephine said. Then, she leaned over and whispered, “It’s the leeches.” 

“The… what?” Klaus asked. 

“The Lachrymose Leeches.” Josephine shivered. “They’re quite different from normal leeches, you see- these leeches live only in Lachrymose Lake, and they will eat anything that even remotely smells of food. You have to wait one hour after eating to go swimming or they will swarm and-” she cut herself off, dabbing her eyes with a handkerchief. “I’m sorry, children. It’s not grammatically correct to end a sentence with ‘and.’ But I just get very emotional-” 

“That’s how Ike died?” Klaus asked. “Leeches?” 

Josephine jumped, and Violet hit him on the shoulder. 

That night, Violet signalled for Klaus to stay awake. They sat on the other side of her bed, with Sunny sitting on Violet’s lap and biting the handle of a knife, and Violet said, “I need your help with something. I was hoping to wait until Josephine was out of the house, but the dumb bitch never seems to leave.” 

“What’s going on?” Klaus asked nervously. 

“Josephine’s got a safe hidden in her library.” Violet said simply. Klaus didn’t even react; they expected secrets everywhere. “I’ve been hoping you could help me crack the code. I could invent something to bust it open, but that’d make noise and leave damage and Josephine would know.” 

“What’s the combination like?” 

“Dial. I think four numbers.” 

Klaus considered. “It has to be something she’d remember. But she doesn’t seem too into numbers, just words.” 

“We could use the A1Z26 cipher.” Violet said. “But it’d have to be a short word, especially if one of the letters is past i-9, which would make it two numbers.” 

“What does she like?” Klaus narrowed his eyes. “Grammar.” 

“Cold soup.” 

“Not telling us anything.” 

Sunny looked up, stopping her biting for a moment, and said, “Ike.” 

Violet and Klaus looked at each other, and then smiled a little. “Good work, Sunny.” Violet said. “Let’s go.” 

They got up, racing to the library. Violet opened the trick bookshelf quickly, and Klaus knelt by the safe, muttering the numbers for I-K-E. Once he got it, he turned the handle, and the safe clicked open. 

“Easy enough.” Klaus said. 

“See,” Violet joked, reaching into the safe, “This is why I keep you around.” She pulled out a file, which she flipped open. “Hmm. Photos of her not being a scaredy-cat.” Like in the scrapbook. 

“Is she jumping out of a plane?” 

“For fun.” Violet nodded. “Yeah, she did used to be interesting. What else is in there?” 

Klaus looked in. “Sheet music. Box of crackers. This book-thing- oh, hey.” 

He pulled out the book, and showed it off to Violet. The title, spelled out very clearly on the large, dark cover, was  _ The Incomplete History of Secret Organizations.  _

“Okay. So,” Violet pulled Sunny onto her lap, and said, “Is this a good or bad thing?” 

“Means she’s in VFD.” 

“But she hid it away. Meaning she’s trying to get out.” 

“Not good for us, considering what happened when Mother and Father tried to leave.” 

“Whazzit?” Sunny asked, confused. 

“But it means we’re safe from ankle-snatching bastards.” Violet shrugged. “Listen, if she’s hiding this shit away,” she held up the file, waving it a bit, “It means she doesn’t want to think about her past. We’re safe for the time being. Eventually Mother and Father will get here and then we don’t have to talk to her again.” 

Klaus sighed, and then said, “I guess.” 

“Well,” Violet groaned, standing up and lifting Sunny with her, “Let’s get back to bed. Aunt Jo said we’re hurricane shopping tomorrow, so maybe we can convince her to get hot food.” 

“Not gonna happen.” 

“Then we’ll swipe some when she’s not looking and make it ourselves. No biggie. And you, Sunshine, should be asleep.” 

Sunny huffed. “Ekaw,” she said, which meant,  _ “But you’re awake.”  _

“Yeah, but I’m old enough to make bad life decisions. Sleep time.” 

The next morning, at the market, Violet and Klaus tried to stick by Aunt Josephine, but she seemed scared of practically everything in the town. It was good that the lakeside was basically empty, or they’d worry about making a scene and attracting unwanted attention. Klaus held Sunny in his arms instead of in his bag, letting her point towards food she wanted- and, when Josephine wasn’t looking, letting her grab something to stuff into his pocket. 

Violet kept untying and retying her ribbon in her hair, both bored by the market they had to walk through so slowly and too stimulated by how many aisles of carts they walked past, all with different smells and vendors shouting what they were selling and bright signs and even some which had other, loud noises. Sunny and Klaus were too focused on grabbing what they wanted without paying, like they normally did, that they weren’t noticing how loud everything seemed to be. 

“Josephine,” Violet muttered, shoving her ribbon into her pocket and turning back to their current guardian, “Perhaps we could get something to cook for you. Klaus and I know how to make several very quick meals, and as fast as they are, it’s hard to mess them up.” 

“Oh, no, no.” Josephine shook her head. “I’m eager to try this recipe for cold lime stew.” 

“Nuki,” Sunny said, meaning,  _ “I think I’d rather eat something hot, or bite your arm off.”  _

“No, no, Sunny,” Josephine said firmly, looking up from her shopping list. “‘Nuki’ isn’t a word. Remember what we said about using correct English. Now, Violet, would you please get some cucumbers? I thought I would make chilled cucumber soup again sometime next week.” 

Violet groaned outwardly, giving Josephine the side-eye, and then she moved down another aisle in search of cucumbers. She had no idea where they were- she didn’t know this fucking town!- but likely they’d be around the other vegetables. Things should be organized normally, right? A vender was selling canned soup which would be amazing if she could just fucking  _ cook it.  _ She retied her hair again, wondering if she could take apart the oven and force Josephine to see it was fine. For a few moments, she was so lost in her inventing thoughts that she didn’t look where she was going until she walked right into someone. 

“Oh, I’m sorry-” Violet started to stay, and then she looked up, and froze over. 

Turning around to look at her, with a shiny gleam in his eye, was a tall, thin man in a blue sailor had and black eye patch covering his left eye, as well as a thick wooden peg leg. But even with the peg leg and the eye patch and the sailor outfit, she could see his shiny eyes and the one eyebrow snaking underneath the patch and the long, bony fingers that drumming on a nearby table, slightly rattling a bottle of olives. 

“You.” she breathed. 

“Why, hello, dear lady.” Count Olaf said, a strange tone as he adopted some kind of sailor’s accent. “Didn’t see you there.” 

His beady, uncovered eye was staring down at her as if she were a brightly wrapped birthday present that he couldn’t wait to rip open. Violet had seen that look before, and she immediately reached for her pocket to grab her knife. 

“Violet!” she heard Josephine call behind her, but she didn’t turn, keeping her eyes on the dangerous man in front of her. “What are you doing in this aisle? These people are selling food that must be heated, and you know-” 

When she saw Count Olaf she stopped speaking, and for a second Violet thought she’d recognized him, too. But then she smiled, and Violet felt a boiling fury inside her. 

“Hello,” said Count Olaf, smiling at Josephine, “I was just apologizing for running into your sister here.” 

Klaus and Sunny ran up, then, and Klaus said, “Sorry we wandered behind, we saw-  _ fuck, that’s Count Olaf!”  _

“Yeah, no shit, Klaus.” Violet said. “Stay behind me.” 

Josephine scoffed, and said, “Violet! Don’t be rude!” she gestured to the Count in front of them. “This nice man is clearly not Count Olaf. Look at him! He’s a sailor.” 

“Captain Sham, my lady.” Olaf made a bow, and as he did, he shot a sneaky, smug look to Violet. 

“Alright, fucker,” Violet pushed Klaus and Sunny back slightly as Sunny hissed, and then she pulled out her pocketknife, flipping it open and pointing it at him. 

“Violet!” Josephine gasped, as Olaf stood back up, not concerned. “What did we say about sharp objects?” 

“If you’re really a pirate captain,” Violet said, “Then I assume that peg leg is real.” 

“As real as I am, miss.” Olaf said. “If you could put the knife away, nice girls shouldn’t be playing with those.” 

“I’m not a nice girl.” Violet said, stepping towards him. “So if it’s real, I can just swipe at it with this knife, and there’ll be no leg under it for me to sever off, causing you to bleed out until you tell us where the  _ fuck our parents are, you bastard!”  _

“Violet!” Josephine nearly shrieked, and she grabbed Violet’s arm, yanking her back. Surprised, Violet nearly swung the knife at her, recovering quickly enough to keep herself from harming their guardian. “I’m sorry, sir, she must be confused.” 

“Well,” Olaf said, smiling again at Violet, “Sometimes young girls are like that when they travel too much. I find it’s best to keep them in one place to avoid hallucinations.” 

Violet tugged at Josephine’s hand, but Josephine kept a firm grip on her, and Violet groaned as Josephine carefully plucked the knife from her hand and tossed it to the ground. “There. Now nobody can get hurt.” 

“Bet.” Sunny said. 

“Josephine, that’s Count Olaf! He’s in disguise.” Klaus said. “He’s after us!” 

“Now, Klaus, be nice to Captain Sham and don’t play along with your sister’s-” 

He turned to Violet, asking with his eyes if he should start crying, and Violet nodded. Klaus then burst into tears, and taking the cue, Sunny did, too. 

“Please, Josephine-” Klaus began. 

“Oh, now, Klaus,” Josephine released Violet, putting an arm around him. Violet turned to Olaf, as if to rush him, only to see, to her horror and frustration, that while Josephine’s back was turned, he had picked up her knife. He twirled it in his hands, giving her a clear look that dared her to try anything. 

“Best be gettin’ the young boy home, miss.” Olaf said, hiding the knife as Josephine turned to him. “Seems the sea air’s done somethin’ to him.”

“I’m very sorry-” 

“Captain Sham.” Olaf pulled a laminated card from his pocket, handing it over. The Baudelaires gave him glares as Josephine read it over. “Sailboat rentals.” 

Josephine laughed. “Why, Captain Sham! You’ve made a grammatical error.” 

“What?” Olaf said, raising his eyebrow. 

“It says here, ‘Captain Sham’s Sailboats. Every boat has it’s own sail.’ There should not be an apostrophe over ‘it’s,’ as that signals ‘it is.’ You mean simply I-T-S, ‘belonging to it.’ It’s a very common mistake, Captain Sham, but a dreadful one.” 

Captain Sham’s face darkened, and it looked for a minute like he was going to attack; Violet moved to grab Klaus’s hand. But then he smiled and said, “Thank you for pointing that out. Perhaps, dear lady, you can explain more about grammar to me tonight, over dinner.” 

“No!” Violet said. 

“Now, Violet, please quiet down. Let the adults speak.” Josephine said. She turned back to Olaf and said, “I’d be happy. We could go to that new fried egg place, if you so wish.” 

“Wonderful. Where do you live? I’ll pick you up  _ very soon.”  _ He looked to the kids there, and Violet felt like she was going to be sick. 

“Josephine, don’t-” Klaus began, through his forced tears. 

“Right at the top of the hill.” Josephine giggled. “I’ll go get a new shawl and drop the children off.” 

“Yes. They can rest.” Olaf said. “Who knows what could happen to them in the wide open world?” 

“Go to hell, bastard.” Violet said. 

“Violet!” 

“Our parents  _ will _ beat your ass, and they’ll find us, and you’re going to-” Violet spat. 

“Violet, please!” Josephine shook her head and tutted. “Children have no manners these days. If you’ll excuse us, Captain Sham…” 

She turned and pulled the kids along with her. Violet shot a hateful glare back at Olaf, who just smiled innocently at her. 

Once they reached the house, Josephine said, “I know you children have had quite the terrifying life. But that doesn’t mean you can be rude to kind sailors at the market.” 

“That wasn’t a kind sailor! That was Count Olaf!” Violet protested. 

“Please,” Klaus sniffled, “Listen to us!” 

“Children, go lie down.” Josephine insisted. “Captain Sham must be right, the excessive travel is making you-” 

“Did you seriously  _ buy _ that?” Klaus temporarily snapped out of his fake tears. “That’s ‘female hysteria’ bullshit!” 

“Klaus!  _ Go lie down!  _ I will go get ready for dinner.” she paused. “Why don’t I make you all chilled cucumber soup, so that you have something to eat while I’m out?” 

Violet took a deep breath, and then spun on her heel and stalked off without another word. 

Klaus raced after her, and Sunny asked, “Ato?” which meant something akin to,  _ “What do we do?”  _

“I’m working on it.” Violet muttered. 

“Gui!” Sunny shouted as they made their way into their bedroom, meaning,  _ “How could she fall for that phony disguise?”  _

“Mother and Father told us often that disguises are an easy way to sneak around simple people.” Klaus said. 

“Well, good to know that Josephine is a  _ dumbass!”  _ Violet sat on the bed, and pulled out her ribbon, tying her hair back as tight as she could. She took a deep breath, and thought. 

She remembered, when she was about eight, her Mother had sat her down and tried to help her figure out better ways to manage her anger, after she’d punched a kid who threatened Klaus at the playground. One of the things that had worked was just letting her inventing mind go off on plans, keeping her focus on different ideas instead of on the first impulse to attack. She clasped her hands together, sitting cross-legged, and keeping her eyes shut, even as Sunny crawled onto her lap. 

Klaus sat beside her on the bed, bouncing the mattress slightly. “Ideas?” 

Violet considered what they had at their disposal. The house had little electricity, was situated above a lake… perhaps they could push Olaf through the library window, but he could grab one of their ankles and pull them with him. Josephine didn’t have anything very sharp or heavy… the only dangerous thing around the lake was- 

“I have an idea.” Violet said after a minute, smiling as she opened her eyes. “I need you guys to distract Josephine. If Olaf comes,  _ keep him here.”  _

“What are you going to do?” 

“I’m going to get our weapon.” Violet pulled Sunny off of her lap, putting the baby on a pillow, and she stood up, stretching slightly. “What we’re going to do, is we’re going to  _ beg _ to go to dinner with Josephine and Olaf. We’re  _ so _ sorry, we made a mistake, we feel  _ so  _ bad for insulting Captain Sham.” 

“That’s gonna be hard to fake.” 

“We’ll manage. Then at the restaurant, we’ll get him to take us for a walk by the pier.” 

“That’s asking for him to kidnap us.” 

“Exactly. Once lulled into a false sense of security, as we walk by the ocean, you trip him into the water.” 

“So he swims back and strangles us.” 

“No, so I throw our weapon at him. In the water, he’ll be helpless.” 

“What  _ weapon,  _ Vi? A weight?” 

Violet smiled and shook her head. She reached into Klaus’s bag, pulling out a small, glass jar, as well as a small snackbag. 

“The Lachrymose Leeches.” 


	15. Violet at the Lake

**CHAPTER FIFTEEN**

_Violet at the Lake_

Klaus was a bit skeptical. “It’s not gonna be pleasant to watch a man be eaten alive.” 

“It won’t be pleasant to be captured either.” Violet shrugged. She opened the snackbag, saying, “Obviously I won’t eat these, but a few drops in the water should attract their attention. I’m going to crawl under the house, where the lakeside is, and summon a couple. It should be easy to snag a few, and then once we have them, they’ll attack Olaf when I dump them in the water, as he’ll have just eaten.” 

“Can’t I come with you? It could be dangerous.” 

“It will be, which is why you need to stay here. Someone has to keep Olaf and Josephine in place until I return, and more people in the water will attract leech attention we _don’t_ want.” 

“I just- don’t know if I want you out there alone.” 

Violet smiled and put a hand on his cheek. “Hey. I know. I’m not super into leaving you here, either. But if we don’t kill Olaf, he kills us. You know?” 

“Yeah…” Klaus nodded, and then moved to the bed, picking up Sunny. “What should we do?” 

“Keep Josephine _here._ And keep your bag with you, in case the plan goes wrong. I’ll be right back with our leeches.” Violet slung her bag over her shoulder, and said, “See you in a sec.” 

And with that, she was off. 

Klaus sat at the kitchen table, and he continued, “So, Lindley Murray developed his study in the nineteenth century of the role of language in European countries, concluding that Latin was distinguished from the Ancient Greek approach.” 

Josephine nodded, stirring the soup, as Sunny sat beside her and watched, cocking her head in interest. “Yes, good memorization, Klaus. And what were the two grammar books published in 1711-” 

“ _A Grammar of the English Tongue_ by John Brightland and _Essay towards a Practical Grammar Usage_ by James Greenwood.” 

“Yes! You’ve been keeping up your studies.” 

Klaus sighed. _Well, nothing else to do here._ “Yeah.” he paused, and then said, “Josephine, when was the last time you talked to our parents?” 

Josephine shook her head. “Oh, it was long ago.” 

“Yeah, what happened?” 

“I’d rather not discuss the past.” 

Klaus shared an incredulous glance with Sunny, who crawled off the counter and onto the floor. “You know, sometimes talking about scary things can make them seem not so scary anymore.” 

“That’s not entirely true.” 

“Well, it works.” Klaus fiddled with his hands, bouncing his leg. “When I was five, I talked to my Dad about wild wolves, and I realized they’re only scary if you’re on their territory. There are plenty of people who work with wolves and find them to be quite friendly if you’re not a threat.” 

“Yes, but the second you’re seen as a threat, you’re in the middle of a pack of wolves.” Josephine sighed. She stirred the soup some more, and then said, “Where’s Violet?” 

“I-in her room.” Klaus said. “You know, resting. She… feels bad about being so rude.” 

“Yes, rudeness is quite…” 

“Rude?” 

“And where’s Sunny?” 

“Oh, she…” Klaus paused, looking down at the ground. 

Shit. 

“Hold on a moment.” Klaus got to his feet, and quickly left the room. He glanced up and down the hallway, his heart beating quite a bit faster. “Sunny?” 

He didn’t hear a response, and immediately everything that could go wrong jumped to the forefront of his head, along with the dark, haunting image of Sunny in a cage, pounding on the bars, screaming, while Klaus was held back, and he couldn’t move, he couldn’t _get to her…_

“Sunny!” he called, and ran to the nearest room, throwing open the door and peering in. No baby. _“Sunny!”_

A panic rose in his chest, and he ran to the next room, and then the next, still shouting for his sister. He bust down every door, holding pulling the straps on his bag as tight as possible so it couldn’t fall and slow him down, every empty room increasing his fear. _Is this how Josephine feels all the time? Fuckin hell…_

_“Sunny!”_

He finally raced into a room, and breathed a sigh of relief when he saw his little sister sitting by the edge of a bed, gnawing on the wood. She looked up in surprise, and Klaus sighed, leaning against the doorway. “Don’t _scare_ me like that, Sunny!” 

She mumbled an apology, and he moved forwards, kneeling beside her. “Why are you here, anyway? There’s plenty of things to teethe on in the kitchen, where we’re supposed to be.” 

“Sirrah,” Sunny shook her head, _“I’m not teething at the moment; my teeth have come in fine.”_

“Well, then, why’d you run off?” 

She sighed, and then looked up at Klaus and said, “Letom.” _“Do you remember when we were in that motel for a few weeks, and Mother and Father told us that if we had to hide, not to go under the bed?”_

“Because robbers will look for valuables there first,” Klaus nodded, “And when people don’t want to have something in plain sight, they put it-” 

“Seeka yit.” Sunny nodded, and she grabbed Josephine’s navy bedspread and lifted it, crawling under. 

“Sunny, she already has a safe, why would anything be under the-” Klaus began. 

“Found!” Sunny called. 

“What? Lemme see!” 

Sunny pushed a large book from beneath the blanket, and Klaus picked it up. An atlas of Lake Lachrymose. Sunny pushed another book out, and Klaus sighed as he lifted it. “A biography of Ivan Lachrymose, Lake Explorer.” he said. “It- hold on, I think there’s some papers stuffed in here-” he shook the book, and some typewritten sheets fell. But after looking over them a moment, he said, “Nevermind, this just seems to be a building committee transcript. Boring as the rest of the book.” 

“Found!” Sunny repeated, and then she crawled out and held out some kind of metal tube in her small hand. “Thing!” 

“Lemme see.” Klaus dropped the book, taking the tube, and flipped it over in his hands, seeing the VFD eye emblazoned on the cover. “Oh! It’s a spyglass.” 

“Pygla?” Sunny asked. 

“It’s like a telescope, but these dials can give you extra shit.” Klaus explained. He bit his lip, and said, “Mother and Father didn’t show me all of them- they’ve got one, probably still with them- but if you turn the dials this way- see, it heats up!”

The lid flipped open, and a red, warm light glowed out. Sunny _oo_ ed and held out a hand, feeling the heat. “Oose.” she said. 

“You’re right, that could be useful.” Klaus nodded, before shuffling the spyglass back to normal and closing it up. “Think we should steal it?” 

“Whyno?” 

“You’re right. Not like she’ll miss it. Was there anything else under there?” 

Sunny nodded, and crawled back under the bed. She returned, pushing a large, leather-bound book ahead of her. Klaus flipped it open, looking down at the loopy handwriting. “It’s Josephine’s.” 

“Wympi?” 

“Yeah, it does seem like a diary.” 

“Ree?” 

Klaus sighed, and glanced at the door. “Well, Josephine’s busy in the kitchen. Might as well see what secrets are in here, huh?” 

“Yee!” 

What they did not think of, as they were flipping open the diary, was that they were supposed to be in the kitchen distracting Josephine, and that if Josephine wandered into the library, looking for the children, her window would give her a great view of the beach. 

They also did not notice the storm brewing outside. 

Violet crept down to the water, trying to stifle her fear. She didn’t know much about these leeches, only what Josephine had told her, but she was able to decipher that they were quite dangerous and fast-acting. She hadn’t eaten in over an hour, though, so _she_ would likely be safe, so long as she didn’t hold onto the snackbag too long. She knelt by the water, and tore open the bag, scattering some mix into the waves. Then she pulled out Klaus’s jar, filling it about halfway with water, then sprinkling a few bits of mix into it. Then she watched the waves, and she waited. 

It started raining a bit, but she didn’t mind. She quite liked the rain, actually. Even as it started pouring, and the wind picked up, she kept waiting in unbothered silence. She wondered, after a few quiet minutes, if the rain scared the leeches off, or if she was too close to the shore for the leeches to smell the food. Maybe she should’ve gone out a bit farther; she had a bit of mix left, she could do that. She waded into the waves, scattering food around before backing a bit farther, to keep a safe distance from the leech bait. The last thing she wanted was to be attacked by angry leeches while trying to get rid of Count Olaf. 

She paused, then, wondering where Count Olaf was now. Perhaps he was on his way over already, or at the house and being distracted by Klaus and Sunny. Or maybe, she shivered, he was with their parents, taunting them, _harming_ them. “Don’t worry,” she whispered to no one, hugging herself a little as the droplets continued to pour onto her, “You’ll be free soon.” 

Violet shut her eyes, letting her imagination run off with her. She just wanted her parents _back._ For the last few days, she’d had little doubt they’d escape- they were Beatrice and Bertrand _fucking_ Baudelaire, they could escape anything. But, well… it had been a while. Their parents hadn’t left them alone this long, and they _had_ to know where the safehouses were. Surely they’d be here by now. 

_Stop having doubts. They’ll be fine._ She trusted them, she _knew_ them, she knew that once Olaf was dead they’d come get them, and they’d be okay again- it didn’t matter if they had to go back on the run and back into hiding and never live a normal life again, because normal was just whenever they were together. She wanted to play cards with her parents and hug them and tell them she _knew_ they’d get out and now they could protect her again and she wouldn’t have to be in charge of Klaus and Sunny and have to wade into an ocean, listening for dangerous leeches. 

Listening… for… 

Lost in her thoughts, she only just now started back to reality. There was something behind her, splashing as it came closer… but it didn’t sound like leeches, it was too big, too lumbering, almost like footsteps- 

She opened her eyes just as, quick as a whip, an arm wrapped around her chest and yanked her back. Violet let out a piercing shriek, but after only a second a filthy hand clamped over her mouth, muffling her voice. 

“I was starting to wonder if you brats ever separated.” Olaf hissed into her ear. 

Violet tried very hard to push back the frightened tears that sprang to the edge of her eyes, and she kicked back, trying to wrestle her way out of his reach. Instead, he tightened his grip on her, pulling her way too close. She started flailing, trying just to break his hold, to bite his hand, to get away. _Think, Violet, how do you get out of this situation?_

“Now what are you doing all the way out here?” Olaf asked, seemingly not caring how hard she was struggling against him. “Trying to take a swim in the rain? Or are you escaping out this way? I thought you might try to run before I got Josephine out of the house, so it’s a good thing I arrived early, isn’t it?” 

Violet kept trying to scream through his mouth. She managed to stamp hard on his foot, but instead of releasing her, he snarled and moved quickly, pushing her down. Violet felt a hard, sharp jolt as her back hit the water and then the rocks beneath, and only barely managed to shut her eyes before her head went under the waves. 

She felt a rush around her, water pouring around her face and ears. It was incredibly hot, probably just due to the shock of it, but that didn’t stop her from feeling as if she was being boiled for a moment. Salt lapped across her face, up her nose, and the hand over her mouth released only for an instant, water rushing into that, too, as she instinctively tried to scream. It tasted bitter, sour, _sick._

When she was seven, they stayed in a town very near to the ocean. There was a rental beach house that Beatrice found out would be empty for a week, and they roomed there, with a great view of the sea from the bedroom window. On the first night, Violet, who did not yet realize the difference between saltwater and freshwater, thought they had hit the jackpot on a water source, and one night thought it would be a great idea to fill their empty water bottles while everyone was asleep. She snuck out, slinging water inside and giggling as the waves lapped at her feet. She filled up the bottles, putting them up on the counter before going back to bed. The next morning, she grabbed a bottle and took a swig, and realized her mistake right then, before spitting up in the sink. Klaus had come in just after and did the exact same thing. Violet, feeling like she’d done something wrong, started crying, which caused Beatrice and Bertrand to rush in, scared they were hurt. 

Bertrand picked up Klaus, who wasn’t crying but was looking very confused, and Beatrice knelt by Violet, trying to calm her down. As soon as Violet explained the situation, she burst into laughter and explained the concept of saltwater to her daughter, and that was that. Violet hadn’t thought about that day in years. 

She didn’t know why it came back to her then- well, she supposed swallowing saltwater was the main culprit. But she’d gone to the beach and accidentally inhaled the sharp liquid before, and it hadn’t happened then. 

Maybe it was because she was terrified, and she just wanted her mother to laugh at her daughter’s foolish error, telling her it was no big deal, and she wasn’t in trouble, and everything was going to be fine. 

Violet surfaced the water, and Olaf grabbed her shirt collar, yanking her up close to him. She struggled to breathe, blinking water out of her eyes, still wriggling to try and get away from him. 

“Still got some fight in you.” he _hmm_ ed, and then he pushed her under again. 

And then that sensation was all over her again, but worse. Hotter, scratchier. Water went up her nose and it _hurt_ like hell, even though her eyes were shut she could feel the current press against them, her hair flew into her face and neck, feeling like it was strangling her. The rough hand against her collar flattened, pushing her down under the water, into the blackness and rushing, churning, _hot_ waves. He pressed more against her, his other arm holding hers back so she couldn’t even use those to try to propel herself to the surface or fight him off. 

Then, in a minute, she had surfaced again. But this time she felt the grip on her tighten more, her body forced into a standing position as she coughed up water. 

She heard a distant call- “What is going _on?”_

Violet blinked water from her eyes, the salt stinging and causing tears to start to flow. Her vision was blurry for a moment, as she heard Olaf call, in his false Captain Sham voice, “Ah! Good lady! Your sister ‘ere was takin a swim! Went a bit too deep, I reckon!” 

Her vision finally returned, and Violet saw Josephine standing at the edge of the beach. She glanced quickly down at the water, scuttling backwards to avoid the lapping waves, too fearful to go further. She had to shout in order to speak to the others. “Ah, Captain Sham! Thank you. Now please come back to shore…” 

“No!” Violet gasped, trying to stagger away, but Olaf still had a hold on her arms. “Josephine, _please, help me!”_

“Violet, Captain Sham is getting you out of the water! Now, you know better than to go swimming in a hurricane- or even at all!” 

“He’s Count Olaf! He’s trying to hurt me, _please, Josephine-”_

“Violet, I’ve had enough of this nonsense!” Josephine shouted, and Violet burst into tears as she saw Olaf’s smirk. 

“Please! Please _fucking help us-”_

“Language, Violet! Now come ashore!” 

“Perhaps I could show her how to swim better.” Olaf said, and Violet was unsure if he said it loud enough for Josephine to hear. 

“Captain Sham!” Josephine hesitated, and then stepped a bit closer. “Please bring her asho…” 

Josephine’s voice trailed off, and Violet saw that her head had lowered, her gaze fixed on their legs. Violet looked down, and realized with a start, and a triumphant grin, that Olaf had discarded his peg leg for the swim. 

“Now, Josephine!” Olaf called, and he dropped his false voice. “Why don’t you be a dear and wait for me in the taxi?” 

Josephine’s eyes widened, and she stumbled back. “I- I suppose that might be best…” 

_“Josephine!”_ Violet screamed. “Josephine, Klaus and _Sunny- get them out! Klaus and Sunny-”_

“Shut up about your annoying siblings.” Olaf pulled his arm around her chest again and squeezed, causing her to gasp as her breath was cut off a moment. “We’ll take care of them soon enough.” 

Violet looked to see Josephine start to back farther away from the water, and an anger entered her. “Leave them alone! Leave them _alone!”_

He leaned down closer to her, and she could smell his foul breath as he said, with a dark shine in his eye, _“Make_ me.” 

Violet froze. 

He pulled her arms down, and released her chest so he could pull her hair along with it so that she would meet his eyes. She remained frozen a moment, panic paralyzing her just as it had before, rain pouring down in sheets and pelting her with cold water, the wind blowing against her as if it wanted her to fall right into Olaf’s trap. 

And then the thought of Klaus and Sunny entered her mind, and the thought of her parents, wherever they were. _What would Mother do?_

Violet looked up at him, glared, and spat in his face. 

And within a moment, she was forced underwater again. 

It is very hard to describe the sound you hear when water goes into your ears, but the best Violet could think of at the moment was _pressing._ Pushing, prodding… if those things could be heard, that was what was happening to her, and it was deafening. 

She struggled for air, and a thought hit her. _No. No, I can’t leave Klaus and Sunny like this. No-_

_No…_

All of a sudden, the grip on her released. She heard a distant splash, something or someone falling into the water, but she didn’t pay attention, instead immediately throwing out her arms, pushing _down_ as fast as she could, practically catapulting herself back up to the surface. As soon as her head popped out, she gasped, breathing as deeply as possible. She staggered to her feet, wiping water from her eyes, and then she let out a scream, hoping someone would hear her. 

Then she turned around and realized that someone _was_ there. 

Josephine pushed Violet back as Olaf resurfaced, grabbing the older woman’s arm. She was sopping wet, and her hairnet had fallen, white hair spilling around her face. Waves lapped at her dress as she tugged against Olaf, and she shouted, “Violet! Run!” 

“Wh- Josephine?” 

“Go!” 

Violet stumbled back as Olaf got up, trying to drag Josephine down, and then she heard it. 

The low sound was almost like a quiet whispering, as if people were murmuring secrets in the water. But it was not people approaching. Whether they finally smelled Violet’s food, or if one of the adults had recently eaten, Violet didn’t know, but what she knew was the leeches were coming. 

Violet caught a glimpse of them as they swam forwards; small, black shapes, scarcely longer than a finger. There were hundreds, swarming, and coming very, very close. 

She turned to Josephine, but the woman had frozen in terror, and Olaf was able to thrust her into the water. Violet screamed as he did, and she raced backwards. She grabbed the glass jar she’d dropped, floating in the water, and, without thinking, threw it at Olaf. While it didn’t seem to hurt him much, it did manage to make him lose a bit of balance, which isn’t good when you’re in the ocean. Violet ran for Josephine, grabbing the older woman’s hand and dragging her along as she started racing back to shore. Josephine started screaming something about being terrified, but Violet wasn’t listening, just intent on getting them to safety before… 

Josephine’s hand slipped from hers, but Violet didn’t think much of it, just focusing on getting back to the beach. She skidded across the sand, and only then looked back and realized her mistake. 

Olaf had grabbed Josephine’s arm, and the two were fighting in the ocean. The leeches were drawing closer, and as Violet watched, Olaf threw Josephine farther into the water. 

She didn’t even think, she just started back into the water, racing for a moment, the only thought in her head that _Josephine saved me, I have to save her, even if I have to strangle Olaf myself-_

Then she heard a creak above her. 

She stopped, only a few feet back into the ocean, and she looked up. She hadn’t noticed how horrible the storm had gotten, how fierce the winds were, sharp rain smashing against the rocks around her. 

And against the house. 

Josephine’s house was rocking, the stilts beneath starting to creak and moan. They wouldn’t last long. 

_Klaus and Sunny._

Violet looked back, to see Olaf kicking Josephine, splashing at her, drawing her farther from shore and closer to the leeches. She had no doubt that without help, their guardian would die. 

But she was the eldest Baudelaire sibling, and they were still in that house. 

So she blinked back more tears, and turned and ran. 

As she ran up the hill, she heard the screams begin, just as she started to scream, too. She screamed, not from pain, but from panic, as she caught sight of Josephine Anwhistle’s house falling into the ocean.


	16. Klaus sings a lullaby

**CHAPTER SIXTEEN**

_Klaus sings a lullaby_

Klaus flipped through the book. “Okay, this part is in a code I can read.” 

“Whazzit?” Sunny asked, putting her hands on Klaus’s leg and propping herself up to look at the page. 

“It’s not as interesting as the lion-taming bit.” Klaus sighed. “Just a boring tale of how they went to Lucky Smells Lumbermill. Says… oh! This could be helpful. _‘The Lumbermill is not in the state it used to be, but at least Georgina’s office is still welcoming. Georgina is a brave and noble woman, though sometimes I wonder if her bravery could lead to danger; she seems a bit too loud about her criticisms of our organization.'”_

“Vee.” Sunny said. 

“Yeah, VFD, I presume. They tend not to name it for stupid reasons.” Klaus shrugged. “Hold on, I think I see something about a fire on the next page-”

“Kla?” 

“What?” 

Sunny paused, looking up, and then pointing towards the ceiling. “Whoosh.” she said, which meant something like, _“It’s raining pretty hard.”_

Klaus shivered as he realized she was right. He never liked storms, they always got too loud and overstimulating. “Yeah, it’s hurricane season, Sunny. There’ll…” 

He dropped the book. 

“Kla?” 

“Violet.” he shut his eyes. “Violet is _in the lake_ during _hurricane season._ We are so fucking _stupid._ We’re so _stupid, Sunny, we have to go get her!”_

Sunny’s eyes widened. “Trou?” she asked, which meant, _“Is Violet in danger?”_

“We need to get her _now!”_ Klaus shoved Josephine’s journal back under her bed, though he shoved the spyglass into his pocket, and then he picked up Sunny, shouldering his baby sister. He grabbed his bag, flinging it onto his back, and then took off running. 

When he reached the hallway, though, there was a clap of thunder, and a great gust of wind, and the house shook. Klaus lost his footing, and while he managed to roll so that Sunny landed on his stomach, he hit the ground hard, and he felt a lump in his bag strike against his back, giving him a sharp pain. He gasped, and Sunny screamed, and after he got over the shock, he stumbled to his feet, gripping Sunny tightly to his chest. 

“Sunny, hold _tight_ to me,” he said, “And do _not_ let go under any circumstances!” 

Too afraid to question, Sunny wrapped her tiny arms around him as best she could, and Klaus started running, leaping across the hall to try and get to the doorway to safety, though his main focus was trying to keep a tight grip on his baby sister. Sunny buried her face in his shirt as he stopped, leaning against the wall as the house shook again, in an effort to stay on his feet. He was shaking, too, from the sound of the storm and the vibrations of the house, but he had to stay focused, stay present, for Sunny. She was counting on him, he needed to get them out and to get Violet… 

He ran again, but the house tilted, and he found himself sliding past a swinging-open door. He screamed, clutching Sunny, as something hit him while they fell. He caught sight of a skinny book bouncing off his arm before he crashed right onto something thin, that creaked under his weight. 

Klaus blinked open his eyes, glancing back to realize, with a jolt of horror, that they’d landed against the library window. Around them were several books that had also fallen from the shelves, and he could see the indented shelf bouncing against the others, shaking under the storm. 

“Sunny, keep your eyes shut.” he said, as he reached forwards, gripping onto a floorboard that tilted up slightly, pulling them up away from the window. The last thing they needed was to be on that window when the wind hit harder. Just as Klaus pulled them up, though, the house tilted again, a clap of thunder pounding against Klaus’s ears. They lurched back into a right-side up position, and Klaus felt his bag thump against him, and just then he heard a loud shattering. 

_No._

Sunny screamed, starting to cry, and Klaus felt rain and wind pelt against them. He got to his feet, shaking as the house groaned, and he stumbled forwards, shutting his eyes. He could barely move, with water starting to hit his glasses, fogging them up enough to block his sight, which was an issue, as he was starting to notice the shine of glass shards now on the floor. He could still hear a creaking door, though, so he followed that, praying that they could reach it in time, that they could get out… 

The house jolted again, and Klaus fell to the ground. He used one arm to hold Sunny as the other flew out, scraping against the floorboards as he started to slide towards the open window. He managed to grip the same broken board as before, meaning his feet dangled precariously outside. He kicked to the side on accident, and felt yet another ache, this time in his leg, swiping across his heel, right above his ankle. It took him a moment before the pain finally hit him, and he shoved his head into the floor to muffle the scream before Sunny could hear it, and then he glanced back, seeing a shard of glass, left over from the shattering window, had swiped across him. Droplets of blood mixed with the rain outside, showering into the lake, and Klaus quickly did his best to pull his legs in tight, almost in a fetal position as he gripped to the floorboard for dear life. 

As he held to Sunny, he heard more crashes, felt books slam against him, and felt his leg cry out from the blood still dripping. He did his best to ignore the pelting rain, the screams of the thunderstorm, the shaking of the house beneath him, and the cramping numbness in his hand, starting to slip from the board, threatening to send them fifty feet down into the raging, churning, deadly waters of the lake. 

Just as he thought he couldn’t take it anymore, the house righted itself, and Klaus gasped for air, trying not to let the thunder mixing with Sunny’s sobs break him down. The thunder thankfully died down after a few moments, though, and he shakily stood, wiping his glasses on his sleeve. He wobbled forwards, and then opened his eyes. And then he immediately wished he hadn’t. 

The walls of the library had fallen, giving him the opportunity to see that they were now suspended in the middle of the lake, on a shaky, rickety platform. The hall that led to the doorway had collapsed, leaving a gaping hole to the safety of the cliff, far too wide to jump; the only thing keeping them connected to the cliff was one, wooden, half-broken beam, still being hit by the end of the storm. Worst case scenario, they’d fall into the water. Best case scenario, they’d crash into the side of the cliff and crush themselves. 

They were trapped. 

He started to cry, too, but he kept it quiet, not wanting Sunny to hear. He said, “Sunny, stay calm.” 

Concerned at why he’d say that, Sunny glanced around them, and then let out another scream. 

“It’s okay. It’s okay.” Klaus glanced around the remains of the library, wondering what they could use to get off. There was a decorative anchor against the remains of a corner, a shattered shelf, a few grammatical books, a fire extinguisher, and what seemed to be a curtain cord. He couldn’t do anything with this! He wasn’t Violet, he couldn’t… 

_“Klaus!”_

Relief flooded Klaus as he looked up. The rain had gotten lighter, so he could see the distant figure out his eldest sister, standing at the edge of the cliff. She saw him, she was there… 

“Violet!” he screamed, stepping closer to the edge. “Violet, _help us-!”_

“Klaus, stay calm!” Violet screamed. She looked across the gap, and then said, “What do you have?” 

“What?” 

“What is _there?”_

Klaus paused, and then started shouting again, recapping everything he could see around them. 

He could see Violet’s distant figure tying up her hair, looking down at the stilts holding him and Sunny up. Then she looked back and called, “Put the fire extinguisher under the anchor, and use it to move the anchor to the edge!” 

“What?” he must have misheard her. 

_“Just do it!”_

Klaus shivered, and then knelt down, pulling off his bag. He strapped Sunny to it as tightly as he could, holding her tiny hand as she shook and cried. “It’s okay, Sunny, just hang on.” he said. He then strapped the bag on backwards, so he could see Sunny on his chest instead of praying she remained stationary on his back. He rolled the fire extinguisher to the side of the wall and managed to maneuver the anchor atop it, and then he rolled it to the edge of the wall. 

“Now what?” he called, looking over. 

He could barely make out details of his sister, and the more he saw made him start to worry a bit more. She was sopping wet, her eyes were red, parts of her clothes were torn or muddied, and she was breathing in a choppy, broken way. Her hair remained tied back, though, as she said, “Okay, now drop the anchor, and break that beam!” 

“That beam’s the only thing keeping us here!” Klaus shouted. 

“I _know,”_ Violet screamed, “But it’ll cause the platform to tilt and fall towards the cliff, and you’ll be able to jump.” 

Klaus felt that sharp pain in his ankle again, but he ignored it, shutting his eyes. “Violet, I’m scared.” 

“I know!” her voice broke, then. “I’m scared, too! But I _will_ catch you! I will protect you, okay? Do the scary thing, Klaus! Do the scary thing first-” 

“And get scared later.” Klaus muttered along with her, and then he looked down at Sunny. 

She was looking hopefully up at him, and she said, “Lori,” which meant something like, _“We can do it.”_

Klaus took a deep breath, and then threw the anchor down. He watched as it shattered the beam connecting them to the house, and then he stood upright, backing up slightly to get a head start and wrapping his arms around the infant strapped to his chest. 

The house tilted back a moment, and Klaus was terrified that they’d misjudged the direction it would fall. Then Violet held out her arms, just as the wind pushed the platform closer to her. Klaus started running, terror and adrenaline pushing him forwards, and just as the house fell as close as it would, Violet screamed for them to jump, and Klaus did. 

Violet caught her siblings just as Klaus leapt to the cliffside, and the children fell backwards onto the rocky ground. They heard the crashing of the house behind them, but they didn’t care, just clinging to each other and breathing hard, sobs racking through them. 

It seemed like forever before Violet pulled away, still shaking, her wet hair clinging to her skin. She looked down at her siblings, and then her eyes locked on Klaus’s ankle. “You’re hurt.” 

“It- it’s fine.” Klaus stuttered. He started to stand, and then tumbled, Violet catching him once again. She helped him stand, and then put her hands on his shoulders, thinking hard again. 

“We need to leave.” she said shakily. “We need to get to the next safehouse. Last time we were in town, I saw a truck going to that lumbermill from the back of a warehouse, we’ll wait there for it there and then hitchhike. Can you walk?” 

“Yeah.” Klaus nodded, but when Violet let him go, he stumbled again. Violet carefully sat him down, and then reached into her bag, pulling out a spare ribbon. She bit her lip in concentration as she pulled his ankle up, resting it on her knee, and she used her ribbon to wrap around the wound. 

“We have to hurry,” she said, as she tied it tight enough to make Klaus flinch. “Count Olaf was at the lake, but he could realize where we are and catch up to us at any time. Take my bag.” 

“What?” 

“Take my bag, I’ll take the Sunny bag.” 

“I can carry-” 

“Klaus, trust me. Take my bag.” 

Hesitantly, Klaus nodded, and Violet took his bag off. She smiled at Sunny, pushing the child’s bangs out of her face, and she said, “What are we gonna do when you’re too big for this bag, huh? You’re getting there, it looks tight.” 

Sunny shrugged, blinking away tears, and she said, “Tank you.” 

“For what?” 

“Saved us.” 

Violet shut her eyes, and then smiled a little. “I didn’t save you, Sunny. I just did what was necessary. I’ll do anything to keep you two safe. I promise.” 

She strapped Sunny to her back, telling the young girl to scream if she started to slip. Klaus hesitantly pulled on Violet’s bag, and then yelped with surprise as Violet reached her arms under him and picked him up. 

“Stay still, Klaus.” Violet whispered. “I’m getting us to town. You can rest on the way to the lumbermill, and hopefully you’ll be able to walk by then.” 

“I-” 

“Shh.” Violet stood up, shaking slightly under his weight, but eventually able to take a few steps forward. “We can make it. Just stay calm and let me take care of you.” 

“Violet-” 

“You did so good, Klaus.” Violet hugged him close, as she continued down the hill. “You got you and Sunny safe. Thank you.” 

Klaus leaned against her, starting to shake. The way she held him so close, it reminded him of when he was young, and he’d cry cause something was too loud, and their father would pick him up and rock him. Klaus was a bit big for that now, but… 

“What about Josephine?” 

Violet shut her eyes. “Josephine is dead.” 

“Are you-” 

“I heard it.” Violet shook a little, and Klaus could hear the horror in her voice. “She’s gone. We need to keep moving.” 

Klaus shook a little, before wrapping his arms around Violet’s neck, making it a bit easier for her to carry him. He leaned against her, and softly began to sing. It was an old lullaby that Father used to sing, on those events he’d rock his child just as Violet was holding him. 

_“Short steps, deep breath…”_

Violet, almost unthinkingly, took a deep breath as she continued on. 

_“Everything is alright…”_

Violet sung a bit, too, though it was a bit difficult with how much weight she was carrying. _“Chin up, I can’t… step into the spotlight…”_

Klaus put a hand on her cheek for a moment before returning his arm to her neck, letting her know that he could take care of the song. _“She said, ‘I’m sad,’ somehow without any words. I just stood there, searching for an answer.”_

Violet hummed a little, as they continued down the hill, and down to the town, and onto their next hiding spot. 

_“When this world is no more, the moon is all we’ll see. I’ll ask you to fly away with me. Til the stars all fall down, they empty from the sky. But I don’t mind. If you’re with me, then everything’s alright…”_

Bertrand curled up against Beatrice, playing with her hair. It was filthy by this point, but at least it wasn’t too tangled. He’d been running his fingers through it too much for that. She reached up and grabbed his glasses, cleaning them on the least dirty part of her dress; the fabric she was wearing was a little better than his for the glass, she knew. 

“Do you think it’s true?” she whispered, handing him his glasses back. “Josephine…” 

They’d both heard Olaf bragging outside. They were in some cellar, chained to the wall, just barely out of reach of the trapdoor that could spell freedom. They knew that was intentional. Olaf loved taunting them with the potential of release, of escape, even though it was impossible. He was saying that he’d managed to kill the old woman, and though the children disappeared by the time he got to the remains of her house, he was on their trail. They were leaving soon. Which meant Beatrice and Bertrand would either be knocked out, or separated. They weren’t allowed to travel near each other, in case they had any ideas of escape. 

Bertrand put his chin on Beatrice’s head, feeling her shiver beneath him. He ran his hand through her hair again, and then over her arm, trying not to flinch when he felt bruises. He knew just a soft stroke against her skin would help calm her down, keep her from sobbing. She and Josephine had been close when they were younger, he knew. Closer than he and… well, anyone but Dewey and the Snickets, really. Beatrice was always the more social one. Sometimes he felt horrible when they were on the run, with no one but each other. She said that was all she needed, but he still felt awful. Especially because they’d had to leave their Lemony so far behind, and now he was gone forever. 

“Our children are still safe.” he whispered, stroking her arm again. She leaned more onto his shoulder, shaking more. 

It struck him, for a moment, how similar she was to Klaus; he’d picked up on their son’s mannerisms first, and then realized it extended to her, too. Like how when too many things were happening, they’d shut down, stop talking, just try to process everything in silence. When that happened, they’d curl up against someone or something comforting- Bertrand had noticed first with Klaus, when he got overstimulated as a toddler and would grab onto a stuffed animal, or his nearest parent’s leg, or even Violet- and he allowed himself a smile, remembering that Klaus would latch onto Violet in a hug and Violet would barely notice, continuing to play kitchen or set up the dominos while working around her crying brother. Bertrand hugged his wife, and remembered that it was soon after that he realized Beatrice did the same thing; when they were younger, she’d always run off when upset, so he didn’t realize that she’d run off to have time to herself, to grab onto something soft and let herself calm down, but then they were married, and when she got upset she’d cling to a pillow or bury herself in blankets or, if it was late and the children were asleep and thus didn’t need assistance with anything, she’d cling to him, just as she was now, just wrapping around him and crying into his chest, knowing that he wouldn’t care, that he wouldn’t tell her to calm down or that she was overreacting and needed to straighten up and keep going. That he’d just be _there._

He recalled once that he’d been helping Violet with a puzzle in a hotel once, and it had been storming hard outside; that also happened to be the anniversary of them starting to run, so he and Beatrice had both been quiet all day, not wanting to say anything, to acknowledge what was happening. He’d walked into the other room to grab something for his daughter, only to find that his wife and son had curled up under a blanket fort together, hugging each other and halfway to sleep. 

_“Why do my words always lose their meaning?”_ Bertrand sang quietly, returning his hands to her hair. _“What I feel, what I say, there’s such a rift between them.”_

Beatrice hugged him a little more, curling her legs up. _“He said, ‘I can’t really seem to read you.’”_

_“I just stood there, never know what I should do…”_

Violet sat in the back of the lumbermill’s truck, watching the stars above them. 

It had taken off just as they snuck on the end, and she thought she caught sight of Olaf coming off the beach, his horrible troupe behind him. He was barking out orders, telling them to look for the children, but they were already on their way out. Hopefully they had enough of a head start. 

She had an arm around Klaus, who was almost asleep. Between them was Sunny, who was curled up against her brother while gnawing a little on Violet’s jacket. Their bags were at their knees, thumping a little against the wall of the truck. 

Violet put her head against Klaus, and started to draw her finger around his shoulder. That seemed to be a good stim for him, to keep him calm. And when he was calm, it made her feel a bit better about everything. 

_“When this world is no more,”_ she sang, looking up at the sky, a full moon above them, _“The moon is all we’ll see. I’ll ask you to fly away with me.”_

Klaus sang a little, too, though he was still too tired to open his eyes. He curled up against her, as did Sunny, and they stayed in their little huddle together. 

_“Til the starts all fall down, they empty from the sky- but I don’t mind. If you’re with me, then everything’s alright.”_

_“If you’re with me, then everything’s…”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nIZxh_nc64w


	17. The Baudelaires make it to Paltryville

**CHAPTER SEVENTEEN**

_ The Baudelaires make it to Paltryville _

The children awoke in the back of the truck as it was beginning to slow to a stop. 

Violet blinked open her bleary eyes, letting out a yawn. She stretched, looking down at her sleeping siblings. Sunny was cradled in Klaus’s arm, while he snoozed, his glasses at a crooked angle. She smiled a little, brushing a hair out of Sunny’s eyes, and then she glanced out of the truck. They were in the middle of an old, fading town; everything looked half-empty, with crumbling buildings and only a few people walking here and there. 

Violet scooted over, shaking Klaus until he groaned in annoyance. “Get up. We’re in town.” 

Klaus huffed, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. “Where?” 

“Paltryville. We should jump off before the truck driver notices we’re here.” 

Klaus sighed and nodded. He gently woke Sunny, before strapping her into his bag, while Violet shouldered her own bag and tried to make herself look presentable- which was a bit hard, considering how shitty they all appeared. 

Once everyone was ready, Violet leapt over the side of the truck, and Klaus joined her. When he landed on his injured foot, he hissed and shook slightly, and Violet put an arm around him, helping him walk a little. 

“You feeling better?” she asked cautiously. 

“A little.” Klaus flinched as he took another step. “I can walk fine, it just… hurts a little. I’ll be fine soon.” He glanced down at the makeshift bandage, and whimpered. “Your ribbon-” 

“Hey, it’s fine.” Violet shrugged. “It’s just a spare.” 

“But if you need it-” 

“Then I’ve got a cool bloodstained one.” Violet said, smiling. “Metal.” 

“Metal.” Klaus nodded, but he still looked a bit guilty. 

Violet glanced behind him, at the bouncing baby on his bag. “How you holding up, Sunshine?” 

Sunny shot her a thumbs-up, and then tried to go back to sleep. 

Violet paused when they reached a creaky bench, and sat Klaus down. She curled up, hugging her knees while he stretched his legs, turning his bag around so Sunny was on his chest, and then she asked, “Where are we heading? The lumbermill? That’s the VFD hideout that our parents said’ll be sympathetic to us, right?” 

“That’s what the notebook said, but I don’t fancy being in a lumbermill, you know?” 

“It’ll be safe.” 

Klaus hesitated. “Maybe someone else could be.” 

“Huh?” 

“While you were at the lake,” Klaus explained, turning to face her, “Sunny and I found Josephine’s old journal. She was talking about an old friend- Georgina, some kind of optometrist.” 

“A really happy person?” 

“That’s an optimist. An optometrist is someone who specializes in eye care.” 

“Ah.” Violet nodded, glancing at Klaus’s glasses. 

“She said that Georgina was ‘brave and noble,’ but that she seemed not too fond of VFD.” 

“Which is good for us.” 

“Yeah. We just need to find the optometrist office and see if she’s still there.” 

“And if she’s not?” 

“Then we try our chances with the lumbermill, but I don’t think I’ll be…” Klaus shut his eyes, and then nervously flapped a hand. “I remember when we spent the night behind one that one time, it was  _ so loud,  _ I… I wanted to  _ die,  _ I hated it so much. And-” 

“Okay.” Violet nodded, putting a hand on Klaus’s cheek. “We’ll do our best to avoid the lumbermill. And, hey,” she spread her arms out in a wide gesture. “Everything here looks abandoned, if Georgina is gone then we can just camp out there.” 

“You think?” Klaus asked hopefully. 

Violet smiled and nodded again, and then jumped up. “Here. Let me carry Sunny.” 

“I don’t need-” 

“I won’t carry you again, but you’re injured and shouldn’t be carrying a baby… toddler? She might be getting there.” 

Klaus hesitantly ceded and swapped bags with Violet. Sunny was still trying to sleep and thus didn’t protest much, so Violet slid on the backpack and then put an arm around Klaus to help him up. 

“You’re doing great, Klaus.” Violet said, as they started to move. “You did amazing, holding onto Sunny and getting her out of the house.” 

“You would’ve done it better.” 

“I left you two to go chasing leeches.” Violet shivered, and helped Klaus move forward a bit. “We’re not splitting up again, okay? That’s just a bad idea all around.” 

“It would’ve worked-” 

“No. Count Olaf saw me and…” Violet shut her eyes. “It ended poorly.” 

Klaus’s eyes widened in horror. “What did he-” 

“Not- don’t look like that, it wasn’t…” Violet shut her eyes. “Let’s just say I’m not going swimming any time soon.” 

“Did he… try to drown you?” 

“Something like that.” 

Klaus was silent for a moment, and then he said, “I’ll drown  _ him.  _ See how he likes it.” 

Violet smiled, and leaned her head against her brother’s. “Thanks, I’ll help.” 

“You can watch. It’ll be fun.” 

“Family bonding activity.” 

“Yeah.” 

They turned a corner, and fell silent for the rest of the walk. 

They finally reached an area close to the lumbermill, to the point where they could read the signs littering the fence. Every now and again they heard a saw or a cutter or something loud, and Klaus gripped tightly onto Violet and she moved a bit quicker, carrying them away from the sound. 

Eventually, she stopped, and said, “Uh, Klaus? Think that’s the Optometry house?” 

Klaus glanced up and paled. Before them was a large building, towering over the lumbermill walls, and decorated with a huge, glass window of the VFD eye. When Violet squinted, she thought she could see a figure in the window, watching them. But… that might just be a statue or an oddly-shaped chair. Didn’t mean anything, right? 

“Shit.” Klaus sighed. “I didn’t think it’d be  _ that _ blatant.” 

“See!” Sunny squealed, and Violet carefully let go of Klaus to put down the bag and unstrap Sunny. When the baby was free, she crawled and turned around to look at the eye. “Oh.” 

“Oh is right, Sunny.” Klaus muttered. 

Violet hesitated. “Look, we can find another place-” 

“Let’s just ask. Maybe Georgina’s still stationed here. And she won’t turn us in.” 

“That’s a big risk.” 

“It’s that or be alone.” 

Violet shut her eyes, letting that statement sink in. Then she nodded and put the bag back on, picking up Sunny and wrapping her free arm around Klaus again. “Let’s go knock, then.” 

They stumbled their way up to the door, and Violet hesitantly knocked, bouncing her leg with nerves as they waited to see if anyone was home. 

After a minute or so, the door opened, and a tall woman looked down at them. “Hello.” she said, smiling. “Are you children lost?” 

“I’m afraid not.” Violet said. She put an arm around Klaus again and said, “Are you Georgina?” 

The woman paused. “Georgina Orwell, yes. And who might you be?” 

“I’m Violet Baudelaire, and these are my siblings, Klaus and Sunny.” Violet said. “Please spare the surprise, we need assistance.” 

The woman only looked at them for a moment before nodding and stepping back. “Come inside. I have an office where you can sit down- I see he has a bandaged foot, perhaps I can help. I’m a doctor.” 

Violet sighed with relief before helping Klaus over the threshold. He looked at her a bit more skeptically. “Aren’t you an optometrist? I can’t see how that would help-” 

“Yes, I am an optometrist,” Georgina laughed, “But I know basic first aid as well. Come sit down, and we can talk while I treat that. Do you children want a cookie?” 

“We’re fine,” Violet said politely, though they were starting to run low on food, “But thank you.” 

Georgina led them to a small back room, which Klaus recognized quickly as a normal-looking optometrist office, though it seemed much more comfortable than the ones he’d been to- the walls were soft browns instead of blinding whites, and the stacks of books and cushioned furniture made it seem much more home-y than the offices that seemed designed to make patients nervous enough to listen to whatever the optometrist told them. 

Klaus sat on the chair, and Georgina pushed aside the device used to check eyesight before kneeling down and helping Violet untie the ribbon. She kept a blank face, and said, “This doesn’t look too bad. I’ll apply some disinfectant and get you a fresh bandage. How did it happen?” 

“Broken glass.” Klaus said carefully. 

“Ah, I see.” she nodded, and then went to a cabinet, pulling out a simple first aid kit. “This shouldn’t take long. Would you like to explain things while I’m working?” 

Violet and Klaus traded looks, considering, and then they nodded at each other. 

While Georgina treated Klaus’s wound, Violet sat down with Sunny on her lap and did her best to explain everything- starting with the fact that they thought she may be a safe person to go to based on what Josephine said, and working around to the fact their parents were, yes, alive, had been on the run for fifteen years, and were now kidnapped while the children were pursued by Count Olaf. 

“We’re sure they’ll escape,” Violet said, though her voice was a bit hesitant, “But we just need somewhere to lay low. We don’t think he’ll find us here- there’s no way he knows what the safehouses are, our parents won’t tell him. The other two times must have been…” 

“Unfortunate luck?” 

“I… hope so.” Violet said. She hugged Sunny a bit closer to her, and said, “If you don’t want to associate with us that’s fine, we can find a place to stay. We just… want someone to know if we go missing, you know? And where we are if our parents show up and ask for us.” 

“Now, don’t you go talking like that.” Georgina said, reaching out to pat Violet on the head. Violet tensed a moment, then shook herself; geez, she was just trying to be nice. “Of course you can stay here. I think you’ll find I can deal with Count Olaf if he arrives.” 

“He was in disguise, and fooled Josephine.” Klaus said. 

“Well, I’m quite good at recognizing disguises.” Georgina leaned back, so she was sitting on her knees by the children. Klaus stayed on the optometry chair, gingerly bouncing his leg, and she said, “Did your parents tell you about the VFD Disguise Kit?” 

“Yeah.” Violet nodded. “But we try not to use it in case volunteers recognize it.” 

“Well, that’s all Olaf ever uses.” Georgina sighed, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear. “Josephine always failed those lessons so she wouldn’t notice. But I got straight As, so I’ll just be on the lookout for that stuff.” 

“What if he doesn’t use it?” Klaus asked. 

“Then you children let me know, and I’ll throw him out the window.” Georgina said. “How’s that sound?” 

Violet’s eyes widened. “You would?” 

“Dears, you are Beatrice and Bertrand’s children.” Georgina smiled, and then poked Sunny’s nose, causing the baby to giggle. “I’ll make sure I treat you just how I would treat them.” 

She stood up, clapping her hands together. “Now! I live in this building, too, my room is just down the hall. The three of you should sleep in the guest room- there’s a bathroom beside it, you can clean yourselves up. The kitchen is downstairs, by the waiting room, so that I can make sweets for visitors. You may have whatever you wish.” 

“And you won’t call the police?” Klaus asked. 

“Of course not. Besides, we haven’t had a functional phone since Phil knocked over the cabinets, so I couldn’t even if I wanted to.” 

“And no VFD?” Violet added. “Neither side.” 

“No VFD. Just us.” Georgina smiled. “Anything you need, let me know. I’m sure I can find some way to help you out.” 

“We don’t want to be a bother.” Violet said. 

“It’s no bother, dear.” Georgina said. She smiled very widely, and then patted her head again. “Taking care of you is my delight.” 


	18. The Hypnotism Incident happens Rather Quickly

**CHAPTER EIGHTEEN**

_The Hypnotism Incident happens Rather Quickly_

Violet crawled into bed, running a brush through her hair. She’d showered rather quickly, not wanting to waste time in an unfamiliar location. When she returned to her room, Klaus had dried off from his own wash and was now walking around, testing a splint Georgina had made for him. Sunny was biting into a dictionary she’d found in the corner; every room of the office seemed stocked with books, so when Klaus finally sat down, he just grabbed a random one off the shelf and started flipping through. “Georgina wrote this one herself.” he said, smiling a little. “She’s a writer, too.” 

“Like Lemony.” 

“Like Lemony.” Klaus nodded. 

They fell silent, then, and Sunny looked up. “Woolf?” she asked. _“He was a writer?”_

“Yeah.” Violet nodded. She rocked back-and-forth a little, hugging her knees. “Mother sometimes found some of his books in the library and would read them to us.” 

“Twenty-Nine Myths.” Klaus remembered. 

“The Latke Who Couldn’t Stop Screaming.” 

“The Composer is-” Klaus cut himself off, and then shook his head, returning to his book. “Well, they were cute.” 

“We’ll have to read you some.” Violet said, twirling a strand of her hair. 

Sunny giggled and nodded, before biting on the dictionary cover again. However, she flipped it open, and then stared very hard. “Loo!” she cried, waving for her siblings to notice her. 

“Sunny, we just changed you.” Klaus sighed. 

“Loo! Loo!” Sunny huffed in frustration. Then, finally, _“Look!”_

Violet and Klaus slid out of bed and went to sit by their sister on the floor. They gasped, too, when they looked in the book. 

On the buffer page, written in a very fancy script, with a pen that looked like it was running out of ink, was a quote. 

_In every library, there is a single book that can answer the question that burns like a fire in the mind._

They recognized the handwriting at once. 

“Dada.” Sunny said. 

Klaus ran a hand over the page, and Violet said quietly, “I mean. We knew they knew each other. Of course she… she has something from him.” 

“Yeah.” Klaus said. 

“This makes sense.” 

“Yeah.” 

“We shouldn’t be surprised.” 

“Yeah.” 

“And we’re going to see Dad soon.” 

They looked at each other, and then started to cry. 

Violet fell asleep, with Sunny curled on the pillow beside her, within an hour or so. Klaus, though, remained awake. He flipped through Georgina’s book for a while, but eventually felt himself grow too distracted to keep going. He laid it somewhere on the bed, slipped out of the covers, and wandered back over to the dictionary Sunny had left. He picked it up, running a hand over the cover and avoiding his sister’s bitemarks. Then he slid it under his arm and walked out of the room, still hobbling slightly with the splint. 

Georgina wasn’t in her room- which was smaller than theirs, only contained a few books and a dartboard, and was honestly pretty boring from Klaus’s perspective- so he checked downstairs, wondering if she was doing extra work. He’d read about people who, when they couldn’t sleep, would try to get their normal work done so they had more time the next morning. 

He found he was right, and she was sitting at a desk in the waiting room, hanging up a phone. She turned to him, smiling, as he entered, and said, “Klaus, dear. Is something the matter?” 

Klaus shook his head. “I just wanted to ask about something.” 

“Of course. Oh, come into my office a moment, I have to check something.” 

Klaus nodded, following at her heels and flipping open the dictionary. “I wanted to ask about this.” 

Georgina barely glanced at it. “Oh, one of the lumbermill workers probably left it here.” 

“What’s the lumbermill like?” 

“Bullshit.” 

“Ah, gotcha.” Klaus nodded. “But, um. About this?” He held up the front page, the one with Bertrand’s handwriting. “That’s my Father’s.” 

Georgina hesitated a second, moving towards the small machine near the chair. “Yes, I suppose it is.” 

“What were they like? When they were here.” 

Georgina _hmm_ ed, and then said, “Can you do me a favor and sit on this chair for me?” 

“Why?” 

“I just need to test something with the phoropter, and you know how eye appointments work, I assume.” 

“A little. We only went to the optometrist when necessary.” Klaus said. He paused, then, a sudden memory coming to him; Bertrand, bouncing his leg nervously in a waiting room, hoping to God their forged papers were good enough not to draw suspicion- which, of course they were, Klaus could forge anything. Klaus was asking him why he was nervous, and Bertrand laughed and said he didn’t trust optometrists or optimists. 

“Klaus? Dear?” 

Klaus bit his lip. “Did you ever fight with our parents?” 

Georgina sighed and sat herself on the armrest of the chair, staring at the floor. “I’m afraid so, Klaus. In fact, I was very surprised to see you here, I never thought that Bertrand and Beatrice’s children would think I was safe.” 

“Why? What happened?” 

She sighed. “We had a bit of a disagreement. About VFD. And its… values.” 

“Oh?” 

“Yes. Back then, they believed fully in everything they were told. I… did not.” 

Klaus relaxed a little. _Oh, thank God,_ that _was what the argument was about._ “Oh, well, they agree with you now. I mean- they’re really against VFD. They told us not to go near it.” 

“That’s quite good for them.” Georgina smiled. “Sit down, I’ll tell you more while I try this out.” 

Klaus nodded, and Georgina got off the chair. Klaus sat down, placing the dictionary on his lap, smiling at his father’s handwriting. 

“Put your arms here.” Georgina said, and then grabbed the phoropter, swinging it in front of his eyes. “Now, tell me what you see.” 

“What?” 

“One or two?” 

A screen flickered on. Klaus bit his lip, confused. “One?” 

“Good.” Klaus suddenly felt something tighten around his arms. He jumped, and Georgina said, “Don’t panic. This’ll all be over soon.” 

“Wh-” 

“Your parents’ll be here in a moment. Now, do you see an A or a B?” 

“Georgina-” Fuck, fuck, _fuck…_

“A _or B?”_

The dictionary fell from Klaus’s lap, crashing onto the floor. Georgina made sure that she stepped on it on the way out. 

Violet awoke, hearing a distant door close, and she instantly realized something had gone wrong. 

She sat up straight, tossing her hair out of her face, and looked across to Klaus’s bed. He wasn’t there. She looked down, and realized that Sunny was gone, too. 

“No.” she whispered. 

She leapt out of bed, immediately grabbing her bag on the floor. Her heart dropped as she looked to the edge of Klaus’s bed and saw that his own bag still remained. He _never_ went anywhere without that, especially since that was the Sunny Bag, he wouldn’t just leave it. She threw her bag onto her back and grabbed Klaus’s, slinging it over her shoulder. She took off running, feeling it bounce against her side as she raced down the hall and then practically threw herself down the stairs. 

“Klaus? Sunny? _Klaus?”_

She’d fucked up, she shouldn’t have assumed they were safe. _Why_ had they come here? She should’ve found them an empty house to stay in, or gotten Klaus some earbuds and dragged them to the lumbermill, why did she _trust someone in a VFD building she was so dumb…_

She saw a door swinging- Georgina’s office. Violet raced in, shouldering the door open and sliding to a stop to look around. She let out a scream of fury when she saw it was empty; the door was only swinging due to an open window, cold night air blowing it to and fro. She began to turn and head out, and then she heard something slam. 

Violet paused, listening. The slam again, it came from behind the desk. She spun on her heels and moved back there, kneeling down and watching as a drawer, only half-shut, fell open, only to be slammed shut again by the wind. 

“Very stupid of you, Orwell.” Violet muttered, and she pulled the drawer open, peering inside. 

Several files filled it, labelled with names she didn’t recognize. She flipped through, seeing flashes of words- _obeys after “lucky.” obeys after “hey.” will snap out after “fire.” will snap out after “smoke.”_

“Hypnotism.” Violet groaned, and then she froze. 

Shoved half-hazardly into the back of the drawer was a simple label. _Bertrand Baudelaire._

With shaky hands, she pulled out the file, and read it over. 

_Obeys after “lucky.”_

_Will snap out after “inordinate.”_

_Orders: Lucky boy, would you like to take this flamethrower? Lucky boy, would you like to aim it at the lumbermill? Lucky boy, would you like to set it alight?_

“Son of a…” 

Violet shoved the file back, slung the bags back over her shoulder, and ran. She ran through the house as fast as she could, throwing open doors, screaming for her siblings. 

When she couldn’t find them, she peered out the window, seeing a bright light coming from one of the buildings near the lumbermill. 

_Fuck._

She burst out the door, still letting the bags slam against her side, racing across cracked pavement. Not even bothering to find the gate to the mill, she hoisted herself up the fence, scrambling and throwing herself over, taking off towards the building as soon as her feet hit the ground, ignoring how her legs ached and her shoulder wound started to pound again. 

Once she reached the building, she kicked the door down, racing inside, and then she slid to a stop and screamed, “Get away from them!” 

Up ahead, Georgina was walking ahead of Klaus, and she turned, smiling over at Violet, swinging a cane at her side. Behind her was Klaus, his eyes blank and unfocused, and in his arms a terrified Sunny. Sunny was kicking and shouting, pulling at Klaus’s jacket to try and get his attention, demanding she be put down. 

“Oh, Violet, dear, I was about to come get you.” Georgina smiled, as Sunny screamed for assistance, that something was wrong with Klaus. “I’m sorry, did we scare you?” 

“Let them go.” Violet dropped her bags to the ground, stepping forwards threateningly. 

Georgina sighed. “Really, Violet, be reasonable.” She then pulled on her cane, and Violet watched as she lifted a sword from the top. “Or I may have to do this by force.” 

“You’re _already_ using force. You just hypnotized my brother!” 

“Ah, you figured that out, I see.” Georgina cooed. She turned. “Lucky boy, sit down with your sister. Your parents will be here soon.” 

Violet’s heart dropped. “You’re in contact with Olaf.” 

“Old friends, you could say.” Georgina said. “But right now we have the same common goal, to make your parents _suffer.”_

“Because they stopped you from hypnotizing people, I assume.” 

“Clever girl. We’re meeting them here. One of your bratty siblings will get tossed into the furnace,” Georgina seemed elated, “And one into the saw. Olaf said something about having a special plan for you, and honestly, I don’t care, so long as I get to watch the fun.” 

“You’re sick.” 

“And you’re losing. Now, go sit with your brother, or I’ll have to hurt you before your parents get here and can watch.” 

Violet gave her a dark glare, and then thought back to the files. Georgina seemed like the person who’d like irony. “Klaus?” she turned to him. “Quit being inordinate and drop Sunny.” 

Klaus suddenly blinked, and then almost fell back where he sat, confusion across his face. He let out a panicked shout, and then froze. “Wh-what’s happening?” 

Violet smirked, and then realized that her eyes were locked on Klaus, and she’d lost sight of Georgina. She didn’t lose sight for long, as she was grabbed by the back of the injured shoulder and thrown back. She shouted, and then Georgina grabbed her, and shoved her into the wall. 

Instantly, a million feelings of panic, terror and horror filled every atom of Violet’s being. Her mind flashed to terrible thoughts, horrid memories, and it took her a second to realize that the throw was paining her shoulder-wound and back. She whimpered and felt tears spring to her eyes, as her mind told her to _freeze up, don’t move, freeze and nothing bad will happen…_

Georgina pointed her sword at Violet’s throat. “You think you’re _so_ smart, don’t you, you little bitch?” 

“Let her go!” Klaus screamed, terrified, holding Sunny back as the baby tried to throw herself forwards. 

“Lik!” Sunny screamed. _“I’ll bite her face off! Let me at her!”_

Georgina pointed the sword closer, and Violet shook. “Let me tell you something. Your parents are going to _suffer,_ and you’re all going to _suffer_ for being born. Especially _you._ Think I don’t know who your father is? Anything I do to you will bring me nothing but _joy._ You might be able to delay your suffering if you listen to me.” 

Violet’s mind was racing, barely processing. _Stay still. Freeze. Don’t move…_

“Violet!” Klaus stepped forwards. 

Violet’s eyes snapped to her brother, coming closer. Georgina kept one hand pinning Violet to the wall, and used the other to swing the sword towards Klaus. He stepped back, crouching down in front of the bags, fear flashing in his eyes. 

“Don’t hurt them.” Violet pleaded, barely able to speak. 

“I’ll do what I wish.” Georgina said. “Starting with _you.”_

Violet felt a deep anger flare inside her, as she watched her brother and sister staring at the point of the sword. Then, she noticed Klaus’s hand edge towards the bag, and she let her gaze harden, and her eyes turn back to Georgina. 

She was still terrified, a thousand fears racing through her head. But she was going to protect her siblings. 

She wasn’t going to freeze this time. 

“Ms Orwell,” she said, her voice finally level and calm, “Do you know what happened to the last person who tried to pin me against a wall?” 

Georgina cocked her head, clearly unconcerned and uncaring, but now her attention was on Violet, and not Klaus, whose hand slipped into the bag. 

“He only had three seconds to try, before my mother gutted him.” Violet said. “So I’m going to give you three seconds.” 

“Funny.” Georgina smirked. “I don’t see your dear mother here.” 

“No,” Violet said. “But _I_ am her daughter. Three seconds. One.” Georgina scoffed, swinging her sword back to Violet’s neck. 

“Two.” 

Klaus pulled his hand from the bag, his eyes terrified, but he nodded at Violet. 

“Three.” 

Georgina drew her hand back, as if to stab Violet with the sword, only to gasp as a throwing knife lodged in her back. 

Violet kicked up, managing to hit Georgina’s leg. As she doubled over, Violet kicked again, knocking the sword out of her grip; as Georgina lost her hold on the teenager, Violet twisted so that she fell to the floor, out of the optometrist’s grasp. She took off, diving for the sword, and turned just as Georgina ripped the knife from her back, staring down at it. 

“Bad idea.” Klaus said, before covering Sunny’s eyes; the baby cried out in annoyance. “It’s safer to leave the knife in to stop the bloodflow.” 

“Thanks for that, Klaus, I’ll make sure to pull this out, then.” Violet said, before leaping forwards and running Georgina through with the sword. 

Klaus, startled by the sight, curled up to shield Sunny, sliding back against the bags and squeezing his own eyes shut. Georgina gasped as Violet retracted the sword and took a deep breath, staring over at the bleeding woman. 

“You _bitch.”_ Georgina said. 

“Takes one to know one.” Violet said. “And you shouldn’t have threatened my family.” 

And with that, she swung the sword again.


	19. Escape from Paltryville

**CHAPTER NINETEEN**

_ Escape from Paltryville _

Bertrand knew it was time for them to move again when he heard the Hook-Handed Man cursing at the lock. He never came around when the others were there, so he must have been assigned to drug them or drag them out. Considering Beatrice could probably remove his hooks in five seconds if they were walking, it was probably the drugs. 

Bertrand sat up and looked down at Beatrice, who was sleeping against his arm. He  _ really  _ didn’t want to wake her- let her enjoy her dream, maybe she’s thinking of something better, maybe she’s happier. But it’d be worse to let her sleep through the drugging and wake up with a horrible headache in an unfamiliar location, possibly while they were still on the move, she’d probably panic and Olaf or Esme would… would find some way to shut her up. 

He slowly shook her, and she stirred, reaching to cling to his arm as she awoke. She liked to awaken touching him, knowing he was still there. She’d done that before they went on the run, too. She didn’t like people leaving her. 

When her eyes opened, and Bertrand saw the light in them dim, their horrible reality once again settling in, he leaned his head against hers and said, “They’re taking us out.” 

“Do you think he found…?” 

“I don’t know.” 

She shivered and leaned against him some more, and the door opened. Bertrand sat up straighter, watching as the Hook-Handed Man came in, a tray of needles attached to his hooks. He’d only need one syringe for each of them, but Bertrand assumed he’d come prepared in case he dropped any. He placed the tray down on the ground, struggling to pick one up. He didn’t look at Bertrand or Beatrice, didn’t make eye contact. 

Slowly, Beatrice said, “Fernald.” 

He still didn’t look at them. 

“Fernald, please…” she tried. 

“Look, just be quiet.” Fernald sighed. “Olaf said if you talked too much that I should give you more scars with my hooks, and I’d rather not clean them off again.” 

“Fernald…” Beatrice shut her eyes, and then pulled away from her husband, leaning closer to him. “I… I know what Kit asked you to do. What your Stepfather made you do. I- I don’t blame you for it, I never believed-” 

“It doesn’t matter.” Fernald said, finally lifting a syringe. “Just hold still so this works right.” 

“Fernald, he was my  _ cousin.”  _ Beatrice said, pleading with her eyes. “Gregor was my cousin. I- But I never blamed you. I just want you to know that. I know you just did what VFD made you do. It’s- it’s  _ so _ fucked up-” 

“Yeah, it is.” Fernald sat beside her, grabbing her arm with one hook and holding the syringe with the other. 

“Fernald, please-” 

Bertrand looked to him and said, “How old is Fiona?” 

Fernald froze. 

There was silence and stillness for a moment, before Bertrand sighed. “How long has it been since you’ve seen her?” 

“Nine years.” he said, his voice low. 

“She’s the same age as our Violet.” Bertrand said, blinking back tears. “They’re just children, Fernald. And Olaf’s going to kill them if we don’t  _ do _ something. He’ll do  _ worse.  _ They don’t deserve this.” 

Fernald shut his eyes, and then said, “Please just shut up.” 

He stuck the syringe in Beatrice’s arm, and Bertrand squeezed her hand as he pressed. He tried not to notice that not all of the liquid left the syringe- quite a bit left over, actually. He tried not to notice the same thing happen to his arm before he began to get tired again. He tried not to hope, because hope wasn’t getting them very far. 

Violet helped Klaus walk down the steps of the building; his splint was helping, and his injury should heal soon, but he still had some issues. Sunny was strapped to his chest, and she asked, “Quando?”  _ “Where to next?”  _

“Olaf’s coming. This town isn’t safe.” Violet said. “We go to Prufrock. We should be able to find a bus station. If it’s not working, I’ll hijack us a car.” 

“Max.” Sunny giggled.  _ “I’ll drive!”  _

“No, you won’t,  _ I’ll  _ drive. Klaus, you sit in the back with Sunny and rest your leg.” 

“I-” Klaus began. 

“Hey, kids?” 

They looked up, seeing someone in a uniform approach them, holding a lantern and looking confused. “What are you doing here? We don’t have children in the lumbermill-” 

“Fire.” Violet said. 

The man blinked, and then almost dropped the lantern, confusion spreading across his face. “What? Where-” 

“Do me a favor, bud,” Violet said, patting him on the hand, “Go to the other workers, wake them up, and say ‘fire.’ It’ll all make sense then. Then revolt or some shit. See ya.” 

She dragged her siblings away from the confused man, and then she said, “Let’s go before a riot starts.” 

“She hypnotized them?” Klaus asked quietly. 

“She hypnotized a lot of people.” Violet shuddered. “Including Father. That’s how I knew the codeword to save you, she used the same one. Fucking idiot.” 

She cracked a smile, but Klaus didn’t. 

“Violet… we killed her.” 

Violet’s face fell. “She deserved it.” 

“I know, but…” 

Violet put an arm around him. “But you didn’t know I could do that?” 

Klaus stared at the ground. 

Violet slowly put her head against his as they walked, and then shut her eyes. “I didn’t know I could, either. But it was her or you two.” 

Klaus nodded, and then pressed against Violet some more. “Yeah.” he said. 

“Do you… remember anything now?”

“It’s… blurry.”

“What did she do to you?”

“N-nothing much. Just scared me with the hypnotism. It was… very chaotic. I’m a bit- dizzy?” 

“Then keep leaning on me. Don’t worry, she can’t hurt you again.” 

Klaus nodded, and then smiled a little. “You’ll protect me.” 

“Yeah, I will.” she vowed. 

“Now… let’s get to school, huh?” 

“I’ll break in the front window, find the office, and steal some transfer papers. Can you still forge the best?” 

“Hell yeah.” 

“Good. Let’s get going.” 

They walked in silence for the rest of the way, locking their arms together and leaning on each other. 

Beatrice stirred carefully, feeling herself dropped onto the ground. It took her a moment to process the pain from that, but she managed to keep it in, her reactions small, as she heard commotion around her.  _ Stay calm, Bea.  _ That wasn’t easy, considering her back stung and she had a piercing headache- drugs must’ve worn off. Thank God for that, at least. 

It took her ears a second to adjust, as she pieced together what was going on. There was the sound of several voices shouting in anger- muffled, so either outside a building they were in or inside a building they were standing beside. Considering how wooden her surroundings felt, they were inside. There were footsteps- vibrations after them, small ones. She was on the floor. She heard a faint breathing beside her- someone was next to her.  _ Please, God, let it be Bertrand…  _

“Boss, maybe she’s not here yet.” 

“She said she’d meet us here. What’s taking her so damn long?” 

“Think she’d be delayed by that riot outside?” 

“Riot’s against that Wiley guy, not her. If anything, that’s her distraction. Where the  _ fuck _ is she?” 

“Maybe the kids stabbed her and ran.” 

“She said she had them hypnotized.” 

Beatrice felt her stomach hit the floor. Slowly, she squinted an eye open. She could see two bodies, not facing her, and as she opened her eyes, she saw that Olaf and Fernald were standing by the door. Beatrice hesitated, listening more, and then she rolled over as silently as she could. She almost let out a cry of relief when she saw Bertrand beside her, though he still seemed to be unconscious. She stayed still as Olaf and Fernald continued arguing, waiting to see if anyone had noticed her move. The rest of the troupe must be around somewhere… 

She heard a call from across the room. “Hey, boss! Back door’s locked!” 

“Unlock it and see if she’s outside, then! God, do I have to do everything?” 

Okay, the rest of the troupe was looking around. Beatrice shut her eyes, piecing together clues in her head. Hypnotism plus Woman associated with Olaf… Georgina. Georgina was meeting them there. “Maybe the kids stabbed her and ran.” She had the children. She  _ had the…  _ no. No, that couldn’t be right. If Georgina had the kids, she wouldn’t be delayed, she’d be here, and Olaf would be ready to… the kids must’ve escaped. So now it was their turn. 

Beatrice slowly edged her hand closer to Bertrand’s, squinting her eyes to make sure nobody came within view. 

“Maybe she just wanted us to come so she can kill us.” 

“Please. She’s not  _ that  _ smart.” 

“She tried it that one time-” 

“Yeah, and it didn’t work, so she won’t try again. Unlike I, who knows that sometimes using the same plan over and over and works  _ wonders.”  _

“Yeah, about that, boss-” 

“Don’t question me.” 

“Sorry, boss.” 

Beatrice finally reached her husband’s hand, and gave it a tap. She held her breath, terror coursing through her as the troupe kept shouting at each other. Then she felt complete and utter relief as Bertrand’s finger moved, tapping her hand as well. 

She gripped his palm, and squeezed gently.  _ Just wait a second.  _

“Boss, wait, there’s something stashed behind the furnace.” 

“Who  _ cares?  _ We’re waiting on Georgina.” 

“Uuuuh, boss? You should come look at this.” 

“For the last  _ fucking _ time… whatever your name was, I’m staying over-” 

“There’s a body back here.” 

“Fucking- what? You should’ve lead with  _ that.”  _

Footsteps. Beatrice kept her eyes shut a moment, waiting until the steps raced past her, stopping a few feet away. 

_ Far enough. _

“Holy  _ shit.  _ Is that-” 

Beatrice grabbed Bertrand’s hand and leapt to her feet. He leapt just after her, and they took off running. 

Shouts. Screams. Weapons flying at their heads. Beatrice was used to it- moreso from her VFD days than her life on the run, which usually had more hand-to-hand and “hide under the bed” incidents, but it was like riding a bike; instinct took over. She threw an arm around Bertrand’s shoulders, helping him duck down under a dart of some kind, and in just a few short bounds, they were at the front doors of the building. She hit it with her shoulder, bursting it open, and leapt out, thankful that she jumped over the steps. Bertrand followed, and they took a quick second to take in their surroundings. 

“Lucky Smells.” Beatrice whispered. 

Bertrand shook slightly, grabbing her hand. Being here was rough for him- they’d only designated it a safehouse because they assumed the workers would be grateful enough to them for stopping the fire that they’d watch the kids. There were few safe places they’d been able to think of. Pretty much nothing was safe anymore. 

Beatrice grabbed her husband’s arm again and ran with him, racing across the dirt towards the fence. They could hear the distant revolt-  _ good for them, they’re finally ditching Smogface-  _ which would hopefully make its way towards their pursuers, stalling them enough for them to climb the fence. If the mob didn’t come this way, though, they’d just have to make a run for the gate, which is what Beatrice assumed they’d have to do. 

Bertrand stumbled, and Beatrice simply moved behind him, pushing him forwards until he regained his balance. She knew his leg probably still hurt like hell from- from a few days before. Her legs hurt less than his, so she had to take the lead. At least until they found a place to hide. 

They reached the gate and Beatrice only spared a quick glance back- oh, yep, they were being pursued. She grabbed Bertrand’s hand, and the two of them raced through, rushing down the streets of the town. As soon as she could, she ducked them down a street of abandoned buildings, and Bertrand caught her idea. He pulled her to an empty store, shouldering the door open and bursting through. They passed two rooms before leaping out a window and climbing into the building beside them through an open side-door; the swinging door in the first house would be too much of a giveaway if Olaf thought to look that way. 

Beatrice shut the side-door, glancing around. They were in the back of what used to be some kind of storage room, empty shelves surrounding them, a broken cardboard box here or there. She caught sight of a half-torn poster, a few faded music notes still visible. Record store, she’d hazard a guess. 

They heard shouts from the street, so Bertrand grabbed Beatrice’s arm, pulling her into the back of the room. They found the door to the rest of the store and slipped past, edging through the dusty, deserted area before finding a bathroom. The paint was peeling, the sink was cracked, and the plumbing probably didn’t work, but they didn’t care at all. 

Beatrice shut and locked the door, and the two of them stepped back, breathing deep and trying to remain quiet. 

After a few minutes, after their eyes adjusted to the dark room, Beatrice crept into the corner, sliding down to the ground. Bertrand slid next to her, and they stared at each other. 

Usually, they were good at waiting a long time before even moving, making any noise. They could hide in one place for hours with no one the wiser, as could Violet and Klaus. They probably could have stood there and remained completely quiet for days. 

But after another minute of silence and staring, Bertrand started to cry, and Beatrice threw her arms around him, pressing herself against him and hugging him close to her. She started crying, too, and their soft tears flowed for another few minutes, until they were reasonably sure that they were safe. 

Beatrice leaned back as Bertrand ran a hand through her hair, and she reached under his glasses so she could wipe tears away. She wanted to say something, anything, but she didn’t know if she could even if she wasn’t afraid of someone hearing. Her heart was pounding in her chest, everything was hitting her at once… 

He put his hands on her cheeks, and she shut her eyes as he pressed his face against hers. Whenever they kissed, even after fifteen years of marriage, it was never quick and fast, never just a short moment. They had never been able to get enough of each other, always found themselves lost when they were together. She pulled herself closer to him, practically crawling onto his lap and using her arms, wrapped behind his neck, to pull his head closer to hers. For a while, they almost didn’t feel the need to breathe, just finding life in finally embracing without the overwhelming fear and pain they’d felt over the last few days. 

When Beatrice finally pulled away, they put their foreheads together, just deeply breathing together and letting themselves calm down. 

“We need to get out of here.” she whispered. “He’ll stop at nothing to find us.” 

“We need to find the children.” 

“We’ll check the safehouses we don’t know he’s been to.” 

“Then?” 

“We  _ find them.”  _

They fell silent, and then kissed again, and it was like the world outside was gone. 


	20. New Allies at Prufrock

**CHAPTER TWENTY**

_New Allies at Prufrock_

“So you’re transferring from… Wade Academy?” 

Violet smiled, wishing quietly that Klaus hadn’t chosen a real school he could check up on. “Yes, sir. Our papers should have arrived last week. Perhaps they’re in your desk?” 

_“Perhaps they’re in my desk!_ Well, I will _check_ my desk.” 

Violet and Klaus shared exasperated looks as the Vice Principal bent over, rifling through the drawers that Violet had shoved their forged papers into several hours before. It hadn’t taken long for Klaus to get them into the school under assumed identities- this time, Emily and Liam Sonnenfeld- but _fuck_ if dealing with the shitty Vice Principal wasn’t the hardest part. Violet swore she was a few minutes away from just stabbing him and calling it a day. 

Nero pulled out some papers, his brow furrowing as he scanned them. “Yes, these seem right…” he muttered. “Though I can’t quite remember contacting your previous school.” 

Violet quickly smiled and said, “Well, I’m sure a genius like you has more important things to worry about than some boring transfer students. Like your violin practice.” 

“Yes, indeed.” Vice Principal Nero nodded, smugness creeping across his face. “It’s nice to be _appreciated._ The last transfers- these two annoying orphans- wouldn’t stop bothering me. _We’re not quadruplets, we’re twins. Why do we have to go to a shack?_ Such ungrateful children.” 

“Such ungrateful children.” Klaus echoed, looking like he wanted to die and also like he wasn’t paying much attention. 

“Now, I see your parents have signed here, and we luckily do have free rooms in the dorms. Boys is to the immediate right of the gym field, girls is to the immediate right of that. Emily, you will be studying with Mr Remora in Room One, while Liam, you will be with Ms Bass in Room Two.” 

“We can remember that, thank you.” Klaus said. 

“Were you told the rules of the school before you transferred?” 

“We are aware.” Violet sighed, remembering the list she’d managed to slip from the desk. “And we look forward to your recital tonight.” 

“You should! It’ll be six hours of pure delight.” 

“Absolutely.” Klaus nodded. “Thank you, Vice Principal, we’ll head to our dorms now.” 

“Yes. Liam, you will be rooming with…” Nero looked down at the list in front of him, as if he had no idea what student he was talking about. “Chase… something-or-other, I’m sure he’ll tell you. Emily, you will be rooming with Carmelita Spats.” 

Fuck. Roommates. Well, they’d figure something out. “Thank you, sir.” Violet said. “We’ll head out now, so you may get back to practicing.” 

“Yes, do.” 

Nero pulled out his violin as the children left, their plastic smiles falling once their backs were turned. They could hear his horrible playing even after they closed the door, and Violet said, “Do you remember what Father said, that one time we spent your birthday sleeping in the orchestra pit?” 

Klaus nodded, and then recited, “Children, there is no worse sound in the world than somebody who cannot play the violin who insists on doing so anyway.” 

“We’re skipping that recital.” 

“Hell yeah.” 

“Let’s check on Sunny.” 

“Good idea.” 

They knelt by the edge of the hall, and Klaus pulled his bag off, flipping it open. “How tight are you in there, sunshine?” 

Sunny glanced up at him, huffing a little. She did not like the fact she had to hide, as Prufrock did not admit toddlers. “Amygdala,” she said, which meant something akin to, _“It’s quite claustrophobic.”_

“Well, you’re alive. And you can keep biting that can.” Violet sighed. “Just stay quiet, okay? We’ll find out which of our roommates is cooler and then let you out.” 

“Ugh.” Sunny groaned. 

“It’s this or live in that weird shack by the cafeteria.” Klaus said, before closing his bag again. 

The siblings stood up, and Violet said, “Alright, to the dorms. We’ll find our way there, then… should we skip class? Our teachers won’t actually have our names down for attendance.” 

“Yeah, fuck that.” 

“Fuck that.” 

They went to Violet’s dorm first, managing to find the right room after swiping some fruit from some bowls in the hall and occasionally stuffing something small and expensive-looking into their jacket pockets. Violet slid the door open, walking in and making a face. “This room’s awful.” 

“Those windows don’t seem to lock.” Klaus observed, shaking his head. 

“Closet is fucking tiny.” Violet said. “Where are you supposed to hide?” 

Klaus knelt by a bed, flipping the blanket up. “No room under here.” 

“These plants look fake.” Violet moved to the sidetable, lifting a leaf. “Oh, yeah. Plastic. Wonder what this dirt is made of.” She stuck a hand in. “Oh my God, Klaus, I think this is coffee.” 

“Holy shit.” Klaus started to giggle. “That sounds like a dream, though. Secret coffee.” 

“You don’t like coffee.” 

“Yeah but it’s still fun. Secret coffee.” 

“Secret coffee.” Violet giggled. 

Before they could do more, the door opened, and a girl skipped in. She stopped dead in her tracks, her tap shoes slamming onto the ground. 

“What are you _cakesniffers_ doing in _my room?”_

Violet sighed, sharing a glance with Klaus, the two of them considering. Then she smiled and turned back to the girl- she looked about the same age as her brother. “Hello. I’m Emily Sonnenfeld, I’m your new roommate.” 

“No!” the girl dropped her bright schoolbag on the ground and then stomped in frustration. “I don’t _need_ a roommate! And I need the second bed for mid-day naps! What the hell? I _told_ Vice Principal Nero that I didn’t need anyone else!” 

Violet and Klaus both watched each other as she continued to rant, silently communicating different ideas. Finally, Violet walked in front of the girl and said, “Carmelita, right?” 

“Of _course._ Only the smartest, prettiest, humblest girl in the whole wide school.” 

“I’m sure you’re right about that.” Violet smiled. “Now, listen. You’ve made it clear you don’t want a roommate.” 

“Uh, _yeah!_ I’m going to go straight to Vice-” 

“No need for that.” Violet smiled, and patted her on the shoulder. “Listen, that’ll just be a _whole_ thing, he’ll have to rearrange shit, and that gives him less time to practice the violin. He gets _so_ angry when he’s interrupted.” 

Carmelita paused, something flashing across her face, and then she crossed her arms and huffed. “But I don’t _want you here!”_

“Well, how about a deal?” Violet pulled her hair back, and smiled down at her. “It turns out, I would _much_ prefer to room with my brother Liam. We don’t like being separated, because we know too many secrets about each other. So how about _you_ let me know where we can find an empty room, and _I_ pretend we’re roommates so none of us get in trouble?” 

Carmelita narrowed her eyes, looking the girl up and down. Then she said, “You won’t bother me?” 

“Only if you bother me first.” 

“Deal, Em. Follow me, there’s an empty room near the storage closet. Drafty, but I sometimes practice dance in there. Guess I can practice in here instead.” 

“Don’t worry, Carm, sweetie.” Violet smiled, before smirking at Klaus. “We’re not staying long.” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“We’re only here til our parents are back from their trip. Then we’re out of your hair.” 

“Good. Less cakesniffers in this school.” 

“What does ‘cakesniffer’ mean?” Klaus asked. 

“It means you’re stupid cakesniffers.” Carmelita huffed. Then she marched out of the room and said, “It’s this way, come on.” 

“I don’t think ‘cakesniffers’ is a compliment.” Klaus muttered. 

“Yeah, no shit.” 

Carmelita shoved them towards the empty room and then skipped back to her room, grumbling about stupid new kids. Violet strolled in, smiling at the empty space; a few pillows and blankets were shoved into the corner, and there were some dark blinds over the window, but aside from that, the room was bare. 

“We can sleep right here, by the door.” Violet said, swishing her foot across the space she indicated. “I can block it. As for the window…” she pulled her ribbon out, tying her hair back excitedly. “I can make us a break-in alarm. A string and a bell, shouldn’t be too hard. We’ll have knives under our pillows if someone gets in- not you, Sunny, you’ll sleep inbetween us.” 

Klaus was pulling the infant from his backpack, finally releasing her onto the floor. She huffed and crawled over to the window, biting on the edge of a blind. 

Violet pulled on her ribbon and said, “I saw a stairwell to the roof. We can camp out there and watch for our parents- or, well, other pursuers. There looked like a library building, Klaus, so you can swipe books from there to keep you and Sunny entertained.” 

“What about you?” 

“I’ll find something to invent, don’t worry. Or I can just be the one keeping watch.” 

“No, you’re gonna swap out with us cause we’re a family and we work together.” 

“No, we’re a family and I’m in charge.” 

“Violet, come _on-”_

“Gac!” Sunny shouted, pointing out the window. 

Violet ran over, lifting up her sister and immediately retreating a few steps. Klaus ran to the window, lifting up the blinds to see what Sunny had noticed. 

“There’s a couple kids.” he said. “They’re… going towards that old shack. Probably won’t stay long.” 

“That reminds me, what do you think’s in there?” 

Klaus shrugged. “Supplies?” 

“Why don’t we find out?” Violet slid Sunny onto the floor. 

“Violet, come _on-”_

“We wanna know every inch of this place, right? And if there’s weapons in there, we wanna know about it.” 

“What sorta school would store weapons-” 

“Don’t you remember what Mother said? Anything could be a weapon. And if they’ve got supplies- shovels, wrenches, odd tools-” 

“Alright, I get it.” 

“Sunshine, stay here.” Violet said, looking over at her sister. “Guard our shit. If someone comes in, either hide in the pile of blankets or bite their toes off.” 

Sunny saluted her. “Aye-aye!” 

“Should we really leave her-” 

“We can’t take her outside. Do you want to stay with her while I investigate?” 

Klaus hesitated, looking between his sisters. Sunny looked up at him and said, “Nef,” meaning something like, _“I’ll be fine, Klaus. I’ll scream if I need help, you’re only a few feet away.”_

“If you’re sure-” 

“Ye!” 

“Okay… be careful.” 

Sunny nodded, and Violet opened the window, jumping out. “Come on, Klaus.” 

He followed her out, sliding to the ground while she waited for him, bouncing on her feet. When he landed, she said, “Hey, race you to the shack.” 

“We’re not babies, Violet.” 

“Yeah, but-” 

“Readyset _go!”_

Klaus laughed and took off, and Violet froze in shock and indignation a moment, before shouting, “You little _cheater, get back here!”_

She tore across the lawn, trying to catch up to his head start. Klaus was never the most athletic Baudelaire, but even he could run pretty well and pretty fast, mainly due to their parents making sure all their kids could survive well enough alone. Still, Violet managed to catch up just before they reached the shack, though she did smile and slow herself a little so Klaus could hit the side. It creaked slightly, and he laughed. “I win!” 

“Only cause you cheated.” 

“It’s not cheating, it’s strategy.” 

“You little shit.” 

“Hey, you owe me, I got hypnotized.” 

“Fine, fine, you win. Now let’s see what we’ve got in here-” 

Violet opened the shack door, and then stared, absolutely astonished. 

The shack had fungus dripping from the ceiling, as well as crabs scuttling across the floor. It also had two piles of hay, upon which were sitting the two kids who’d passed by before. A small photo was tacked to the wall, looking like it’d been clipped from a newspaper, and schoolbags were tossed haphazardly onto the floor. The shack barely looked big enough for both children, who were now sitting up and staring in bewilderment at the girl standing in front of them. 

Violet stared a moment, and then said, “Uh, Klaus? I think this is a dorm.” 

“What?” Klaus looked in the doorway, and then stepped back. “What the fuck? Is this some kind of… what was that movie we saw? Where the bad kids had to sleep in the creepy basement?” 

“This isn’t a basement, Klaus, it’s a health and safety hazard.” 

“Excuse me?” the boy said, sitting up straighter and rubbing his eyes. “Who are you?” 

“New kids.” Violet sighed, leaning against the doorway. “What are you doing in this deathtrap?” 

“It’s our shack.” the girl said. 

“What do you mean, it’s ‘your shack?’” 

“We mean it’s the Orphans Shack and we have to live here.” 

“What the actual shit?” 

“Okay, listen,” Klaus said, stepping away from the doorway. “Get out here. We can’t talk to you while you’re sitting in there.” 

Carefully, the two students walked out, very confused. Violet bit her lip to keep from asking why they left their schoolbags in there, and instead slammed the door and said, “Okay, explain. What’s this shit?” 

“Who the hell are you?” the girl snapped. 

“Emily and Liam Sonnenfeld.” Violet said, gesturing between them. 

“You just called him ‘Klaus.’” the boy said. 

Violet shut her eyes, stifling a groan, while Klaus started rapidfire swearing under his breath. 

“Look. Tell us who you are and about your shack, and we’ll tell you our shit, okay?” Klaus said. 

The two students glanced at each other; in the light, the Baudelaires realized that they must be siblings, as they were pretty much identical, the only difference being the girl having longer hair and the boy having a green notebook instead of a black in his pocket. Eventually, the girl turned back to them and said, “Isadora Quagmire. This is my brother, Duncan. We’re in the Orphans Shack because we’re orphans.” 

“I don’t follow.” Violet said. 

“Your parent or legal guardian needs to sign a permission slip for you to sleep in the dorms.” Duncan said, glaring at the ground. “And we don’t have parents, and the executor of our parents’ estate dumped us here cause orphans aren’t In, so we have to sleep out here.” 

“Well that is absolute pigshit.” Violet said. She kicked the side of the shack and said, “There’s plenty of empty rooms in the dorms.” 

“There _is?”_ Isadora asked, a spark of anger in her eyes. 

“Yeah.” Violet shrugged. “We just found an empty room to ourselves so we don’t have to split up.” 

“Son of a…” Duncan muttered. 

“I’m going to kill Nero.” Isadora said. _“That bastard’s days are at their end / He won’t last til next weekend.”_

Klaus hesitated, and then tugged Violet’s sleeve. _Let me try something._ “You said you were orphans?” 

“Yeah.” Isadora sighed. 

She fell silent, so Duncan was the one who eventually said, “We lost our parents in a terrible fire.” 

Violet and Klaus exchanged a look. “VFD bullshit?” Violet said. 

“VFD bullshit.” 

“You guys say the word ‘shit’ a lot.” Duncan noted. 

“What’s VFD?” Isadora asked. 

“Long story.” 

Isadora hesitated, then reached into her pocket, and pulled something out. “Does it have something to do with this?” 

She held out, to their astonishment, half of a VFD spyglass. The Eye was etched into the front, and she pointed to it, saying, “Those initials are kinda… there.” 

Violet and Klaus exchanged a look. “Do you think-” 

“It was the _last_ place our parents told us to go.” 

“Makes sense to gather possible recruits together.” 

“Should we lead a jailbreak?” 

“That’ll just get them grabbed faster. Not everyone can last on the streets, and if their parents-” 

“And they leave orphans outside where they can get grabbed.” 

“We’re going to have to do double lookout.” 

“No sleep for us, then.” 

“Our main goal is to protect Sunny. And-” 

“What the _fuck_ are you two talking about?” Isadora snapped. 

The Baudelaires paused, having been lost in their plans. They turned back, scanning the kids over. 

“Definite targets.” Violet said. 

“Definite.” 

“So we’re gonna wanna jailbreak them first.” 

“Yeah, we can do that.” 

“Come with us, Quagmires.” Violet said, gesturing for them to follow. “You can sleep in our dorm. The more the merrier.” 

“Excuse me, what?” Duncan said. 

“We’ll explain in there.” Klaus said. “Get your bags and your stuff.” 

“What the-” 

“We’ll explain everything there.” Violet said. She reached out, putting a hand on Isadora’s shoulder. “Promise. But you’re going to have to come with us. Also, you’re going to have to not talk to anyone about us at _all.”_

“What?” 

“Hurry up.” 

The Quagmires glanced at each other, and then Duncan said, “Can we trust you?” 

Klaus, in response, pulled Josephine’s spyglass from his jacket pocket. 

The Quagmires stared at it, and then Isadora said, “I’ll get our bags.” 

“So, let me get this straight.” Duncan said. 

He flipped his commonplace book back a page or two, where’d he’d taken notes on the Baudelaires’ explanation. The children had split the pile of blankets and pillows between each other and now had them all in a circle, sitting at the edge to face each other. Sunny, who had taken an immediate shine to the newcomers, had crawled onto Isadora’s lap and now was chewing on her jacket. Thankfully, Isadora didn’t seem to mind, and in fact was currently fixing Sunny’s ponytail. Violet rocked back-and-forth slightly, hugging her bag, while Klaus fiddled with his shirt and glanced between the Quagmires. 

“Oh, buddy,” Violet sighed, “You’re not getting anything straight with us.” 

“Same.” Isadora smirked. 

“So, your parents were in a cult that has these spyglasses. So, apparently, that means our parents were in the cult, too.” 

“Seems like it.” 

“They tried to leave and got framed for a crime- except they _did_ commit the crime so it wasn’t framing, technically.” 

“Technically.” Klaus nodded. 

“You all have been on the run your whole lives, except now your parents were kidnapped by this Olaf guy, and he wants to kidnap you so he can torture and kill you in front of your parents.” 

“Pretty much.” 

“And you’ve been jumping from place-to-place waiting for them to escape on their own, and you forged papers to get in here and hide out.” 

“That’s it.” 

“Olaf and his troupe can and will kill anyone near you.” 

“Yeah.” 

“So we’re in danger.” Isadora said. 

“Well, yeah.” Klaus said. “Which is an issue. But consider, would we rather keep you near us until we can find out how to break you outta here, or leave you alone in a shack to inevitably get kidnapped by a cult?” 

“That does seem reasonable.” Duncan said. 

“No, it doesn’t!” Isadora said. “Duncan, I’d rather not be hunted by a psycho!” 

“And I’d rather not be grabbed a cult.” 

“Look, maybe- maybe it’s different, if Mother and Father were there-” 

“Would explain why they were gone all the time.” 

“Seriously? You’re going to _doubt them?”_

“I’m not going to join a cult just because of them, no!” 

“And I’m not _losing another brother!”_

Violet and Klaus scooted back, a little startled. Sunny paused her biting, staring up at Isadora in confusion. Duncan gasped a little, and then he slid his commonplace book into his pocket, fighting back tears. 

“Bro?” Sunny asked. 

Isadora swallowed, taking slow breaths and trying to calm herself down. Then she nodded. “We- we’re triplets.” 

“Our brother, Quigley, died in the fire.” Duncan said. 

Violet’s eyes widened in sympathy, and then she moved over, taking Duncan’s hand. “I’m so sorry.” 

“That must be horrible.” Klaus said. He looked over at Sunny, who crawled off of Isadora’s lap and over to him, lifting her arms so he could pick her up. He did, cradling her close. “I can’t imagine losing a sibling.” 

“It’s- it’s bad enough being separated from our family.” Violet shivered. “But… _dead…”_

Isadora stared hard at the ground, and Duncan slowly leaned over, putting his head on Violet’s shoulder. She wrapped an arm around him, and Klaus scooted over to Isadora, holding out his hand for her. 

Isadora, however, said, “You recognized we were VFD before you saw the spyglass. It was when we said our house burned down.” 

Klaus hesitated. “Uh-” 

“Did the fire- did that have something to do with it?” Isadora looked over at him, pleading with her eyes. “What about the fire tipped you off?” 

Klaus and Violet exchanged another look. _Be careful._ “Houses burning down and orphaning children are… common. In VFD.” Violet said. 

“When Firestarters find out where Volunteers live.” Klaus said. “Or… or in some, some _extreme_ cases… when Volunteers won’t give up their children…” 

Duncan and Isadora looked up sharply, and then stared at each other. “So…” Isadora said, her voice breaking, “So it was _their fault?”_

“I- it’s probable-” 

“Then they could kill Duncan, too.” Isadora shivered. 

“Well, I mean-” Violet stumbled. “Probably not _intentionally,_ you know? But like- I won’t lie-” 

“Why did you tell us this?” Isadora looked sharply at her. “Why would you tell us _all_ of this? Why do you trust us?” 

Violet opened her mouth to answer, and then paused. Why _had_ she trusted them so quickly? Did she just want a connection? Was she just full of righteous fury at seeing them in a shack? Was she just so _desperate_ to talk to somebody about what was going on…? 

She looked up at them again, and then her eyes flickered to the half-spyglass in Isadora’s hands, and then she realized. 

“I guess I just would rather have you with us,” she said, “Then leave you alone to suffer with no preparation. I…” 

She looked to Klaus for help, and he nodded, understanding. He edged Sunny off of his lap, and then leaned forwards, grabbing a hand from each triplet. 

“Our Mother told us once,” he said, “That if you’re in danger, it’s better to know you are so you can prepare. If you don’t know, then it hits you by surprise. It might be a better buildup, because you’re not living in fear, but then when it happens, you have less a chance of getting out alive. And the most important thing is to _stay alive._ Live to fight another day, because…” 

“Spero.” Sunny said. 

Klaus smiled, and translated. “Because if you live another day, that day might be the one that makes things better.” 

Duncan and Isadora both stared down at his hands, and then Duncan started to cry, followed quickly by his sister. 

“Besides,” Violet added, hoping to lighten the mood, “I’d rather you be in here than dying in a shack.” 

“Yeah.” Isadora nodded, smiling slightly as tears rolled down her cheeks. “Yeah, I- I would’ve done the same- the same thing-” 

“Quigley would’ve done the same, too.” Duncan muttered. 

Violet held out her arms, and everyone scrambled into a group hug.


	21. Beatrice and Bertrand go on a short Road Trip

**CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE**

_ Beatrice and Bertrand go on a short Road Trip _

The trolley slid to a stop, and Beatrice shook her husband’s arm. Bertrand was asleep on her shoulder, finally able to rest a little without fear of waking up. When the bus finally opened its doors, Beatrice helped him to his feet, and they clutched hands as they walked down to the door. 

The Trolleyman gave them an odd look. “Are you two alright?” 

“Yes.” Beatrice said. She glanced down at the dried blood on her clothes, looked back up, and said, “We’re actors. Forgot to change our clothes from the theater.” 

The Trolleyman smiled and nodded, accepting this, and Beatrice and Bertrand waved as they stepped off. 

As soon as the trolley departed, Bertrand said, “Soon as we find new clothes, we’re stealing them. We’ve been in this shit for way too long.” 

Beatrice looked around the parking lot. “Okay, dear. What car do you want?” 

“Something we can sleep in.” Bertrand considered. “If the kids are there, we’ll want something we can fit the who family in.” 

Beatrice considered, walking more into the lot, and then she moved to a small car. “This could be a tight squeeze but could hold us to our destination and then to a train station. Get us the fuck outta here.” 

“Not that small. We’ve had smaller.” 

“True. Alright, I’ll hijack it for us.” She moved to the windows, and then knocked on them. She smiled. “Good news, Bert. The windows are thick. We won’t smell the goddamn horseradish.” 

“Thank fuck.” 

They had to pull over to the side of the road about halfway through the night, and thankfully the windows did prevent the horseradish smell from reaching them. Beatrice passed out, completely exhausted, and Bertrand didn’t have the heart to wake her when morning came. The two of them had crawled into the backseat to hold each other as they slept, and he looked down at her, sunlight filtering through the windows and dappling her skin. Her hair, finally washed at the gym they’d managed to stop at before the trolley, was fluffing up, brushing against his arm as she slept against his chest. He smiled slightly, and slowly moved, trying to adjust their position so he could slide her onto the backseat without waking her and he could continue driving. She groaned and, still asleep, gripped his shirt, trying to keep him against her. He let out a small laugh, tears springing to the edge of his eyes, and he gave her a gentle, soft kiss on the forehead, hoping to calm her down. After a minute or two, her grip slipped, and he managed to slide her onto the backseat and crawl into the front, turning the car back on. 

He drove for another hour or two, just watching the grass sway in the breeze and the sun hit the road ahead of him. God, he’d missed nature. He’d missed being  _ outside.  _ He couldn’t wait to get his children and get the hell out of there, find them someplace to stay until they could figure something out. Once, they’d camped out on a hill for a week, and Violet and Klaus, who had been  _ so _ small then, had begged him to roll down the hill with them, and pick dandelions, and splash in the creek, no matter how dirty they’d get their clothes. 

Once they were all together, they were going to go back to that hill, and they were going to get as dirty as they damn well pleased. 

Bertrand turned, and then immediately slammed the car to a halt. He stomped on the brake, jolting as the car stopped, and he immediately shut it off, breathing raggedly, eyes wide. 

He heard Beatrice stirring behind him and, God, he wished he had something better to wake her up to. But he could only let out quick, panicked breaths as he stared ahead, and when she yawned, he said, “Bea. Bea, we’re in trouble.” 

Beatrice instantly sprang into action, not one for remaining tired when something was wrong. She leapt into the shotgun seat, stared out the windshield, and then let out a cry, throwing a hand over her mouth. 

The front of Monty’s house had police caution tape, some blowing in the breeze, some still clinging to the doorway or poles. Monty’s beloved hedge maze was torn up, looking like it’d been hacked apart by a wild animal, and there were one or two smashed windows. 

“No.” Beatrice shook her head. “No, no, no…” 

Upon seeing his wife’s panic, Bertrand suddenly felt his own fear shoved aside, and he whipped around, grabbing her shoulders. She turned back to him, terrified, and he said, “Bea, listen. Listen. Here’s what we’re going to do.” His mind was racing, a hundred miles an hour. “We’re going to see if anyone’s there.” 

“Yes.” 

“If not, we’ll see how long it’s been since anyone’s been there.” 

“What?” 

“If it’s been…” Bertrand shut his eyes, trying to figure out how long they’d been captured. “Longer than since Josephine died, we’ll know the kids went here first and then to her. If it’s shorter, we’ll figure out how long. We’ll search the tunnel in the Reptile Room, and look for things our children may have left behind, and figure out what happened.” 

Beatrice nodded quickly. He could see her eyes darting, her breath coming in quick gasps, and he knew soon she’d start shaking, and she’d fall into a panic attack if he didn’t do something. 

“Hey, hey. We thought this might happen.” 

“We- Monty- the children-” 

“It’s okay. We have a plan, alright?” 

“I- I can’t- darling, I-” 

“Bea.” Bertrand started rubbing her shoulders, and then gestured his head. She leaned over, leaning against his chest again, burying her face in his shirt. He hugged her close, and started humming a little, waiting a moment before singing softly to her. 

_ “Doesn’t take much to make me happy and make me smile with glee. Never, never will I feel discouraged, cause our love’s no mystery.”  _

Beatrice smiled a little, and her breath slowed. 

_ “Demonstrating love and affection that you give so openly. I like the way you make me feel about you, baby, want the whole wide world to see.”  _

“You remember that song.” Beatrice murmured. 

“Of course.” Bertrand smiled. “Wedding dance, Bea. Not gonna forget.” 

“I seem to recall it being much faster-paced.” 

“I’m not about to break out into a full pop song right now.” 

“Not for a while, I don’t think.” 

They huddled together for another moment, and then Bertrand said, “Let’s go in.” 

“Yes.” 

They sighed, and he opened the car door. They slowly emerged, clinging to each other, and they made their way up the driveway. The smell of horseradish was faint now, which was good, because it wasn’t a scent that made either of them feel good. They made it up to the door, and Bertrand pushed it, watching it creak open. He narrowed his eyes; the lights were still on. He would’ve expected the police to turn them off before leaving…  _ don’t panic. Just stay close to Beatrice.  _

They wandered in, looking ahead at the door to the reptile room, which was swinging ajar. Monty would’ve never left it unlocked. He could even see, just by peering in, that there were open cages, and there wasn’t the sound of any reptiles inside. All gone. 

He gripped tighter onto Beatrice, and they wandered into the kitchen, where she collapsed on a chair, trying to take slow, deep breaths. Bertrand walked to the counter, seeing a few muddy lizard prints, a few remains of chocolate spills, some icing stains and a few chips in the paint. Some of those looked like teeth marks, and Bertrand ran a hand over them, wondering which lizard did that. Then he stopped, staring down. 

“Bea. Bea, are these  _ Sunny’s?”  _

Beatrice shot to her feet, rushing over as fast as she could. She gripped onto the edge of the counter, and then let out a joyous cry, nodding. They could recognize the bite pattern of their youngest anywhere. 

“So she was here.” Bertrand said. 

Beatrice froze. “You don’t think-” 

“No. Olaf couldn’t have gotten here before us.” Bertrand said, that thought settling into his mind. “Not after we escaped. And we… we would’ve known if he got them. Meaning that they were here and then left.” 

“Do you think… Monty…” 

They looked at each other, both with a sadness in their eyes. 

“He killed Josephine.” Beatrice whispered. 

Bertrand silently put a hand over hers, and she sighed, trying to contain herself. “I would have hoped we left all this behind.” 

“I know.” 

“And maybe it would be  _ easier.  _ After not talking to them for fifteen years.” 

“I know.” 

“But… we never got to see them again.” 

“We didn’t.” Bertrand choked back a sob. God, there were so many people he wanted to see at least once more- Kit, Dewey, Jacques, R… Lemony… “But, Bea, we have our children. And we need to find them.” 

Beatrice shut her eyes, and then nodded. “Let’s figure out how long it’s been since anyone’s been here. Then we get to work.” 

Bertrand smiled. “That’s my girl.” 

She laughed a little, and then pulled away, moving to the fridge. “If there’s any food left, we can probably guess how long it’s been there.” 

“Can’t have been long.” 

Beatrice opened the door, kneeling down and peering inside. “Pickles, obviously, some peaches- not a lot, though, he must’ve been running low. And…” her face changed, then, confusion spreading across her features. 

“What? What’s wrong?” 

Beatrice stood, pulling out a half-full jug of milk. Bertrand wrinkled his nose, stepping back. “Ugh, Bea, that’s gonna smell worse than Lousy Lane.” 

“No.” she shook her head, slamming the milk on the counter. She twisted it open, and then turned to Bertrand. “It isn’t spoiled.” 

“Maybe Monty hasn’t been gone long.” 

“Or maybe someone’s  _ here.”  _

Bertrand considered, then shook his head. “Bea, if the kids were here-” 

“What if it’s someone  _ else?”  _ Beatrice hugged herself, looking down at a scar on her husband’s arm. “I’m not getting taken by surprise again.” 

“Bea-” 

“Stop.” she held up a hand, and they heard some kind of a faint noise, like a hiss. At first, they thought maybe something had opened- some vent, or maybe a can somewhere. Then, after a moment, they realized it  _ was _ a hiss. 

“Holy- no.” Beatrice shook her head. “No, there’s no way…” 

She turned, and in the doorway slithered the Incredibly Deadly Viper. 

Beatrice and Bertrand stared in shock for an instant, and then they both shouted,  _ “Inky!”  _

They raced forwards, sliding onto their knees in front of the snake. It reared up and hissed, its eyes lighting with delight. Beatrice threw open her arms, and it slithered around her, squeezing in a sort-of hug, before flinging onto Bertrand, wrapping around his shoulders and hissing in his face. Bertrand laughed, immediately wrapping his arms around the serpent’s body and squeezing it to him. 

“Oh, Inky, baby!” Bertrand said. “We didn’t think we’d see you again! How’d you get off the island?” 

“Are you alright?” Beatrice put the snake’s head in her hands, cooing. “Did mean ol’ Ishmael banish you, too?” 

“How’d you get here-” Bertrand paused, then laughed. “Did Monty find you? Oh, Monty loves his reptiles, doesn’t he?” 

Inky hissed and nodded, before slithering back to the floor, laying its head on Beatrice’s knee. 

“Oh, our poor baby.” Beatrice said, stroking its scales. “I bet Monty thought you were a snake, didn’t he?” 

“What happened?” Bertrand asked. “Can you tell us?” 

Inky slithered away, before gesturing a little with his tail. Fortunately, the Baudelaires remembered enough of training it to know what it was trying to impart upon them. 

“You… Monty… here.” Beatrice said. Inky nodded. 

“Children here… like us-” Bertrand beamed. “You saw our kids?” 

Inky nodded excitedly, and then made a few more gestures. 

“Sunny loves you, of course she does.” Beatrice put her hands over her heart. “She’s our daughter, and you’re our little Inky.” 

“If we could’ve gotten you off the island with us, we would have.” Bertrand assured it. “We promise. But please continue.” 

Inky made a few more gestures, and their faces darkened. “Olaf came. Killed Monty.” Beatrice said quietly. 

“Kids… trapdoor.” Bertrand smiled. “Maze. They got out.” 

“Do you know what happened after that?” 

Inky shook its head, but then made a few more gestures with its tail. 

“I… didn’t quite get that, Inky.” 

Inky made a sound like a sigh, and then gestured with its tail that they should follow it. It then slithered away, and Beatrice and Bertrand only exchanged a confused look before running after it. 

It went to the stairs, carefully sliding up the railing, glaring down at the steps as if it had personally offended it. Beatrice, guessing that the snake was not fond of going up stairs, skipping most of them, Bertrand close at her heels, as they made their way to the second floor. Inky slithered down the hall with some kind of urgency, only occasionally stopping to taste the air before continuing down, clearly looking for something. 

It finally stopped at a door, bouncing against it with its head. Bertrand pushed it open, and Inky slithered in, gesturing with its tail. 

Beatrice crept in first, listening attentively. This room was clearly one of the guest rooms, though it didn’t look like it had been used, so her first suspicion of  _ one of the children left something here  _ went away quickly. Then she paused, straining to listen, and she realized she heard something beneath the hiss of the viper as it slithered to the other side of the bed. 

There was a faint, muffled crying. 

She froze, holding out a hand to make sure Bertrand, who was close behind her, didn’t make too much noise. They listened attentively, eventually placing the crying as behind the bed, where Inky had gone. And after listening, they realized it was coming from a young boy. 

Beatrice froze, and raced forwards, calling, “Klaus? Klaus!” 

She swung around the bed, and then froze. 

A young boy jumped up, leaping back, as Inky slithered under the bed. He threw up his hands, absolute terror in his damp eyes, and he almost fell into a dresser with how fast he stumbled away. Beatrice jumped back, throwing up her hands to try and show him she was unarmed, and Bertrand quickly ran beside her, staring ahead. 

“I- I- who are you?” the boy said, wiping his eyes with his sleeve and continuing to shake. “What are you- I’m sorry- I-” 

“It’s okay.” Bertrand said carefully. He also briefly put up his hands, and then stepped forwards. “It’s okay, we’re not going to hurt you. We thought you were… someone else.” 

“I- get  _ away _ from me!” 

Bertrand stopped approaching, but he didn’t retreat, staring at the boy. “I’m sorry we startled you. My name is Bertrand, and this is my wife, Beatrice. What’s your name?” 

The boy shook, his eyes darting around the room. “I- I shouldn’t tell you. Nobody was supposed to come here, not without Jacques-” 

“Jacques?” Beatrice jumped. “Jacques  _ Snicket?”  _

The boy froze. “You- you know him?” 

Bertrand put his hands over his mouth, to keep from crying at the thought. Beatrice slowly stepped beside her husband, putting a comforting hand on his arm. “Yes.” she said. “Old friend. But we haven’t seen him in a while- what’s he doing  _ here?  _ Investigating Monty’s death?” 

“I- I really don’t know.” the boy shook his head, trying back up a little more. “He won’t tell me- he was supposed to be back by now- please just  _ leave me alone,  _ I don’t want any trouble I just- I just-” 

He stopped, staring down at his shaking hands and finally breaking, letting his tears flow. After a moment, Beatrice stepped forwards again, and held out her arms. “Hey. It’s okay. It’s-” 

The boy leapt forwards and hugged her tight, and Bertrand quickly embraced them, too, as the child sobbed. After a moment, Beatrice carefully maneuvered them so they could sit down on the bed, and Bertrand edged away, keeping an arm around Beatrice and this boy. 

“I… I want my  _ parents.”  _ the boy cried. “I want my  _ siblings,  _ I-I- I…” 

“It’s okay. Everything’s going to be alright.” Beatrice muttered. 

Bertrand put his free hand on the boy’s knee. “You said Jacques was gone. Did he just… leave you here?” 

“I- he’ll be back…” the boy pulled away, wiping his face with his sleeve again, squinting his eyes. “I- who are you?” 

“Beatrice and Bertrand Baudelaire.” Beatrice said cautiously. “We were hoping- we were hoping our children might be here. But we’re glad we found you.” 

“I- I don’t-” 

“Would you like a distraction?” Bertrand asked. “From your… feelings? Sometimes that helps me calm down.” 

“I- I don’t know…” 

“I could recite a poem.” 

Beatrice smiled slightly, and then joked, “Bertrand’ll take any excuse to recite a poem.” 

“I’m trying to cheer him up.” 

“Showing off and cheering him up are not mutually exclusive.” 

The boy laughed a little, too, before curling his legs in so he could hug his knees, slowly removing his arms from around Beatrice. He rocked slightly, and Beatrice smiled, rocking with him a little. “Are you alright?” 

“I- I think so.” 

“Are you hurt?” 

“No.” 

She paused. “You said you- you wanted your family.” she and Bertrand exchanged a look, both thinking the same thing- Jacques, lost child, VFD house… “Are they around?” 

The boy shook slightly. “My- my- my siblings are at- at school. My parents- are- they- there was a  _ fire…”  _

“Oh.” Beatrice said. “Oh, I’m so sorry.” 

She put her hands on his shoulders and said, “Why are you with Jacques?” 

“He- he found me here- I went through a tunnel- my Mother put me in a tunnel and told me to wait but I couldn’t get out so I wandered and found my way here- and Jacques came and- and told me to wait here.” 

“He didn’t take you to the authorities? Or your siblings?” Bertrand asked. 

“He- it might be- be dangerous. Everyone thinks I’m dead. And- and he’s taking me to- to VFD, when he gets back-” 

“And  _ there  _ it is.” Beatrice muttered. 

“What?” 

“Okay, yeah, that’s not happening.” Bertrand said, standing up. 

The boy’s eyes widened in panic. “You- are you  _ firestarters?”  _

“Fuck no.” Beatrice said. “We’re not part of either side of VFD.”

“We can explain, but first,” Bertrand said, “Where are your siblings? Are you  _ sure  _ they’re ‘at school’?” 

“Y-yeah. Last I checked.” the boy nodded. “The newspaper said they were sent to Prufrock-” 

“Thank God.” Bertrand said. “That’s our next stop.” 

“We’ll get you to your siblings,” Beatrice promised, “And away from VFD.” 

“No, no- VFD-” 

“It’s not good.” Beatrice said. “We can explain more, uh… I’m sorry, what’s your name?” 

The boy looked between them, as if trying to decide whether or not he should dare to trust them. Then he looked down at his legs and nodded. 

“Quigley. Quigley Quagmire.” 


	22. School Shenanigans

**CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO**

_ School Shenanigans _

“No, no, Duncan,” Klaus sighed, “You have to relax. Here, stand like this.” 

The children were out by the shack, taking a bit of a break from their usual routine. Over the last several days, they’d managed to get their own schedule down: Duncan and Isadora would sneak out to class, while the Baudelaires went to the roof to watch for their parents, with books they smuggled out of the library. Isadora and Duncan would smuggle them food at lunch if Sunny hadn’t been able to swipe some, and then when class was done, the Quagmires would join them and read, and they’d go back to the room as night fell, with Violet and Klaus switching out sitting by the window to watch the yard. 

But recently, over the last week or so, the Baudelaires had taken to getting off the roof early with the Quagmires to give them a bit of self-defense training. It had started when Sunny was telling them the story of how she and her siblings escaped the Reptile Room, and Isadora casually mentioned they would never have been able to throw off an attacker. Violet and Klaus, very concerned by this, had taken them to the gym field and showed them how to get out of a headlock, and they ended up getting into how to get out of most holds, and before they knew it, they were given the Quagmires a better education than the one in their classes. 

Today Duncan had asked Klaus about his throwing knives, and so the Quagmires were practicing by throwing them at the outer wall of the Orphans Shack, where Violet had crudely drawn a target. Isadora was doing a bit better than her brother, so at the moment she was taking a break with Violet, who was showing her and Sunny how to start a fire. The two girls were watching with fascination; Sunny’s eyes were wide as Violet piled up the tinder, and Isadora held two of her own sticks in her hand, excited to be able to practice herself. 

Klaus handed Duncan back his knife, which had terribly missed the target, and said, “Now, you need a better posture.” 

“I know.” 

“You need to relax your body, and keep your dominant foot forward.” 

“I  _ know, _ I’m just scared I’m gonna miss and I’m going to hit someone.” 

“Don’t worry, you’re not gonna do that.” 

“How do you know?” 

“First of all, you’re not standing close enough to hit anyone with that swing. Second, you’re much better at aiming than you think you are. You just need to be able to hit the target. Here, stand like this.” 

Klaus put his hands around Duncan, adjusting his stance and not noticing how tense Duncan got. “Now put your foot- there, yeah. Okay, let’s try the half spin throw again.” 

“Yeah.” Duncan said quickly. 

“Now, blade facing you.” 

“Yeah.” 

“Handle towards the sky.” 

“Handle towards the sky.” 

“Now, moderate force throw.” 

“Moderate force throw.” 

Duncan swung his arm slightly as Klaus stepped back, following his direction, and then he threw, and his eyes landed as the knife hit the target. 

“Whoo!” Klaus cheered, and soon the girls joined in as well, laughing and clapping a little.  _ “There  _ we go! We’ll try that again a few times, then work on the one spin throw.” 

“I- I did it?” Duncan asked, astonished. 

“Very sporty of you.” Isadora giggled. 

“Don’t you dare.” Duncan broke into a grin, and then bounced a little, clapping his hands together. “I did it! I hit the target! Let’s go again!” 

Klaus removed the knife from the wall and handed it back to him. Duncan swung and threw, and cheered loudly when he hit it again. “I  _ did it!”  _

Isadora and Violet both laughed a little, and Klaus ran to get the knife, and then they heard a stunned voice behind them. 

_ “What  _ did you do, cakesniffer?” 

Isadora and Duncan’s faces both fell and they let out groans, while Klaus sighed and pocketed the knife, turning to wave at Carmelita Spats, who was standing in the field, her schoolbag slung over her shoulder. 

“The fuck are you doing here, Spats?” Isadora asked, turning to glare at her. 

“I was looking for the- it doesn’t  _ matter!”  _ Carmelita stamped her foot. “What is going  _ on?”  _

“Hey, Carm.” Violet put on the cheap smile again. “You know the Quagmires?” 

“The cakesniffers? Of course.” Carmelita tossed her hair. “They’re stinky orphans and you shouldn’t be hanging out with them.” She blinked, then, and said, “Have you been going to any classes? Where are your uniforms?” 

“Uniforms suck.” Klaus shrugged, moving to sit in front of Sunny so Carmelita didn’t notice her; luckily, this seemed to work. “We’re not wearing them.” 

“And we’ll hang out with who we want.” Violet shrugged, still keeping the smile on. “You could join us, if you wish.” 

Klaus shot her a look, and Violet shot him one back, pretty much saying,  _ It’s called reverse psychology, Klaus.  _

“Ew, no.” Carmelita turned up her nose. “I have my  _ own _ friends, thanks.” 

“They only hang out with you cause they’re scared you’ll beat them up otherwise.” Duncan sighed, moving to sit beside Klaus, while Sunny laid down in the grass to help hide herself. 

“And I’ll beat  _ you _ up if you don’t buzz off.” 

“We were here first.” Isadora said. 

“Do you think I care?” 

“I think you should.” Violet said. 

“I think I could report you if you don’t leave, for skipping class and abandoning your dorm.” 

“I think I could report you for kicking me out,” Violet retorted, her smile still glued to her face, “And for general misconduct.”

“Yeah.” Carmelita smirked, crossing her arms. “Let’s see who they believe.” 

Violet’s smile dropped, and she turned to Klaus. “Alright, show her what we were doing.” 

“What?” Carmelita said, confused. 

Klaus smiled. “We were practicing our knife tricks. We’re quite good.” With that, he pulled the knife out of his pocket and tossed it behind him. It hit the target, dead center. 

Carmelita stared at it for a good minute, completely silent. Then without another word, she spun on her heel and stalked off. 

“And that,” Violet said, standing up and gesturing dramatically with her arms, “Is how you get rid of an annoying little shit.” 

Isadora and Duncan whooped and clapped, and Violet took a mock bow. Sunny crawled back out from behind Klaus and fell over while giggling, and Klaus jumped up to grab the knife again. 

“Now,” Violet said, “Let’s get back to it!” 

That night, the small group had fallen asleep in their circle, with Sunny curled up against Klaus’s pillow and cuddling against her brother. Violet was watching the window, seated on the sill and staring out at the sky, when she heard Isadora start to stand. She didn’t move, just glanced quickly to make sure she looked alright before going back to watching the dark clouds. 

To her surprise, though, in a few moments Isadora had moved over to her. “Hey, uh, Violet?” 

Violet glanced back at her, and whispered back, “Yeah?” 

“Um… where’s the- the bathroom? In the dorms. We usually go in the school building but-” 

“You have to go?” 

Isadora hesitated, and then muttered, “I think my period started.” 

“Oh.” Violet slid off the windowsill. “I’ve got period underwear, if you need it.” 

“I- I think I have tampons. What’s period underwear?” 

“Well, pad and tampon boxes take up a lot of space,” Violet shrugged, “So we’ve got washable underwear that absorbs the blood. I might have some spares if you want.” 

“I- I’ll stick with tampons for now, but thank you.” 

“No problem. Get your stuff and follow me, I’ll show you where it is.” 

“You don’t have to-” 

“I’m not letting you get lost. Besides, it’s Klaus’s watch anyway.” 

Violet went over to her brother, carefully kicking him. He finally sighed and sat up, and she said, “Taking Isa to the bathroom. Your turn at the window.” 

He shot her a bleary thumbs-up, and Violet grabbed Isadora’s hand, leading her into the hall. 

Once they were out the door, she whispered, “By the way… thank you. For not telling anyone about this.” 

“It’s fine.” Isadora shrugged. “Most exciting thing to happen to us since we’ve been here.” 

“How long have you been here?” 

“Not… super long. A week or two before you showed up.” 

Violet did the math in her head. “We likely would’ve been with Josephine.” 

“Your lives sound crazy.” Isadora said. “I mean… how weird is it?” 

“Not that weird.” Violet shrugged. “I mean, it’s all I’m used to. Being in one place for a long time,  _ that’s  _ weird. And you guys got to go, like, out in public without your parents in disguises. You guys never worried about being followed?” 

“No.” Isadora laughed slightly. “Never crossed our minds. We just worried about Quigley being an idiot and embarrassing us in public.” 

“He doesn’t sound  _ that  _ bad.” 

“You didn’t live with him.” Isadora’s face fell slightly, and she said, “he’d be useless on the run. Get his ass caught in a few days.” 

“I doubt that. You said he was a cartographer, so he’d be good with knowing locations, which is very helpful or escaping. And you said he was resourceful-” 

“Yeah but he was a loudmouthed, reckless idiot.” Isadora sighed, and stopped a moment, leaning against the wall and running her hands through her hair. “I just… sometimes I forget he’s not  _ there.” _

Violet walked beside her, grabbing her hand. “I’m sorry.” 

“I… no. No, actually, you’re helping.” Isadora wiped her eyes with her free sleeve. “Joking about him makes it feel like he  _ is _ here. I think he’d want us to do that. He told us once that…” she smiled, “God, this is gonna sound so bad, but he told us once that at his funeral, he wanted it closed casket, and then have the music to ‘Pop Goes the Weasel’ start playing real slowly and speed up-” 

“Oh my  _ God.”  _

“Yeah.” Isadora laughed. “He’ll come back to haunt us when he realizes we were not able to do that.” 

“Well, then, you can introduce us.” 

“I look forward to it.” Isadora sighed and said, “Is the bathroom close?” 

“Yeah, come on.” 

They rounded the next corner in silence, and Violet held the door open for Isadora. “I’ll wait out here for you.” 

“Gotcha.” 

Isadora went in, and Violet bounced on her feet, fiddling with her ribbon as she waited. She glanced down the hall on occasion, just making sure nobody was going to surprise them. 

Then after a minute or so, she did hear some cautious footsteps by the bend. She stood up, preparing to tell whoever it was that the stall was occupied and they’d have to wait, and then she paused in confusion when Carmelita Spats poked her head around the bend. 

Violet sighed and relaxed, preparing for some insult or another, but instead, Carmelita just glanced behind her, and then carefully moved over so she was by the older girl. “Hey.” 

Violet tilted her head, confused. “Hey?” 

Carmelita took a deep breath. “Um. What you were doing. With the knives…” 

“Yeah.” 

“Can… can you show me how to do that?” 

Violet blinked. “What?” 

“I mean… the throwing. In case- in case there’s trouble.” 

Violet shut her eyes a moment, running everything she knew about Carmelita in her head. Then she looked back down and said carefully, “Is there… something or someone you need defending against?” 

“It- it doesn’t matter.” 

“It kinda does.” Violet sighed, then quickly added, “Cause, I mean, if you wanna use those tricks against  _ me, _ I need to know what not to teach ya, you dig?” 

“Pfft, I could fight  _ you _ without fancy knife stuff.” 

Violet raised an eyebrow. 

“Look, it’s just… it might be useful.” 

“If?” 

“Why do you care, cakesniffer? Did you give the orphans this interrogation?” 

“I just wanna make sure you’re not gonna use it to go  _ Lord of the Flies  _ on us.” 

“Pfft, I’m not gonna kill anyone. I’d get expelled for that.” 

Violet smiled. “So you’ve read  _ Lord of the Flies, _ huh? Didn’t take you for the type.” 

“I- shut  _ up, _ cakesniffer, I don’t have time to read dumb nerd books.” 

“But you have time to learn how to throw knives.” Violet said. “I’ll teach you.” 

“What?” 

“But first you tell me  _ why.”  _ Violet narrowed her eyes. “And don’t lie.” 

“I-” 

“Don’t try it, Carm. Why do you wanna throw knives?” 

Carmelita glanced down one end of the hall, and then the other. Then she hung her head and whispered, “Sometimes guys look at me in a way I don’t like. And… if I could scare them off, I wouldn’t have to worry about that.” 

Violet’s gaze softened instantly, and she felt a shiver run up her back. She knew that feeling, of course- the terror she’d felt being pushed into the wall, the screams still in her ears as her mother defended her, her father clutching her… but Carmelita could barely be older than Klaus. She was so  _ young,  _ and in a rich kid private school, not living on the  _ streets.  _ She shouldn’t have to worry about that. 

“Oh.” Violet sighed, and then admitted, “I get that.” 

“You- you do?” 

“Yeah.” Violet leaned over slightly, and put a hand on Carmelita’s shoulder, so that the girl looked her in the eye. “And I think knife throwing is a  _ great  _ idea to deal with that.” 

“Really?” 

“Yeah.” Violet leaned back. “We teach the Quagmires survival skills after classes in the gym field or behind the shack. Meet us there whenever. And the rule is you can’t call us ‘cakesniffers’ or ‘orphans’, got it?” 

“I-” Carmelita began, and then she paused, shook herself, and said, “Fine. Deal.” 

The door opened, and Violet stepped back. Isadora came out, looking curiously at Carmelita, who just looked at her in shock, and then turned and skipped away. 

“What was  _ she _ doing here?” Isadora asked. 

Violet paused, and then said, “I think we’re going to teach her how to use knives.” 

“What?” 


	23. Quigley goes on the Lam

**CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE**

_ Quigley goes on the Lam _

They planned out their route as soon as Quigley had stopped crying. When he calmed down, Inky returned and led Beatrice to Monty’s chocolate stash, which she quickly gave to Quigley when they went down to the eerily empty Reptile Room. Beatrice spread out the map Quigley had previously marked on the table, placing a few lamps on either end to keep it open, and then she traced multiple possible paths to Prufrock. She had a very distinct frown when she was concentrating, one that Klaus and Sunny also shared. Bertrand watched her carefully, occasionally glancing at the chair Quigley had curled up in, though the boy also peered over, watching Beatrice mess with the map with a sort of fascination. 

“I think our quickest route, assuming the children are at Prufrock- it should only take them a day or two by bus to get there from Paltryville, where we assume they were last, and it took us about a week to get here, so they should be at the school already. Considering how much gas is left in the car, we should have about two days straight before it gives out, so Quigley can stay in the backseat and we can switch who’s driving. We’ll abandon the car instead of filling up on gas- people will notice the stolen car. After that it’s a week’s walk to the school, but we can cut that time in half if we use public transportation to hit this city, this city, and this one. It may take longer depending on if we can find a place to sleep or if we have to walk all night, and if Olaf catches up to us, we’ll take two days to divert him by traveling in this direction. It’s not a short trip by any means, but it’s the fastest way to our children.” 

“Sounds good.” Bertrand nodded. 

“Wow.” Quigley said. “You know the city layout that well? Public transportation isn’t even marked on this one.” 

“Well, you learn a thing or two after being raised in a cult and then stuck on the run for fifteen years.” Beatrice smirked. “Quigley, pack as much food as you can so we don’t have to stop for it on our drive. Bertrand, let’s find new bags to store supplies in, there should be some around here somewhere. Then we head out.” 

Quigley met them outside, tilting his head curiously as the adults did their best to hug a snake. Inky gave them cuddles with its head, then hissed and slithered away. 

“What’s that about?” he asked, moving over. 

Beatrice smiled sadly. “Inky has somewhere it wants to be, so it’s going to catch up to us later.” 

“It’ll find us. That is a  _ smart _ baby eldritch horror.” Bertrand said. 

“Well, I got the snac- sorry, baby what?” 

“You got the food?” Beatrice asked.

“Uh, yeah.” Quigley shrugged and slid open his bag, rifling through it. “Almond bags, granola bars, whatever was still nonperishable in the house basically. And then I shoved all the water bottles that could fit.” 

“Good thinking.” Beatrice said. 

“I got some books, too!” Quigley added, showing them a stack he had under his arm. “For the ride. I can read them out loud if you guys want, to keep us entertained. I used to do that on roadtrips with my siblings.” 

“Thank you, Quigley, but that’ll just tire you out.” Bertrand smiled, taking some books from him so he could swing his bag back over his shoulder. “We can explain some things to you on the drive. VFD, the Snickets-” 

“Our kids.” Beatrice added. “And you can tell us about your family.” 

“Yeah.” Quigley paused, and then smiled. “I’m seeing my siblings again!” 

“Hell yeah you are!” Beatrice said, holding up a hand for a high-five, an opportunity Quigley quickly took. “Let’s get in the car.” 

Quigley smiled and ran to the backdoor, jumping in and dropping his bag on the ground beside him. He hesitated, though, as Beatrice and Bertrand got in the front seat, his hand hovering over the door handle. 

“You guys  _ are _ safe, right? You’re not gonna kidnap me?” 

Beatrice and Bertrand shared an incredulous look, and Bertrand said, “You only thought to ask this  _ now?”  _

“Father used to say I have the opposite of trust issues. I trust a lot.” 

“Ah.” Bertrand sighed, then turned back. “No, we won’t kidnap you. In fact, soon as we find your siblings, we are finding you a safe,  _ permanent  _ place to live away from all this bullshit.” 

“Promise?” 

As Beatrice started the car, Bertrand leaned his hand back and took Quigley’s, shaking it slightly. “Promise, kid.” 

“Good.” Quigley shut the door, and then said, “I suspected you were trustworthy, anyway. You’re very well-read.” 

“Oh, God.” 

The first day of driving, Quigley was mostly quiet. He pulled out a purple commonplace book to take notes in, only now and again asking a question while they talked. Every so often he’d throw in a trick question to try and figure out if they were lying, but thankfully they were pretty honest with him, so he relaxed quite a bit. He ended up passing out a few hours into the drive, apparently not having done much sleeping the last few days. Beatrice and Bertrand parked every few hours to swap who was driving and who was sleeping, and once Quigley fell asleep, they kinda stopped chatting. Not much to talk about. Not anything that wouldn’t make them feel worse. 

When Quigley awoke, they pulled over at a gym to freshen up, and then took off again. Quigley started talking, then. About his siblings. It sounded like Klaus would be good friends with Duncan, you said he was into research? Duncan’s an aspiring journalist, he’s amazing. He’d love Isadora, too, she’s really into poetry. They could talk about that together. 

When he talked about his parents, his voice fell, and he curled up a little, muttering about how they used to travel a lot- now he understood it was VFD, and now he wasn’t sure if he liked that- but when they were home they spent all their time with their children. 

“They were… great.” Quigley muttered, trying not to cry. 

After a pause, Beatrice, who wasn’t driving, turned and put her hand over Quigley’s. “You must miss them very much.” 

“Yeah.” Quigley nodded, and he shook slightly. Jacques hadn’t said that to him, hadn’t mentioned his parents after saying he knew them. “Did you… know them well?” 

“Only a little, I’ll admit.” Beatrice said. “We saw each other in class. Went on a couple missions. But… I know they were good people, Quigley. Wonderful people. And…” she patted his hand again. “We’re honored to help their children any way we can.” 

Quigley smiled. “What… what did you guys do?” 

“Once we went to Paltryville, we were in a large group.” she said. “We nearly burnt the town down  _ but _ we stopped the fire so technically we were the heroes in that situation.” 

“I got hypnotized.” Bertrand said. 

“Hypnosis?” Quigley bounced slightly, leaning forwards. “You didn’t tell me  _ that!  _ What’s it like?” 

Beatrice shot Bertrand a concerned glance, and he sighed as he turned a bend in the road. “Wish I could tell you. But you’re kinda… amnesiac during it.” 

“Wow.” Quigley said, fascinated. 

Beatrice smiled, bit her lip, and said, “Your Mother trained crows, right?” 

“Carrier birds. She loved them.” Quigley smiled. “We all kinda absorbed the basics just by listening to her.” 

“Did we tell you I trained bats?” 

“No!” Quigley bounced again, pulling out his commonplace book and flipping to a new page. “How different is it from birds?” 

“Well, they sleep in the day, usually.” Beatrice said. “They’re nocturnal.” 

“So were you when you were younger.” Bertrand said. 

Beatrice laughed and punched him on the shoulder. 

When they ran out of gas on the second day, night was already starting to fall. They managed to ditch the car at the edge of a town, and Beatrice helped Quigley shoulder his bag before they made their way through, passing building after building. Finally they found a hotel, and Bertrand went in while Beatrice and Quigley waited outside. When he came out, Quigley said, “Did you get a room?” 

“No, of course not, we don’t have cash.” Bertrand said. “But I managed to scope out which rooms are empty. We’re gonna break into one of those, come on.” 

Quigley jumped, and then stuttered, “Um- okay?” 

“Higher floor is less likely to get sold late at night.” Beatrice said. “We can climb in through a window.” 

“Um-” Quigley began. 

“Room 315.” Bertrand said. “Quigley, get in there and make it to the stairwell, wait outside 315 until we open the door. Don’t go with anyone else.” 

Quigley nodded. “What if you get caught?” 

Beatrice and Bertrand shared a sad look, and then she said, “We won’t. Go on in.” 

Quigley nodded, quickly scampering into the building. He kept his head low, trying to remain unnoticed by the other people milling about the lobby. He found the stairs quick and raced up, playing with his hair to calm his nerves- it had gotten a bit longer than he normally kept it, but he was fine with that. He actually kinda liked it. Now he could see why Isadora was so excited to have longer hair instead of matching her brothers. It was  _ fun.  _

He made it to the third floor and pushed the stairwell door open, cautiously creeping down the hall, jumping when he heard noises from other rooms. His mind drifted to the idea of them getting caught, of people grabbing and shouting at them that they shouldn’t be here, getting handed over to the police… 

He stopped outside of Room 315 and started playing with his hair again. That would distract him, at least. The soothing, swishing feeling… it was so nice. God, he needed to grow it out a bit more. Maybe to the shoulders. That’d be nice without getting distracting. If it was too long it’d fall in his face and he wasn’t sure how he’d keep it out. 

He jumped as the door in front of him started to rattle, and stepped back as it swung open. Bertrand smiled down at him, put a finger to his mouth, and then gestured for him to come in. Quigley beamed and skipped in, watching as Beatrice shut the window, tossing her hair back like it was no big deal. 

“Can you show me how to do that?” Quigley asked, as soon as Bertrand shut the door. 

“When we have the time, yeah.” Beatrice nodded. “We’ll sleep here and set out in the morning. We’ve got a long walk but if we can get to the bus station by tomorrow night we can sleep as it drives.” 

“I’m good at walking. We’ll be fine.” Quigley said. He moved to a bed, bouncing slightly on the mattress. 

“Will you be alright?” Bertrand asked. He dimmed the lights some more, as Beatrice sat by the window to start their first watch. 

“Sure.” Quigley said. He hesitated, and then said, “Just wake me up in an hour or so, I can keep watch.” 

“Oh, honey, no.” Beatrice shook her head, smiling. “We’re used to this. You get your sleep, okay?” 

“But I’m on the run with you now.” 

“No,” Bertrand said quickly, “We’re just getting you to your siblings. You go to sleep, okay? Get some rest.” 

“I want to help.” 

“You can help by getting rest. We’ve got a long walk.” Bertrand reminded him, sitting on the other bed and smiling at him. “Goodnight, kid.” 

“...okay.” 

Quigley ended up crawling into bed, but after several minutes of laying there, he found he wasn’t able to calm down enough to rest. His head felt a bit bleary- that feeling when you’re tired but still can’t sleep. That was normal, right? 

So he rolled over and said, “I can’t sleep. Can’t I just… stay up with you guys?” 

Bertrand and Beatrice sighed, and Bertrand moved over to Quigley, sitting beside his bed. “What do you normally do to fall asleep?” 

Quigley shrugged. “Nothing, really. I don’t sleep a lot.” 

“Insomnia?” 

“I think so, yeah.” 

Bertrand smiled and glanced over at Beatrice, who nodded at him, before turning back. “When my kids were younger, I’d just recite poetry when they were too nervous to go to sleep.” 

Quigley frowned at him. “Yeah but I’m thirteen, I’m not a baby.” 

“It might help. Sometimes it’s easier to fall asleep with something in the background- music, recitation, calming noises, that stuff.”

“We don’t have music,” Beatrice said, hugging her knees and smiling, “But we do have my husband and his wonderful extensive knowledge of John Godfrey Saxe.” 

Quigley hesitated. “Sometimes Isadora would read poetry til we passed out. I guess it might work. If you’re okay with it.” 

“Sure.” Bertrand laughed. “My kids think it’s embarrassing so I usually just do it with Sunny. What do you know about John Godfrey Saxe?” 

“A bit, from Isadora.” Quigley said, before grabbing a pillow and hugging it. “She’s a poet like you, I think I mentioned?” 

“Yeah.” Bertrand nodded. “I can’t wait to meet her. We’ll talk your ears off.” 

“I can’t wait.” 

Bertrand smiled, and then sat against the dresser, resting his arm on his knee. “Well,  _ The Blind Men and the Elephant. _ And you try to sleep, okay?” 

“I’ll do my best.” 

Bertrand looked over to Beatrice, who just beamed at him and waited. 

_ “It was six men of Indoostan, _

_ To learning much inclined, _

_ Who went to see the Elephant _

_ (Though all of them were blind), _

_ That each by observation _

_ Might satisfy his mind.”  _

Despite his insomnia, Quigley was asleep by the final verse, exhaustion pulling him again. Bertrand stood up, making sure to tuck the boy in and ensure he was actually sleeping and not just pretending. He smiled and said, “That always worked on Klaus.” 

“And my singing worked on Violet.” Beatrice sighed. “We’ll try that with him next, I guess.” 

Bertrand sat on the other bed, glancing cautiously at his wife. “Should we have even taken him with us?” 

Beatrice didn’t meet his eye. “If we didn’t, he’d either be abandoned in that house or taken to VFD. Either way, he’d be fucked.” 

“If Olaf catches up to us-” 

“He won’t.” 

Bertrand sighed and moved to sit beside his wife on the windowsill. He reached over and took her hand, and played with her fingers for a bit. She smiled and relaxed against the wall, leaning her head on her shoulder. 

“If he does,” Bertrand said seriously, “We’ll have him run. Pretend he doesn’t know us.” 

“Pretend we don’t know him. So Olaf has no interest.” 

“That way at least he won’t be…” 

They were silent again. Then Bertrand hesitantly pulled his wife’s sleeve back and ran his hand over a dark bruise. Beatrice didn’t move, but she did shiver slightly. 

“I never thought he-” 

“There’s a lot we never thought he could do.” Beatrice whispered. “A lot we never thought  _ we _ could do.” 

Bertrand moved his hand back to hers, and squeezed it. “Bea… it still doesn’t give him the right to-” 

“I know.” 

Bertrand shut his eyes. “The things he did-” 

“I know.” 

“The things he  _ said-”  _ He clenched her palm again, and she leaned forwards, using her free hand to cup his face. 

“We won’t let any of it happen.” she said, but Bertrand could feel her trembling. “Not to our babies. Not to anyone.” 

“Beatrice…” he slid his hand to her arm again, and then said, his voice breaking, “If- if he goes  _ near _ Violet-” 

“He  _ won’t.”  _ Beatrice said certainly, that fire lighting behind her eyes again. “We’ll kill him.” 

_ “That’s _ what scares me, Bea. I- I never thought he could- he would even  _ think-”  _

Beatrice sighed.  _ “Time flies by, and carries away our tender caresses for ever. Time flies far from this happy oasis and does not return.”  _

_ “We are not sure of sorrow, and joy was never sure.”  _ Bertrand replied.  _ “Today will die tomorrow, time stoops to no man’s lure.” _

_ “Farewell past, happy dreams of days gone by. The roses in my cheeks already are faded.”  _

_ “Man hands on misery to man. It deepens like a coastal shelf.”  _

They looked at each other, and then Beatrice leaned further, giving her husband a soft, comforting kiss. 


	24. Training Goes Pretty Well

**CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR**

_ Training Goes Pretty Well _

“Do you think this is even a good idea?” Isadora whispered. 

The Quagmires were sitting on the bleachers, watching as Violet pushed a target she’d found in the storage room into the center of the field. Klaus was playing cards with Sunny under the bleachers across from them; his job was to make sure she didn’t get into trouble while hiding from Carmelita, and Violet would swap with him in a little while. 

“I mean, it  _ is _ Carmelita fucking Spats,” Duncan sighed, flipping through his commonplace book, “And she’s a bitch, but… Violet seemed certain that she needed help. And she also said she’s not gonna teach her  _ everything, _ in case she  _ does _ wanna turn this on us-” 

“I mean…” Isadora bounced her leg. “The Baudelaires. All this… stuff.” 

Duncan paused, and then closed his commonplace book, shutting his eyes and thinking hard. He sighed, and then looked over at Violet and said, “I think it is a good idea.” 

“Listen, I love them, too, but… you heard what they said. Some  _ crazy _ guy is after them.” 

“So we just leave them alone and let him slaughter them?” 

Isadora sighed. “What, you want to protect them?” 

“Just… I don’t want them to be alone.” Duncan started rocking slightly. “It seems like they’ve been alone for most of their lives. I’m pretty sure Klaus said they’ve never had friends before.” 

“I feel horrible for them, too. And I like hanging out with them, too. But it’s not our responsibility if it puts you in danger.” 

Duncan turned to her. “If it puts  _ us _ in danger.” 

She shook her head. “I said before, Duncan. I’m not losing another brother.” 

“And  _ I’m  _ not losing another triplet.” Duncan reached over, grabbing her hand. “You think I don’t know this is dangerous? But listen. Everything they’ve said about- about VFD. It makes sense. And it sounds like something we  _ don’t  _ want to be a part of. More dangerous than hanging with them, because at least they give a shit if we live or die. They leave us alone, we get picked up by a cult.” 

“So it’s a lose-lose for us.” 

Duncan smiled sadly. “The last few weeks have been a lose-lose for us.” 

Isadora sighed, and then smiled a little. “Not like we have anyone else to hang out with, huh?” 

“Yep. We’re the losers here.” 

“Quigley would’ve made friends.” 

“Quigley would’ve punched Carmelita in the fucking face.” 

“Maybe we should do that when she gets here. In his honor.” 

“Think that would just piss her off more, but that can be our backup plan.” 

“Backup plan, got it.” 

They laughed slightly, and then Duncan stood up, stretching slightly and then jumping down the steps to Violet. “You need some help?” 

“I think I have a handle on it,” she said, blowing hair out of her eyes. “But thanks.” 

He paused. “And you’re sure Carm’s not gonna kill us?” 

“She’s not gonna pull a  _ Bad Seed  _ on us, I don’t think. And if she does, I’ll kill her first.” 

“Cool.” 

Isadora, who’d climbed down the bannisters and moved to stand beside her brother, then whispered, “Speak of the devil and she shall appear.” 

They turned, seeing that Carmelita was making her way over. Violet gave the Quagmires a  _ please behave  _ look, and then immediately shot the same glare at the new girl. Carmelita shrugged it off, and she just said, “Hey… people.” 

“Hello person.” Isadora said coldly. 

Duncan took a deep breath, and then moved over to Carmelita. “Alright, ready to learn some self-defense?” 

“I guess.” 

“Cool. I can help with you while Violet helps Isadora. We need to start with your position.” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“If you stand wrong, your aim’ll be off.” 

“My aim is  _ fine.”  _

Violet sighed and pulled Isadora to the side to help her with her knives, while Duncan said, “You might have good aim with- what’s your weapon of choice?” 

“Slingshot.” 

“Slingshots and knives are pretty different, though.” 

“As if I don’t know that.” 

“Well, with knives you gotta use posture. Here, stand like this- you’re right-handed, right?” 

“Yeah.” 

“So right foot forward, left foot back a bit- like that, yeah!” 

Carmelita eventually fell into silence, letting Duncan show her what to do, and after a moment, he traded off with Violet so he could practice with Isadora, and Violet helped her a bit more with her stance. 

“Okay, now try and throw.” Violet said. “This is the easiest throw, but it’s just as easy to mess up the first time. You think you got it?” 

“Yeah, sure.” 

“Alright. Go ahead.” 

Carmelita paused, glancing at her. “So, like, no ‘if you hit someone I’ll kill you’ shit?” 

“I think that’s pretty understood.” Violet shrugged. “So I don’t need to repeat it.” 

Carmelita stared a moment, as if confused. Then she carefully swung her arm back, testing how light the blade was. Then she got herself into position, focused, and tossed the knife. 

There was a whoosh, and then it hit just a little off-center. 

“Nicely done.” Violet congratulated, moving over and patting Carmelita’s shoulder. “Especially for your first try. Let’s go again.” 

Carmelita paused, watching the knife, and then glancing to Violet. Then she smiled. “Yeah.” she said. “Yeah, let’s go again.” 

That night, Duncan said, “You know, Carmelita’s not so bad when she’s forced to behave.” 

“Turns out her singing doesn’t suck completely, yeah.” Isadora said. 

Sunny giggled, leaning against Klaus, who was flipping through a library book. Violet was busy sharpening their spare knives in the corner, and she said, “Tomorrow I’ll show you guys how to set off smoke bombs.” 

“Do you have darts?” Duncan asked. 

“No,” Klaus said, “But we do know how to use nunchucks and bows.” 

“Ooh.” 

“Kill!” Sunny cheered. 

“And then after smokebombs,” Violet said, “That’ll be Saturday, right? We’ll do more hand-to-hand.” 

“I can catch Carmelita up on what we already taught you,” Klaus said, “While you guys practice the shoulder flip.” 

“Sounds good.” Duncan said. “Better than paying attention in class. It’s so  _ boring,  _ you all made the right choice in skipping.” 

“Maybe I could go and toss notes at the back of your head.” Violet giggled. 

“Come and kill our teachers.” Isadora said, as she braided her hair back. “Then we’ll all be free.” 

“Viva la revolución.” Klaus nodded. 

“Think that might draw attention.” Violet shrugged. “But maybe when our parents show up we can massacre on the way out.” 

“Get Nero, if we assassinate the head of the organization the rest will fall like dominos.” Duncan said. 

“Yeah.” Klaus high-fived him. 

Isadora paused, and then said, “Um, this is fun and all, but… have you guys ever killed anyone? Other than that optometrist chick.” 

Klaus noticed Violet’s eyes dart to the floor, so he carefully gestured to him and Sunny and said,  _ “We’ve _ never seen anyone in our family kill anyone other than Georgina. Mother and Father- they’re on the run for murder, yeah, but we’re like 90% sure they had a good reason.” 

“Maybe I can look up their crime in the newspaper archives in the library.” Duncan considered. 

“Pord!” Sunny said, her eyes widening, which meant something like,  _ “Ooh, and then we can randomly drop a fact about it into a conversation to see how they react.”  _

They laughed quite a bit at that idea, and then Isadora said, “Oh, and we can look up more VFD crimes.” 

“Build a case about how shit they are in case they show up here.” Klaus said. He bounced Sunny on his knee, and then said, “Now, Sun, what do we say if a VFD agent shows up?” 

“Ankle-Snatching Bastard!” Sunny repeated. 

“You know,” Isadora said, “Your parents are gonna  _ love _ that you’re teaching her swear words.” 

“Pfft, she knows all of them already.” Klaus shrugged. 

Violet started putting her knives away, and then said, “Yeah, mostly from us cursing when shit goes wrong.” 

“Does shit go wrong a lot?” Duncan asked. 

“Yeah,” Violet shrugged, “But we’re used to it. We can improv out.” 

Isadora hesitated, and then said, “You know, I taught Duncan and Quigley how to swear. We were six, and I heard a couple arguing in the library that day, so I taught all the new words to them.” 

Duncan laughed. “I dropped a fork and said  _ shit goddamn _ and our parents  _ lost it.”  _

“First time we swore,” Violet said, walking over and joining the circle, “Some kid pushed Klaus off the swings at the playground, and I called her a motherfucker, because I heard someone say it in a cafe.” 

“And I,” Klaus said, “Immediately stood up and said, ‘Yeah! Motherfucker!’” 

“Father looked like he was about to die of horror,” Violet recalled, “And Mother laughed so hard she fell off the bench.” 

The Baudelaires shared a look, and their faces fell. 

Isadora and Duncan shared the same look, and then Isadora said, “You must miss them very much.” 

“It’s not as bad as you.” Violet said quickly. “Our parents are- they’re-” 

“Alive?” Duncan said. 

“Well,” Isadora grabbed Duncan’s hand and then stared at the ground, “At least we know ours are… not in pain.” 

They were silent for a moment, and then Klaus slowly leaned his head onto Violet’s shoulder. She put an arm around him, and then said, “So. Here’s to being fucked up, huh?” 

“Yeah.” Duncan smiled. “To being fucked up.” 

“Fucked up!” Klaus nodded, and Sunny giggled. 

Isadora rocked slightly, and said,  _ “Parentless children who hide in the night / Fucked up and angry, and always in flight.”  _ She tossed her braid over her shoulder, and continued,  _ “They’re running, never known how it will end…”  _ she reached over, and grabbed Violet’s hand.  _ “But at least, now, they have some friends.”  _

Violet stared at her hand, then back up at her, and then started to cry. 

“Yeah.” she nodded, as Duncan and Isadora’s eyes widened in shock. “Friends.” 

Carmelita did very well in self-defense classes, and as they went on, she seemed to be getting more used to not being cruel all the time. When she managed to flip Klaus over her shoulder, she even helped him up. And once, when Isadora started reciting poetry, Carmelita tapped her shoes on the ground, trying to figure out a beat for it. 

“You really into performance, huh?” Klaus asked, as they started to head back; he’d shoved Sunny, once again, into his bag, which she wasn’t too happy about. 

“I guess, yeah.” Carmelita shrugged. “Mainly tap and ballet, but acting is super fun. I got this play from the library…” her eyes widened, and she glanced at them in fear, as if she expected them to mock her for that.

“Yeah?” Isadora asked. “What from the library?” 

Carmelita smiled a little and said, “Um, it’s this play, about a woman who kills a man and claims it’s in self-defense, but it turns out that she was lying about it and killed him out of jealousy.” 

“Sounds interesting.” Klaus said. “Though my favorite play is the one about this girl, who has to pretend to be a boy-” 

“Which Shakespeare play?” Carmelita interrupted. 

Klaus jumped, and then laughed. “Yeah, he does that a lot.  _ Twelfth Night.”  _

“Oh, I prefer  _ As You Like It, _ but  _ Twelfth Night  _ has a swordfight at least.” 

“Is that your favorite Shakespeare or just your favorite crossdressing one?” 

“Oh, no,  _ Macbeth.  _ Much better.” 

“Not very historically accurate.” Duncan muttered. 

“Who gives a shit?” Carmelita shrugged. “It’s got witches and murder and insanity. All the fun stuff.” 

“Didn’t take you for the Shakespearean type.” Violet said. 

“I’m just special like that.” Carmelita tossed her hair. They approached the school, and she said, “Now, I’m gonna be practicing my dancing. See you cakesniffers later, okay?” 

“Okay, Carm.” Violet waved. “Don’t be a stranger.” 

Carmelita waved and skipped away, without even sticking her tongue out at them. As soon as she was out of earshot, Duncan laughed, “Carmelita  _ Spats  _ reads  _ Shakespeare!”  _

“I mean, to be fair,” Isadora said, “Those plays are not as high-brow-” 

“I mean, yeah, but just the concept is funny.” 

“What was that first play she mentioned?” 

“Hold on.” Violet held up a hand to stop their conversation, as a young student ran up to them. 

“Hey.” Isadora said awkwardly, as she approached. “Do you… need something?” 

“Um, Quagmires, and the… Sonnenfelds? Are you guys Sonnenfelds?” she said. 

“Who’s asking?” Violet asked. 

“Vice Principal Nero. He wants to see you in his office.” 

They shared a distressed look, and Violet said, “Um. Thank you.” 

They turned towards the administration building and started to rush over. Klaus muttered something to Sunny in the bag, and Duncan said, “Do you think he found out you haven’t gone to class?” 

“Do you think he found out we’ve been playing with weapons?” Isadora asked. 

Violet held open the door for them, and as they raced down the hall, she said, “Okay, listen, if he has, I have knives in my jacket. I throw, and then we run, okay?” 

“Seems a bit drastic.” Klaus said. 

Violet gave him a look. “We have to  _ stay hidden,  _ Klaus. Your safety is the most important thing to me.” 

“Violet-” 

They reached the office door, marked by the sounds of horrible violin playing behind it, and Violet glanced around at everyone. She and Klaus hadn’t managed to pick up uniforms yet, so Duncan and Isadora quickly gave them their jackets, hoping that would be enough to convince Nero that they were attending class. 

Violet knocked on the door, and the violin stopped. In an instant, Nero poked his head out of the door. “Who  _ dares _ interrupt a genius while he’s rehearsing?” 

“You wanted to see us, Vice Principal Nero?” Violet said, dropping into her sweet voice again. 

“Oh, it’s you.” Nero sighed. “Yes, come on in. We’ve just received a new gym teacher, and he wants to see you about something or other.” 

The children walked in, and Violet immediately froze, staring horrified into the room, before leaping in front of Klaus, throwing out an arm. Klaus stumbled back, his hand reaching to pat the bag, and Duncan and Isadora, noticing their panic, immediately moved behind Violet. 

In the center of the room, a man stood, a turban concealing his one eyebrow, and some shiny gym shoes concealing his ankle tattoo. 

“Why, hello, dear children,” Count Olaf said. “So nice to see you.” 


	25. Shelter from the Storm

**CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE**

_ Shelter from the Storm _

The trip hadn’t gone too well. Only a few more days in, they’d spotted someone who looked like the Bald Man, and not wanting to take any chances, they slid two towns over, hoping to throw pursuers off their trail. They were now hiding in an old barn on the edge of town limits, sheltering from the rain that had begun a few minutes before, and while Bertrand checked the perimeter, Beatrice spread out their map, pushing her hair back as she drew with a pen to show Quigley their new route. 

“It’ll be a bit difficult, but we might be able to make up for lost time if we go diagonally this way.” she said. 

Quigley leaned over, and shook his head. “No. That city has a very high population.” 

“Means it’ll be easier to blend into a crowd.” 

“Yeah, and public transportation will be more crowded and quickly filled-up, which will slow us down. If we go around…” he took the pen from her, and made a light half-circle around the city. “This way, it might mean a longer journey, but we won’t have to deal with long waits or overcrowded buses.” 

“Fair point, but we don’t want to wander into an area with too low a population.” 

“I think this area should be fine. If we go this way, we can reach that last bus stop in about three days; God knows how long it would take us the other way way, what with finding all the right areas, getting on all the right transports- also, I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to sleep in an alley in the city.” 

Beatrice glanced down at him, her gaze softening. “I don’t like doing that, either. It’s… very dangerous.” She sighed. “I like your plan, Quigley. We’ll go this way.” 

“Really?” 

“Really. You’re right, the city will be more dangerous. Besides, if we go around this way, we should be able to restock our food supply for a bit cheaper.” 

“That’s a good idea.” Quigley nodded, and then laughed a little. “I think I packed too many almonds, I’m getting sick of them.” 

“Bertrand and I can’t get sick of any food.” Beatrice shrugged. “We eat what comes our way.” 

“What about your kids?” Quigley hoisted himself up on the table, kicking his legs. “Are they picky? I’m picky.” 

“I wouldn’t say ‘picky.’’ Beatrice sighed, and then sat beside him on the table. “They have some sensory issues with certain foods, so we try to avoid those unless we don’t have any other choice. Klaus more than Violet, I’d say. And Sunny just likes to eat hard foods.” 

“Sensory issues.” Quigley repeated, running a hand through his hair. Then he said, “Like when Violet makes a ponytail? Cause her hair’s a sensory issue?” 

“Yeah.” Beatrice nodded. “She can’t think when her hair’s in her face, distracting her.” 

“I can think fine with hair in my face,” Quigley said, considering, “But there’s a lot of clothes I can’t wear, cause they feel horrible.” He coughed a little, and then giggled and ran his hands through his hair again. 

Beatrice looked very soft again. “Lemony was the same way. Couldn’t wear some things without going absolutely insane. If you put him in wet socks…” she laughed slightly, pushing a hair behind her ear. “God.” 

Quigley kicked his legs more, watching them move through the air. “Jacques never mentioned Lemony.” he snorted. “Well, I guess he never mentioned a  _ lot,  _ but…” 

“Jacques and Lemony had a… bit of a falling out a few years back.” Beatrice sighed. “So Jacques wouldn’t- besides, we don’t know who else knows that Lemony’s… not around anymore. We don’t know who knows and who doesn’t and…” she trailed off, shutting her eyes. 

“It must be horrible.” Quigley muttered. “You didn’t even get to go to his funeral.” 

Beatrice shook her head. “Well, you couldn’t go to your parents’, could you?” 

Quigley stared at the floor, and admitted, “I don’t even know if they had one.” 

Carefully, Beatrice put her arm around his shoulders. “Neither do I.” 

Before they could do anything else, the door slid open, and they jumped, turning around quickly. They relaxed quickly as Bertrand entered, kicking the door shut behind him, sopping wet. 

“Well,” he said, “Perimeter is clear, but it is raining quite a bit.” 

“Oh, come here.” Beatrice sighed. She slid off the table, shrugging off her jacket and moving back to her husband. While he let out a small protest, she tossed her jacket over his shoulders, rubbing slightly to try and dry him off faster. “You’re going to freeze.” 

“I’m  _ going _ to be fine. It’s just a little rain.” 

“Sit down.” 

“Beatrice, come on-” 

“Sit  _ down.”  _

She dragged him to a bench shoved into the corner of the barn, forcing him to sit before seating herself beside him, using her jacket to dry him off some more. He sighed and eventually resigned himself to this, letting her fuss over him for a moment, while Quigley busied himself packing up the map into Beatrice’s bag. He coughed again, and then yawned, trying not to pay attention to the adults being all affectionate in front of him. 

“Put different clothes on, these are too wet.” Beatrice eventually said, tossing her jacket aside to dry. 

“There’s no place to change.” 

“Toss a blanket up.” 

_ “Bea.”  _

“At least change your shirt. You look like someone dumped a bucket of water on it.” 

“Well, no, but I was standing under a tree when too much water gathered in the leaves, and-” 

“Fucking hell, Bertrand.” 

“Okay, fine.” Bertrand smiled slightly as he flipped his bag open, pulling out a sweater. “Don’t pull that face.” 

“What face?” 

“That ‘concerned wife’ face, it just makes me feel bad.” 

“That’s the idea, honey. I’m guilt-tripping you into self-care.” 

“Do you do this to the children and I’ve never noticed?” 

“It doesn’t work on them, I have to resort to threats. Which I will do to you if you don’t at least put on a new shirt.” 

“Okay, okay!” 

Beatrice stood up and shot him a playful glare, and Bertrand sighed and tossed off his shirt, hanging it on a loose nail to dry, before shoving the sweater on. “There. Happy?” 

“Happier.” 

“Good enough.” 

Beatrice laughed and put her arms around him, kissing his cheek.  _ “Bea.”  _ he sighed, though he was beaming. 

_ “Bertrand.”  _

He carefully sat back down on the bench, and she leaned on his shoulder, letting him play with her hair for a moment. She shut her eyes, humming against his sweater sleeve, and he smiled down at her a moment. 

Then he looked up. 

Quigley was carefully approaching them, his eyes locked on Bertrand. His face had gone a bit pale, and Bertrand immediately felt his smile drop. He carefully tugged on Beatrice’s hand, prompting her to open her eyes and look. She then sat up, opening her mouth, trying to figure out what to say. 

Quigley slowly stood in front of them, and then grabbed Bertrand’s hand, holding his arm up. 

Bertrand realized quickly what he was doing, and said, “Quigley, I-” 

Not listening, Quigley pushed the sweater sleeve back, and stared down at the bruises and scars. 

The Baudelaire parents froze a moment, unsure what to do. Quigley didn’t move for a while, either, just looking down. Then he let Bertrand’s arm drop, and he turned to Beatrice, his eyes flickering to her longer sleeves as well. 

They were silent, and then he said, “Are those from Olaf?” 

Beatrice and Bertrand shared a terrified look for a moment, while Quigley stood still, waiting for his answer. Carefully, Beatrice tugged her own sleeve down, and Bertrand said, “Um… most of them.” 

Quigley didn’t say anything. 

Beatrice shut her eyes, and then scooted away from Bertrand, patting the spot between them. Quigley shut his eyes and sat down, and as he did, his calm faded for just a second, and they could see him start to shake. He recovered himself quickly, but not quickly enough for them not to notice. Beatrice put her hand over his, and Bertrand leaned over so he could look Quigley in the eyes. 

“We got hurt, yes.” Bertrand said. “By Olaf.” 

“You didn’t tell me that.” Quigley said, his voice going blank. “I- I assumed, but-” 

“But you only just saw.” Beatrice whispered. “It only just hit you?” 

Quigley fell silent again, and Bertrand said, “Quigley, I want you to know something. We’re okay now. He can’t hurt us anymore.” 

“Yes, he can. If he catches up-” 

“He won’t.” Bertrand grabbed Quigley’s hand, squeezing it. “We’ve avoided him for fifteen years, won’t be hard to keep going. And Quigley, listen to me.” He waited until the boy met his eyes, and then he said, “We will  _ never  _ let him get anywhere near you. What happened to us will  _ never  _ happen to you. We will protect you with our lives if we have to.” 

Quigley stared at him, shock bursting through his otherwise blank expression. 

“Nothing’s going to happen to you, Quigley.” Beatrice promised. “Or our kids, or your siblings.” 

He hugged himself, and then said, “I can’t ask that of you.” 

“You don’t have to.” Bertrand said. “We’re the adults here, it’s our job. We’re going to protect you, alright?” 

“I-” 

“Alright?” 

He sighed, and then smiled. “Alright.” he hesitated, and then said, “When we find Isadora and Duncan, we can probably help you. Duncan’s a great researcher and journalist, we can probably find something to clear your-” 

“No.” Beatrice shook her head. “No, it’s too late for us.” 

“We’ll find you and your siblings and our kids somewhere safe.” Bertrand said. “That’s what matters.” 

“But-” 

“No buts.” Beatrice smiled, putting her arm around him. “Don’t worry about it, okay?” 

“But I worry about a  _ lot _ of things! You guys are hurt and my siblings and your kids are alone and my head’s been hurting for a couple days and-” 

“Are you drinking enough water?” 

“Yes, I just… I just don’t want…” 

Bertrand paused. “Don’t want what?” 

Quigley opened his mouth to respond, and then paused. 

“Quigley?” 

Quigley tried to say something, and then he leaned over and vomited onto the ground. 

Beatrice leapt to her feet, and Bertrand immediately put his hands on Quigley’s shoulders, maneuvering around to look him in the eye. 

“Quigley? Quigley, are you-” 

Quigley gasped, shut his eyes, and then passed out onto Bertrand’s shoulder. 

Beatrice screamed and leapt forwards, and her and Bertrand managed to lift Quigley, laying him onto the bench. Beatrice felt his forehead and said, “Shit,  _ fuck, _ he’s got a fever, holy  _ shit…”  _

“Get the first aid kit.” Bertrand said, his words coming out fast. “We swiped one in the last town, right? Or- or am I remembering wrong?” 

“No, I’ve got it- fuck.” Beatrice ran to the bag, digging through. “Fuck, fuck,  _ fuck…”  _

Thunder clapped outside, but Beatrice had a feeling the storm wasn’t quite so big a worry at the moment.


	26. Escape from Prufrock

**CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX**

_ Escape from Prufrock _

“Hello.” Violet said carefully. 

She stared directly at Olaf, refusing to back down, and slowly pushing her brother backwards. Klaus grabbed onto her arm, and Duncan and Isadora stiffened, looking between their friends and the new gym teacher. 

If Nero noticed their trepidation, he clearly didn’t care, as he sat down and started messing with his violin’s tuning. “Coach Genghis has just been hired to replace Ms Tench, who fell through a window the other day. And he requested that our newest students… what was it, Genghis?” 

“Exercise their legs in order to get them used to their new environment.” Olaf said, once again adopting a strange accent. “I would like these…  _ Sonnenfeld  _ children to get used to their new school, in order to do well on their exams. They wouldn’t want to get  _ kicked out  _ of this  _ safe place,  _ would they?” 

Violet breathed deeply and considered the pros and cons of throwing a smokebomb and stabbing him right there. It’d be difficult to get away, which would be an issue, but  _ oh _ would it be satisfying. 

“Of course not.” she finally said sweetly. “We  _ love _ it here.” 

“And as for these… Quagmires.” Olaf then turned towards the triplets, and Violet instantly felt very cold, her hand darting to her pocket to grab her knife handle, “I’ve heard a lot about you.” 

“Oh?” Duncan asked carefully, and Isadora caught Olaf’s eye and quickly retreated behind her brother. 

“Yes.” Olaf smiled darkly. “Your poor family, burnt to a crisp. But your sapphires are safe, aren’t they?” 

“Excuse me?” Isadora snapped. 

_ “Excuse me?”  _ Nero mocked, and then glared up. “Coach Genghis has requested you report to the field tonight for your gym lessons. This will not excuse you from missing my nightly violin recitals, you will owe me  _ so  _ much candy.” 

The children glanced at each other, wondering if he’d noticed that they’d been skipping his recitals for quite some time. Finally, Violet said, “That seems fair, sir.” 

“I expect to see you tonight, nine o’clock  _ sharp.”  _ Olaf said, drumming his fingers on a dresser. “And if you don’t make it… well, you’ll be in trouble, won’t you?” 

“Of course… Mr Genghis.” Violet nodded, still smiling. “We’ll go prepare. See you at nine o’clock.” 

She turned and strode away, dragging Klaus along with her. Isadora and Duncan quickly followed, worriedly glancing back at Olaf. 

Violet was silent all the way down the hall, and down the stairs, and out the building. As soon as the door slammed behind them, though, and they were outside, her false smile dropped, and she said, “Well, hopefully he thinks we bought his stupid disguise.” 

“That was Count Olaf?” Duncan asked, as if he needed confirmation. 

“Yeah.” Violet nodded. 

“What do we do, Vi?” Klaus said. “He’s right, we can’t leave-” 

“No.” Violet shook his head. “He’s  _ wrong.”  _

“What?” 

“We  _ are  _ going to  _ get the fuck out of here, now.”  _ Violet said. “We’re going back to our room and getting our stuff, and then we are fucking off.” 

The others fell into a shocked, dead silence. 

“Well, come on then.” Violet gestured, and then started running back for the dorms. 

Duncan was the first one to speak up, when they’d already reached their room. Klaus had let a shocked Sunny out of her bag, settling her on the ground while Violet piled the blankets and pillows back in the corner. 

“Um, Violet?” he said. “We can’t just  _ leave.”  _

“You heard Olaf.” Violet said, as she paused to tie her hair back with a ribbon. “He wants us to stay here. Meaning we need to leave as fast as possible, before his plan can set in motion.” 

“Where are we supposed to go?” Isadora asked. “This was your last safehouse.” 

“I don’t know.” Violet admitted, moving to shut the window. “Anywhere.” 

“Efas?” Sunny asked, which meant something like,  _ “How are our parents supposed to find us if we’re not in a safehouse?”  _

“I don’t  _ know.”  _

“We can’t just  _ run off-”  _ Klaus began. 

“And we can’t just  _ stay here!”  _ Violet snapped, spinning on her heel and glaring at him. “Klaus, listen! I want our parents to find us, too, but if Olaf catches us? It’s over! We’re  _ done!  _ We’re fucking  _ dead! _ We  _ cannot  _ stay here and let him capture and torture us just to hurt our parents!” 

Klaus backed up slightly, and Duncan quickly put a hand on his shoulder. The Quagmire boy hesitated, and then he whispered, “Why can’t we just… kill him?” 

Violet sighed, staring down at her hands. “There’s too much at risk. He could be the only one who knows where our parents are, so they could be trapped if he dies. We could try and it turns out he has a harpoon gun stored away. We could fail and he captures us anyway. Our best chance, right now, is to run until either our parents get out or…” 

Sunny stared at her shaking sister. “Whazzit?” 

Violet shut her eyes. “Or we know they’re never coming back.” 

Klaus and Sunny both completely froze over. Violet stared at the ground for a minute, just breathing deeply, before turning back to her bag, stashing anything lying around the floor back inside. 

“We’ll need to move quickly.” she said. “Before he can try to block our escape. Quagmires-” 

“We’re coming too.” Isadora said sternly. 

Klaus jumped. “What?” 

“He’s after us, too, you heard him in there.” Isadora said. “And if he’s capable of what you said he is…” she shut her eyes, hugging herself and shivering a little. “I don’t want him to catch us.” 

“Besides,” Duncan said, grabbing Klaus’s hand, “We’re not letting you go off alone.” 

“We can’t ask you to do that for us.” Violet said. 

“We’ll protect you,” Isadora said, walking over and grabbing Violet’s hands, making her look over at her, “If you protect us.” 

The two girls shared a quiet look of understanding, and then Violet shut her eyes and nodded. 

“I’ll…” she took a deep breath, and then stepped back and slapped her forehead.  _ “Fuck!”  _

“What?” Klaus asked. 

“Whazzit?” Sunny said. 

Violet shook her head. “I need someone to come with me, there’s something we need to do real quick but  _ nobody  _ should go anywhere alone. The rest of you pack up.” 

“Me!” Sunny waved her arm.  _ “I’ll go! I don’t have anything to pack anyway.”  _

“Good.” Violet picked up her little sister, and then said, “You’re going in the bag again, though.” 

“Fuck.” 

She stuffed Sunny in, and turned to the others. “Stay here and wait for me. If you’re attacked here, either hide in the Orphans Shack or on the roof- no, wait, roof would be easy to push you off of. Hide in the Administration Building if the shack is compromised.” 

“Are you sure you want to-” Klaus began. 

Violet moved to her brother, put her hands on his shoulders and said, “We’ll be back in ten minutes or less. Give the Quagmires their weapons.” 

Then she turned and started racing down the hall. 

She found Carmelita’s room very quickly, remembering where it was from her first day. She pounded on it, shouting, “Carmelita!  _ Carmelita, get out here!”  _

The door swung open slowly, and Carmelita glared at her, tossing hair over her shoulders. “Ugh,  _ what  _ did I do this time?” 

“Carmelita,” Violet grabbed her arm, “We need to leave,  _ now.”  _

“Wh-what?” Violet tried to turn and leave, but Carmelita yanked her arm away. “The hell? What are you on about?” 

“We have to go,  _ right now.”  _

“What is it? What’s going on?” Carmelita stepped back and stamped her foot. “I’m not leaving til I get an answer!” 

“Carm-” 

“Start talking or I’ll scream!” 

Violet inwardly groaned; if Carmelita screamed, people would come running and see her and realize what was happening. 

“Fine. My name’s not Emily Sonnenfeld.” Violet said. She slung her bag around and flipped it up, so Sunny peered out. She waved, while Carmelita’s eyes widened in shock. “My name is Violet Baudelaire and this is my sister, Sunny. My siblings and I are on the run because a madman kidnapped our parents and is trying to kill us. That’s why we know all that self-defense shit.” 

“No fucking way.” Carmelita muttered. 

“But,” Violet lifted Sunny out of the bag, holding her with one arm as she slung her bag back onto her back, “That madman has shown up here and is threatening us and the Quagmires. We’re going back on the run and you’re coming with us.” 

“Wh-what?” 

“Yeah, I’m not leaving you here to suffer in this shit-school. Let’s go.” 

“Wha- wait a second!” Carmelita still stepped back, glaring at Violet. “You want to go on the run? Why not go to the cops?” 

“We can’t trust them.” Violet shook her head. “It’s a long story, but we  _ can’t  _ go to anyone. We just have to rely on each other, and I think… I think we can rely on you.” 

“What makes you say  _ that?”  _

Violet bit her lip, and then said, “You’re not just a bully, Carmelita. I think you want to be, but you’re a  _ good  _ performer, you could be great if you practice. You’ve skilled at aiming, and you’re funny, and… and I don’t want you to stay here when you don’t seem to think it’s safe for you.” 

“It’s… it’s  _ plenty  _ safe!” Carmelita spat. “And I don’t need to go on the run with you! I’m not fucking off to the streets to eat garbage and sleep in shacks!” 

“Carm-” 

“I’m staying  _ here!”  _ Carmelita crossed her arms and stamped her foot again. “I’m in control here, Ms Baudelaire, and I’m not going to change that just because you’re too scared-” 

“Oh,  _ I’m  _ scared?” Violet bristled, and Sunny stiffened in her arms. “I’m scared? You don’t know shit about what I’ve been through.” 

“And yet you want me to go through the same shit on the run? No thanks. I’m staying  _ here. _ You and your friends fuck off.” 

Violet opened her mouth, about to spit something back, but then Sunny pushed herself up, putting a hand on her face. Violet paused, glancing down, and Sunny met her eyes, and just whispered, “Timentes.”  _ “Don’t be mad, Violet. She’s just scared.”  _

She took a deep breath, and then nodded at her little sister. She took a moment to herself to pause, and calm her boiling blood, before she turned to look at Carmelita, and let her gaze drop to an apologetic one. 

She reached over, and grabbed a stunned Carmelita’s hand. She met her eyes and said, “Just be careful, okay? I hope you learn how to be the best person you can be.” 

Carmelita just gaped for a moment, looking between their hands and Violet, trying to find some sarcasm or ill intent. 

Finally, she swallowed, and stepped back, and then just shut her eyes and shut the door. 

Violet stared for a few minutes, and then sighed and raced back to their room. 

“You put the heavy stuff at the bottom, so it doesn’t squish anything.” Klaus added. 

Duncan and Isadora didn’t have many supplies to pack, and Klaus had decided the best way to waste time until Violet returned was to show them what they’d need to gather. They’d just shoplift the next store they came to, of course, to get the Quagmires some more stuff, but they should at least know what they were going to need. 

“All clothing should have pockets, if you need to carry extra stuff.” Klaus said. “Pack that a bit towards the bottom, too, cause you won’t need it immediately. You’ll want at least one jacket, too, in case it suddenly gets cold. And try darker shades- the less noticeable you are, the better.” 

“Well, it’s Isadora’s goth time to shine.” Duncan said. Isadora wordlessly flipped him off. 

Klaus giggled slightly. “Then blankets, then utilities- keep those in a small box so they don’t get lost in the shuffle. That’s brushes, paste, soap, sanitizer. Someone should carry some kind of shampoo.” 

“That sounds heavy.” Isadora said. 

“Get smaller bottles. You have to replace them a lot, but then it’s not a lot of weight to lift.” Klaus said. “Then weapons, try another smaller box, but one that’s easy to open but not easy to open by accident.” 

“That sounds hard to find.” Isadora remarked.

“Not as hard as you’d think. Then maps, combination locks, and money - for emergencies and transportation. A bag of hairpins and other lockpicks, and shove an umbrella in the side. Then waterbottle in the side pocket, and pens and paper in the front, for forging and quick notes.” 

“And poetry,” Isadora said quickly. 

“And poetry, absolutely. Then, in your jacket-” 

The door swung open, and they jumped, then settled as Violet raced in. She sighed with relief upon seeing them all there, and then quickly passed Sunny to Klaus. “Alright. Olaf will likely be guarding the gate, so we’re gonna scale the fence.” 

“We can’t scale a fence.” Duncan said nervously. 

“We’ll carry you. There should be a nearby parking lot, we’ll hijack a car and go… somewhere.” 

“Maybe back to Monty’s.” Klaus said. “I doubt Olaf would look for us there again.” 

“Can’t take the chance VFD will be there.” Violet shook her head. “We need to move fast- Klaus, put Sunny on the Sunny Bag, so we don’t have to worry about her.” 

“Hey!” Sunny huffed. 

“Duncan, Isadora, stick close to us, do  _ not _ split up from us for any reason.” Violet said. She then paused and reached into her bag, removing two throwing knives. She handed one to each triplet and said, “Keep that somewhere you can reach it. In case there’s trouble.” 

“Do you think there will be?” Duncan asked. 

“You should always be prepared.” was all Violet said. “Now hurry, before Olaf decides to make sure we stay put.” 

They made it to the wall, and Violet turned, giving instructions. “Klaus, keep Sunny on your chest. Duncan, grab onto his back. Isadora, grab onto me. We’re going to scale the fence as fast as possible.” 

“Will you be able to do that? With people on your back?” Isadora asked. 

“Yeah, we’ve carried heavier.” Violet shrugged. 

_ “When?”  _ Duncan asked. 

“Never get stuck in a Mardi Gras celebration.” was all Klaus responded. 

“What?” 

“Just hold on, k?” Violet said. 

Isadora hesitated, and then nodded. She edged over to Violet, who moved her bag to her chest to make room, and then carefully put her arms around Violet’s neck, jumping up onto her back. She shook slightly, having to take a moment to steady herself, but Violet remained still, just waiting for her to grip right. Duncan more easily climbed onto Klaus- as a child, he preferred piggyback rides from their parents more than Isadora had, so he was more used to getting up- but he seemed quite nervous, squeezing himself against Klaus’s back and burying his head in his friend’s shoulder. 

“Don’t let me look down.” Duncan muttered. 

Klaus nodded once at him, and then at Violet, before running for the wall. Violet waited to make sure he got a headstart- if he fell, she’d be able to catch him- but he could thankfully climb pretty well. Not as good as her, but enough that by the time he was halfway up the fence, Violet thought it safe to start up herself. 

The wall was made of stone, which was much easier to climb than other material. Violet just had to find a rock that jutted out  _ just _ enough, enough to slide her hand around in tight enough of a grip to hold herself, and enough that when she hoisted herself higher, she could slide her foot over it instead. It was a bit difficult, with a thick bag on her chest and a shaking girl clinging to her back, but she could do it. 

When she was about eleven, she thought it’d be fun to scale a building with Klaus on her back, and halfway up she realized that if she started down, the weight of her brother holding to her would throw off her balance, and she’d topple, hurting not only her but Klaus, who was blissfully unaware of this eventuality, instead infodumping to her about the last book he read. Violet had held still a moment, her sweaty hands barely clinging to the wall as Klaus rambled on and on. And then she’d shut her eyes and kept climbing. If she couldn’t go down, she could go up. 

By the time she reached the roof, she was exhausted and aching all over, but the relief she felt when she crawled onto the flat rooftop and Klaus slid off her back, cheering and clapping that  _ they’d made it…  _ that relief was one of the most blissful things she’d felt. They’d had to sneak through the building’s staircase to get back to the ground, but she’d almost skipped down with how much joy she felt that she hadn’t fallen and hurt her brother. A few weeks after that, she’d started piling rocks in her bag before practicing her climbing, just to make sure she could lift anything heavy while moving as fast as she could. 

So, well, it was a good thing that Isadora weighed less than a bag full of rocks. 

She saw Klaus reach the top of the fence and start his way down, sliding more than climbing this time; it was always faster to go down than up. Violet took the opportunity to stop for a second and ask, “How are you doing, Isadora?” 

“Please don’t ask me.” Isadora said. 

Violet smiled a little. “Just keep your grip on me.” 

“What if I think I’m slipping?” 

“Just keep your legs and arms as tight as you can. We’re almost to the top.” 

“What if I fall?” 

“I won’t let that happen. Trust me.” 

Isadora took a deep breath, and then said, “I trust you.” 

“Then just hold on. We’re almost there.” 

Violet continued her ascent, only glancing back once or twice to make sure that they were not being watched. Thankfully, the students were all inside, not wanting to spend their time in the grim yard, and she couldn’t catch sight of Olaf or any of his henchmen, so she hoped that meant they didn’t know what she was doing. If they could hijack a car, they’d have a good head start on their way out without being followed. 

She reached the top of the wall, taking a second to catch her breath as she sat. She looked down, seeing that Klaus was almost at the bottom himself, and he gave her an encouraging smile. Violet shot him a thumbs up, and then said, “We’re going down, Isadora. Shouldn’t take too long.” 

“Please just tell me when we’re on the ground.” 

“Gotcha.” 

Violet turned and started scuttling down. It was even faster than she thought, making her way down the stones and rocks, and she managed to catch up with Klaus close towards the end. 

“My hands hurt.” Klaus admitted, as she slid next to him. 

“We’re, like, two feet from the ground.” Violet said. “And I’m the one who’s gonna drive, so you can rest in the backseat.” 

“I wanna sit shotgun.” 

“I think you have to be thirteen for that.” 

“I’m almost thirteen.” 

“You’re almost thirteen and you’re an idiot.” 

Klaus smiled and said, “I may be an idiot, but…” he jumped, and his feet hit the ground, only a few inches from where he’d been. “I got to the bottom first.” 

“You also got a headstart.” Violet said, as she also leapt to the ground. 

“Sore loser.” Klaus said, before smiling and putting a hand over Duncan’s. “We’re on the ground, you guys can get off.” 

Isadora joyfully released her grip on Violet, jumping to the ground and taking quick, deep breaths. Duncan took a bit longer getting off of Klaus’s back, shaking slightly as he slid to the dirt, and once he was off, he quickly reached out to cling to his friend’s arm. 

“Niw!” Sunny cheered, throwing her arms up.  _ “We won!”  _

“No help from you, you just sat there.” Klaus muttered. Sunny reached over and pinched him. “Hey!” 

Violet turned, glancing around. There were two buses parked several feet away, and beside them four cars. She scanned over them quickly, trying to find which one could fit the most in them without being a chore to drive. She finally settled on a blue one towards the end, and rushed over, quickly going to the door and kneeling beside the lock. As she started working on picking it, pulling tools out of her bag, she could see, out of the corner of her eye, Klaus and the Quagmires move to the other side of the car. 

“Two of us can sit in the back,” Klaus explained, “With Sunny in someone’s lap. All three of us could probably fit, but if we have to sleep- which we probably will- someone will have to sit shotgun.” 

“I can do that.” Isadora said carefully, hugging herself as Duncan put an arm around her. 

“Violet’s a good driver,” Klaus assured them, “So we probably won’t crash. We’ll have to ditch the car once it runs out of gas, though, we don’t have money to waste on more when we could use that money or a hotel or a bus.” 

Violet stood up, pulling the ribbon out of her hair. “Car’s unlocked, bitches.” She opened the driver’s door, hitting the unlock, and glancing around. “Very clean, too.” 

“Probably Bass’s, then.” Isadora said, as she slid in the shotgun seat and the boys climbed in the back, Klaus settling Sunny on his lap and sliding his bag to the floor. “Nero doesn’t seem the type to have a clean car.” 

“And Remora said in class before last that he spilled ketchup in his.” Duncan said, shutting the door. 

Violet reached into the visor, flipping it down and holding out her hand as the spare key hit her palm. She started the car, saying, “Seatbelts, everyone.” 

“Where are we going?” Duncan asked. 

Violet sighed. “I don’t know.” 

Isadora hugged her knees, and then said, “I may have an idea.” 

“Do tell, Quagmire.” 

She glanced over. “The woman who’s the executor of our parents’ estate, she lives in this city, shouldn’t be too far, I think it as only about two days’ drive, actually. She doesn’t… she said orphans weren’t In, but if we make up some school holiday we’re on, she’ll be dumb enough to shelter me and Duncan for a week. I don’t know how to explain you two-” 

“We can break in and hide in the attic.” Violet shrugged. 

“It’s an apartment.” 

“We’ll hide in a closet. Done it before.” 

“You guys have to tell us more stories.” Duncan shook his head. 

“Well,” Violet shifted the car into drive, and then hit the gas. “We have a long drive, so we might as well.” 

Isadora leaned her head against the window, a numb vibe radiating from her. Duncan bounced his leg nervously, and then said, “Violet? Klaus?” 

“Yeah?” 

“We’ll protect you, and you’ll protect us, right? That’s what we said.” 

In response, Sunny slid a little from Klaus’s lap, putting her hand on Duncan’s knee. 

“Smadda.” she said, smiling over at the boy.  _ “Of course. That’s what family does.”  _


	27. Beatrice and Bertrand parent their new kid

**CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN**

_ Bertrand and Beatrice parent their new kid _

When Quigley awoke, he still felt dizzy, but at least he didn’t feel like throwing up again. He kept his eyes shut for a moment, just feeling the soft fabric beneath him- some kind of blanket, he wasn’t sure where it could’ve come from, he didn’t remember having this… with him… where  _ was he?  _

“Quigley? Hey. You awake?” 

He blinked open his eyes, managing to sit up a little, though his arms ached quite a bit for some reason. He was lying on the surface of something, and Bertrand was sitting at the edge, looking concerned. “Wh-what’s-” 

“Hey, relax. You’ve got a pretty high fever, you just need to rest.” 

“I- what’s happening?” 

“You’re sick. Hold on.” 

Quigley looked down, his vision clearing. He was sitting on a pile of blankets, and when he glanced to the side he saw he was in the hayloft of the barn. Daylight flickered through the cracks in the wood- how long had he been out?  _ Why  _ did he pass out? When did he… 

“My head hurts…” he muttered, unsure of what else to say. 

“Here.” Bertrand handed him a water bottle. “Drink up. We snagged some fruit from the nearby market, too, so you can have some healthy food.” 

“Wh-” 

“We weren’t able to get you to a doctor, but luckily you seem to be recovering quickly, you’re already a lot better than last night. Just a high fever and some kind of virus. You should be fine in a few days.” 

Quigley shook his head, trying to clear it despite the drowsy feeling. “Huh?” 

He heard a door open and shut, and Bertrand glanced down. “It’s just Beatrice.” he quickly told the boy, then he called down, “Do you need help carrying anything?” 

“It’s all in my bag, dear.” Beatrice said. She scurried up the ladder, smiling over. “Hey, Quigley! I’m glad you’re awake.” 

She sat beside the blankets, swinging her backpack to the ground and zipping it open. “I got some basic medication, should be able to help. You’re gonna need to swallow this. Swiped an extra water bottle, too, if you need that.  _ And  _ look what I found for you!” She held up a small book. “It’s a little atlas of the area! So you’re not super bored by us while we’re here.” 

Quigley, finally gaining some sense of what was happening, shook his head. “N-No-”

“Don’t deny it, Quigley, we have three children, we know adults are boring.” 

“No, you- we shouldn’t stay.” Quigley shook his head. “Your kids-” 

“Quigley, listen.” Beatrice reached out a hand, putting it over his. He looked over at her, about to protest some more, but something sad in her eyes made him stop, made him relax a little and pay attention. “Listen, we… we talked about it.” 

“We want to get to our children.” Bertrand said, reaching to take Quigley’s other hand. “But we’re not going to put another child in danger. And you need to stay put for just a little while.” 

“Our children are resourceful and brave, and we don’t think they’ll be in much danger.” Beatrice said. “Olaf is… Olaf is after  _ us, _ and only them in order to get to us. He’ll… he’ll be trying to find us before he finds them. He won’t have any use for them without us.” 

“But we’re hidden well here.” Bertrand said. “So he won’t get to us. We’ll let you heal a bit, and then hurry to Prufrock. We’ll lose a few days, but it shouldn’t matter in the long run.” 

Quigley shut his eyes, thinking a little. He was feeling horrible- he wanted to get to his siblings, and he wanted Bertrand and Beatrice to get to their children, and he wanted to  _ meet _ the Baudelaire kids. He wanted to find somewhere safe to stay, somewhere where nobody could hurt him or his friends again. And it was  _ his _ fault they were delayed. Because he had to get fucking sick. 

“I’m sorry.” he said, and he curled up, hugging his knees and swallowing back a choked-up feeling, either a cough or a sob. 

“It’s not your fault.” Beatrice shut her eyes, and then moved up, scooching beside him on the blankets and putting an arm around him. “If anything, it’s ours. We’ve been running from place to place with not a lot of sanitation. You… you probably wouldn’t have gotten sick if we’d left you at Monty’s.” 

Quigley swallowed again, and then looked up at her, his voice breaking a little. “But then I’d be alone.” 

Beatrice shut her eyes, to keep tears back. Then she smiled, biting her lip, and nodded, squeezing his shoulder. She handed him the medication and water bottle she picked up, sliding the atlas beside him, and Bertrand said, “We’ll be doing routine checks, plans and weapons exercises on the ground, but don’t feel bad about calling us for anything you need. Do you want anything right now? We could read you a book, or tell you more stories.” 

“About your kids?” Quigley asked, smiling a little and reaching for his pocket, where, yes, his commonplace book still was. He pulled it out, running a hand over the purple cover, and flipped it open. “I’ve been taking notes, so I know what to talk about when we meet. Is that weird?” 

Beatrice let out a laugh, and Quigley jumped. “No, no, I’m not- it’s just… Lemony used to do that.” 

“It offended you  _ so _ much on the day you officially met him.” 

“He said that arriving early was the sign of a noble person,” Beatrice recalled with a grin, “And I’d been arriving early to class all last semester.” 

“And you asked him if he’d been stalking you.” Bertrand said. “And threatened to deck him.” 

“And then he passed me a note in class, and asked me out for a rootbeer float.” 

“Note for future reference, Quigley,” Bertrand smiled and looked over at the boy, “Don’t be a stalker, it doesn’t impress anyone.” 

“So… no notes?” 

“No, you can keep taking them, but just don’t be weird about it.” 

“Duly noted.” Quigley nodded, and then pulled out a pencil, sketching in big letters  _ DON’T BE WEIRD.  _ He turned the book to show Bertrand, whose face lit up with laughter. 

“Nice.” Beatrice high-fived Quigley. 

Once Bertrand had calmed down, he said, “Okay. Okay, nice. Good note. Anything else you need?” 

Quigley considered, wanting to tell them that it was alright, that they could go. But, much as he didn’t want to admit it… he  _ really  _ didn’t want to be alone. He’d been alone for a while after the fire, and even after Jacques had arrived, he rarely talked to Quigley, usually went off investigating or doing some research and not explaining anything. He missed his parents and his siblings and the Baudelaires were the closest he had to a family right now. 

He hugged his knees again, leaning his head against them, and then said, “Can you do the poem again?” 

Beatrice giggled, and Bertrand said, “John Godfrey Saxe?” 

“And the elephant.” 

Bertrand nodded. “Of course.” 

When Quigley fell back to sleep, Bertrand and Beatrice ducked under the loft, sitting on the bench to talk. 

“Are you sure the town is clear?” 

Beatrice shrugged. “You can never be sure of anything. But I didn’t see anyone suspicious, and nobody seemed to suspect me of anything. I didn’t see anyone associated with O, either.” 

Bertrand hugged himself, glancing up at the hayloft. “I think he’ll be alright soon. Gave us quite a scare, but thankfully he’s not too sick.” 

“What….” Beatrice shut her eyes. “Do you think we’d do, if… if he  _ was _ really sick?” 

They looked at each other, and both knew the answer. They’d take him to the hospital, even if it meant that they would be caught, or they’d have to abandon him there. If they left him there, at least they’d know he’d be safe. If they were caught… at least they could tell someone about their kids. Make sure they would be found and protected. 

“I think,” Bertrand finally whispered, staring down at his hands, “That once we have the other kids, our children and Quigley’s triplets… I think we need to find someone who can take care of them.” 

The unspoken  _ and then we turn ourselves in  _ hovered in the air between them. 

But they knew it was what was best for their children. And above all, they had to do what was best for them. 

Beatrice hugged her knees, and then said, “I… I know it’s silly, but you know what I’m thinking about right now?” 

He put his hand around her. “What?” 

She leaned her head against his shoulder. “Our first date. You took us to the fair. And when we were on the ferris wheel, it broke down while we were right at the top.” 

Bertrand smiled. “I started freaking out. You thought it was funny. And Lemony just… told me to get scared later.” 

“So you just held your breath and nodded.” Beatrice recalled. “And joined us in throwing small items at passersby. And I spread my arms and pretended to be a bird, and rocked the cart we were in, and you just gripped the rail until Lemony turned your face around and kissed you to calm you down.” 

“I was  _ not _ expecting that.” Bertrand laughed. “And I was too shocked to be scared anymore.” 

“When you finally recovered, you just held your breath again while we laughed. And then they finally got the ferris wheel fixed and they got us off…” 

“And you had to pry my fingers from the railing and drag me off, I was scared we were still high up and just hallucinating an escape.” 

“And when we finally stepped out of line-” 

“I stopped holding my breath and just  _ screamed.”  _

“And we were  _ so terrified,”  _ Beatrice burst into laughter, “We thought that some arsonist must’ve shown up or something. And when you finished, Lemony said, ‘What in the hell was that, Markson?’” 

“And I just… looked at him in complete bewilderment.” Bertrand said. “And… I just said, ‘Well you said to get scared later. It’s later.’ And he…” 

“‘Not  _ in public!’”  _ Beatrice quoted, imitating the horrified tone their partner had adopted. 

“And you were laughing so hard, you lost your balance and fell over and we couldn’t get you to stand up again. You were just rolling on the ground, hugging yourself and  _ losing it,  _ and eventually we just joined you, and we were all on the ground…” 

“And we could tell people were watching, but we didn’t give a shit. We just laughed there for  _ so long…”  _

“And when we all calmed down, we just went and got cotton candy like nothing happened.” 

They smiled fondly at each other, until Beatrice’s face fell, and she turned back to the ground. “I don’t know why I thought of that now. It just… came to me. Like it was yesterday.” 

Bertrand bit his lip. “We were only a little older than Violet is now.” 

“I’m pretty sure you didn’t even know it was a date til Lemony kissed you.” 

“I had my suspicions.” 

“Oh, did you?” 

“The flowers you brought me kinda tipped me off, Bea.” 

“I think you just don’t wanna look like an idiot.” Beatrice giggled. 

“It’s been long enough, Bea, I’d tell you if I-” 

“Oh, would you?” 

“Yeah, and when Lemony…” 

They fell silent again, and eventually Bertrand got up to take his first watch. 

“What do you mean, they’re  _ nowhere?”  _

Fernald sighed, wishing he still had hands to slap his forehead with. They were all seated in a spare room of the administration building that Olaf had made into a makeshift office, and Olaf was raving to one of the White-Faced Women, who was just staring up at him in a tired way. They had all kinda known this plan was a stupid one, but try telling that to their boss. Beside him on the seats, the other Henchperson- Fernald felt bad for forgetting their name all the time, but to be fair, he didn’t remember anyone’s name- was flipping through their Gender Studies textbook, muttering and taking notes while Olaf ranted. They’d long since given up paying attention to Olaf unless it was necessary, which Fernald was starting to think was a good call. 

“They’re not in the dorms or the library,” one of the White-Faced Women said, “So if they’re not in the gym field, they’re gone.” 

“They can’t be  _ gone!  _ Those goody-two-shoes  _ have _ to have run out of Volunteers to beg attention from. They can’t have just  _ left.”  _

“I’m starting to think, boss,” Fernald said, “That we should really be a bit more fast with our plans. You know, just grab them quickly-” 

“Shut up!” Olaf shouted.  _ “I’m  _ in charge, I make the plans! And we can’t just  _ grab _ them, people will notice! We need to be able to get these fucking kids without attracting attention.” 

The door slammed open, and the second White-Faced Woman entered, sighing. “Well, boss, I got news.” 

They turned, and saw, to their surprise, that she was dragging a young girl behind them. The kid was staring at the ground, her face red, looking pissed. 

“That’s not one of the kids.” Olaf said sharply. “We want the Baudelaires, for revenge, or the Quagmires, for those sapphires.” 

“Um, boss?” Fernald said, gesturing to the new girl. “Maybe don’t talk about that-” 

“The first news,” the White-Faced Woman said, “Is that the math teacher lost her car. Wonder who took it, huh?” 

“Fuckin bastards.” Olaf muttered under his breath, sighing and collapsing into a chair. “The next better be good.” 

“Sure is, boss.” she said, and waved the arm of the girl behind her. “Found out who was rooming with the girl from Nero’s files. She should know something.” 

“I already  _ told you,”  _ the girl yanked her arm away, huffing, “I don’t  _ know _ any Baudelaire kids! My roommate was Emily and I don’t give a single shit about her.” 

“As if we believe that.” 

“Now, now…” Olaf stood up, shooting the woman a halfway-false reproachful look. “Let’s not be rude. I’m sure our little darling here is just nervous.” 

“Excuse me?” the girl crossed her arms. “I don’t  _ get _ nervous.” 

Olaf walked in front of the girl, before bending down to look in her face. Fernald froze a moment, discomfort washing over him, and he prodded the Henchperson beside him. They looked up, and then shared a concerned look with him. 

“What’s your name, sweetheart?” Olaf asked. 

“Um, excuse me?” the girl huffed. “Everyone here  _ knows _ I’m Carmelita Spats. The best and most prettiest girl in the whole wide school.” 

“You certainly are.” Olaf smiled. “You look very regal. I bet you’re talented, too.” 

“That I am. What’s that got to do with anything?” 

“I just know that talented, wonderful girls tend to tell the truth.” Olaf said. “You said your roommate was named… Emily? Would this be Ms Emily Sonnenfeld?” 

“Maybe.” Carmelita said. “Why? She’s no better than I am.” 

“I’m sure she’s not. But we’re afraid she’s run away from school, and we can’t deal with truant children. She’ll need to be punished, while you’ll be rewarded for any help you can give us. I bet there’s  _ something  _ we can give for information.” 

Fernald carefully stood, starting to make his way over. Thankfully, the young student didn’t seem very impressed, though she did glance to the side nervously. Then she said, “I’d like candy. From Nero’s stash.” 

Olaf frowned. “I’m sure we can arrange that.” 

“Fine. She and her stupid siblings said something about going to… to the Hinterlands. That mountain range, where my Snow Scout troop likes to go. It’s cold and shit. Nobody else goes there.” 

Fernald narrowed his eyes. There was no reason the Baudelaire children would head that way. 

Olaf, meanwhile, just stood up, thinking. “Of course. Those little brats are headed to VFD headquarters. They can have any pick of Volunteers to bother there.” 

“I thought the Baudelaires left VFD.” the Henchperson said blankly. 

“Shows what you know.” Olaf waved his hand. “Thank you, my dear Carmelita. Perhaps I should walk you back to your dorm.” 

_ “Perhaps _ I can find my way on my own.” Carmelita huffed. 

The door swung open again, and the Bald Man entered. Carmelita took the opportunity to spin around and march out, holding her head high. The Bald Man glanced at her confusedly, then shrugged and shut the door after her. 

“And what about you?” Olaf asked, raising his eyebrow. “What’d you find out?” 

The Bald Man then smiled, a little darkly. “Well, Esmé has a lead on our little escapees. Pukalie saw them near a farm in a town a few days south.” 

Olaf hesitated, and then grinned. “Well, well, well. Glad we put  _ her _ in charge of those two. Call her back, tell her that she’s in charge of looking for the brats while we go get their fucking parents.” 

He turned to the troupe and said, “We leave now.” 

Fernald took a deep breath, and then nodded. 


	28. Duncan and Isadora's first Robbery

**CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT**

_ Duncan and Isadora’s first Robbery _

“That city,” Klaus said carefully, as Duncan pointed to the map, “Is where our parents got kidnapped.” 

They were standing outside a general store, which happened to have a map of the general area tacked into the window. Duncan and Isadora glanced nervously at each other, and then Duncan said, “Well, um, that’s where we’ve been headed.” 

“The Squalors live on Dark Avenue. Is that near where…?” Isadora asked. 

Violet shook her head. “No, but it’s still… though, I guess, Olaf would never expect us to head back there.” 

“Pri!” Sunny said, from her position in Klaus’s arms, as she messed with his hair.  _ “Nobody would expect us to go there.”  _

“It’s at least a good place to hide until we figure out what to do.” Klaus muttered, though he still looked uncomfortable. 

“And Mother and Father know the city really well.” Violet said. “So… so they’d be able to find us, probably.” 

“Probably?” Klaus asked. 

There was a tense silence, and then Violet said, “Well, let’s just… get our supplies and hit the road again. We should be able to make it there by early morning tomorrow if Klaus and I take turns driving, and we get our food here.” 

Duncan glanced back at the general store, and then checked his pockets. “Okay, how much money do you have.” 

Violet burst out laughing, and Klaus patted him on the shoulder. “Oh, bro, we’re not paying for this shit.” 

“What- oh. Oh, yeah.” 

“You take Sunny and distract the cashier.” Violet said. “I’ll show the new kids the ropes.” 

“Do we have to?” Duncan asked. “I mean… we’re gonna be at Dark Avenue soon-” 

“And Klaus and I are gonna live in a closet. We need food that nobody will notice is going missing.” Violet said. “And we’re getting you decent clothes. Come on.” 

“Um-” Duncan began. 

“Sure.” Isadora shrugged. “Let’s go.” 

“Make sure Duncan doesn’t look too guilty.” Violet instructed, before turning on her heel and marching off to the door. 

Isadora held Duncan’s hand as they entered, swinging it a little to make them look casual. Violet went ahead, scanning a shelf of tampon boxes, while Klaus went up to the counter, grabbing a random product to ask about. Once he got there, he held up Sunny and started talking, enough that the cashier’s eyes instantly diverted to the baby, and the cooing and aahing started pretty fast. 

“Great, so what-” Isadora then did a double-take, as in the split second she’d glanced away from Violet, two boxes from the tampon shelf had gone missing. Violet smiled and walked behind them, and Isadora felt her bag flip open as Violet dropped the boxes in from her own bag. 

“Just stay quiet.” Violet muttered. “Too much talking will distract. Follow me, lemme show you how it’s done.” 

Isadora and Duncan, though, were not sure what they were learning, as Violet moved between aisles, as she grabbed things so quickly and stuffed them into someone’s bag that it seemed almost unreal. They eventually just opted to follow at her heels, pretending to look at snacks and porcelain kittens while Violet piled shit into their bags. Violet didn’t seem to mind, instead humming and bouncing on her feet as they moved from aisle to aisle. 

After what felt like an hour but was really just about ten minutes, Violet whispered, “You two head out. I’m going to get Klaus.” 

“I… don’t want to go out alone.” Duncan muttered. 

Violet’s gaze softened, and then she nodded. “Of course. Just stand in this aisle and wait for me, I’ll be three feet away. Don’t look at me, though, so nobody knows we’re together.” 

They nodded and fixed their eyes on some brochures on the shelves, while Violet skipped over to her brother. 

“Hey, buddy, we gotta go. Mom’s in the car and she’s impatient.” Violet said in a rather high-pitched voice, flopping onto Klaus’s shoulder. 

“Oh.” Klaus nodded. “Yeah, I’ll go put this back, and then we can go.” He turned back to the cashier, smiling. “It was nice talking to you. Say goodbye, Kara.” 

Sunny waved and giggled, and Klaus followed Violet back down the aisle. As they passed the Quagmires, Violet tapped their shoulders, and though it took them a second to realize the cue, they quickly raced after them. 

Once they got outside, Violet said, “Good job, kids. Didn’t look too suspicious. Great for your first try. You should have all your shit in your bags now.” 

Duncan slung his bag around and flipped it open, his eyes widening. “I didn’t even notice us pass a clothing aisle.” 

“Because you don’t pay attention, Duncan.” Violet giggled. “You can change later. We’ll get driving now before anyone realizes we shoplifted the  _ shit _ outta everything in there.” 

Klaus nodded. “You take a nap, you’ve been driving since Prufrock. If you’re sure we’re going to the city-” 

“I think we’ll be fine.” Violet hugged herself, smiling slightly. “And if not… we all know how to throw knives now.” 

“Yeah.” Klaus smiled. He handed Sunny to Isadora and said, “You guys stay in the back, I feel like Violet will fall asleep in the shotgun seat.” 

“You got that right, brobro.” Violet giggled. 

She skipped over to the car door, swinging it open and tossing her bag to the floor. Duncan and Isadora edged their way into the backseat, and as they sat, Duncan mumbled, “Is the cashier going to get in trouble?” 

“Naw.” Violet shrugged, buckling herself in as Klaus slid into the driver's seat, starting the car. “As the woman who taught us how to swipe from the cash register said, ‘that stuff is insured, we’re only stealing from the war criminal billionaires who own the place.’” 

Sunny giggled and gnawed on the strap of Isadora’s bag, muttering “Guillotine,” which nobody bothered to translate. 

“Oh, make sure you’re all buckled real tight.” Violet said. 

“Yeah, I’m a shit driver.” Klaus said. 

Duncan slowly picked up Sunny and placed her on his lap, while Isadora nodded and pulled the seatbelt over her. 

When they reached the city, the sun had just risen. Violet had taken over driving by then, thank God, while everyone else was asleep. Duncan’s head lolled on his sister’s shoulder, while Sunny snoozed on his lap, using his blazer as a blanket. Violet smiled a little as she glanced back at them, sitting at a stoplight, and then she looked towards Klaus, who had shoved his glasses in a cupholder and was hugging himself as he slept against the window. She was glad he was able to doze off, he usually had trouble sleeping during trips, she knew. She was glad that he looked like he was actually getting some rest; even when she’d fallen asleep, she’d had some… pretty bad dreams, ones that even though she’d promised to tell her family all her fears, she knew she couldn’t burden Klaus with, and God forbid she bring them up to Sunny. At least Klaus had some escape from their present circumstances; everyone else seemed to, and that was enough for her. 

The stoplight turned green, and Violet maneuvered her way through the streets. Though she knew, deep down, that it was highly unlikely that Olaf was here, that he probably wouldn’t look for them in the place they’d been fleeing from forever, it was still… unnerving. Even being in a part of the City they hadn’t been in on that day, just knowing that if she turned the wrong bend… she  _ really  _ didn’t want to go to that part of the town, not without her parents back with her. Not without them safe. 

She knew when she reached Dark Avenue, as it was very aptly named; trees blocked the streetlights, making it hard for her to find a parking space. She finally did, a street or two away from that huge-ass penthouse, so that if anyone found the stolen car they wouldn’t look at 667. She sat a moment as she turned the car off, just breathing slowly and letting herself calm down. Then she turned, pushing Klaus gently until he awoke. 

“Hey, get the Quags, I’ll get Sunny. We’ll head in, okay?” 

Klaus nodded, yawning, and then grabbed his glasses and slid out of his seat, moving around to the backdoor, which he flung open. While he gently prodded Isadora, Violet opened the other car door, reaching over Duncan to take Sunny from his lap. She didn’t have the heart to wake her up, instead just holding her gently against her shoulder, bouncing slightly so that Sunny would be a little soothed. Once Duncan was awake, he woke Isadora, and they got all their bags together, abandoning the car. Klaus waved it goodbye before grabbing onto Duncan’s arm, letting Violet and Isadora lead them back to 667 Dark Avenue. 

When they reached the penthouse, Isadora gestured to the others. “Elevators are  _ out _ right now, so we’re gonna have to go up a fuckton of stairs.” 

“We’ll put Sunny in the Sunnybag.” Klaus nodded. “So we don’t tire of carrying her.” 

“And stay behind us, in case one of the Squalors comes down the stairs.” Isadora said. 

They made their way into the lobby, and they indeed saw that the elevator had a large  _ OUT  _ sign decorating it, along with some starfish; the area seemed to be ocean themed. Nobody else was there, so Isadora just led them to the stairs. She took Duncan’s hand while Klaus took Sunny from Violet, strapping the sleeping baby to his chest before heading up, holding his sister’s hand. 

They were silent for most of the climb, mostly too tired to move and talk at the same time. Klaus hummed a little, and once in a while Isadora muttered a poem, but other than that they were very quiet. 

The stairwell was dark as hell, lit by only a few candles on the edge of the steps, which Violet felt was a hell of a fire hazard. It didn’t really bother the Baudelaires, though, they could quickly adjust their eyes to the dark. Every now and again Duncan stumbled, though, and Klaus would throw out his arms to catch in case he fell, but Isadora always helped him regain his balance as they went up. Sunny remained asleep, snoozing against Klaus’s chest, her tiny fingers balled into loose fists, sometimes running over each other or moving to stroke the fabric of the straps binding her to Klaus’s bag. Once in a while she kicked a small foot, and Klaus would smile a little and stroke her arm to calm her down a bit. 

When Duncan finally announced that they were almost there, leaning against his heavily-breathing sister, Violet said, “Should we know anything about the Squalors?” 

“We don’t even know much, we were only here for a day.” Isadora muttered. “But Mr Squalor is pretty nice and- and he seems to be easy to trick. We’ll hope he answers the door, you hide behind it when it swings open. I’ll distract him with something and Duncan will let you in. Then you just need to quietly follow us.” 

“Sounds like a plan.” Violet nodded. “We’ll swipe some shit from the kitchen if we pass, too.” 

“I’ll wake Sunny so she doesn’t wake up and cry while we’re trying to hide.” Klaus said. He shook Sunny’s arm a little, and when the toddler finally blinked open her eyes, he said, “Hey, Sun. We’re almost there, it’s quiet time, okay?” 

Sunny nodded and shut her eyes again, trying to fall asleep again, just as they finally reached the top floor. Isadora and Duncan waved them behind the door, before Isadora knocked. She waited, bouncing on the balls of her feet, while Duncan yawned and tried to catch his breath. 

The door finally swung open, almost hitting the Baudelaires. They heard a man gasp. “Quagmires! Why, I didn’t expect to see you here back so soon! Is everything going okay at school?” 

“It’s going great, Mr Squalor.” Isadora said, plastering a smile on her face that she’d picked up from Violet at Prufrock. “We’re on break, though, and we weren’t sure where else to go. Can we-?” 

“Of course, of course! Come in, I’ll prepare you an aqueous martini!” 

“I can’t have alcohol.” Duncan said, as the Quagmires walked into the penthouse. “Not after the Incident.” 

The door swung shut, and Klaus stepped out, glancing around at the walls around them. 

“Klaus? We should probably stay put, in case he opens the door again.” Violet whispered. 

Klaus, though, stepped out farther, and then said, “Violet, Sunny, I have a weird question.” 

“Yeah?” 

“How many elevators were there in the lobby?” 

Violet shut her eyes, pulling out her ribbon and wrapping back her hair as she remembered. “Just the one.” 

“Unus.” Sunny nodded in agreement. 

“Okay,” Klaus said, “But there’s one elevator door there,” he pointed to the right wall, “And one there.” and then he pointed to the left. 

Violet narrowed her eyes, and then stepped out beside him. “Well,” she said, “Considering where the elevator doors were in the lobby, it’d be those.” she gestured to one pair. “Maybe the second one only goes down halfway?” 

“Why would they only have an elevator that goes halfway?” Violet said. 

“Gud,” Sunny said, which meant,  _ “And why is there a button pointing up? Aren’t we on the top floor?”  _

Her siblings jumped, and then looked to the panel beside the elevator doors. Indeed, there was an arrow pointing up. 

“Only one way to find out.” Klaus shrugged.

He moved to the panel, and then Sunny squealed, “Elisha!” which meant something like,  _ “Can I press the button? Please!”  _

Klaus giggled. “Okay. Press with your knuckles to avoid germs.” 

Sunny did so, laughing as the button pressed under her tiny hand. 

The doors opened, and Violet and Klaus moved to the doors, glancing down into a pitch-black darkness, darker than the stairs. As soon as their eyes adjusted, Violet said, “There’s no elevator here. No ropes, no looped belt, push-button console, electromagnetic braking system- not even an enclosed platform.” 

“So it’s ersatz.” Klaus said. 

“Why would you need an ersatz elevator?” Violet asked. 

“Secret passage.” Klaus answered immediately. 

“And why would you need a secret passage?” 

“Secret organization.” 

“Would explain how the Quagmires ended up at Prufrock.” 

“So we’re gonna live off some VFD idiots without their knowledge, huh?” 

Violet and Klaus shared a look, and as Sunny pressed the button to close the door again, they smiled. “This is gonna be so fun.” Violet giggled. 

After a moment, the penthouse door opened, and Duncan ushered them in. 


	29. Changing Course Again

**CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE**

_Changing Course Again_

“I can go now, really, I promise.” Quigley said. “It’s just a bit of a cough, we should get going.” 

Beatrice and Bertrand exchanged a look. Quigley had awoken on the third day while Beatrice was keeping watch and Bertrand had fallen asleep, and he had already packed his things neatly in his backpack and started gathering their items up by the time Beatrice returned. 

“Quigley, we don’t want you to get worse.” Beatrice said. 

“But I’m fine! I feel great!” Quigley said, bouncing his leg quickly and slinging his bag over his shoulder. “I can sleep on a bus or something if you really want me to but we don’t have to stay here anymore, we can go-” 

“Quigley, we talked about feeling guilty.” Bertrand said. 

“But I’m not! I just don’t want to hang around here when we could be moving!” Quigley swore. “Please, please, let’s just head out! This barn is _boring_ and there’s _bugs_ and my siblings are only three days away, two if we leave now, _please can we go?”_

Beatrice and Bertrand shared a look, remembering how Violet used to beg to go to whatever museum was nearby. Quigley sounded much more desperate, of course, but the way he widened his eyes, trying to look more innocent and adorable and quivered his voice as if he was about to cry… he was totally doing that on purpose. Still, that meant he had enough energy to fake it and he hadn’t coughed in a while… 

“You are sleeping on the bus.” Beatrice said. 

“Yes!” Quigley jumped up and down, flapping his hands with glee, and then leapt forwards, clinging to both of the adults in a hug. “Thank you thank you _thank you let’s go!”_

Betrand couldn’t help himself; he started laughing, and Beatrice said, “Okay, just a few more things! Okay? Just a couple more things.” 

Quigley pulled away, nodding quickly, eyes locked on them so they knew he was paying attention. 

Beatrice knelt down slightly to meet his eyes. She held up her hands, counting off her orders for him. “You are sleeping on the bus, but when we wake you up you have to move. If you start to feel sick again, no playing the hero. You _tell us._ Better to get to your siblings a bit late than not to get to them at all and have to tell them you almost got back and then died because you wouldn’t tell anyone you were sick.” 

“Yeah, okay.” Quigley nodded. 

“And…” Beatrice and Bertrand shared a quick, concerned look, and then Beatrice reached into her jacket and pulled out a small pocketknife that they’d swiped from a general store. Quigley’s eyes widened as she waved it slightly. “Do you know how to use this?” 

Quigley nodded, staring at the knife. “I had a Snow Scout special interest last year. Got a pocketknife license with Isadora. Duncan was too chickenshit to-” he paused, catching his curse word, and corrected himself. “Too _nervous_ to do it with us. So, yeah, I know how to use it.” 

Beatrice tried not to smile at the teen trying to censor himself. “Then this is yours.” she said. She handed it to him, gently sliding it onto his palm, and then said, “Keep it with you at all times. And only use it if _absolutely_ necessary. You don’t want blood on your hands if you can prevent it.” 

Quigley nodded seriously. “I know.” 

Beatrice smiled, and then gave him another hug. When she finally pulled away, she said, “Let’s get going then.” 

When Quigley did, indeed, fall asleep in the back of the bus, leaning on Bertrand’s shoulder, Beatrice did a quick check-up as best she could. Feel his forehead, his pulse, anything she could do without awakening him. “He… seems fine.” she said uncertainly, glancing up at Bertrand. “I guess he wasn’t lying?” 

“That’s good at least.” Bertrand said, as Beatrice sat back next to him. “We don’t want him getting worse.” 

“Of course not. I just… I’m worried about him. He’s not suited for this.” 

Bertrand tightened his hold on Quigley. “We’ll find him somewhere to stay. And his siblings, and our children. Someplace where they can’t find them.” 

Beatrice nodded, and slid down in her seat slightly, watching her reflection in the window. As the houses and streets passed by outside, she said, “You know, I never went to Prufrock.” 

“It’s not _really_ VFD.” Bertrand muttered. “Just-” 

“Recruitment ground.” 

“Yeah.” 

“And we were already recruited, so…” 

Bertrand shut his eyes. “You don’t think-” 

“Our kids wouldn’t get caught by VFD.” Beatrice said certainly. “If some recruiters showed up and tried, Sunny would bite their fingers off.” 

Bertrand smiled a little. “I would actually _love_ to see that.” 

Beatrice nodded, shutting her eyes. “Me, too.” 

When they finally reached Prufrock, Beatrice straightened Quigley’s jacket while Bertrand shoved a hat on him to hide the fact his hair hadn’t been washed in a day or so. “Okay, stay quiet.” Beatice said. “And your siblings are here, whom you’re identical to, so try not to draw attention to yourself.” 

“Our cover story, if we are approached,” Bertrand said, “Is that we’re visiting school to see if it would be an appropriate environment to send you to. Your name is Logan Kingwell, alright?” 

“Logan Kingwell.” Quigley nodded. “Gotcha.” 

“Just stay quiet and stay with us.” Beatrice said. “Your siblings will probably react so we’re going to have to calm them down. Our children will likely know to keep their cool and play along, but if they don’t, you’re cousins.” 

“Cousins.” 

“Alright.” Beatrice grabbed his hand, swinging it slightly. “Stay calm, and stay with us. Do _not_ split up, okay?” 

“Gotcha.” 

Shaking slightly, Bertrand pushed open the gate for them, and they followed the path, looking between buildings. “I believe that’s administration,” Bertrand pointed, hoping Quigley didn’t notice his voice quiver. “So that’s the gym field, and dorms are- those two buildings.” 

“So long as Josephine remembered this shit correctly.” Beatrice murmured. 

“Can you scale the administration building and get the room chart?” 

“Definitely. Stay with Quigley a moment.” 

Beatrice smiled and then let go, running to the building. Quigley watched, wide-eyed, as she scampered up the wall, ducking through a window in only a minute or two. 

“Wow.” he said. He turned to Bertrand. “Can we try a little? While we’re waiting for her.” 

Bertrand hesitated, and then nodded, taking Quigley to the brick wall. “Okay, so you gotta look for stuff jutting out that your hand will be able to rest on, double points if you can put your foot on it later. Once you have enough practice, it becomes second nature.” 

Quigley nodded, running his hand along the mortar until he found an indented brick, which he gripped the edge of. He glanced down and spotted a bit of a hole, where he stuck his foot so he could hoist himself up. “Like that?” 

“Yeah! But you’ve always gotta be on the lookout for how far ahead your next jump will be. You don’t want to get stuck-” 

Quigley jumped, sliding his foot into his handhold and reaching up to grab something above him, lifting himself once again. 

“Whoa.” Bertrand smiled. “You have climbing experience?” 

“In trees, not walls. Why?” 

“You’re doing pretty good for a beginner- and you should get off now, because Beatrice is climbing back out.” 

Quigley looked up, seeing that Beatrice was sliding down a windowsill, and he nodded and jumped down to the ground, swinging his arms as he watched her scamper down. His eyes followed her hands and feet, watching for which crevices she grabbed onto and used as footholds, before glancing around the building, looking for similar areas. 

Beatrice reached the ground, tossed her hair, and then pulled a paper out of her pocket. “They’re using the Sonnenfeld names.” she said quickly. “Looks like the Vice Principal split them up by gender but I seriously doubt they’d go for that. Still, we should check their listed rooms, I’m sure they’re camped out in one of them.”

“We’ll head to the dorms, then, the children should be there now. I assume classes should be done for the day.” 

“If they’re not there, we start searching the rooftops.” 

“Or that shack over there, I can see them hiding in that.” 

“Hmm, might be too exposed.” 

“True. Dorms, then.” 

They walked over, with Quigley skipping beside Beatrice, his smile growing the closer they got to the buildings. When they reached them, he took off ahead of the adults and raced to the door, pushing it open and looking inside the hall, scanning to see if there were any students milling about he might recognize. Beatrice and Bertrand followed him in, and Beatrice pulled him aside and whispered, “Okay, so-” 

“I know, I shouldn’t have run, but my siblings-” 

“Oh, no, I was just going to say that Bertrand and I are _definitely_ going to swipe some of this expensive-looking shit. Just pretend you don’t notice.” 

“Oh. Okay.” 

They wandered through the halls, with Beatrice and Bertrand chatting in carefully-controlled tones about something or another, hoping that if their kids were in a room, they’d be able to find them. Beatrice kept her eyes on the room numbers, trying to find the one listed for their eldest. When they finally reached the door, she took a deep breath, sharing a cautious look with her husband, before knocking on the door. 

They waited a tense minute for a response, before Beatrice knocked again, her brow creasing with worry. 

The door finally swung open, and a redheaded girl looked out, a dark look on her face. She huffed, glaring at the adults, and then she looked down at Quigley, and she froze. 

“Hello, are you…” Beatrice tried to remember the name from the paper. “Ms Spats? Carmelita? You’re Emily’s roommate, right? We have a-” 

“Duncan?” Carmelita gasped. 

Now it was Quigley’s turn to freeze over, his eyes going wide. “Wha-” 

“Get _in_ here, idiot!” Carmelita hissed, grabbing his arm and yanking him in. Beatrice and Bertrand, panicked, quickly raced inside as the door slammed behind them. 

“What the-” Quigley began. 

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Carmelita said. “Nero’s looking for you little shits _everywhere._ The gym teacher and his bitches only just fucked off, they could come back at any time!” 

Quigley blinked. “What the fuck are you- what happened to Duncan? What’s going on?” 

Carmelita cocked her head, confused. “Wait. Are you Isadora? Why do you look like a boy?” 

Quigley started breathing rapidly. “What happened to my siblings?” 

“And,” Bertrand said carefully, “Where’s your roommate?” 

Beatrice and Bertrand, while the interrogation was going on, had started multitasking, in that they were taking in the room. There was absolutely no sign that more than one person lived there, and they could see absolutely nothing indicating that Violet had even touched the room. She _definitely_ would’ve closed the window, for instance, or made the bed. 

Carmelita looked between everyone, and then stepped back. “Who the fuck are you?” 

“I-” Quigley took a deep breath, then stepped closer to her again. “My name’s Quigley Quagmire, I’m-” 

“You’re the _dead_ triplet?” 

“Well, uh,” Quigley spread his arms. “Not dead. Surprise! Where are my siblings? We’ve been trying to get to them for ages, and their kids, too.” He gestured at Beatrice and Bertrand. “Is V- is Emily with her brother?” 

Carmelita stood stock-still, her wide eyes looking between everyone in the room. She caught the quiet panic in the adults’ faces, and the much louder terror in Quigley’s voice, but she took a moment to think, one hand dipping into her pocket. Beatrice recognized that signal and quickly held her hands up, showing she was unarmed. 

Then, carefully, the girl said, “You two. You’re the Baudelaires’ parents?” 

Bertrand stiffened. “You… know their names?” 

“Last thing Emily told me before she ditched.” Carmelita said. “Well, I mean, I dunno Liam’s name, but Emily’s Violet, and they’ve got this baby with em, apparently.” 

“So they’re together? And safe?” Beatrice asked. 

“Last I knew of. They’re with his siblings.” Carmelita said, gesturing to Quigley. “Skipped out. The weird-ass new gym teacher had it out for them.” 

Beatrice’s eyes widened, her heart stopping. She reached out, grabbing Bertrand’s arm, and he said, “Do you think-?”

“He’d be after us.” 

“Why would he want them if we’re out?” 

“He can’t be on to us, he’d stay here.” 

“We have to get to them before he does.” 

“But Josephine and Lucky Smells are out, they don’t have any other-” Bertrand turned to Carmelita, and said, “Do you have any idea where they went?” 

“Please.” Beatrice said, moving a bit closer and kneeling down to get eye-level with Carmelita. “Please, anything you can think of.” 

“I- I don’t know. Em- she didn’t tell me.” 

“Anywhere you think they might’ve gone, please.” Beatrice begged. “Please, we _have_ to find our children. We need to protect them.” 

Carmelita looked almost confused, glancing up towards Quigley as if expecting him to be just as bewildered. Instead, he pled with his eyes, asking for her help as best he could, desperation leaking into his gaze. 

Finally, Carmelita thought. “Um… Liam liked libraries and stuff, and Violet mentioned wanting to go to the museum in the- oh!” Her eyes lit up. “The Quagmires have this woman, she’s in charge of them, they might’ve gone to her for shelter. I- I don’t know her name-” 

“That’s okay.” Bertrand said. “I’m sure we can-” 

“I know they said she lived in this city a day or two away, cause they bitched about the drive. And- they said something about her being in the financial stuff? Or maybe trends or something, she dumped them here cause orphans weren’t ‘in.’”

Beatrice and Bertrand both shared identical looks of pure, utter terror. 

“Oh no.” Beatrice said. 

“We have to go, _now.”_ Bertrand said. He grabbed his wife’s hand, hoisting her to her feet, and said, “Thank you _so_ much, Carmelita. Please don’t tell anyone we were here.” 

“Pfft, no one to tell-” Carmelita cut herself off as Quigley leapt at her, clutching and hugging her as tight as he could. 

“Thank you thank you _thank you.”_ he said. 

Bertrand threw open the door, dragging Beatrice behind him, and Quigley pulled away from Carmelita, giving the surprised girl a quick smile before taking off after them. 

They ran back down the hall, and Quigley was starting to get nervous at just how _terrified_ the adults looked. Beatrice barely looked to be breathing, while Bertrand kept almost tripping as he directed them out. 

When they stepped outside the building, Beatrice pulled away from her husband and let out a scream, sliding against the wall and collapsing to the ground, terror across her face. Quigley leapt back, horrified, as Bertrand knelt in front of his wife, blinking tears away. 

“Bea! Bea, Bea, we have to keep going, we have to _go-”_

“She has them, she has them, she _has the kids-”_

“No, no, she doesn’t. We just know they’re heading her way. Bea, listen. Bea! Bea, they’re heading her way but they’re smart, okay? They’ll stay hidden, and once they realize it’s her they’ll leave, they _know who she is,_ they won’t- please, Bea, we have to go.” 

“She’s going to- she-” 

“We’re going to get to them first, okay? We are _getting to them first.”_ Beatrice looked up, sobbing uncontrollably, and Bertrand pulled her into a hug. “It’s okay. It’s okay, we’re getting to them first.” 

Quigley trembled a little, sitting beside them, his eyes widening. “Who is she? Who has my siblings?” 

“We…” Bertrand shut his eyes. “We need to go to the city. Make sure we either get to them before Esmé does, or find out where they are. We cannot let her get to them.” 

“Why? Who _is_ she?” 

Beatrice sobbed into Bertrand’s shoulder, and he said, “She works with Olaf.” 

Quigley gasped, terror hitting him, and Bertrand said, “Bea, we have to move. We have to get to a car and get to the city _now._ Come on, let’s go. Okay? Bea, _please.”_

Beatrice looked up at him, and then, still crying, nodded. He helped her to her feet, putting an arm around her, and then said, “Quigley, stay with us. We’re going, _now.”_

The three of them then took off running. 

“Yo, boss.” 

One of the White-Faced Women, leaning against the wall still in her cafeteria worker’s uniform, wrapped her finger around the phone chord. 

“Yeah, they came. And they’re heading west.”


	30. Violet does some Very Fast Math

**CHAPTER THIRTY**

_ Violet does some Very Fast Math _

Violet and Klaus hid behind cupboards and swinging doors, waiting as Jerome led the Quagmires down the Penthouse, trying to find them a decent bedroom. When he finally did, the Baudelaires ducked into a bathroom nearby to hide while he made sure everything was alright, stuck part of a rope around the knob so they all could remember which room was theirs, and wished the children goodnight, telling them that he’d come get them in the morning. As soon as his footsteps faded, Violet and Klaus walked into the Quagmires’ room, looking around in amazement. 

The penthouse had certainly startled them upon first viewing, what with how grand and clean it was, yet with very little items scattered around. And yet seeing the bedroom just made it all sink in. There were two beds, but enough space to put three more inbetween them, a wardrobe that looked big enough to live him, and more floor space than most of the houses they’d snuck into. Isadora was bouncing on a bed, which looked like it weighed about nothing and had sheets probably more expensive than anything the Baudelaires had ever owned. 

“We were thinking we could take one bed, and you guys could take the other. It’s big enough for all of us.” Duncan said, before bouncing on the bed beside his sister. “We can lock the door, too, so we won’t be surprised by one of the Squalors before we’re ready.” 

Violet carefully dropped her bag at the edge of the other bed, while Klaus let Sunny down and slung his bag beside hers. Sunny crawled around, looking wonderingly at everything. “Eguh,” she said, meaning,  _ “This room sure is big.”  _

“Yeah.” Violet nodded. “It’s… weird. But… yes, good idea, Duncan.” 

“We could split boys and girls?” Klaus suggested. “I know sometimes siblings don’t like sharing a bed, so if you guys-” 

“Oh, we used to do it all the time during thunderstorms.” Isadora waved her hand. “We’ll be alright.” 

“We could always sleep in the wardrobe if you-” Violet began. 

“It’s  _ fine.”  _

Hesitantly, Violet put a hand on the bedsheet, watching as it sunk down into the fabric. Then, carefully, she hoisted herself up, jumping as the mattress bounced underneath her. “This is… way too soft.” 

“Let us try!” Klaus said. He picked up Sunny and ran, making a leap so that he landed on the bed with Sunny held up above his head. He did indeed bounce quite a bit, and Sunny laughed, throwing up her arms. 

“Alright, babies,” Violet giggled, as the mattress settled, “Settle down. We need to figure out a plan. We may not be able to stay here forever, depending on how long this ‘school break’ ruse will hold.” 

“Listen, we can stay forever.” Duncan shrugged. “There’s enough rooms in this fucking penthouse that if we ran away in it, nobody would notice we were living here for years.” 

“Including our parents.” Klaus said. “We’ll have to figure out how to signal to them, so if they get here, they know where we are.” 

“Fosco,” Sunny said, meaning,  _ “But we need something subtle that they will notice but Olaf will not.”  _

“That’s gonna be tricky.” Isadora said, thinking. “Usually I’d slip hints into poems, but at this height, where would he hang the paper?” 

“Maybe we could put them in a newspaper.” Duncan said. “Slip them in for your parents to read.” 

“This city’s paper is  _ The Daily Punctilio,  _ which our parents refuse to read.” Klaus shook his head. 

Violet pulled out her ribbon, about to tie back her hair, and then she stopped and smiled. “I’ve got it.” she said. She jumped off the bed and raced to the nearest window. She opened it and then tied her ribbon to the outside handle, watching it blow a bit in the breeze. 

“Olaf doesn’t know about my ribbon,” she said, “But our parents do.” 

“What about your hair?” Isadora asked. 

“I have extra ribbons.” Violet shrugged. She smirked at Klaus, then, and added, “And one of them has a cool-ass bloodstain on it.” 

“Awesome.” Duncan said. 

Klaus let out a nervous smile, as Sunny giggled and bounced some more on the bed. 

“Now, we’ve got some time,” Violet said, before stretching a little. “What’d’ya say we take advantage of these pillows being too soft for their own damn good and practice throwing people over your shoulder?” 

“Hell yes!” 

They did wander around the penthouse a little, but didn’t move far from the bedroom, not wanting to get lost. They found a room filled with books, but only about current trends, a room of pinstripe suits hung up, a craft room, a room full of colorful scarves, at least two dining rooms, and one room that held nothing but a large ball of yarn, which Sunny tried to unwind for about five minutes before they caught her. They returned to the bedroom and went over some more self-defense, before Duncan sat down a moment and promptly passed out on the bed, so they called it a night. Isadora locked the door, and Violet, Klaus and Sunny tried to make themselves comfortable on the much-too-light bedspread, with one of the older children switching out for watch at the window. 

When the sun arose, the Baudelaires all awoke around roughly the same time, and silently sat together beside the window, staring down. They were very high up, which was making them a little nervous, but what was more frightening was they recognized not a single person going down the street. Klaus and Sunny had been hoping beyond hope that soon their parents would pass by, and see the ribbon, and run up for their children, explaining that they’d killed Olaf and his troupe and now they were never going to be in trouble ever again. Violet, meanwhile, had that slight hope, but it was dimming by the second, even as the sun grew brighter. 

Isadora and Duncan awoke soon after, and after everyone took turns freshening up in the closest bathroom, Violet sat them all in a circle on the floor. 

“It’s really nice not being in that fucking school uniform.” Isadora mentioned, pulling down her sweater sleeves. 

“We’re free!” Duncan said. 

_ “We have shed our skin of chains,”  _ Isadora said, rocking slightly,  _ “And now at last we can use our brains.”  _

They giggled slightly, and the Baudelaires exchanged a quick look. 

“So,” Violet said, “I have a quick question I forgot to ask yesterday.” 

“Alright.” Isadora said. “What?” 

Violet hesitated, and then said, “Are the Squalors VFD-affiliated? Do you have any idea?” 

Isadorar and Duncan shrugged. “You were our first informants of this ‘VFD’ bullshit.” Duncan said. “And I…  _ cannot  _ see them using Jerome Squalor as a secret agent.” 

“Maybe his wife. She’s a bit…” Isadora struggled to find the words. “Eccentric.” 

“Why? Did you see something?” 

“We just have some suspicions.” Violet said, waving her hand. “It’s not a huge deal, considering Ms Squalor clearly doesn’t give a shit about you, so she probably won’t try to recruit you herself, but we’d like to be aware.” 

“Like, for example,” Klaus shrugged, “Your VFD parents put this bitch in charge of your affairs.” 

“And she sent you to a VFD recruitment ground.” Violet said. “And-” 

“Well,” Isadora considered, “You’d think she’d make  _ sure  _ we got inducted, though.” 

“Maybe she just doesn’t give a shit.” Duncan shrugged. 

“Or maybe our parents didn’t want us involved and she’s respecting that.” Isadora said hopefully. 

“Eff,” Sunny said, meaning something like,  _ “Have you ever seen her do anything suspicious?”  _

“We were only here for like, twelve hours before we got shipped off to Prufrock.” Duncan shrugged. 

“We know she’s super into fashion and trends,” Isadora said, counting acts on her fingers and staring up at the ceiling, “She is a fuckin bitch… what else?” 

“Uh, I think Esmé said something about going to school with Mother.” Duncan shrugged. “And when we asked for details she told us to shut up and opened a bottle of champagne.” 

Isadora laughed. “Fuck, I forgot about that. Bitch. She- are you guys okay?” 

The Quagmires turned, to see that the Baudelaires had turned white as a ghost. Violet’s eyes were wide, and she gripped tight onto her knees, squeezing hard enough to hurt herself. Klaus had completely frozen over, his breath coming in short gasps, and he’d scooted back at least a foot. Sunny had started shaking and hugging herself, tears springing to her eyes. 

“What happened? Is something wrong?” Duncan asked. 

Violet took a shaky breath, and then said,  _ “What  _ did you say her name was?” 

“Esmé Squalor.” Isadora rolled her eyes. “She told us to call her  _ Ms Squalor  _ to be polite, but, like, fuck that. What’s going on?” 

Violet and Klaus shared an absolutely terrified look, before Violet reached over, picking up the crying Sunny and holding her close. 

“Is she tall, with blonde hair?” Klaus asked. 

“Does she have a faint accent?” Violet added. 

“Uh, yeah.” Duncan said. “Oh, shit, do you know her?” 

“Fuck.” Klaus shut his eyes, hugging himself tight and starting to rock. “Fuck, fuck- Violet-” 

Violet couldn’t breathe a moment, just clutching Sunny. She had her eyes shut tight, as if, when she opened them, she would once again see that horrible woman, ripping at her mother’s hair, kicking her in the stomach, gleefully talking about how much  _ pain _ she was going to give to them all… 

“We have to get out of here.” Violet finally said.  _ “Now.”  _

“What?” Isadora said. “Wh-” 

There was a sharp knock at the door. Terrified, Violet clung to Sunny and immediately dove them under the bed. Klaus grabbed both their bags, sliding under the other one. Within a few seconds, they were gone. 

Isadora shook while getting to her feet, sending a terrified look to Duncan. Then she carefully opened the door, forcing a smile. “Hello, Mr Squalor.” 

Jerome smiled down at her. “Oh, Isadora, we’ve been over this, you can call me  _ Jerome.  _ ‘Mr Squalor’ sounds so formal.” 

“I guess.” She carefully swung the door open some more, and Duncan stood beside her, carefully putting a hand on her back to let her know he was there. 

“Did you sleep well?” 

“Very well, thank you.” Duncan said. “Did you need anything?” 

“Oh, yes. My wife just called me from the lobby, she’s heading up. She already knew you were here, said something about expecting you back from school, isn’t that nice?” 

Isadora took a sharp breath and tried not to look behind them. “So cool.” Duncan managed. 

“She’s going to take you out for pinstripe suits later today, they’re the new fashion.” Jerome said. “But she says she wants you to stay up here. She’s got a surprise for you! She just said to make sure you stay in the penthouse until she arrives, so you stay in your room until I come get you, and then we’ll see what she has planned!” 

Duncan and Isadora, though they didn’t entirely know why, felt like they were falling. 

“That sounds great.” Duncan finally said. “We’ll remain right here.” 

Jerome nodded, smiling and then jumped when both Quagmires, almost instinctively, ran forwards and hugged him tight. 

“Thank you so much, Jerome.” Isadora said. 

“For taking care of us.” Duncan said. 

Jerome softened, hugging them back. “Oh, children, no need to thank me. We’re in charge of you, it’s our job.” 

As they pulled away, he caught a glimpse of the window over their shoulders, and he hesitated. “Is that ribbon yours?” 

Isadora jumped. “Y-yeah. I, uh-” 

“It’s quite nice,” Jerome said hesitantly, “But… well, you might want to remove it. Ribbons aren’t ‘in’, apparently, and Esmé won’t like that.” 

They nodded and smiled and thanked him, and then closed the door. 

Violet almost launched herself out from under the bed, tossing Sunny onto the pillows. She ran to the window, throwing it open and reaching out for her ribbon, terror coursing through her. Klaus shakily raced out and jumped beside his little sister, picking her up and cradling her as close as he could. 

“What’s wrong with Esmé?” Duncan asked. 

“She- she works with-” Klaus shut his eyes, shaking. 

“Olaf!” Sunny finished for him. 

Isadora and Duncan completely froze over, and then Duncan started to cry, backing up and throwing a hand over his face. Isadora shook her head, and then fell to the ground, curling up. “No, no, no…” 

“She hurt our Mom.” Klaus muttered, clutching Sunny tighter and bawling. “She  _ hurt our Mom!”  _

“We need to get out of here.” Violet said, using the ribbon to tie back her hair. 

“She’s already coming up the stairs!” Duncan said, shaking and leaning against the door, looking like he was about to vomit. “If we try to go down, she’ll catch us!” 

“No, no,  _ no…”  _ Isadora hugged her knees, shutting her eyes. “We can’t let her- she’ll- he’ll- I’m  _ sorry!”  _

“It’s- it’s not your fault.” Violet said quickly. “It’s-” she shut her eyes. “We can’t climb down the penthouse. There’s too many floors, too much wind resistance- we’ll likely fall.” She shut her eyes. “We need to get  _ down…”  _

Duncan leaned over, hugging Isadora tight, as Klaus looked over at Violet. Her hair tied back, her eyes shut, she was clearly thinking hard and fast. She bounced her leg and flapped her hands, trying not to shake. 

Then her eyes flew open. 

“The scarf room.” she said. “We need to get in there. Hurry, we don’t know how long it’ll take before she gets here.” 

Klaus nodded, shakily stumbling to his feet and clinging to Sunny while Violet grabbed their bags. The Quagmires quickly grabbed theirs and Isadora struggled at the lock, still feeling panic overwhelming her. 

They raced between the nearby rooms until they reached the one they’d seen yesterday, full of different scarves of varying colors, materials and lengths. 

Violet tied her ribbon tighter, trying to slow her breathing. “Who knows the Devil’s Tongue Knot?” 

Isadora raised her trembling hand, while the boys shook their heads, and Sunny obviously muttered a “Ni?” 

“I…” Isadora took a shaky breath. “I-” 

Violet ran over, putting her hands on her shoulders. “Listen, we need to move fast, but know that this is in no way your fault. You had no idea this would happen. What we have to do now is get out before anything can happen. Okay?” 

Isadora met her eyes. “But- we’re all in  _ danger,  _ I… I put you guys, I put  _ Duncan-”  _

“You didn’t  _ know.  _ And now we have to  _ go.  _ So tell me,  _ can _ you do the Devil’s Tongue knot?” 

Isadora bit her lip, and then smiled. “Aye-aye. It was the sort of thing that would impress-” 

“Female Finnish Pirates.” Violet smiled. “Hell yeah.” 

“I still don’t get that.” Duncan said. 

“It’s a sapphic thing.” Violet waved a hand at him. “Isa, I need you to show the boys how to do it- and Sunny, if she can get her hands around. We need to tie as many scarves together as we can manage. Klaus?” 

Klaus looked up as Violet turned to him. “Yeah?” 

“How deep do you think that ersatz shaft was?” 

Klaus’s eyes widened as he realized her plan, and then he smiled. “Well, we either climbed forty-eight or eighty-four floors, I can’t remember. So that’d be either nine-hundred and ten feet, or five-hundred and nineteen.” 

“Erica?” Sunny asked.  _ “Is that math right?”  _

“We don’t have time to check.” Violet said. 

“What ersatz shaft?” Duncan asked. 

“You’ve got a fake elevator. Explain later.” Violet said. “Now, I don’t wanna drop four-hundred and nine feet, so to be safe we’ll tie about… how long is the average scarf?” 

“Five feet.” Duncan said. “I did a report on fashion accessories about two years ago- and, also, Quigley liked to knit.” 

“Then we need to tie about a hundred and eighty-two scarves together.” Violet said. “To be safe, we’ll up that to one hundred and eighty-five. How many scarves are on each shelf?” 

“Viginti!” Sunny said, pointing to a sign at the edge of the wall, labelling that each shelf could hold twenty scarves. 

“Nine and a quarter.” Violet said. “We need to use up nine and a quarter shelves.” 

“We could make it ten to be extra safe.” Duncan said. 

“That all depends,” Violet said, grabbing two scarves, “On how fast we tie. Isadora, show them how it’s done, and get the fuck to work. We have one-hundred and eighty-five scarves to get together, and we need to do it  _ fast.  _ So let’s go.” 

She grabbed two scarves off a rack and quickly started tying. Isadora quickly led the others to another and knocked the scarves all to the ground. She knelt down, showing them exactly how to tie the strong knot, letting them practice a little as she demonstrated with the scarves she was tying. It took quite a few minutes, but once Violet finished her shelf and the others finished theirs, Violet tied them together. 

“Forty.” she said. “One-hundred forty-five more to go. Boys, Sunny, how do you feel about the knots?” 

“Pretty good, actually.” Duncan said. 

“You know I suck at motor skills, but I think I got it.” Klaus said. 

“Stimmy!” Sunny cheered.  _ “It’s so much fun!”  _

“Well, then, you each take a shelf.” Violet said. “And throw your twenty scarves at me when you’re done. That’ll get seven of our nine-and-a-quarter out of the way. When you’re done, either come help me or find one of the last two or three shelves and start tying. We don’t have much time, so no talking unless it’s an emergency.” 

They nodded and raced off. Violet and Isadora, of course, finished their next ropes first, tying it to their main one, but Duncan also finished quite quickly, and once they had their scarves all tied together, they got started on the last three shelves. Klaus and Sunny finished and Klaus managed to tie their ropes to the main one while the others worked. With Klaus and Sunny’s help, they managed to finish the last three shelves completely, and Violet got their entire rope together. 

“Klaus, we’re going to have to hope your math worked out.” Violet said. “Help me wrap this around my shoulder, and we need to  _ book it  _ to the elevator. Esmé could be nearing the penthouse.” 

While the Quagmires helped Violet, Klaus made sure their bags were secure. Sunny insisted she could be carried and didn’t need to be in a bag, so Klaus picked her up while Isadora did Violet a favor and took her bag for a moment while Violet carried about nine-hundred feet of scarf material. 

They took off running, with Duncan and Isadora leading the way, clinging to each other’s hands as they navigated the difficult halls, trying to find the exit. Klaus used his free hand to grab some dangling rope from Violet, who was trying not to trip over the giant bundle wrapped around her. 

Unfortunately, just as Isadora said, “We’re about to reach the lobby!” and the children felt relief course through them, they threw open the door, raced out, and then skidded to a panicked halt. 

Jerome looked over, as Esmé Squalor smiled from the doorway. Her eyes were dark but shining in an eerily familiar way, and Violet, Klaus and Sunny instantly felt incredibly cold. 

“Children! Ah, Esmé was just-” Jerome faltered, his eyes scanning the children. “I’m sorry, I- I didn’t realize you had company over?” 

“I…” Isadora began. 

Before any of them could do anything else, Sunny kicked on Klaus’s stomach and propelled herself out of his arms. She flew through the air and hit Esmé’s chest, grabbing her pinstripe suit with her tiny fists. And as Esmé reeled back, Sunny hoisted herself to the left, grabbed Esmé’s arm, and bit it down  _ hard.  _

_ “Sunny!”  _ Violet and Klaus shouted, terrified. 

Esmé let out an unholy screech, and now Sunny was attached to her arm, grabbing it with two hands and ripping off fabric with her teeth so she could bite into flesh. Jerome leapt back, startled, as Duncan and Isadora immediately whipped around to Violet and Klaus to see what they were supposed to do. 

Violet’s eyes were locked on Sunny, not just terror holding her in place but indecision and confusion- what was she supposed to do? Sunny was biting into Esmé Squalor and- 

Klaus managed to recover first. He turned her around to face him, and then said quickly, “E flat, G minor, A flat.” 

Violet paused a moment, and then hastily nodded. 

“What the  _ fuck  _ does that-” Isadora began. 

Sunny let out a scream, then, drawing their attention. Esmé had finally tossed her off, and Sunny landed on a chair, screeching and reeling from the impact. Klaus took off, running behind Violet so Esmé did not immediately notice, rushing to grab his infant sister. 

“Holy  _ fuck,”  _ Esmé spat, looking down at her arm. Violet, too, widened her eyes to see that Sunny had drawn  _ blood-  _ quite a bit, too, staining Esmé’s sleeve. “What kind of a-” 

“Mama!” Sunny screeched, even as Klaus grabbed her and forcibly strapped her into the bag. “For _ Mama! You hurt Mama!”  _

Violet pulled Duncan aside, whispered, “Trip her,” and then ran at Esmé. As she expected, the woman recovered quickly and grabbed Violet’s shirt collar, yanking her closer. 

She looked down at the scarves, and hissed, “Trying to escape out the window, were we? Trying to  _ run away? _ Like you  _ always do.”  _

“‘Trying’ is a bit unfair.” Violet smiled. “We’re not done.” 

At that, Duncan slid on the floor, grabbed the end of the scarves, and yanked it hard against Esmé’s legs. She released her grip on Violet, who jumped back just as Esmé fell, and Isadora gathered up the scarves. Klaus raced by, with Sunny finally strapped to his bag, though she still kicked and screamed, droplets of blood across her face. He lifted Duncan to his feet and ran him to the door, which Isadora was throwing open. 

“What-?” Jerome started, as Esmé screeched again. 

“Sorry, Jerome!” Isadora said, as she slammed the door shut. 

As soon as it was closed, Klaus reached into his bag, pulling out a thick book. “Finished this anyway.” he muttered, as he shoved it against the edge of the door. “This’ll block their exit for a few minutes.” 

“Long enough.” Violet said. She ran to the false elevator and hit the  _ up _ button, watching the doors slide open. “Klaus, you should still have a bouncy ball we gave to Sunny a few weeks before this shit went down, right? I need it. I’m going to aim and have it hit the elevator to close the button once we’re down, so that Esmé doesn’t know where we went.” 

She leaned over, finding a loose crevice in the elevator wall, and she started tying the rope to it. Once she had it as tight as she could, she and Duncan kicked the scarves down, watching them descend into darkness. 

“We’re going to climb down that way?” Isadora asked nervously. 

“If Esmé’s here,” Violet said, as they started to hear pounding on the door, “We have to assume there are more. They’ll be waiting at the exit for us. If they know about this secret passage, likely they’ll assume we don’t and thus won’t be guarding it. There’ll be an exit at the bottom, otherwise why would it be here?” 

“And if there isn’t an exit,” Klaus said, making sure the screeching toddler was secured on his chest, “Then we climb up again and hide in the penthouse until the bitch leaves.” 

Duncan looked down. “That’s… very dark.” 

“Do you want to go back in there?” Klaus asked, gesturing to the door which was still being pounded on. Esmé was screeching behind it, words that they wouldn’t dare repeat. 

Isadora took a deep breath. “I-I’m not sure we’re ready to-” 

“If we wait until we’re ready,” Violet said, “We’ll be waiting for the rest of our lives.” 

Klaus grabbed the rope first. He tested it a second, yanking to make sure it held, and then he leapt into the elevator shaft, scurrying down as fast as he could. He stopped after a few feet, though, waiting. 

Duncan and Isadora looked to the rope, and then to each other, and then to Violet. 

Violet smiled at them, took one of each of their hands, and said, “Do the scary thing first, Quagmires. And get scared later.” 

They both took deep breaths, and then Isadora grabbed the rope and started down. Duncan followed, and once Violet grabbed the rope, she tossed the ball, watching as it hit the door to close the elevator shaft. 

They were truly in the dark now. 


	31. Remnants

**CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE**

_Remnants_

The children did not dare speak for most of the climb. Sunny stopped screaming and kicking and _demanding_ to go back up and bite Esmé’s arm off after a while, and settled to lean against Klaus as he moved down. Klaus would stop occasionally when Duncan started slipping, reaching up to touch his foot and make sure he regained his balance, and when Isadora did the same, Violet reached down to hold onto her until she was certain she could keep going. The scarves were not the best material for climbing, and they had no idea how long they had to go, so it was quite tense. 

They climbed down for at least an hour, maybe two, in relative silence. Then, finally, Duncan said, “Do… do you know what this reminds me of?” 

They didn’t respond immediately, a little scared to open their mouths. Klaus even glanced up to make sure Duncan wasn’t starting to slip. 

“We were at the fair once.” Duncan said, his voice distant as he continued his descent. “We had to be… five or six. And I wanted a balloon more than anything else in the world. I begged until Father bought me one. I don’t even remember _why_ I wanted it, I… must’ve just thought it was pretty. I let go on accident while we were in line for popcorn, and I… I ran after it.” 

Violet shut her eyes. She’d been to a couple fairs, and sometimes they’d even had some fun there. It was dangerous, but her parents always wanted them to have a bit of enjoyment here or there. She’d once bought three balloons with spare change, and tied them together to see if they’d make her fly. They had not, but it was worth a try. 

“I ran after it,” Duncan recalled, as they continued, not slowing, “And- and it got caught in a tree. I couldn’t climb for _shit_ so I just started jumping and crying. And… then you found me, Isa. You and Quigley.” 

“I don’t even remember that.” Isadora admitted, very softly. 

“I’m sure you don’t.” Duncan sighed. “But… you saw me crying. Quigley told me to calm down and Father could get me another one, but I was so upset that this one was stuck, I- I didn’t want it to stay trapped. And… Isa, you just grabbed a branch and hoisted yourself up.” 

Klaus reached up to make sure Duncan was steady, as the rope had shaken slightly, but he found that Duncan was just quietly crying. He patted his leg gently, hoping that’d be a comfort; he couldn’t do much else. 

“You just went up, and I didn’t even know you could climb that well.” Duncan said. “You always yelled at Quigley to get down when he climbed, but you were so good at it. And- and you got to the balloon, and untangled it, and brought it back down. You skinned your knee when you landed, and got a splinter or something - I remember crying even more because you were hurt, but you just tied the balloon to my wrist so I wouldn’t lose it. We- we’d just learned how to tie knots. And you told me not to- not to worry about it…” 

He fell silent again, and Isadora struggled to find words to say. She really had no recollection of this incident whatsoever. 

“You wanna know something?” Duncan whispered. “I… kept the balloon. It didn’t deflate for the _longest_ time, and when it did I kept it in a drawer. Because that was the special balloon my sister rescued for me.” 

Nobody knew what to say. 

Duncan let go of the rope with one hand to wipe his face with his sleeve, and then whispered, “So. Yeah. That’s what this reminded me of.” 

They continued downward for only a minute more, before Klaus said, “I found the ground.” 

He jumped down and stepped back, reaching into his bag for his flashlight. Once he flickered it on, Duncan had already reached the ground, and was waiting on the girls. Isadora slid down and immediately went over to her brother, pulling him into a hug. They kept embracing even as Violet reached the floor. She tugged on the rope once more and said, “Yeah, it was a bit longer than we thought, but we made it. And Sunny managed to injure that bitch- though, Sunny, I would prefer if you did _not_ just jump at our enemies, okay?” 

“Iwdi?” Sunny huffed. _“Well, it worked, didn’t it?”_

Violet pulled her ribbon out of her hair and gestured around. Klaus shone his light until they reached what seemed to be a doorway. Violet went over to the Quagmires, waiting until Isadora pulled away, still keeping an arm linked with her triplet’s, before saying, “We’ve got an exit.” 

Isadora nodded, and the children went through the door. Violet let out a sigh inside. “VFD tunnel.” 

“Well, at least it’s a way out.” Klaus said. He moved in front, holding his flashlight out. “Come on, gang.” 

They walked for quite some time, which was a bit difficult with how already tired their limbs were from the climb down. Sunny fell asleep against Klaus’s chest, but awoke only a few minutes later when they finally reached a trapdoor. They almost missed it, with how little light came through, but Violet noticed the handle and stopped them, having Klaus shine his light up to see the wood of the door. She then had Isadora lift her up while she picked the lock, muttering under her breath. When she got it, she flipped the door open and immediately hoisted herself onto the floor. She glanced around, just seeing a simple, dusty library. She sighed and leaned back down, holding out her arms to help Isadora up. They both then helped their brothers to the floor, and Klaus carefully let Sunny out of her straps, holding her hand to help her walk forwards a bit. 

“Where do you think we are?” Isadora asked. 

“Still in the city, probably.” Violet shrugged. “Didn’t walk far. Will be a decent place to crash for a bit until we can get the fuck out." 

“Quando?” Sunny asked. 

“I don’t know.” Violet admitted. She moved to the library shelves, running a hand over the books. She coughed as a spray of dust hit her. _“Fuck._ Well, folks, I’m pretty sure this building’s been abandoned for a long-ass time.” 

“I found a piano.” Klaus said, walking Sunny over to the instrument. He pressed a key, and then flinched. “Whoa. Yeah, really out of tune.” 

Isadora moved to a grandfather clock, which looked like it had stopped long ago. “This is eerie.” 

“Maybe someone lives here and just doesn’t care.” Duncan suggested, though he looked unconvinced. He moved to the nearest doorway, peering through and calling _Hello_ s and _Is anyone here_ s for a few minutes, while Violet and Klaus helped Sunny walk over the carpet, which had been mostly dirited and destroyed. 

Isadora peered at a couple spiderwebs, before making her way to Duncan. “Yeah, I think I saw a rat over there. We should probably move out.” 

“We can probably find a decent room. We’ve slept in worse.” Violet said. “At least the floor sounds stable. The structure of this library seems to be good.” 

“I don’t think it’s a library.” Duncan said. “The hall out there had a couple old portraits and shit, and a bunch of rooms, and the one swinging open looked more like a dining room. This is probably just a library in an old house.” 

“Who would abandon all these books?” Isadora asked. 

Violet paused, and then said, “Let’s see the dining room, then.” 

While Klaus helped Sunny step over the door’s threshold, they made their way to a swinging door whose knob had fallen off. Klaus shone his light in, and they saw a long dining table, probably meant for a party with a large number of guests. There were cupboards and shelves littering the area, but there were also books stashed atop dressers and inside glass cases. 

“This person must have really loved books.” Duncan said, pulling out his commonplace book and starting to take notes. “There’s a lot. But they’re all still here. Maybe the person died and nobody picked up their stuff?” 

“Maybe they had to leave quickly.” Klaus sighed. “We’ve had to leave behind cool stuff before.” 

“And then didn’t come back for years?” Isadora moved to a cracked, broken window, running a hand over the dusty sill. 

“Look, it doesn’t really matter. We’ll probably leave soon anyway.” Klaus said. “We-” 

“Violet?” Sunny called. 

They all turned to the oldest girl at Sunny’s call, to see that she was standing, frozen, over three books, piled onto the edge of the table. She was staring down, her eyes wide and with a strange feeling behind them- horror? No, she didn’t seem scared. Sadness? A bit too active a spark in her eyes. 

Recognition. That was it. A _surprised_ recognition. 

Violet ran her hand over the spines, letting dust sprinkle to the ground. 

_“Les Fleurs du mal.”_ she read, her voice barely audible. _“We Have Always Lived in the Castle. The Blue Aspic.”_

Klaus picked up Sunny, walking over with confusion written across his face. “Those first two-” 

“Bayuh,” Sunny said. _“Our parents’ favorites, right?”_

Violet nodded shakily. “And _Blue Aspic…_ She reached down, touching the spine. “That was Lemony’s. Mother told us that once, remember?” 

“I never understood that.” Klaus said. “But why-” 

His breath caught in his throat. 

Duncan and Isadora turned, confused, watching as he stumbled back into a creaky chair, sitting down and staring into nothing, a stunned silence spreading over all the children. Sunny gasped and leaned forwards, reaching to brush her hand against Violet’s, while Violet just kept her eyes on the books. 

“Violet?” Isadora asked. “Are you okay?” 

Violet slowly, slowly, shook her head. 

“I think,” she said, “This is _our_ house.” 

Isadora and Duncan fell completely silent. Violet, meanwhile, wandered to one of the cupboards, sliding it open and stepping back to let the dust fall out. She peered inside at the old books and jars, reaching forward to take a novel out- _The Wolves of Willoughby Chase._ She’d never read it. Maybe she would have, if she’d grown up here. 

“These are the remnants of what… what we were supposed to have.” she said, staring down at the cover. “If we never… went running.” 

Klaus hugged Sunny tight, as Sunny started to cry. “Can you…” he took a deep breath. “This place must have been beautiful before Mother and Father- before they had to leave.” 

Duncan nodded, and sadly ran his hand over the wall. “You can see what the paint must have been, the designs.” 

“Everything here used to be so pretty.” Isadora nodded, looking at a vase that had toppled to the ground and been subsequently covered by cobwebs. 

Violet took a breath, before waving the book in the wind to break the dust off it, and then sliding it into her bag. “I- I have to see something.” she said, and she took off. Without a word, the others quickly followed. 

Violet ran down the hall until she reached a large foyer. A chandelier still hung from the ceiling, though it looked like it was about to fall at any instant, and there was a creaky door, with a lock over it and fallen boards behind it, seen through the low windows. Violet ignored the door, instead going for the stairs. She found them to be sturdy enough, so she raced up, letting her sleeve rub against the railing, causing dust to scatter behind her and over the side. She heard the others running behind her, but at this point, her head was buzzing, with just one thought in her mind. 

On the second story, she opened each door, peering inside for only an instant before moving on. Another library. A bathroom. A broom closet. A master bedroom. A study. No, no, no… 

Then she found the right door, and when she opened it, she fell from her heightened, almost frenzied state into one of complete stillness. Not the normal stillness she got when she froze- she still stepped forward, but there was a reverence in it she had never had before. The stillness was in her heart; for a moment, all her feelings had stopped, all her emotions halted to just give her a moment to look ahead. 

Klaus came in after her, and then froze behind her, putting a hand over his mouth. Sunny slid to the ground, and when she, too, realized what they were looking at she said a quiet, “Oh.” 

Duncan and Isadora arrived just in time to see Violet carefully slide to her knees, her hands throwing themselves onto the ground to steady her as she stared inside. And as the Quagmires looked in, they also saw the painted clouds and birds, faded and chipped from fifteen years away. They saw boxes and crates, never to be unpacked, left with the intention of decorations or unbuilt furniture never to be built. But there was some- a dresser with a music box atop it, and a statue of a carousel. The drawers were painted with purple stripes and swirls, and the handles still had the remains of fifteen-year-old glitter. A rocking chair had tipped over in the corner, a moth-eaten cushion beside it. 

And pushed against the wall was a broken crib, a small mobile hung over it. The mobile had delicately-crafted stars, the color long since faded, and when the door swung shut, the slight breeze caused it to turn a little. 

Violet remained frozen, just staring at the crib. 

Duncan and Isadora quietly stepped in, almost wondering if they shouldn’t be here. Klaus made his way over to the music box, picking it up off the dresser. Sunny reached up her arms for it, and he handed it to her, before picking up the carousel. Sunny opened the music box, a few soft notes playing out- the Quagmires couldn’t place the tune, though it sounded to be in common meter. 

Klaus shook his head, “I- I thought Mother and Father didn’t have us until they went on the run. So… were they just trying? Or-” 

Sunny shook her head. 

“What do you mean, Sunny?” Isadora asked. 

Sunny held up the music box. “Eton,” she said. _“There’s a note inside.”_

Duncan took it from her, as Klaus slowly put the carousel back and picked up Sunny again, hugging her tight. He looked down, and said, “It’s written onto the bottom of the box.” He read it aloud, for all of them to hear. 

_To our Violet,_

_May this help you sleep well. We’ll make the world a song for you._

_\- L.S._

Klaus shut his eyes. “Lemony prepared the room?” 

“Probably before… before your parents decided they had to leave.” Isadora said, hugging herself and leaning onto Duncan’s shoulder, looking down at the faint writing. “That’s why it’s unfinished, he realized that- that they weren’t going to use it.” 

“But… why…” 

“Cause he was our Dad.” Violet said. 

Everyone fell silent. Violet still hadn’t moved from her position, on her knees, on the floor. Her eyes were shut. She’d processed what they’d all said behind her, and put it all together, and now she never wanted to get up. 

“Our parents loved him, and he loved them.” Violet whispered, lowering her head. Her hair fell over her shoulders, brushing her cheeks. “And now he’s gone. And so is all this.” 

Duncan slowly reached over and wound the music box. The notes carried some more. 

Klaus walked over to Violet, kneeling beside her. He looked at her face, and then wondered how long she’d been crying. 

He put his hand on her shoulder, and Sunny touched her arm. Violet didn’t look over at them, but she did speak again. 

“We’re not running again.” she whispered. “We’re going to find our parents, and kill the bastard keeping them from us. Who caused… this.” 

Nobody said anything, and they just let the music box play on. 

Esmé dramatically fainted onto the sofa. “Darling, I can’t _possibly_ do any more work today. Those fucking children tried to kill me.” 

“The baby bit you. Babies bite all the time.” Olaf groaned. 

Their recent hideout was thankfully near enough for Esmé to reach in a short amount of time, and while the rest of the Henchpeople were out in the city looking for the children, Fernald remained behind with a map. After he finished tracing a path- no small feat, considering he had hooks- he waved towards his boss. 

“See, Esmé? _Hooky’s_ doing work for us.” 

Fernald brought the map over, laying it out on the ground. “They just left Prufrock, yes? So if we assume they take the roads, they’ll probably go this way.” 

Olaf looked down at the route, and then smiled very, very darkly. He reached down and pointed at a spot, about halfway to the City in that direction. 

Fernald’s eyes widened. “Uh, boss, I really don’t think-” 

“Shut up, Hooky. Esmé?” 

She groaned and looked up. “What?” 

“We need you to pay off a bus driver to have an unscheduled stop.” 

“Can’t we just wait until they reach the city?” 

“Oh, no, my dear,” Olaf said, and then he gestured for her to look at the area he was pointing at. “Look what they could run into on the way.” 

Esmé glanced down, and then beamed.


	32. Everything Goes to Shit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unfortunately we will be taking a short hiatus after this chapter to give me time to write ahead enough for regular updates. We will not be on hiatus long, maybe a week or two at most. 
> 
> Thank you for reading and commenting!
> 
> ~Midas

**CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO**

_ Everything Goes to Shit _

“What do you mean, you can’t move the bus until the morning?” Beatrice asked furiously. 

The bus driver sighed, not looking very concerned at her panic. “It’s a regular maintenance procedure. I apologize, ma’am, but you’ll either have to walk or wait until tomorrow.” 

“Great. Fucking perfect.” Beatrice muttered. Then she thanked the driver anyway and went back to Bertrand and Quigley. 

Quigley was checking his small atlas, while Bertrand re-checked the supplies in his bag, while talking to entertain the boy. 

“-her resourcefulness continues to amaze me. You wouldn’t  _ believe _ how many times her fast inventions have saved us. I don’t think she even knows how much she saves our lives every day.” 

“That sounds awesome.” Quigley said wistfully, before looking up at Beatrice. 

“Well,” Beatrice clapped her hands together, causing Bertrand to look up, too, “We’re either walking or waiting for the next bus. Tomorrow morning.” 

“I think we could make it if we walk.” Quigley said, tracing a road in his atlas. “If we just follow the road, we should be able to reach town in just a few hours. Better than just sitting around.” 

“In the open.” Bertrand added nervously. 

Beatrice sighed. “You’re right about that. Let’s get a move on. Quigley, if you get tired-” 

“I’ll be fine.” Quigley reassured her. “I keep telling you, I’m good at walking.” 

“But you’re just getting over an illness, we don’t want-” 

“I’m going to be  _ fine,  _ Ms Beatrice.” Quigley said earnestly. “And if I’m not, I’ll tell you, okay?” 

“Okay.” Beatrice sighed. She helped Quigley to his feet, and then her husband, and she said, “Let’s get walking. If we start now, we’ll probably only be in the dark for a little while.” 

Unfortunately, they didn’t even have the chance to make it to nightfall. 

Quigley flipped through his atlas as they walked, directing them down paths near a woods, and then by the edge of a lake. Beatrice kept peering into the churning waters curiously, watching the waves push to and fro and the occasional fish or turtle flit around. 

“Darling, have we been at this lake before?” she asked. 

Bertrand shrugged. “Honey, you know all lakes look the same to me.” 

Beatrice smiled slightly, hugging herself. “Yeah. Sunny’s just like you in that regard. You see the most beautiful work of nature and you’re like ‘cool, whatever, let’s go home.’” 

“Also I cannot remember what things look like.” 

“Dear, you-” Beatrice suddenly cut herself off, staring into the water. 

“Bea?” 

Beatrice knelt down and dipped a finger into the lake, watching it ripple around her. She went dead silent, and then said, “We  _ were  _ here.” 

“Bea?” 

“Ms Beatrice?” 

“This is… no. No, no, no…” 

Bertrand put a hand on her shoulder, worry flickering across his face. “Bea, what’s wrong?” 

Beatrice didn’t respond, but she did stand up. She gave the others a terrified look, and then she took off running. Without thinking, Quigley and Bertrand ran after her, assuming she must have a good reason for taking off so suddenly and not wanting to risk staying behind. 

Bertrand realized what it was when the area did, indeed, start to look familiar to him, and they turned a bend in the road, and Beatrice skidded to a stop, her eyes widening in shock and her heart dropping in her chest. When Bertrand turned the bend, too, he froze beside her, and threw a hand over his mouth. 

“No. No, no, no…” 

Quigley stopped beside them, his eyes going wide. “What is-” 

Up ahead was an enormous, charred pile of rubble, ash, and what used to be a series of large buildings. Quigley could see broken fences nearby, charred remains of support beams and roof tiles, and piles of collapsed wood and stone. Police tape stretched between small poles, but it was cut and falling and dirtied, and some looked like it’d been soaked by rain, which meant the area was pretty much abandoned now. It didn’t spread too far- he could even see the end of it within his sightline. But clearly something very important and big had been destroyed. 

And it was  _ clearly  _ upsetting the Baudelaires. 

“What… what was it?” Quigley asked. 

At the word  _ was,  _ Beatrice let out a strangled cry, and took off into the rubble. Bertrand hesitated, and then put an arm around Quigley, who realized that the man was shaking. 

“It’s Valorous Farms Dairy.” he said quietly. “This is… this is where Lemony was born. And where… where he-” 

Quigley glanced up at him, and carefully leaned into his side, hoping that provided some comfort. 

Bertrand shut his eyes, and then said, “We have to go through, but we’re not going to take this well, Quigley. I need you to stick as close to me as possible, do  _ not _ leave our sight.” 

Quigley nodded, and slowly, Bertrand stepped forwards, trying to follow his wife. 

Beatrice, clearly, was not thinking of getting past the rubble, instead moving through it in a hurried daze. She would stop every now and again and kick aside a pile of wood, or push aside a collapsed wall to see the earth underneath. Her eyes were wide and her breath came in ragged gasps as she zig-zagged her way through. 

Carefully, Bertrand stepped away from Quigley, grabbing his wife’s arm. “Bea, no, stop.” 

“What if he’s here, what if he’s hurt, what if he’s-” 

“Bea, it’s been weeks. It’s been  _ weeks,  _ we just need to get through.” 

“No. No, no, no- no, Bertrand, he could be here-” 

“He’s not here, Bea, he’s not here, we just have to keep moving.” 

“He wouldn’t give up on us. He wouldn’t- we have to-” 

“If he survived, he wouldn’t be here.” 

Quigley stepped a bit closer, concerned for the adults, and then he saw something out of the corner of his eye. He turned, seeing the remnants of what looked like a door to a stable. There was something flashing- maybe a watch? 

“Bea, we have to keep moving. We have to get to our kids.” 

“He could- we could-” 

“He’s gone, Bea. He’s gone, and we have to keep  _ going.”  _

Beatrice shook her head. “I- I thought so- but we- we’re  _ here,  _ and- and he-  _ we’re here, Bertrand, we’re at the farm…”  _

“Bea, I know, I know, we have to keep moving.” 

Quigley crept closer to the stable door. Yeah, there was a part of a watch, halfway covered in dirt and ash. But maybe… he crept closer, still peering over, until he was close enough to the door to try and lift it. 

“Bea,  _ please,”  _ Bertrand’s voice broke. “Please, we can’t stay here, it’ll- we’ll just feel  _ so much worse,  _ we need to  _ go-”  _

“I- I just-” 

“I  _ want him back, too, but we need to go!”  _

Beatrice choked back a sob. 

“Bea, please-” 

They were cut off by Quigley screaming. 

They immediately took off, running towards the boy only a few feet away, who had retreated, dropping the stable door and almost falling over in his haste to get away. Bertrand grabbed him, looked over, and immediately pulled the trembling boy behind him, instinctively hugging him so his face was shielded away from the body. 

Beatrice, meanwhile, just collapsed. 

“Quigley, don’t look,” Bertrand muttered, shutting his own eyes so he wouldn’t have to see- “Quigley,  _ don’t look.  _ Bea, we have to go,  _ now.”  _

Beatrice didn’t respond. Bertrand wasn’t even sure she heard him. Unlike him, she couldn’t tear her eyes away from the remains of what once had been a person, a person they… she couldn’t even hold herself up, she was on her hands and knees and sobbing and  _ screaming  _ and completely trapped in that moment. 

So she didn’t even hear when, behind them, Olaf said, “You know, if you’d stayed put, you wouldn’t have had to see this.” 

Bertrand sprang immediately into action. He pushed Quigley away, the opposite direction of Olaf, and said, “Quigley,  _ go! Don’t look back, go!”  _ Quigley, thankfully listening, started to run, while Bertrand ran to his wife, wrapping his arms around her, trying to lift her up. Beatrice kept screaming, not even able to process what was happening, and before Bertrand could even get her off the ground, he was grabbed and yanked back. 

“No! Bea-” 

He tried to push back, fight back, but something was slammed against him, and then his wrists were cuffed back, and then- 

He let out a scream as something cut into his side, and he doubled over just as he caught sight of his wife, pinned to the ground and tied back again. She didn’t even react, barely even moved, and just sobbed. Bertrand tried to keep his eyes on her so he could ignore the pain in his side, but eventually he felt blood start to fall, and Esmé stepped in front of him, as the Bald Man behind him forced him onto his knees and made certain he was sitting up so she could wave the knife in front of him. “This,” she said, a smile flitting across her face, “Is just the first of  _ many _ punishments you’re going to get for that little stunt in Paltryville.” 

Bertrand shook his head, his brain clouding and his eyes darting back to Beatrice. The White-Faced Women and dragged her closer to him, but when he tried to move over to reach her, to touch her, to comfort her, Esmé stepped between them, knelt down, and pierced the cut again, dragging her knife deeper under his skin. 

He screamed, and Beatrice finally looked up, finally started to realize something was happening. Esmé took that opportunity to turn around and say, “I would settle down for now, darling, or you’ll lose your other boytoy here.” 

Beatrice stared, transfixed, at Bertrand’s cut, and then she shut her mouth, tears still streaming down her face, struggling to breathe and stay focused, stay calm, keep her husband  _ alive.  _ Esmé smirked as Bertrand muttered his wife’s name, his voice breaking. 

Bertrand didn’t think it was possible to me more afraid at that moment, but he was proven wrong as soon as he heard Fernald call, “Yeah, boss, this doesn’t look like one of their kids.” 

Both Baudelaires whipped around, their eyes widening in horror as they saw that Fernald was using his hooks to hold a terrified, trembling Quigley in place. Olaf stepped over, grabbing the boy’s face and lifting it up, and Quigley bit back more tears, trying to stay calm. Bertrand opened his mouth to say something, his mind racing. Olaf had already seen him tell him to run, he couldn’t say he didn’t know him- maybe he could pretend he’d only just met him? Maybe… 

“You’re right, this isn’t one of their brats. Unless they had more than we thought.” Olaf said, a smirk flickering across his face. Then he narrowed his eyes. “You know what? He looks like those twins who helped the Baudelaire children escape.” 

“The Quagmires?” Esmé strutted over, leaning over to look Quigley in the face. Then something sparked in her eye. “Oh, now this is delightful. You’re the Quagmire who died in the fire, didn’t you? That one twin they kept crying about. Quiggleforth?” 

“Quigley.” he said quietly, his voice finally coming to him. Fernald slowly released him, only for Esmé to grab his shoulders. Quigley shook more and demanded, “Where are Duncan and Isadora? What did you do to them?” 

“Your spoiled siblings are causing us a bit of trouble.” Esmé cooed, squeezing his shoulders. “But now that we have  _ you,  _ we don’t need them to get your sapphires, do we?” 

“Olaf!” Bertrand cried. “Esmé! Please, let him  _ go,  _ we won’t try to run again just  _ leave him alone!”  _

Olaf sighed and walked over to Bertrand, staring down at him. “We both know that’s a promise you won’t keep.” 

“We will, please, just let him go, he’s not ours-” 

“Keep talking, Bertrand,” Olaf said, “And we’ll give your wife a nice cut to match yours.” 

Bertrand froze, and Beatrice kept sobbing. Her eyes had turned back to the charred corpse, still in her sight and still there, always  _ there.  _

“Good.” Olaf reached forwards and patted Bertrand’s head, smirking when he flinched. “Maybe one of your darlings will die quickly if you keep behaving. And don’t worry about the Quagmire boy. We have a vested interest in keeping him alive.” 

Bertrand and Beatrice looked back to Quigley, who was still shaking and frozen in place as Esmé gripped his shoulders. 

“I think you should start losing limbs.” Olaf added, as he looked to his troupe. “Maybe with one less leg you’ll be easier to keep in one place. Hooky, go get the car. And as for-” 

At that moment, Esmé let out a screech. Bertrand and Beatrice whipped back to see that Quigley had just given her a kick to the shins, and as they watched, he whirled around and kneed her in the stomach before he took off running. Olaf shouted with fury, and as Quigley looked back at the Baudelaires, they started screaming, too. 

“Run!” 

“Go, go!” 

“Run, don’t look back!” 

_ “Get out!”  _

Quigley nodded and kept running, and Bertrand felt hands slip away from his own shoulders as the Bald Man gave pursuit, taking off across the rubble. Bertrand reeled back, but before he could even do anything Esmé, furious at what the boy had just done to her, raced over and grabbed his wrists, slamming him into the ground for a moment before hoisting him back up and ripping at his hair with her long, pointed nails. 

When Bertrand’s sight cleared, he could see Quigley was still running, but the Bald Man was right behind him. He screamed as the man grabbed onto Quigley’s arm, yanking him back, a snarl on his face. “You little  _ shit!  _ Get back here and-” 

Whatever else he intended to say was cut off by Quigley whipping out his pocketknife, flipping it open, and stabbing it right into the Bald Man’s chest. 

For a moment, time seemed frozen for everyone. Quigley, terror in his eyes, looked at the knife he’d plunged directly into the man’s heart. He pulled the knife out, stepping back, and stared at the man then fell to the ground. Quigley took in a slow, scared breath, and then dropped the knife. 

“Quigley, no,  _ run!”  _ Bertrand screamed. 

_ “Quigley!”  _ Beatrice cried. 

Quigley stumbled back, shaking uncontrollably as some kind of panic attack set in. He looked down at the ground, where the Bald Man had fallen, and where the knife had fallen, and where there was a small puddle of blood, and then he screamed, throwing his hands over his face, and fell back. 

Bertrand felt a needle jabbed into his arm again-  _ no, no, no…  _

_ “Quigley!”  _

“Quigley,  _ run!”  _ Beatrice screamed, and Bertrand could see, out of the corner of his eye, her getting jabbed, too. They couldn’t pass out now, they couldn’t get knocked out now, Quigley needed them to- 

Olaf ran behind Quigley, staring down at his henchperson, and then he lifted Quigley up by the hair, stared him in the eye, and then slammed him back into the ground. Bertrand and Beatrice screamed, but Quigley could do nothing but cry. 

The last thing Bertrand saw before passing out again, no matter how much he tried to fight the drugs coursing through his veins, was the look of terror in Quigley’s eyes. 


	33. We begin the hunt for the Bastard

**CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE**

_ We begin the hunt for the Bastard _

“Esmé will have alerted Olaf to where we are by now, so the city’s not safe.” Violet said. 

They still sat on the dusty floor of the nursery, but this time they were all at full attention. They’d slept in the old master bedroom, taking turns keeping watch and spreading themselves out on the bed, Sunny curled up on a pillow and unaware that she was not to be awoken for a watch. Now, though, it was time to plan, and as Violet had wandered her way back to the nursery, almost in a trance whenever the music box was played, they’d decided to figure everything out there. 

“Klaus, map me.” Violet said. 

Klaus reached into his bag, handing out a map of the city they’d managed to grab upon entering the other day. He spread it out, and as Violet dropped coins onto the sides to weigh it down, he started charting the surrounding area. 

“If we’re going to find Olaf and  _ not _ get caught,” Klaus said, “We need to figure out where he’s going to be, beat him there, and then kill him before he can kill us.” 

“Sounds good.” Isadora nodded. 

“Lousy Lane is here,” he said, “But Olaf won’t think we’d go back there, and VFD could be swarming the place.” 

“Could we get VFD’s help?” Duncan asked. “I know they suck, but they seem to hate Olaf, too. Maybe we could make a temporary alliance.” 

“You’re forgetting, dear Duncan,” Violet said, “That they don’t know we exist, they hate our parents, and you two are definitely targets for them. Any association with them will not end well.” 

“I guess.” Duncan said, considering. 

“But,” Klaus said carefully, staring at the corner of the map, “Duncan may have just given me an idea.” 

“What?” 

“How about he head this way?” 

He then pointed to a spot, several miles outside the city, literally marked  _ VFD.  _

“Seriously, Klaus?” Violet asked. 

“They have their headquarters on a fucking map?” Isadora asked. 

“It’s probably not a headquarters,” Violet sighed, “But an outpost of some kind. They’re idiotic, but not that obvious.” 

“But,” Klaus said, “There are no surrounding towns. Looks like an isolated spot. So anything that happens there- well, we can be sure Olaf can’t run and hide.” 

“Neither could we.” 

“Which is why we get there first.” 

“Lure him there.” Isadora suggested. “Make sure he knows where we’re going and get there first. Then set a trap.” 

“And boom! He’s a dead son of a bitch.” Duncan said. 

“And likely he’ll bring our parents with him.” Klaus said. “Once they’re out, they can take care of you two.” 

“Could be risky.” Violet said. 

“Losi,” Sunny said, which meant,  _ “And where’s the fun if there is no risk?”  _

“This isn’t fun, Sunny,” Klaus said, “We have to go rescue our parents and kill Count Olaf.” 

“Yeye.” Sunny nodded.  _ “Exactly; sounds like a blast.”  _

“Listen to Sunny, Klaus,” Violet said, “Manhunts are fun. And oh…” she shook her head and smiled, “Will it be satisfying to stab that bastard.” 

“Kill!” Sunny agreed cheerily. 

“So, how do we make sure he follows us?” Isadora asked. 

“Easy. We go out in the fucking open, and he’ll spot us. He always seems to.” 

“So we just… don’t make an effort?” 

“Hell, we’ll find a bus station near Dark Avenue. Get to the city that way.” Violet said. “But make sure he doesn’t catch up to us until we’re on the bus. Everyone have your weapons?” 

Duncan and Isadora nodded, putting a hand on their knives. Sunny bit her finger, smiling and nodding as well. 

“Yeah, Sunny, you are staying the Sunnybag.” Violet ordered, and Sunny flipped her off. “Klaus, you stick with her. Quagmires, hand on one of us at all times unless we have to fight. We move off  _ now.”  _

They nodded, and stood up. Violet, though she just told everyone to leave, stopped a moment, looking back at the nursery. Then, slowly, she lifted the music box, and slid it into her bag. 

Nobody else said anything. 

When they left the house, the Baudelaires walked backwards for a bit, so they could look up at the mansion. It was still standing, and the outside didn’t quite look as rough as the inside. 

It might’ve been a nice place to live. 

“The bus station’s this way.” Duncan said, glancing at the map. He wasn’t quite as good as Quigley would’ve been, but he could figure out where the bus was from their position. 

“We haven’t been spotted yet.” Klaus said. 

“It’s no loss if we’re not. Just means it’ll take longer for him to catch up.” Violet whispered. “That’s fi- and  _ boom _ goes the dynamite.” 

“What?” 

Violet gestured with her head, and Klaus looked over to see, in a doorway of a post office, that Henchperson of Indeterminate Gender, a confused look on their face, was staring right at them. 

“We run in five.” Violet said calmly, as she reached out and grabbed Duncan’s hand. “One, two…” 

The Henchperson slowly stepped out of the doorway, and Klaus said, “Five.” 

He grabbed onto Isadora, and the Baudelaires took off running, dragging their friends behind them as they rounded the bend. “Keep going, he needs to think we’re afraid or he’ll get suspicious.” Violet muttered as Duncan let out a startled noise, and Sunny helpfully let out a cry, just so the Henchperson knew which direction they were going in. They seemed to be a slow runner, so Violet even paused a second after rounding the second bend, just to make sure the Henchperson saw them enter the bus station. 

She raced up to the ticket counter, passed Duncan’s hand to Klaus’s, and reached into her pocket, slamming as much money as she could grab in front of the woman. “Five tickets to VFD, four children and one baby.” 

“Nota!” Sunny called. 

“Sorry, four children and one  _ toddler.  _ She’s been getting better at walking.” 

The ticket person glanced at the money, at a chart on the side and said, “You’re just in time, that bus is about to leave.” 

“Yeah, we hoped so.” Violet said. She pushed the money at the ticket salesperson and said, “Keep all the change and if someone comes by asking for us, tell them which bus we went on, but give them the wrong directions to the bus station.” 

The salesperson opened their mouth to question, looked down at the handful of cash, and then shrugged and nodded, handing over the tickets. “Station thirteen.” 

Violet directed Klaus to follow her and ran towards their station. Klaus trailed quickly behind her, Sunny still on his chest and with one hand gripping to each Quagmire. Isadora and Duncan kept their heads down, clinging to Klaus and trying not to be noticed by the crowd moving to and fro buses, muttering or laughing to themselves and not noticing the panicked, dirty group of children rushing for station thirteen. 

They reached the bus just after the last man in line boarded, and Violet raced in, throwing her tickets at the driver, waving at him, and then turning around, eyes darting between seats. She finally dragged her group over to the back seat, large enough for them all to squeeze into, and they settled down, breathing hard, shoving their bags off and glancing to each other to make sure they’d all made it.

Isadora was nearest to the window when the bus finally left the station, and she peered out, whispering, “Yeah, that Henchperson’s heading this way. Won’t make it in time, but they’ll know which bus we took.” 

“Good.” Violet says. “Gives us quite a bit of time, especially since they seem to be alone. Must be a scout ahead.” 

Isadora sighed and turned back, kicking her legs as Duncan leaned onto Klaus’s shoulder. Klaus jumped, and Duncan, not even noticing, muttered, “I’m going back to sleep. Wake me up when we get there.” 

“Srac,” Sunny said, which meant something like,  _ “It might be a long drive.”  _

“Good. Long nap.” Duncan said. He yawned, grabbing Klaus’s arm and curling up some more. 

Isadora smiled, and said, “What, Duncan, we’re not going to do the song?” 

Violet took a quick break from watching the roads pass by out the bus window to turn in confusion. “The what?” 

“We- when we were on long car trips, we’d do a song.” Isadora giggled. “Cause Quigley used to be scared of long car rides and Mother wanted him to stop crying all the damn time so we made a game of it…” 

She fell silent, staring down at her hands, and Violet shared a quick look with her siblings. Singing on a crowded bus would draw attention to them, and they already had Olaf’s attention, they didn’t need anyone else’s. It would probably be a bad idea. 

Klaus shrugged, and Sunny giggled, and Violet smiled over at Isadora. “How does it go?” 

“What?” 

“The song. How’s it go?” 

Isadora’s face lit up, and Duncan sat up a little, rubbing his eyes and smiling. She kicked her legs a little, and then sang,  _ “Twas brillig, and the slithy toves, did gyre and gimble in the wabe!”  _

Duncan smiled and sang the next line softly.  _ “All mimsy were the borogoves, and the mome raths outgrabe.”  _

_ “Beware the Jabberwock, my son! The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!”  _

_ “Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun the frumious Bandersnatch…”  _

When the bus stopped, and the driver called for departers at VFD, Violet looked out the window in confusion, signalled to the others to stay put, and then wandered down the aisle, over to the driver. 

“Where is it?” she asked. “This is just empty space.” 

“It’s over there.” the driver pointed out the window, and Violet squinted, seeing what looked like a dot on the horizon. “I don’t go any closer. That Council of Elders freaks me out.” 

Violet didn’t remember shit about a ‘Council of Elders’ in VFD, so she assumed that meant either this VFD was coincidentally named, or some weird shit had gone down in the cult since her parents left. She sighed, reached into her bag, and pulled out another fistful of cash. 

“You drop us off closer and then abandon us and you get this as a tip.” 

He considered, then shrugged. “So long as I don’t get burned at the stake.” 

“Won’t happen.” Violet assured him, shoved the money into his hands, and then walked back to the backseat. 

She glanced over the group; Duncan had fallen asleep on Klaus’s shoulder, and Klaus had fallen asleep on Isadora’s, while she stared out the window and bounced a snoring Sunny on her knee. She sat back as the bus started again, and said, “We’re almost there. We should wake them up.” 

Isadora nodded, and then absent-mindedly fixed Sunny’s ponytail. “What do we do when we get there?” 

“We find an abandoned building, wait for Olaf to come, and kill him.” Violet said simply. “Once Olaf is dead, we’ll either interrogate the troupe or search the town to find where he stashed our parents. We have weapons, we can set traps-” 

“What if he escapes?” 

“That’s a possibility, not gonna lie. We can also find an escape vehicle in case we have to retreat. We won’t split up, so that he can’t corner any of us. Sunny’s getting a bit big for her bag, but we can either extend the straps or make sure someone’s holding her at all times.” 

“What if he captures someone?” Isadora turned to Violet, pleading with her eyes. “What if he gets Duncan? I won’t let him take my brother away.” 

Violet took a deep breath, and took Isadora’s hand. 

“That won’t happen.” she promised. “If he takes someone, it’s kill on sight.” 

“Promise?” 

“Promise.” Violet said. “Keep your knife on you at all times.” 

Isadora nodded, and then moved to wake up Klaus. 


	34. An Unexpected Visitor arrives in VFD

**CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR**

_ An Unexpected Visitor arrives in VFD _

The bus finally stopped again, and as they got off, Violet told the driver, “Thank you, much better. Good luck getting away.” 

The driver nodded at her, as Klaus descended the steps and said, “Yep, crowd’s coming. Look pissed. Violet?” 

Violet jumped down beside him, as he shouldered Sunny and absent-mindedly fiddled with her jacket. “I’m not great with crowds.” 

“I’ll handle it.” Isadora said, sliding down with Duncan at her heels; once they were off, the bus practically flew into the distance. 

“She’s real good at this.” Duncan nodded. “When we were at the skate park-” 

“Not the time, Duncan.” 

“Okay!” 

Violet glanced over her shoulder as the bus tore off, then turned back to look at the crowd of villagers, muttering to themselves. Finally, a group pushed themselves to the front- and Sunny immediately started laughing at their hats, shaped like crows. 

“How dare you bring a mechanical device into our town?” one of them said; they noticed pretty quickly that they were all very old- probably that Council of Elders the driver had mentioned. 

“Yo, is this VFD?” Isadora asked, pushing herself to the front. “What’s it stand for?” 

One of the elders blinked in confusion. “We’re the Village of Fowl Devotees. What else could VFD stand for?” 

“Cool, it’s a coincidence, we’re free.” Duncan said. 

“Right.” Isadora smiled, then said, “We’re going to need your most abandoned building, and free reign over it. We’ll be gone in a few days if all goes well.” 

“Now, wait a moment!” an Elder said. 

“You had a mechanical device, that’s against the rules!” 

“Rulebreakers need to be burned at the stake!” 

“Are those the rules for the citizens of the town?” Duncan asked carefully. 

“Why, yes, and Rule-” 

“We’re not citizens, we’re passersby.” Isadora said. “So the rules don’t apply to us.” 

She smiled back at Violet, who grinned back at her. The Quagmires  _ were _ good at dealing with crowds. 

The Council muttered amongst themselves, while some villagers peered curiously at them. “Well,” an Elder finally said, turning back with a smug look on his face, “If you wish to stay, you’ll have to abide by our rules. And you should do something in return for us-” 

“Klaus,” Isadora sighed, “Hit the eye on his hat.” 

Within a flash, there was a throwing knife, directly in the center of the crow’s eye on the Councilman’s hat. He froze, while everyone else leapt back in shock. 

Klaus strode forwards, unconcernedly reaching up on his tiptoes and taking his knife back. Once it was in his hands, everyone moved back even farther. 

“Well, I can see we definitely made a first impression.” Violet said, while Sunny giggled. 

“Now,” Isadora said, crossing her arms, “Your most abandoned building. If you have multiple, biggest should be best, right Vi?” 

Violet nodded. The villagers continued muttering, and finally one of them said, “Um… since we banned alcohol, the bar has been free.” 

“Great.” Isadora smiled. “Point us there, and you will have absolutely no trouble from us.” 

One they reached the inside of the bar, Klaus shut the door and said, “This place could use some dusting, but it’ll work.” 

Violet walked over to the counter, and hoisted herself up to lean over it, her hair falling as she scanned the underside upside-down. “There’s still alcohol here. Does alcohol go bad?” 

“Is that the kind of alcohol we could use for medication?” 

“I don’t know shit about alcohol, to be honest, that was Mom’s domain.” 

Klaus smirked. “Remember that time she went out to do a routine check and ended up in a bar-” 

“And she ended up in the fountain.” Violet giggled, flipping herself rightside up and sitting on the edge of the counter. “Yeah.” 

Duncan moved to a firepole, running his hand across it. “Why do they need a firepole in a bar?” 

“Might’ve been a double firehouse-bar.” Isadora said, looking at a painting of a fireman. “Or maybe VFD isn’t a coincidence but they’ve already vacated this puritan bullshit.” 

“Omod.” Sunny sighed.  _ “Good idea.”  _

“Yeah, they’ll probably try to set us on fire.” Violet shrugged. “We’ll have to set a watch, no biggie.” 

“Firehouse and bar sounds like a horrible combination.” Klaus remarked, flopping back onto the bench. “What do you do if drunk firefighters show up at your house?” 

“Lisnla,” Sunny said, meaning,  _ “You let them kidnap your kids, obviously.”  _

“Oh,  _ we _ are on fire today.” Duncan remarked. “Now, let’s use that energy to get our plans laid out.” 

Violet nodded, and Isadora pulled a sheet of paper they’d snagged from her bag. She and Duncan rolled it out, weighing it down with their commonplace books. Violet took a pencil and started sketching the outline of the building, and when she was done, she skidded up the firepole, looking at the upper layers, while Klaus muttered to himself and drew lines on the building’s exterior, trying to figure out how to weigh something over the door. 

“We could do a flamethrower.” Duncan suggested. 

“Could burn the whole place down.” Isadora shook her head. 

“Tripwire.” Klaus said. “When the door opens-” 

“I bet we could find a large rock to drop on his head.” Duncan giggled. 

“Axe.” Sunny suggested. 

“We don’t have an axe.” Klaus informed her. 

“Saw?” 

“No.” 

“Maybe a heavy book.” Isadora suggested. “It won’t kill him, but it’ll be a lot of pain and a good distraction.” 

Violet slid down the firepole. “Did I hear ‘heavy book’? There’s a lawbook up there bigger than Sunny.” 

“Good, we’ll use that.” Klaus said. “You got a lay of the place?” 

“Not much to get a lay of, but yes.” Violet said. She knelt by Isadora’s side and sketched out an inner layout, just to the right of the outer. “We’ve got two floors, second floor only has two rooms- not including the bathroom. All mostly empty, though there’s a couple bookshelves, only the rulebook on them, and a rug or two.” 

“We can use the rugs.” Klaus said. “What about the layout?” 

“Not many places to hide.” Violet said. “We’ll either have to make some or stay in the open most of the time.” 

“Considering we’re all the bait,” Isadora said, “Probably the latter.” 

“But we’re going to need somewhere to duck if he throws something at us.” Duncan pointed out. 

“Bar.” Sunny pointed at the counter. 

“We’re gonna need something on the top.” 

“If we can get a wooden board in-” 

“Where are we gonna get a wooden board?” 

“Rip up that fence outside.” Isadora suggested. “By the firetruck.” 

“Fuck, that reminds me, we need to check if that still works.” Violet said. “Come out with me, Sunny and I’ll check it. Klaus, you and the Quagmires check the fence stability. If we can get a board or two off, we’ll be able to use that.” 

Klaus nodded, and they left their paper on the ground, leaping over it as they raced to the backdoor. Violet held it open for everyone, and then picked up Sunny and ran to the nearby firetruck; against the sun, which was beginning to set, the red metal looked quite beautiful, even though it was no longer shiny and new and in fact may be a little rusted. Violet opened the door and pushed Sunny in. To the toddler’s endless disappointment, Violet made her get in the shotgun seat instead of the drivers, while Violet shut the door and found the spare key under the seat. She turned the ignition, smiling as it started. 

“Well, the thing runs.” she said. “We can’t really test if it drives without breaking down the fence, but I can test other things- windshield wipers.” She hit the switch, and smiled as the wipers danced across the dusty glass. “Check. Headlights…” she spun the dial, then peered out to look. “Check. Radio?” 

Sunny pressed a button, and while a small screen flickered to life, an old, clanky song began to play, from some classical station or another. “Che!” the toddler shot her a thumbs-up. 

“Good.” Violet did a few more quick scans, and then turned the truck off and lifted Sunny out and back to the ground. “Wanna take a few steps?” 

“Ye!” 

Violet held Sunny’s hand as the toddler stumbled beside her, and she looked around for Klaus, Isadora and Duncan. She saw a loose board on the ground, already pulled from the fence, and smiled a little, but… no, she still didn’t see her friends. “Guys? Hey, where the hell-” 

“Shh!” 

Violet jumped and immediately swiveled, to see that Klaus was crouching by the edge of the fence, eyes wide. Duncan and Isadora were behind him, with Isadora already holding a throwing knife in her palm and placing herself above her brother. Violet ducked down, kneeling over Sunny, who just curiously looked over at Klaus. 

“What?” 

Klaus gestured up, and Violet strained her ears, putting her hands on Sunny’s shoulders. There, yes- distant footsteps, moving a bit quickly. Fuck, someone had probably seen the firetruck moving and making noise. 

_ It’s okay, the villagers know you’re here, there’s not much they can do to you, we can defend ourselves…  _

Violet tapped Sunny on the back, and Sunny nodded, and started waddling closer to Klaus, while Violet crept behind her, still holding her upright. When they made it to their brother, Violet lifted Sunny and passed her to him, and then swiveled her bag from her back to her front, flipping it up to look for weapons. 

She had just started to dig her hand in for smokebombs when they saw a man peer over the edge of the fence. 

Isadora screamed and threw her hand back, preparing to toss the knife, while Violet almost lost her balance, her hand shoving deeper into the bag. Klaus grabbed Sunny and pushed himself farther back, glaring up, and Duncan slid out from his sister, hand flying to his pocket. 

“Whoa!” the man held up his hands, lowering himself slightly so they could really only see the top of his head. “Whoa, I’m unarmed.” 

“Sure you are.” Violet hissed. She glanced at Isadora and nodded at her to stay in place, and then said, “There’s a broken board over there, so you could fit through the fence.” she cocked her head to the side. “Nice and slow, move that way so we can see all of you.” 

The man hesitated, and then said, “Well, if it’ll make you kids feel better…” 

Once he lowered himself from the fence, Violet jumped to her feet and pulled her hands from her bag, keeping a dagger in one hand and a smokebomb in the other. Klaus lifted Sunny, who bared her teeth fiercely, and Isadora and Duncan both stood, glancing from each other and then to the broken board, before Duncan leaned over and pushed the hood over Isadora’s head, sliding his own down as well. He looked to Klaus expectantly, who shrugged as if to say  _ we don’t legally exist so he won’t recognize us as missing, will he?  _

The man eventually squeezed his way through the broken fence, and held up his hands again once he made his way into the yard. Violet scanned him over once or twice, eventually deciding he didn’t look too familiar. She then said carefully, “Jacket pockets.” 

The man reached in, turning his pockets inside-out. Out fell a thick brown notebook, several pens and pencils, and a spyglass. No weapons. 

Violet and Klaus shared a look, and Klaus pointed to the spyglass. “VFD?” 

The man jumped. “I- wha- we don’t  _ say it out loud.”  _

“Alright, he’s in deep.” Violet muttered. She nodded at Isadora and Duncan, who lowered their weapons, and then she stepped forwards. “I didn’t see you in the crowd, and you don’t dress like a villager. State your name and purpose.” 

The man smiled slightly. “Wow, you get right to the point. Jacques Snicket, investigating suspicious activity in Paltryville.” 

Everyone froze over. 

“Jacques  _ who?”  _ Violet said. 

Jacques narrowed his eyes. “Snicket. Who are you?” 

“Classified.” Violet responded sharply. “Now-” 

Klaus stepped forwards, and quickly said, “Are you related to Lemony Snicket?” 

Jacques’s eyes went wide a moment, and his breath caught in his throat. Then he settled back into a blank expression, and said, “Perhaps. Is that important?” 

“It might be!” Klaus said, while Sunny growled. 

“Klaus, get back behind me.” Violet hissed quietly.

“How did you know him?” Jacques asked, his voice lowering. 

Violet bit her lip, while Klaus just glanced to the ground. “He- he was close with our parents.” 

_ “Klaus, shut up.”  _

“Are you related?” Klaus asked again, more insistently. 

Jacques glanced between them, and then nodded. “He was my brother. Now, please, who  _ are  _ you?” 

Violet and Klaus shared another look, and then she glanced back at the Quagmires. Then she turned back to him. 

“We’re his kids.” she said, before pointing. “Violet, Klaus, Sunny Baudelaire.” 

“Baudelaire?” Jacques shook his head. “No. No, Beatrice-” 

“She’s alive.” Violet sighed. “She’s alive and she needs us. She needs us to set her free and  _ kill _ Olaf.” 

“Kill O-” Jacques shook his head. “What? What are you-” 

“Come on inside, dude.” Duncan said, gesturing towards the firehouse door. “We can-” 

Jacques started, his eyes darting from Isadora to Duncan. “I- I know you, you’re Quagmires.” 

“Yeah, yeah, we’re missing, we get that.” Isadora waved her hand. “Inside, we’ll explain stuff.” 

“I…” Jacques hesitated, looking between the siblings, and then narrowing his eyes in thought, as if weighing options. Then, he nodded. “Alright. Inside, then.” 


	35. We lost our opportunity for “Home Alone”, thanks Jacques

**CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE**

_ We lost our opportunity for “Home Alone”, thanks Jacques _

Violet sat at the edge of their map, sketching while she talked. “Beatrice and Bertrand faked their deaths with Lemony’s help. He snuck them out of the city.” 

“No.” Jacques shook his head. “No, Lemony was investigated at that time-” 

“And he was smarter than you little shits.” Violet shrugged. 

“Beatrice and Bertrand would’ve gone to our organization for protection.” 

“Likely.” Violet rolled her eyes. 

“They’ve been on the run the last fifteen years.” Klaus said. “And ended up with us.” 

“Then Olaf found-” Violet shut her eyes a moment, taking a deep breath. 

Isadora, noticing her discomfort, picked up. “Olaf found they were in contact with Lemony. That’s… how he died.” 

Jacques didn’t say anything. 

“He faked a telegram and summoned them to Lemony’s place,” Duncan said, “And then kidnapped their parents.” 

“We escaped.” Violet muttered, reaching into her ponytail and pulling her ribbon out of her hair, wrapping it around her fingers. “Olaf’s been following us, killing anyone near us. We had to take Duncan and Isadora because they caught his attention and- and we can’t let anything happen to them.” 

“We can’t keep running this time.” Klaus said. 

“Kill.” Sunny nodded. 

Klaus shut his eyes, and translated. “We have to kill Olaf before he can kill us and our parents.” 

“Children…” Jacques said. “This is  _ very _ serious. You should’ve gone to the authorities-” 

“The police will arrest our parents and VFD sucks.” Violet said. “We are  _ on our own.  _ Olaf killed your brother, don’t you want him dead?” 

Jacques stared at the paper beneath him. “All I know is Lemony died in a fire at Valorous Farms Dairy.” 

“Because Olaf killed him to get to us.” Violet said. 

Jacques sighed. “I can’t say I didn’t suspect… but I- I heard he may be heading this way, so I came to investigate rumors he was involved with the recent Paltryville riots.” 

“Well, he is heading this way, we’re here and he’ll come for us.” Violet said. 

Duncan hesitated, before pulling his commonplace book out. “Did you say Paltryville riots?” 

“Yes.” 

“Would… that include the death of Georgina Orwell?” 

Violet and Klaus stiffened, and Jacques said, “How do you know about that?” 

“Um.” Isadora said. 

“Bitch.” Sunny sighed. 

“Jacques, just leave Olaf alone, let us handle him or help us kill him.” Violet said. 

“Violet, you cannot just  _ kill _ him.” Jacques said. “We can have the authorities handle this. Justice will be served.” 

“Justice is watching him  _ die.” _ Violet said. 

“Mr Jacques, with all due respect,” Klaus said, “You weren’t  _ there.  _ He told our parents he was going to  _ torture  _ and  _ kill _ us in front of them. He  _ will _ if he gets a hold of us. He needs to die, and so does everyone helping him.” 

“Children, we can figure this out.” Jacques said. “Listen, we’ll just go to headquarters-” 

Within an instant, Violet’s knife was in her hands again, pointed directly at him. “Call VFD here and Olaf will be the least of your worries.” 

“Violet!” Jacques sighed. “Listen, I just think…” he looked pointedly at the Quagmires. “If you go to our organization, you might find… several good things.” 

“VFD stays  _ out _ of this.” Violet hissed. “We kill Olaf, we find where he stashed our parents, and then we leave. We get the Quagmires somewhere safe and then go back on the run until we figure out something to do, and  _ you _ will not tell your organization shit because we have knives and a very angry disposition.” 

“Frater,” Sunny said, which meant something like,  _ “Also, Lemony wouldn’t want you to.”  _

“Children-” 

“This is not open for discussion.” Violet said sharply. “The last time someone contacted VFD, two men died- Sebald and Montgomery.” 

Jacques shut his eyes. “May I… speak to the Quagmires privately?” 

“No, you may not.” Isadora said. 

“We’re not splitting up for any extended amount of time.” Duncan said. 

“And also, we should get going.” Violet said. “We’re going to set a trap in the second floor. Will you join us or are you going to hang out down here and mope?” 

Jacques sighed and sat back. Then, finally, he said, “You really are just like your parents. Beatrice was just as stubborn, Lemony also wouldn’t let anyone get a word in edgewise, and you’ve got that spark in your eyes that Bertrand had when he had a plan.” 

“And it’s a good plan.” Violet said, hiding a smile. “We’re going up.” 

“Call us if you need us, Uncle Jacques.” Klaus said, picking up Sunny. 

Jacques mostly kept to himself on the first floor of the firehouse, so the children quietly got to work on the second floor. They brought the map up with them, and eventually managed to drag the rulebook from the shelf and to the top of the firepole to toss down if need be. Duncan boarded the windows, Violet and Isadora marked several floorboards that would be easy to break, and Sunny banged on an empty beer bottle with a spoon and sang a rather repetitive song she’d written herself. While that was going on, Klaus went over their supplies, muttering and trying to find something good to set them up with. 

“I think if we put a tripwire under the door-” Klaus began. 

“We’re using the rulebook for the firepole, Klaus.” Violet reminded him. 

“I know, I know, but we could probably use the force of gravity, put a rock on a high shelf-” 

“Do you have a rock?” 

“Violet,” Klaus sighed, “There are rocks outside.” 

“We could attach Sunny to the wire,” Duncan laughed slightly, picking her up as she cheered and dropped her spoon, “And have her bite his head off.” 

Sunny growled and giggled and waved her arms. 

“Not risking it, but good backup plan.” Violet snorted. “Have you got the windows?” 

“I think so. I’m not  _ great  _ with a hammer but I got the boards up.” 

“It’s just slamming it into a nail, Duncan, don’t be an idiot.” Isadora said. 

“Listen, I have no motor skills or upper body strength.” 

“Have you considered not being a weak-ass bitch?” 

Violet laughed. “Alright, it’s getting late. I’ll take first watch, the rest of you chill.” 

“We can’t chill, we’re committing premeditated murder in self defense.” Duncan whined, giving her pleading eyes, which caused her to laugh quite a bit. 

“Let’s just lure him here now and throw a knife at his head.” Isadora said. 

“We don’t even know if he’s  _ here _ yet.” Klaus reminded her. “And if we’re all tired-” 

“Yeah, yeah, we’ve got the drill.” Isadora sighed. She found her bag, digging out her blanket. “Maybe we could strangle him with this.” 

“A rope would be better. Maybe we should’ve saved the one from Dark Avenue.” Violet said. 

As she sat beside the rulebook, looking down the hole, Sunny turned her. “Woc?” she asked.  _ “Are we sure we can trust Jacques?”  _

“Absolutely not, so the guard on watch has to make sure he doesn’t do anything idiotic.” Violet said. “If he comes up here make sure he doesn’t drag anyone off by the ankles.” 

Duncan curled against the wall, smiling as Klaus sat beside him and leaning his head on his shoulder, settling Sunny on his lap. “I feel bad for him. Like, he must’ve been in there for a while.” 

“Lemony was abducted as an infant, so, yeah.” Violet nodded. 

“Why do you think he wanted to talk to us?” Isadora asked. 

“You’re easier targets.” Klaus shrugged. “Two of you, less experience on the run, more prone to be friendly to the cult.” 

“As if.” Isadora snorted. 

“That’s enough chatter.” Violet sighed. “Everyone shut up and go to sleep.” 

“Sing?” Sunny asked, looking up from Duncan’s lap as she grabbed his jacket and wrapped it over her like a blanket. 

“Guard probably shouldn’t sing. Won’t help the guarding.” Violet said. 

“I can sing, though.” Duncan giggled, wrapping his arms around Sunny and leaning more onto Klaus. “Our Father loved this one-  _ It was such a fine spring day, down Lou’siana way, with fragrance divine…”  _

_ “And such magnificent regalia,”  _ Isadora sang along gently, wrapping her own blanket around her.  _ “Oh, so fine, Azalea.”  _

_ “Oh, what a lovely sight, in red, pink and white! Can’t help but believe…”  _

_ “That nothing evil can assail you, so naïve, Azalea…”  _

Violet sat at the edge of the hole and kicked her feet, hitting against the pole every now and again. She heard Jacques writing something down below, and the fading voices of the others slowly drifting off to sleep, but she kept herself focused on her watch. 

_ Just keep an eye out, Vi. Keep them safe.  _

Violet knew she should’ve waken someone else up for a watch, but instead she sat by the hole for a while, enjoying the silence. Eventually she laid down on the floor, staring at the ceiling and trying not to fall asleep. 

She failed pretty fast, but thankfully she was awoken by a door slamming. 

As soon as she recognized the sound, she sat up straight, her hair flying into her face. She quickly tied it back, peering down the hole and listening. No noises. And no movements. Likely someone had gone outside. Probably Jacques… fuck. 

She ran to the other children, quickly pushing them and darting between sleeping bodies until they all sat up, groaning. 

“We have a situation.” she muttered. “Jacques has left the building.” 

Klaus glanced around. “What time is it? Why didn’t-” 

“Jacques has  _ left the building.”  _ Violet hissed. 

Duncan turned to the nearest window, froze, and said, “I’m starting to see the downsides of boarding up the windows.” 

Sunny gave him a look, crawled over to the firepole, and immediately slid down. 

“Fucking-  _ Sunny!”  _ Violet shouted. 

She groaned, and Duncan jumped to his feet. “You get the bags, we’ll get Sunny.” he said quickly. 

Isadora and Klaus quickly nodded, and Violet ran to the pole, sliding down and running as soon as her feet hit the ground, her eyes darting around the room. She finally spotted Sunny crawling on a dusty, creaky chair in order to peer out the window. 

Violet slid to a stop beside her, and Sunny only blankly looked up and said, “Issi.”  _ “Jacques is just standing outside. I think he’s just chilling.”  _

“Sunny, for  _ fuck’s sake,  _ what did we say about splitting up?” Violet hissed. 

Sunny shrugged, as Duncan ran to the window and checked the outside. “Yeah. He’s just standing there- do you think he’s sending a message? Waiting for something?” 

“Ughe,” Sunny shrugged.  _ “Maybe he’s just being a weirdo.”  _

Violet peered into the dark. “Maybe he’s trying to guard. May- shut up.” 

They quieted, just as Klaus and Isadora slid down the firepole. Duncan gestured for them to be quiet, as Violet put her hands on Sunny’s shoulders and squinted. Another figure was emerging from the darkness, and Jacques started heading towards, holding his arms up. She caught a few muffled words-  _ “remember… friends… do good again…”  _

“He’s talking to someone.” Violet muttered. “I’m gonna hazard a guess, he’s doing something really stupid and trying to talk Olaf down.” 

“Fuck.” Isadora said. “We’re not ready.” 

“I was  _ hoping  _ for the element of surprise,” Violet muttered, “But we can still-” 

“He’s going to get himself killed.” Klaus muttered, his eyes wide. He stepped forwards towards the door, and Violet grabbed his arm and yanked him back. “Violet!” 

“I’m not letting  _ you _ die because of his stupidity!” 

“We can’t just let someone else die for us- we can’t let  _ Lemony’s brother-”  _

“He made his choice.” Viole hissed. “We just need to do our best to kill Olaf before anything happens to  _ us. _ We-” 

“Shh!” Klaus suddenly leapt forward and grabbed Violet’s shoulders, ducking her down. Duncan quickly grabbed Sunny and knelt down beside them, while Isadora backed up against the wall. 

At that, Klaus gestured to a far, stained window behind the bar. Outside was another figure, walking carefully, clearly straining to hear a sound inside. 

Isadora sunk to the floor, her face going pale as she shook slightly. Duncan crawled beside her, grabbing her hand, while the Baudelaires shared a look, as they heard shouting begin outside. 

_ “They’re surrounding the house.”  _ Klaus gestured.  _ “If we go out to attack, one of them could grab us.”  _

Violet paused, and then signed,  _ “Side door leads to the firetruck. We could get there and drive over him.”  _

_ “They’ll hear the door open.”  _

_ “We’ll have to run.”  _

_ “What if they jump over the fence?”  _

_ “We have knives, idiot.”  _

Klaus nodded, and Violet shot him an encouraging smile before reaching over and squeezing his wrist. She turned to Sunny, who was hugging Duncan in an attempt to comfort him. Violet gave her a thumbs up, and then gestured to the sidedoor. Sunny’s eyes widened in realization, and then she beamed. 

Both of the older Baudelaires crawled over to the Quagmires, and Violet pointed to the door, and then to Isadora’s bag pocket that held the throwing knives. Then she held up three fingers, then two. The Quagmires nodded, but just as she lowered her finger to one… 

They jumped as they heard the sound a shot- a harpoon gun, firing off. They heard a gasp and a shout, and Klaus let out a cry. Instantly, Violet grabbed his arm, hauled him up, and shouted for them all to  _ move.  _

They were at the door in a matter of seconds, and Duncan curled around Sunny as Violet burst the door open and took off for the truck. They heard shouts, running footsteps towards the source of the noise… they likely had a few seconds before they found the broken boards and found their way into the fence… 

“Throw Sunny into the driver’s seat!” Violet called, and Duncan gave her a quizzical look. “Just  _ do it  _ and  _ then jump in the back!”  _

Duncan sighed and tossed the toddler, watching as she grabbed the window of the truck, hoisted herself through, and thumped onto the seat. 

Violet heard something  _ whish  _ behind her, and ducked Isadora down as a dart flew over their heads. They raced to the back of the truck as more things flew their way. Klaus occasionally glanced back to the driver’s seat, where they saw lights start up. Just as they reached the back of the truck, the engine began, and Violet leapt up, almost hitting the hose, and lifted Klaus in first, waiting until she was sure he was ducking against the wall before helping Isadora up. She then reached down for Duncan, who was trying to climb up himself as Sunny started shouting back for everyone to grab onto something. 

And just as Violet grabbed Duncan’s arm, starting to lift him, there was another  _ whish,  _ from the other direction, the one Violet hadn’t been expecting anything from. And in a flash, Duncan let out a piercing, pained shriek that made Violet’’s blood run cold. 

_ “No!”  _ Isadora hurled herself forwards, just as Sunny hit the gas. 

The firetruck burst forwards, as Isadora and Violet gripped Duncan and hauled him up. Violet’s eyes darted upwards, just in time to see a figure atop the fence, trying to crawl over, reaching to grab another weapon. 

_ No, no, no…  _

Isadora was screaming, and Violet whipped around as Isadora and Klaus pulled Duncan to the back of the trunk, trying to stop him from shouting so much. The car shook as Sunny burst through the fence, and Violet could hear shouts of people running away from it. 

“Roundabout!” Sunny called.  _ “We’re facing away from Olaf, I could turn around though!”  _

Violet glanced towards her sister, and then down at Duncan. Klaus’s panicked, shaking voice was telling Isadora to keep him down, and Isadora put her hands on Duncan’s back, tears already streaming down her face. Duncan, for his part, was doing his best to stay calm when he had a large, sharp dagger jutting out of his shoulder. 

“I- I don’t think it hit an artery-” 

“Could it have? Klaus, could it have-” 

“Shut up! I need to- to focus! Duncan, stay calm, we’re going to save you, just- just-” 

Violet shut her eyes, and then called to Sunny, “Keep driving! We need to get him somewhere safe!” 

Sunny didn’t question, and the truck drove off into the night. 

Violet gave herself a moment to process. Harpoon gun- Jacques was dead. She was sure of that. Olaf had shot him, and he or one of his henchpeople had just injured Duncan. Duncan… Duncan was going to need help. 

Sunny was… not the best driver of the group, and the truck swerved between streets, almost hitting mailboxes and porches. Klaus was struggling to help Duncan in such conditions, saying something about laying down, try not to move, Isadora  _ hold him in place,  _ Violet I need a bandage,  _ everyone stay calm.  _

It was a bit hard to stay calm, though, as the truck sped forwards. 


	36. Beatrice has Depression™

**CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX**

_ Beatrice has Depression™ _

When Bertrand finally awoke, his head was still spinning, and it took him a while to figure out if he was in a dark holding cell or if his vision was just that shitty. He wasn’t wearing his glasses, he… he couldn’t feel them, anyway, and… yes, everything was blurry. He managed to push himself into a sitting position, which was a bit difficult, as he felt his legs were stuck together- judging from the rattling and heavy pull, chains. 

He opened his mouth to call out, but it took him a second, as his throat felt horrible. In fact, everything felt horrible. He took a second to draw in a shaky breath, and lean back against the cold wall- stone, if he wasn’t mistaken, but old, crumbling stone. Not enough to cut through, but enough to make this very uncomfortable. 

“Beatrice?” he called. 

He couldn’t see anything, but he felt a considerable relief when he heard another rattle, across the room. At least  _ someone _ was here. He hugged himself, ignoring the aching in his arms, as he heard the chains stretch closer to him. He finally felt a cold hand on his knee, and a soft whisper. 

“This is as far as I can get.” 

Her voice was blank, emotionless, empty. She only sounded like that when she… 

“Here. I found these in the corner. They’re a bit cracked.” 

Bertrand felt something small fall on his lap, and he managed to lift his glasses. When he put them on, he saw she was right, there was quite a crack in the middle of the left glass. He blinked a little to adjust his sight, and then looked towards his wife. He could barely see her in the dim lighting; from what he could tell, there was a small window above him, too high to reach and likely too narrow to fit through. But even then, he could tell it was the middle of the night, and the only lighting was coming from the stars and moon and whatever streetlights or candles could be outside. But even then, he could tell she didn’t look good. He could see her hair frizzed and tangled, and as she sat as close to him as she could, she was leaning a bit towards the side, as if she was ready to collapse. 

“It’s been maybe a day or so. I’ve been in and out of consciousness. They kept you on a lot of drugs, you’ll be sore from that. I think they knew that I wouldn’t escape without you, and they wanted me to know they knew that, though they didn’t take much chances. I would only wake up for a minute or so before I was out again. They must be busy, or ready to torture us again, because otherwise we’d still be passed out.” 

Bertrand shivered at the numbness in her voice. He’d only known her to speak like that twice before in their lives. 

The first was soon after they left Lemony, a month or so out, when they realized that this really was going to take some time, that they wouldn’t see him for so long, that they’d have to raise Violet on the run. Beatrice had been silent for several days while they hid in a quiet village and Bertrand kept watch on Violet, just staying in a corner and thinking, and then when she finally spoke, she’d sounded just as detached as she did now, muttering about her first date with Lemony, or when they had snuck him messages through their play, or right before the Island, when Lemony had found out their crimes were to be released in  _ The Daily Punctilio  _ as a rumor, to get the police interested, and he raced to the theater, where Beatrice and Bertrand had taken to sleeping in the attic to keep VFD from finding them at night, and he raced them through the streets, telling them to stay low and quiet. 

_ “He could’ve been seen with us,” _ Beatrice had said back then, just staring into nothing while Bertrand tried to calm a wailing Violet, who’d awoken in the middle of the night,  _ “But he came anyway. And now we won’t see him again.”  _

The second time he’d heard her voice like this, Klaus had just been born. They were in the woods, they couldn’t dare go to the hospital, and even if they could Klaus had been  _ so _ early, and both of them had been terrified through the entire labor. Terrified that something would happen to their baby, something would happen to Beatrice, someone would find them because Beatrice couldn’t stop screaming and Violet was on-and-off crying from the tent, upset at being stuck in there. And even after Klaus had been born, he didn’t breathe for too long, and when he did start breathing it was too slow and crooked and often interrupted by tears, and after a day or so, in which neither of them slept and Bertrand only left his wife and son’s side to check on Violet, Beatrice had fallen into the numbness again. 

_ “He’s going to die. He’s going to die and it’s our fault.”  _ she kept muttering, no matter what Bertrand said.  _ “He shouldn’t be suffering like this. He’s going to die and it’s because of us.”  _

She hadn’t recovered from that for weeks, where they dangerously stayed in one place, camping in the woods with Bertrand rushing into the nearby town to steal what they needed. Beatrice finally smiled again when it became clear that Klaus would not die immediately, that he had a chance at life. 

When Beatrice fell into her depression, stopped hoping for better, her emotions drained away. It was her way of trying to shield herself, keep herself from breaking down completely. Bertrand knew he’d do the same thing, at different times, in different stressful situations. But they could always pull each other out of it; he knew that when Beatrice was like this, the only thing keeping her going was her family. The knowledge that they were okay. 

But their children were on the run, and Bertrand was chained to the wall, and Lemony was… Beatrice had seen his  _ body, _ had completely lost herself. They knew he was gone. They saw it. He was  _ gone.  _ Bertrand wasn’t sure he himself was processing it, and Beatrice… 

“I think they want to keep us separated.” Beatrice muttered, still numb. “When I awoke and could see you, you were too far away. They’ve figured out it’s dangerous to keep us together, but they still want us to see each other. What’s happening to each other.” 

Bertrand took a deep breath, trying to pull himself out of his thoughts. Beatrice needed him, he needed to  _ focus…  _

He reached out his arm, stretching as far as he could, and managed to grab her hand. Though her face didn’t change, she gripped his fingers as tightly as she could. 

“Are you alright?” he asked. 

She shook slightly. “What kind of a question is that?” 

“Did they do anything to you?” 

Beatrice didn’t look at him. “Drugs, of course. Esme slapped me around once when I awoke in the car with her. I think I have a new scar on my leg, but it might just be my imagination.” 

Her words were far too casual, too unconcerned about her own wellbeing. It made Bertrand want to cry. 

Then he realized something, and the urge to cry increased quite a bit. 

“Beatrice… where’s Quigley?” 

Beatrice still stared into nothing, and as his eyes adjusted, he saw that her eyes were red. How much had she been crying before he awoke? 

“I don’t know. I haven’t seen him.” 

Bertrand’s heart plummeted to his chest. 

“Y-you haven’t? Not at all?” 

“They’re keeping him separate, even more separate from us.” Beatrice said, and she shuddered slightly. “They’re probably mad at him. He killed one of them. They won’t like that.” she shut her eyes as tight as she could. “It’s our fault.” 

Bertrand couldn’t even argue with that. 

“We should’ve left him at Monty’s. Or taken him to the police. We kept telling ourselves VFD would find him, they’d find him at Monty’s, they’d find him from their police insiders, they’d take him away, and we were taking him to his siblings, we were going to reunite them… but I think we just wanted someone with us. VFD would’ve at least not  _ tortured  _ him, not  _ killed  _ him.” 

“Bea…” Bertrand gasped. “Bea, they wouldn’t kill him. They said they needed him-” 

“That was before he killed someone. I gave him the knife.” 

“Beatrice-” 

“It’s our fault. We shouldn’t have  _ taken him with us.”  _

“Beatrice…” Bertrand shut his eyes, trying to find some words. “We didn’t- we  _ couldn’t  _ know, we didn’t even think O would…” 

“Please. Bertrand, please, don’t tell me we had good intentions. That’s what the road to hell is paved with.” 

“That doesn’t mean-” 

“It means we killed him. Whether he’s dead right now or later, he’s dead, because of us. We should have just  _ left him somewhere…”  _

Bertrand squeezed her hand again, and they heard something outside the window- some kind of crash? A couple people shouting angrily. He couldn’t make out the words from here, but he did glance up at the window, seeing bars hanging there. He also saw, silhouetted against the dim light, a swinging noose from the wall. He wondered how long that had been there, and if Olaf wanted one of them to use it, or if it was, like all chances of escape, just out of reach. 

Neither of them spoke for a very long time, and Bertrand just squeezed her hand, or rubbed his fingers around her palm, trying to find a soothing pattern for her, to calm her down. She just shook slightly, probably crying and trying to hide it. He couldn’t blame her, he was doing a pretty shitty job of hiding his own tears. 

When they eventually heard footsteps outside of their door, Bertrand straightened, trying to look at least a little defiant, while Beatrice pulled away from him, also straightening, but still shaking dangerously, almost falling. 

The door opened, a slight bit of light filtering in, and as soon as Olaf stepped inside, Beatrice started speaking rapidly. 

“It wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t his fault,  _ I  _ gave him the knife, I told him to use it if anything happened, it was my fault, don’t  _ hurt him-”  _

Bertrand hurled himself forwards as Olaf, without flinching or stopping his walk at her words, slapped her across the face. She fell to the ground, and Bertrand tried his best to reach her, wishing to God that his chain was just a bit longer, just enough to reach her… 

“We’re dealing with the Quagmire boy.” Olaf said simply. “I’d worry about yourselves.” 

Bertrand shuddered, and then said, “Please, Olaf, he has nothing to do with this, it’s not his fault. It’s ours. Just let him go.” 

“Please stop being so  _ pathetic,  _ Bertrand, it’s not a good look for you.” 

“He’s legally dead.” Bertand tried. “They think he’s dead, he can’t get his fortune if he’s dead.” 

“I don’t know if you noticed, but he’s identical to two other children who could  _ go missing  _ at any time. And they will very soon. We were just telling your little friend how we managed to get a dagger into his brother today, and how interesting it is that their screams sound the same.” 

Beatrice shuddered. “Please. Please, O, please-” 

“That’s about enough out of you.” he said. “Your bratty children keep giving us trouble, but not for long. We’re leaving and on their trail, there’s only so many places they can go outside this village. And you know what that means.” 

He yanked Beatrice upright by her hair as she sobbed, and said, “I think it’s time for you to go back to sleep.” 

Quigley huddled in the car. 

They’d let him stay awake, they didn’t knock him out like Beatrice and Bertrand. He kept seeing them, carried out of buildings and shoved into trunks, and he never knew if they were sleeping or dead until one of them would blearily awaken and get knocked out again, or he heard a troupe member laugh about what they were planning next. He shut his eyes, trying to get those memories out of his head.  _ Get out of his head.  _

He curled up as the car kept going. He wondered if he was awake because they liked him more or less than the Baudelaires. He wasn’t drugged out of his mind, yes, but they could do whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted, and he couldn’t do anything about it. The ropes binding his legs together and chains binding his hands were a constant reminder of that. 

The car was driving quite fast, and Quigley, pressed onto the floor of the car while the troupe chatted ahead of him, ignoring the boy quietly crying in the back, was doing his best to stay alert. There had to be a way out… 

He shut his eyes, ignoring his headache and trying to lean against the door. How fast were they going? How long were they going to drive this time? 

Had they actually killed his brother? 

Quietly, so quietly that none of the troupe members could hear him, Quigley began to mumble to himself, a slight song lifting into the air. 

_ “Twas brillig and the slithy toves… did gyre and gimble in the wabe…”  _


	37. One Last Telegram

**CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN**

_ One Last Telegram _

Sunny kept driving while Klaus knelt by Duncan, waiting until they were far enough away from the town to even talk to them about removing the dagger. The blade, it seemed, had hit his shoulder and fallen a bit before finding its place to stick. They’d managed to get Duncan’s shirt off enough to bandage the blood above the blade, but removing the knife altogether was going to be a challenge. 

“He won’t bleed much in the wound itself,” Klaus explained to them, grabbing one of Duncan’s hands to squeeze it, “because the knife is working as a plug. That strip of fabric Violet got me is blocking the bit it swiped but we still need to-” 

“Why does this  _ matter?”  _ Isadora wailed. Now that Duncan was a little bandaged, she could hug him more, though she still couldn’t do more than just hold him up a little, her arm around him as she pressed her brother to her chest and laid a jacket over him to keep him a little warm in the night air. She hadn’t stopped crying at all. 

“I need to explain what I’m doing.” Klaus said, glancing at Violet, who was curled up and nodding along to whatever he said. “In case this happens again-” 

“It  _ can’t.  _ We’re  _ not _ letting this happen again!” 

“I know, Isadora, I know, but you need to know how this is going. If I explain it, it won’t be as scary. Duncan, are you listening?” 

Duncan nodded numbly. Honestly, he was disassociating quite a bit, his mind elsewhere to distract from the tight bandage above the  _ goddamn dagger stuck in his shoulder.  _

“And Sunny, you okay up there? Do you need Violet to take over?” 

“Ohkee!” Sunny called.  _ “I’m alright, just help Duncan!”  _

Klaus sighed and scooted closer to the Quagmires. He squeezed Duncan’s hand again, putting a hand on his cheek. “It’s going to be okay. We’re going to take care of this.” Only after Duncan finally nodded did Klaus look up at the sobbing Isadora. He moved his free hand from Duncan’s cheek to her shoulder. “We’re going to be okay. Violet?” 

“Yeah?” Violet asked, crawling forwards as the truck bounced over a rock. 

“Help Isa.” 

Violet nodded, brushing Isadora’s hair out of her face for her. “Isa, I  _ promise, _ we’re going to take care of him. We know first aid, he is going to be okay.” 

Isadora took several deep breaths, trying her best to calm down. When she was finally able to speak again, she said, “Duncan, does it hurt?” 

It took Duncan a moment to process her question. “It’s really warm. Really hot.” 

“That’s not great, I won’t lie.” Klaus said. He put a hand on Duncan’s cheek again, and then said, “Isa, you’re going to have to let him go a little, so I can get the knife out without hurting him. I’m going to need your help, and Violet’s, but you’re going to have to let him go.” 

Isadora took a deep breath and then nodded, slowly letting Klaus lift Duncan off her. 

“Duncan, lay on your stomach, and let us know if anything hurts.” 

Duncan nodded numbly, and Klaus slowly laid him down, before squatting in front of him and putting his hands on his shoulder, just above the blade. 

“Violet, I need gloves. Those’ll be in your bag.” 

Violet nodded and dug into her bag. She finally found the small box of gloves in the first aid kit, and handed them over. Klaus put on the gloves and said, “Now, Isadora, how much blood do you think he’s lost?” 

“What the  _ fuck, Klaus?”  _ Isadora shouted. 

“Humans can lose a pint of blood without severe effects,” Klaus recited, “But two pints could lead to shock. Do you think he’s in shock?” 

“I-I’m fine.” Duncan muttered. “I just… I’m tired.” 

“Stay awake, Duncan.” Klaus said, his face falling for just a second in panic, before he fixed his expression and put a hand over Duncan’s. “It doesn’t seem to have hit an artery, because you’re still alive right now.” 

“Klaus, little less blunt please.” Violet said, scooting back to Isadora and putting an arm around her. 

Klaus nodded and reached into his bag, finding a small cloth. He placed it on his lap and moved to the side closer to the knife, and then said, “Girls, I need you to keep him calm. I am going to pull the knife out and apply pressure to the wound for a few minutes. As soon as that’s done, we need to reposition Duncan so his shoulder is elevated slightly above his heart, to stop blood loss from occurring so fast. Isadora, that’s where your big sister hugs will work.” 

“I’m actually six minutes younger.” Isadora muttered, though she and Violet moved over to her brother. Violet put her hands on Duncan’s arm, rubbing him to calm him down, while Isadora sat in front of her triplet and said, “It’s going to be okay.” 

Klaus took a deep breath, and then grabbed the handle of the dagger. “Duncan, I’m taking it out. Stay calm.” 

Duncan nodded, and Klaus counted to three and then slowly edged the knife out. Duncan let out a panicked shout, and Isadora quickly grabbed his hand as Klaus tossed the knife to the corner of the trunk and pressed the cloth to the wound, trying to stop the blood as fast as possible. 

“When he’s elevated, I can try cleaning the wound,” Klaus said, “I should have enough water and there should be some salt in the Sunnybag, but we haven’t got antibiotic ointment, we ran out of that right before the beach.” 

Violet shut her eyes. “The beach seems so long ago.” 

“And I will not be able to close the wound.” Klaus said. “In case the cleaning doesn’t work, if we close the wound it’ll trap bacteria into it. We need to find somewhere with the medications we'll need.” 

“How soon do we need to do that?” Isadora asked. 

“Usually, if you’re not sure of a knife wound’s stability,” Klaus recited, remembering a book his mother had given him, “It’s usually recommended, actually, to wait seventy-two hours before closing. But even leaving it open, we’re gonna need some kind of ointment. Violet, I’m gonna need another bandage.” 

“Blood ribbon?” 

“Won’t be long enough.” 

Violet nodded and reached into her bag, pulling out the torn shirt from the last bandage, ripping it more. 

“So, we’re going to need to get someplace with ointment or medication.” Isadora said. 

Klaus nodded, and then looked up. “And it looks like we have quite some time before reaching a building, so this is the best we have right now.” 

Isadora bit her lip, and then said, “It’s better than nothing.” 

Sunny got tired after a few hours, so Violet took over driving. Isadora sat in the back with Duncan for a bit, but after her brother fell asleep, she eventually left Klaus and Sunny in charge of making sure he didn’t wake up or his bandages didn’t get removed, and scooted to the shotgun seat. She glanced back on occasion, seeing Klaus laying beside her triplet and staring up at the sky while Sunny snored inbetween them, but mainly she stared out the window as the sky darkened and then grew bright again. 

After a while, Violet said, “I’m sorry. This… this wasn’t supposed to happen-” 

“Yeah, I sure hope it wasn’t.” Isadora said, a slight chuckle in her voice. Surprised, Violet turned to her, and Isadora said, “Listen. We knew what we were signing up for. It’s better than whatever Olaf would do to us if we weren’t running.” 

“But-” 

“I’m mad, Violet, but not at you. You’re protecting us, this isn’t your fault.” Isadora said. “I’m… I wanna find who stabbed him and cut their arm off, though.” 

“Unless it’s Olaf, who I want to get to kill,” Violet smiled slightly, “You got dibs.” 

“Valid.” Isadora sighed. 

They fell silent until the car ride ended, which was unfortunately within the hour. Violet noticed the low tank of gas and parked them at the first building that came into view- a short convenience stop entitled the  _ Last Chance General Store.  _

Sunny yawned and sat up, blearily blinking her eyes, before calling, “Uhyiah?”  _ “Why’re we stopping?”  _

“Out of gas.” Violet said, as she climbed out, making her way into the trunk of the car as Klaus and Duncan sat up, almost bumping into each other with how close they’d ended up. “Plus, we might be able to get some ointment at the convenience store. Klaus, do you know what you’ll need?” 

He nodded, glancing over at Duncan and then quickly glancing away before his face could get too red. 

“You guys can probably freshen up in the bathroom while we do this.” Violet said. “Make sure your bags are with you. Klaus and I’ll talk to the owner. If you get out before we’re done, just swipe some food.” 

“We’re still not super good at that.” Duncan said. 

“Lucky for you, we can be a good distraction. Also, you’ll have Sunny with you.” Violet shrugged. “Come on, let’s move out.” 

Duncan nodded and sat up, flinching at a sudden pain in his shoulder. Klaus threw his arm around to steady him, and Isadora, finally making her way over, said, “Duncan, do you need help?” 

“I- I should be fine- I just…. fuck.” 

“It’s okay, it’s not going to heal overnight. You got sliced and stabbed.” Klaus said. 

Duncan groaned, as Klaus helped him off the back of the firetruck. “I’m going to have to be  _ super _ careful with those throwing knives.” 

“Pretty much, yeah.” 

Violet scanned the signs outside the store, not seeing much interesting, and said, “Okay, come on, let’s go in. Isadora, help Duncan if he needs it, and take Sunny- there ya go. See you in a minute.” 

She held open the door a moment, watching her friends and baby sister rush in and duck down an aisle, looking for the restroom, and then she and Klaus ran to the counter, where a man was dusting something. Without looking up, he said, “Is that you, Lou?” 

“Nope.” Violet said. “But we have some requests.” 

Klaus flipped open his commonplace book, where he’d quickly jotted what he’d need. “Which aisle would have the antibiotic ointment?” 

The man blinked over at them. “Do I know you?” 

Violet sighed. “We’re customers, we need- what is it, Klaus?”

“Antibiotic ointment, cloth bandages, mild soap-” 

“Oh, we need gas, too.” Violet added. 

The man behind the counter sighed. “Well, we ain’t got any of that, kid. We got sticky bandages, though.” 

“That’s… not gonna help.” Klaus said. 

“What about gas?” Violet asked. “If we can get somewhere else-” 

“We don’t have a lot of gas, and prices just went up.” the man shrugged. 

“Does anyone get free gas?” Violet asked, and then hesitantly, “Any… volunteers of any kind?” 

The man, not even look phased, nodded. “Yeah, those Volunteers Fighting Disease come by everyday for their free gas. But they only get it because they’re doing such good work at Heimlich Hospital.” 

Violet and Klaus shared a look, and then Klaus said, “Did you say, ‘hospital’?” 

“Yeah, Heimlich Hospital. VFD goes there every day.” 

“VFD, huh?” Violet asked. “How secretive are they?” 

“Pfft, ‘secrets.’ I don’t know any of their names, but I know they’re a good, honest folk.” 

“Do they ever use codes?” 

The man looked confused. “Codes? Not unless ‘codes’ is the new teen slang for ‘endless repetitive songs.’ Why?” 

Violet and Klaus shared another look, and another silent conversation. Then Klaus said, “We might have some relatives there. Perhaps we could meet up with them when they arrive.” 

“Well, they should be here in only a few minutes-” 

“Sounds good.” Violet nodded, smiling. “Thank you so much for your help, where is the bathroom?” 

“Right by the telegram machine.” 

Violet shut her eyes, and Klaus smiled awkwardly. “Telegrams. Cool.” 

His sister smiled slightly, grabbing his hand. “Y-yes.” she sighed, and brushed a hair out of her face. “I suppose there’s no use for the rhyme.” 

“Come on.” Klaus tried to hide the slight crack in his voice as he smiled back at her, swinging their arms. “Maybe our Lemony-man sent us a last telegram.” 

“To here? Not likely, buddy.” 

The man squinted at them. “Did you say his name was ‘Lemony’?” 

Violet snapped to attention, whipping her head to stare at him, and Klaus said, “No way.” 

“Is that the Volunteer you’re waiting for?” 

Violet took a deep breath. “Um, you could say that. He’s- he’s my father.” 

“He’s our father.” Klaus nodded. 

“Ah, then I can finally get ridda this.” the man reached below the counter, and pulled out a piece of paper. “Maybe when the van stops by-” 

“We’ll take it.” Violet said, grabbing it from him. “Thanks so much. When did this arrive?” 

“God, months ago.” the man rolled his eyes. “Your ol’ dad stopped by, asked a bunch of weird questions about the Library of Records at the hospital, and then sent a telegram. He said to hold any responses for him til he got back, but here we are.” 

“Library of Records?” Klaus asked. 

“Hell if I know.” the man shrugged. “Where the hell has your father been? Why didn’t he come back sooner?” 

Violet swallowed. “He’s been very busy.”

“Well, glad you finally picked it up. Was about to throw that shit away.” 

“Thank you, you’ve been a great help.” Violet said. She and Klaus smiled and waved, and then raced to the bathroom. 

As they arrived, they saw Isadora open the door, holding it as Duncan and Sunny left, the latter clutching onto one of Duncan’s fingers in order to keep her balance as she walked. They’d freshened up as best they could, but they still didn’t really look  _ clean _ or  _ well,  _ and Isadora quickly said, “Yeah, I dunno how to replace bandages, Klaus, can-” 

“Lemon-Man sent us a telegram.” Violet said, so fast they could barely hear her. 

Sunny’s eyes lit with excitement, and she started squealing. She released Duncan’s hand in order to clap and bounce, and she cheered, “Ebag?”  _ “So he’s still alive?”  _

Klaus sighed and shook his head. “No, Sunny, this telegram is from months ago, and it’s  _ to _ him, Violet, he didn’t send us-” 

“He might as well have.” Violet said. She sat on the floor, and Sunny quickly scampered onto her lap. Klaus sat beside her as Violet laid the telegram on the floor, and Isadora and Duncan quickly completed the circle, sitting down and looking over. 

_ RU BLF WL MLG GSRMP BLF ZIV HZUV GSVM DSB WLM'G BLF XLNV SVIV HGLK DV XZM KILGVXG BLF HGLK BLF ZIV HGROO LFI UIRVMW VEVM ZUGVI DSZG SZKKVMVW ZMW ZUGVI ZOO GSRH GRNV HGLK RU BLF XSLLHV GL XLNV DV DROO DVOXLNV BLF HGLK SLDVEVI RU BLF WL MLG DV DROO HGROO ZHHRHG BLF DRGS GSV HKORGGRMT LU GSV YZFWVOZRIV UROV HGLK QFHG GL XOZIRUB LMV-GSRIW RH GL YV HVMG GL GSV OZHG HZUV KOZXV ZMW LMV-GSRIW GL GSV ORYIZIB LU IVXLIWH ULI BLF GL KRXP FK DSROV DV DROO PVVK GSV OZHG GSRIW SVIV HGLK DV KILNRHV DV DROO WL ZMBGSRMT GL SVOK BLFI UZNROB HGLK MLYLWB WVHVIEVH GL TILD FK LM GSV IFM HGLK _

“That looks like nonsense.” Duncan said. “Gibberish.”

“It’s code.” Violet said. “Mother and Father were really good at these, but we don’t even know which code they're using.” 

“Do you see any number signs, or just letters?” Klaus asked. “That could narrow it down.” 

“No numbers.” Isadora said, scanning it quickly. 

“How about,” Duncan suggested, “We see who it’s from?” 

“That is also coded.” Violet said, pointing to the FROM box. 

“But no numbers,” Klaus said, “Means we can rule out A1Z26. How many words are there?” 

Violet, the engineer of the group, was the best at math and numbers, so she quickly counted. “Are we counting hyphens as one word or two?”

“One.” 

“Then one-hundred seventeen.” 

“Could be Sebald.” 

“Ni.” Sunny shook her head, and then said, “Yllas,” meaning,  _ “Sebald is words inbetween words, not gibberish.”  _

“You’re right, Sunny.” Klaus said. 

“Lemme see.” Duncan swiveled the paper towards him. 

“Careful.” Isadora said, quickly throwing an arm around him. 

“I’m  _ fine.”  _ Duncan flinched. “It just stings a little.” 

“A  _ little?”  _ Isadora raised an eyebrow. 

“Okay, it hurts a  _ lot, _ but only when I move.” 

“That’s not  _ good!”  _

“It’ll feel worse if you get infected.” Klaus said, scooting beside Duncan and looking down at the message. “What do you know about codes?” 

“We used to do codes for fun cause we stole codebooks from our parents’ study.” Duncan paused. “You think that was VFD shit?” 

“Most definitely, but we can talk about that later.” Violet said. 

“Well, here’s what I’m thinking.” Duncan said. “You look for common letters- or!” his eyes lit up. “A common word.” 

“What?” 

“Unless this is Vigenere- in which case, we’re fucked, I hate that shit,” Duncan explained, “The same word will be spelled the same multiple times- for example, ‘the’ will have the same three letters. And on telegrams, what’s the most common word?” 

Klaus and Isadora shrugged, but Violet said, “‘Stop’ is used instead of a period.” 

“So we look for four letter words that are the same, and start there.” Duncan said. Klaus pulled a pencil from his pocket and leaned over. After a moment, he said, “I’m seeing three- no, there’s four- there’s a lot of ‘HGLK’” 

“Circle all of them.” Violet directed. Klaus nodded, and Duncan and Isadora helped by pointing out where they spotted an HGLK. 

“HGLK…” Violet shut her eyes pulling out a ribbon. “Klaus, what-” 

“Atbash.” Klaus said quickly. “That’s an atbash.” 

“Atwha?” Sunny asked. 

“Yeah, which one was that?” Isadora asked. 

As Klaus pulled out his commonplace book and started furiously writing out a translation, Violet said, “The atbash cipher is a substitution cipher, taking the alphabet and mapping it in reverse. So A is Z, B is Y, et cetera. So when you write… say you’re writing ‘Quagmire.’ Opposite the letter Q is ‘J’, and opposite U is ‘F’, and eventually your name would be spelled…” 

She paused, trying to think, but Duncan quickly said, “J-F-Z-T-N-R-I-V.” 

“Yes.” Violet nodded. “That seems right.” 

“I think we’re on the right track.” Klaus said, writing as fast as he could. 

“What’s the message?” Isadora asked. 

“Well, I haven’t processed any of it yet.” Klaus admitted, without looking up from the telegram. “I’m just going word-by-word, just gimme a minute.” 

“Klaus is the best decoder in the family.” Violet said. 

“Ours was Quigley.” Isadora sighed. “He was way too good at it.” 

They were silent as Klaus completed his translation, and then tossed the pen down. “Okay… we ready to see what they said to Lemony?” 

Violet grabbed Sunny’s small hand and squeezed it, nodding. 

Klaus adjusted his glasses, and read aloud, 

_ IF YOU DO NOT THINK YOU ARE SAFE THEN WHY DON'T YOU COME HERE STOP WE CAN PROTECT YOU STOP YOU ARE STILL OUR FRIEND EVEN AFTER WHAT HAPPENED AND AFTER ALL THIS TIME STOP IF YOU CHOOSE TO COME WE WILL WELCOME YOU STOP HOWEVER IF YOU DO NOT WE WILL STILL ASSIST YOU WITH THE SPLITTING OF THE BAUDELAIRE FILE STOP JUST TO CLARIFY ONE-THIRD IS TO BE SENT TO THE LAST SAFE PLACE AND ONE-THIRD TO THE LIBRARY OF RECORDS FOR YOU TO PICK UP WHILE WE WILL KEEP THE LAST THIRD HERE STOP WE PROMISE WE WILL DO ANYTHING TO HELP YOUR FAMILY STOP NOBODY DESERVES TO GROW UP ON THE RUN STOP _

As Klaus finished speaking, they all stared at each other, a heavy feeling spreading through the group. 

“Baudelaire File?” Violet asked. “What’s that?” 

“Who was he talking to?” Isadora took the telegram, flipping it around and picking up Klaus’s pencil. 

“Algernon?” Sunny asked.  _ “What’s the Last Safe Place or Library of Records?”  _

“The Library of Records is at the Heimlich Hospital.” Violet said, turning. “If he never got this message, he never picked it up.” 

“Which means it’s still there.” Klaus said. 

“Okay, this answers nothing.” Isadora sighed, putting down the telegram. “The message was sent from a ‘Black Cat Coffee.’ Anyone know where that is?” 

Not processing Isadora’s words for a moment, Violet said, “And if it’s still there-” 

“Then our ride-” 

Violet clapped her hands together and said, “Well, aren’t things finally looking up for us?” 

The Bearded Man swung open the door and smiled. “Hello! Fellow Volunteers?” 

The five children stood there, wearing their biggest smiles. “Yes.” Violet said sweetly. “Don’t you remember?” 

He didn’t respond, only saying, “Come on in, brothers and sisters! We’re headed right off to Heimlich Hospital!” 


	38. Bertrand does his Best

**CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT**

_Bertrand does his Best_

As the Volunteers cheerfully sang, the children sat on the floor of the van, chatting amongst themselves. 

“What does it feel like?” Isadora asked, as she hugged Duncan close to her. 

Duncan bit his lip, feeling a bit smothered. “It started out really hot, and then it felt really cold. And like… I think the most pain was right after the knife came out. Now my shoulder just feels really sore.” 

“Hopefully we can help with that.” Klaus said. “Our plan is to sign you in under a pseudonym, to get you treatment from someone who’s not a thirteen-year-old boy.” 

“But you did a good job.” Duncan said. 

Violet blinked. “Klaus, you’re twelve.” 

“I’ve got, what, three days?” Klaus shrugged. “Then I’m an adult.” 

“No, then you’re a teenager.” Violet sighed. “We were planning such cool shit for your little- what did Father call it? ‘Private family bar mitzvah.’” 

Klaus smiled. “Well, don’t tell me, maybe we’ll have Olaf dead in time for you to pull that off.” 

“Not likely.” Violet said. “There were a _lot_ of balloons.” 

“I don’t know if I like the idea of me getting signed in alone.” Duncan interrupted. “We said we weren’t gonna split up.” 

“We’ll follow you to your room,” Violet said, “When the doctors leave you alone, Isadora will stay with you to make sure nothing happens, and the rest of us will duck down the Library of Records. Just check it out real quick, find out where that Baudelaire File is.” 

“Again, splitting up.” 

“But with the knowledge of where the other’s supposed to be at all times.” Klaus said. “Besides, Olaf is _far_ behind us.” 

The Volunteers got out of the van, cheering and singing, and the kids stayed to the back of the group, glancing at the hospital, only half of which was completed. 

“Well that makes me feel good.” Isadora muttered. 

“I’m sure they’ll finish it someday,” they heard the head of the volunteers say joyfully, “But in the meantime, we can picture the other half, and picturing something makes it so!” 

“Okay,” Klaus whispered, as they all edged toward the hospital doors, “So we’re in, what, a new age cult?” 

“I’m gonna guess antivaxxer.” Violet shrugged. 

The volunteers headed inside and started down a hall, while Violet simply directed them towards a receptionist desk. The woman there glanced up. “Hello?” 

“Hello. Our brother has been stabbed and we’d like to check him in for treatment.” Violet said, making her voice sound lower than usual. “We gave him a bit of medication ourselves but there’s only so much we children can do.” 

The receptionist sighed, and stood up. “We’ve got an open room in the Stab Ward, you’re lucky. Come along, and one of our doctors will be there shortly.” 

Violet nodded, and quickly grabbed Klaus’s hand, as Klaus picked up Sunny. “Alright.” 

Beatrice leaned against her husband and tried to adjust her eyes to the darkness. 

She’d woken up just as they were being chained to the wall, but didn’t dare try to fight, knowing they’d just hurt Bertrand, they’d hurt Quigley, they’d torture them anyway. She could hear Olaf’s bragging, but only processed enough to know they were doomed- _blah blah_ soundproof basement, _blah blah_ left the firetruck right where those fucking singers pick up gas _blah blah_ don’t worry about leaving them together, they should know better than to try anything by now. 

They did. 

When Bertrand awoke, Beatrice didn’t say anything, she just leaned up against him, and he put an arm around her. They could actually reach each other here, and Beatrice wondered for a while if that was due to a lack of space, but once she managed to get used to the darkness, she realized that, no, they were in a huge room. There were a few scattered shelves, a few cardboard boxes, and then several poles supporting the ceiling, on two of which the Baudelaires were chained. 

Bertrand muttered some observations every now and again. They were probably in a cellar. He could see bottles in that box, they could be in a hospital. It didn’t matter to Beatrice at the moment. Nothing did, so she just let the numbness surround her, let herself lean on her husband for however little time they’d let her have him. He ran his hands through her hair a bit, detangling and brushing as best he could, and Beatrice played with the edge of his jacket, letting the thick fabric roll between her fingers. 

After what felt like forever, Bertrand squeezed her shoulder, and leaned his head against hers, and then said, “Beatrice, we have to keep going.” 

She shook her head. “There’s no point.” 

“Our kids are still out there, and they need us.” 

“He’ll just catch them and kill them like he caught us again, and he took Quigley away. I don’t even know where he _is_ right now.” 

“Beatrice…” Bertrand shut his eyes. “I miss Lemony, too.” 

She fell silent. 

“But we have to go on.” 

She remained silent. 

“Do you remember, when we were sixteen-” 

“Please don’t.” 

“What?” 

“Please. Don’t.” Beatrice buried her head into her husband’s shoulder, muffling her voice slightly. “Don’t. Don’t make me remember.” 

“Bea.” 

“We don’t have a future, Bertrand, and we’ve lost our past. So now we just wait to die and see him again.” 

“Absolutely not. Bea, absolutely _not.”_ Bertrand pulled away from her, and she flinched, feeling too cold and too lonely until he grabbed her shoulders, trying to get her to look him in the face. “We’re not dying here. We’re _not_ letting him win.” 

“He already has.” 

“Bea, Lemony’s _gone,”_ his voice broke, and he stared at the ground, trying not to cry. “He’s gone but we can keep going. We’ve known he was gone-” 

“It’s different now.” 

“I _know_ it is, Bea. I know we- we _know_ for a fact he’s never coming back to us. But you know what? If we had died, he would’ve pressed on for us. Especially if our kids needed him.” 

“We don’t know that.” 

“And we never will. But we know that we still _have_ him.” Bertrand pressed a hand to her cheek. “We still have our kids.” 

Beatrice shut her eyes, and then whispered, “How are we supposed to face them? So much has happened-” 

“We just need to get them safe. That’s all we can do.” 

_“Nowhere_ is safe.” Beatrice’s voice finally betrayed emotion, finally betrayed her distraught trembling, as her words shook and she blinked tears down her cheeks. “The world’s treachery washes up on every shore. We _can’t_ keep them safe, and we can’t even _get out of here,_ so we might as well just _accept it.”_

“Bea, please, don’t lose hope.” 

“We don’t _have_ the _luxury_ of hope!” Beatrice shouted, and then she couldn’t stop the tears, and she kept shaking and almost falling over, only held upright by her husband. “We don’t have _anything!”_

“Beatrice, hope’s not a _luxury,_ it’s the only thing you can have when everything else is gone.” 

“Don’t!” Beatrice sobbed. “Don’t _sound like him!”_

Bertrand hugged her, and she just trembled and felt her cheeks burn as her body wracked with sobs and all she could do was let her husband hold her. He stopped speaking, stopped telling her it would be okay, but he pressed his face against hers and stroked her arms and just let her feel him there. 

It felt like an hour before her tears ran out, and she just rocked back and forth, Bertrand still refusing to let her go. He was probably the only person in her life who hadn’t let her go. She eventually moved her arms up to hug him back, and he finally whispered, “You’ve never given up, Bea. Nothing can break you. Don’t let this.” 

She gripped his jacket, and then whispered, “Violet has his eyes.” 

“Yes.” 

“Klaus has his voice.” 

“Yes.” 

“Sunny has his laugh.” she allowed herself the smallest smile. “How did that even happen?” 

“The magic of bisexuality.” 

_“Bertrand.”_ she stroked his arm, and then pulled away, pressing her forehead against his. “Violet walks like you. She paces and skips the same way. Did you ever notice that?” 

“No.” 

“Klaus squints like you,” Beatrice continued, grabbing his hand, “When he’s angry or focusing or tired. You and him flap your hands from up-and-down instead of side-to-side like Violet.” 

“Is that so?” 

“And Sunny looks _just_ like you. She pretty much just stole your face.” Beatrice let herself laugh a second. 

Bertrand let her laugh, and then he said, “Violet has your determination. Your protectiveness, of everyone you love. And Klaus has your hair and your eyes and your… how do I put this?” 

“Impulsivity?” 

“Sure, yeah. And Sunny… she just has your fire, Bea.” 

Beatrice shut her eyes. “They’re all of us.” 

“All of us. They’re our babies. And we-” 

The door slammed open, and Bertrand shut up as fast as he could. He whipped his head towards the door, squinting in the sudden light, pressing his wife closer to him. But she looked up, looked to the doorway just in time to see Olaf drag the boy in behind them. 

“We’ve finished with the Quagmire boy for now,” he said simply, walking across the room as they saw Quigley stumble behind him, his feet barely keeping any form of balance, “So he’ll be here until it’s time for the big show we have planned.” 

“Quigley?” Beatrice’s eyes widened, and she tried to move forwards, but as Olaf shut a clamp around the boy’s leg, she found that she was, as was normal, just out of reach. “Quigley!” 

“What did you do?” Bertrand said, his voice only just above a gasp. “What did you _do_ to him?” 

_“Quigley!”_

“Leave him alone- Olaf-” 

“God, you two never shut up, do you?” Olaf sighed. He locked Quigley’s clamp, and then stood. “We’ll have some fun in a little while, but for now we have to go fetch a surprise for you. Play nice.” 

“What did you _do to him?”_ Bertrand demanded, his eyes following Olaf as the man shrugged and walked out. “What did you- _no!”_

“Quigley!” 

Quigley wasn’t responding. Their eyes had to re-adjust to the dark once the door slammed shut, but they could tell he was huddled against the pole he was chained to, and he appeared to be shaking. 

Beatrice, desperate, stretched as far as she could. She ended up practically laying on her stomach, reaching out her arm as far as it would go, desperately trying to grab his hand. 

Then, slowly, Quigley reached out an arm, and they barely managed to touch fingertips. Beatrice could feel him trembling now, and she just said, “Quigley, Quigley we’re so sorry… we’re so sorry, what happened? What did they do to you?” 

Quigley opened his mouth to respond, and all that came out was a cry. 

Beatrice and Bertrand both choked back their own sobs, and Beatrice tried desperately to reach farther, to grab his hand, to tell him everything was going to be okay. To lie to him no matter how recently she herself had fallen into nothingness. 

“Quigley, we’re right here. We won’t let him hurt you again.” Bertrand choked out, also reaching out though he knew he was even farther than Beatrice was. “Quigley?” 

Quigley started crying more loudly, trying and failing to stretch farther, unable to do more than reach and sob. For a while, the Baudelaires were silent, just letting him know they were there, just reaching out to show they were _trying,_ that they would do their best to comfort him. 

“Quigley…” Beatrice finally whispered. “We’re here. We’re sorry.” 

Bertrand shut his eyes a moment, and when he opened them again, he reached again and said, “Is there anything we can do?” 

Quigley cried a little quieter, still stretching to touch Beatrice’s fingertips, and after what had to be minutes, in which he struggled to calm down enough to speak, he finally had one request. 

“C-can you… can you say the- the poem again?” 

His voice was scratchy, broken, and _tired,_ he sounded so tired, but there was a desperation in there. _Please, please just say the poem again._

Beatrice started crying again, distraught at his pleading but trying to smile for his sake as she brushed against his hand. Bertrand also started to cry, but he managed to keep his tears silent, hoping that Quigley wouldn’t notice. 

Slowly, he nodded. 

_“It was s-six men of Indoostan_

_To learning much inclined_

_Who… who went to see the elephant…”_


	39. Laboheme

**CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE**

_ Laboheme _

They sat in a near-empty room, with only a woman sleeping in the bed against the far wall for company whenever doctors came in and out. They did routine examinations while Violet spat out a fake story about a neighbor being angry that they were climbing in his tree, and how their parents would be along to pay the bill quite soon, don’t worry. Duncan was pretty nervous and uncomfortable most of the time, especially as they had him change into a hospital gown and kept having to touch and mess with his wound. So Isadora held one hand and Violet held another, while Klaus and Sunny sat beside him and rambled on about some book or another to distract him. If there weren’t doctors in, though, and Duncan did not need distracting, then Klaus would pull a book from his bag and read for them, while Sunny waddled around the room trying to get used to walking on her own, Isadora sketched out some poetry ideas, bouncing them off her brother, and Violet played with their last telegram, doodling on the edges or just staring at it.

At one point, the Volunteers Fighting Disease came in, singing to try to cheer them up, and the children were incredibly amused by the fact that they were not at all recognized as “those kids we shared a busride with.” They were so amused that when the Volunteers left, they all burst into laughter, almost doubling over, and not stopping until the next doctor came in. 

When the last doctor left and Duncan was settled in bed, flipping through the newspaper that was provided for him and using Klaus’s pencil to scratch out inconsistencies, Violet leaned over to Isadora and said, “We’ll be back in a few minutes. I saw arrows to the library, it’s a few floors up but not too far. Locks shouldn’t be hard to pick.” 

Isadora bit her lip and bounced her leg. “Are you sure?” 

“We’ll be fine. Just… if anyone comes in, you still have your weapons.” 

Isadora smiled slightly, and then whispered, “I took the dagger that stabbed Duncan and stuck it in my bag. I’m gonna wash it off and use it to cut someone’s hand off.” 

“Great idea.” Violet beamed. “We’ll see you in a few minutes.” 

They made their way to the library of records, and Violet knelt by the locks, narrowing her eyes. “Ugh.” 

_ “Ugh?”  _ Klaus asked, gently placing Sunny onto the ground. “That’s not a good sound.” 

“Tis not, brother dear.” Violet rolled her eyes, shooting him a look. “These are way more complicated than our ordinary-enough pin-tumbler locks. We shoulda found someone with keys and swiped em.” 

“Do you think you can get in?” 

“It could take some time.” 

Sunny walked over, looked up at the lock, and then said, “Bite.” 

“No, you’re not biting the locks, Sunny-girl.” 

Sunny shook her head, and bit the edge of her finger. “Bite.” 

“I don’t follow.” 

“I think,” Klaus said, sitting by Sunny, his eyes wide, “She’s offering to bite something small to function as a key.” 

“That… may not be a bad idea.” Violet considered. She reached into her bag, muttering, and then pulled out her bag of hairpins. “So first you-” 

“Gotit.” Sunny shrugged, and started biting and twisting the pins, peering into the keyholes as she worked. 

“Cool.” Violet shrugged and stood up, smiling over at Klaus. “Our baby sister’s a free lockpick-maker.” 

“You don’t think she’ll hurt herself?” 

“She’ll be fine.” 

Sunny nodded as she handed Violet a lockpick, and Violet knelt down. Within a few minutes, the door was swinging open. 

“Fuck yeah.” Violet grinned. Klaus lifted Sunny as she shouldered her bag, and she walked inside, flicking on a lightswitch. Ahead of them were rows upon rows of filing cabinets, stretching out as far as the eye could see. 

“Hmm.” Sunny growled in displeasure, narrowing her eyes.  _ “How are we gonna find the file in here?”  _

Klaus moved to the first cabinet, and ran his hand over an  _ AA-AC  _ label. “It looks alphabetical. So we should check under ‘Baudelaire.’” 

Violet nodded, and after she tied her hair back and did a quick look-over of the cabinets, she directed them down the rows, until they reached  _ AX-BA. _ She grabbed the right drawer, huffing to find it was locked, but thankfully this one was much easier to pick. When she got it open, Klaus used his free hand to flip through quickly, but he shook his head once he reached the end. 

“No Baudelaire.” 

“Maybe the next drawer?” 

“No. See, this is ‘Baz.’” Klaus shook his head. 

Violet paused. “Maybe it’s misspelled. B-U-Delaire.” 

“Budelaire.” Sunny giggled. 

“We can check.” Klaus shrugged. 

Violet moved down the cabinets, scanning the  _ B _ labels, and when she found the  _ BU-CA, _ she once again picked it open, and Klaus flipped through. 

“No.” he shook his head. 

“Are you sure?” 

“We go from ‘Buccaneer’ to ‘Byers.’ No room for ‘Budelaire.” 

Violet bit her lip. “Let’s check VFD.” 

As they headed down the rows, looking for the  _ V  _ files, Sunny whispered, “Vi? D’nouf?”  _ “What if someone already took the files?”  _

“Nobody saw that telegram but the guy at the counter, and you’d think he’d mention if he’d been able to give it to someone else.” Violet whispered, tugging on her ribbon. “Lemony never saw it, and the senders didn’t seem to be going anywhere.” 

“Cep?”  _ “What if someone intercepted it?”  _

“We’ll have to hope they didn’t.” Violet said. She glanced back at her sister and said, “This was important to Lemony, so it  _ has _ to be important to us. I’ll open every filing cabinet in this room if I have to.” 

Sunny nodded, though Klaus bit his lip and glanced at the ground, unsure of how productive this was going to be. 

Violet found two entire drawers labelled  _ VF, _ and she picked both, before tossing them open. Klaus put Sunny on the ground and flipped through the tops, reading out loud. “VFD-  _ 1485 Columbia Road _ . VFD-  _ 667 Dark Avenue _ . VFD-  _ Anwhistle Aquatics _ .  _ Bats in the Train Station. Building Committee. Curdled-  _ we’ve gotten past ‘b.’” 

“Keep going.” Violet insisted. 

Klaus sighed.  _ “Denouement, Hotel. Doyle, Vincent Francis. Dressing, Lois. Frogg-Drifter, Violetta. Hypnotists in the Office. Items, Museum of. Lachrymose, Ivan. Leeches in the Lake. Lions in the Mountains. Little Snicket Lad-”  _

Violet pulled the file out and flipped it open, and then shook her head. “Just the sheet music with some notes. Not seeing anything good.” 

Klaus sighed and moved onto the next drawer.  _ “Medusoid Mycelium. Orion Observatory. Prufrock Prep. SS Prospero. Schism, Discussions of -  _ there’s like three files here.” 

“Hand em over. Might make for interesting reading.” Violet said. Klaus shrugged and handed her the files, and she shoved them into her bag, barely fitting it in. “What else?” 

“A bunch of investigative reports from an E Snicket- do we know one?” 

“Probably a relative of Lemony’s. Here, I’ll shove that in your bag. Keep going.” 

There’s not much else. I see  _ Stain’d-by-the-Sea, Reports of; Sugar Bowl; Surgeons in the Theater; Valorous Farms; Volunteer Feline Detectives; Winnipeg, Duchy of; World is Quiet Here…  _ another  _ World is Quiet Here, _ and  _ Zombies in the Snow.  _ No Baudelaire.” 

“Or Budelaire?” Sunny giggled, for some reason thinking that was the funniest thing in the world. 

Violet groaned, finishing zipping up Klaus’s bag, and she tugged on her ribbon harder. “There’s gotta be a place. Maybe F for File.” 

“Seriously, Violet? Everything here is a file.” 

“Well, what do you suggest, oh wise one?” 

Sunny gave them incredulous looks. “Snicket.” 

Violet and Klaus gave her a look, and then Klaus slapped his forehead.  _ “Duh.”  _

“Come on.” Violet tossed him his bag, and Klaus threw it over his shoulder and then picked up Sunny as they raced back to the  _ S _ cabinets. She ran her hands over the metal, watching the  _ SW-SZ  _ turn to  _ SS-SV,  _ then  _ SO-SR…  _

“Here!” Violet called. She raced to the  _ SN  _ drawer, and then again unlocked it quickly, tossed it open, and stepped back for Klaus to file through. He dropped Sunny, flipped a few files, and then beamed over at her as he found the  _ SNI _ and triumphantly lifted a file, labelled:  _ SNICKET, LEMONY - BAUDELAIRE, ⅔. _

“Fuck, yes!” Violet knelt on the ground, bouncing with excitement. Klaus knelt beside her, and Sunny peered over his arm as he flipped it open. 

He narrowed his eyes, a little confused as he started spreading papers. “What are these? I don’t see anything to do with our parents here.” 

Violet looked over, and then narrowed her eyes. Happy she still had her hair tied back, she pointed to a clipped newspaper article. “Read that for me, while I sort through these?” 

_ “Capture of the Remains of the Inhumane Society.”  _ Klaus read. He skimmed, and then said, “Not much info. Some people who were in a terrorist organization went on the run and were finally caught.” 

“When?” 

“Uh… like thirty years ago.” 

“Date?” 

Klaus told her. 

Violet turned to him. “Open your commonplace book, make a note.” 

He shrugged and nodded, and as he started writing, Violet picked up an article.  _ “Murder! Count and Countess found dead in mysterious circumstances at the Opera-  _ well, alright, we can guess what this is.”

Sunny, not paying much attention, picked up a scrap and waved it in front of Klaus. “Whazzit?” 

“That’s some kind of poem, I think.” Klaus once again skimmed. “About making poison from bird bones.” 

“A profile on ‘Armstrong Feint.’” Violet said. “We have an underline here-  _ base of operations in Clusterous Forest.”  _

“Clusterous Forest?” Klaus echoed, and then lifted another paper. “What about this?” 

“What’s it say, dingus?” 

“It’s a transcript of an environmental society meeting about protecting some seaweed forest.” 

“What are you seeing?” 

Klaus scanned and recited interesting things that came to him. “Some are arguing that it’s a marvel of science as it’s landlocked, meaning the seaweed grows outside the ocean. But others are arguing that its existence is dangerous to the local wildlife, as birds will land on the seaweed and get stuck and die of starvation.” 

“Scout!” Sunny called.  _ “Dead birds!”  _

“Dead bird skeletons make poison.” Violet said, as Klaus started writing as many notes as he could. “This Armstrong Feint was in the Clusterous Forest, with a lotta dead birds…” she scanned the profile again. “Guess who was in charge of the Inhumane Society?” 

“So the Inhumane Society has poison? What does that have to do with us?” 

“Gimme the poem.” Violet took the paper and scanned it. “Klaus, it’s not about making  _ poison. _ It’s about making poison  _ darts.”  _

Klaus’s eyes widened. “What?” 

“Whazzit?” Sunny asked, more confused than her brother. 

“Gimme the date of that arrest again, quick.” Violet said, shoving the papers back into the file and tying her ribbon around it to keep it closed. 

Klaus gave it to her, nodding; he was thinking the same thing. 

“That’d be when our parents were about sixteen.” Violet said. “And guess what.” She held up the paper she’d grabbed. “That capture was after the opera. Where our parents-” 

“You think-” 

“Lemony was trying to build a case. To frame this society.” Violet said, her eyes sparkling. She tossed the file at Klaus, who quickly flipped open his bag, shoving it inside as tight as he could. “They had poison darts. At least a couple were active during the Opera. If he can blame them-” 

“Then our parents are free.” Klaus breathed. 

They stared at each other a long time, and then Sunny asked, “Laboheme?”  _ “What does this have to do with our parents?”  _

Violet and Klaus froze. In their moment of euphoria, they’d forgotten that Sunny had not been told about their parents’ crime. Had not even guessed, as they had, what had probably happened. 

“Um…” Violet began. 

How would they explain that to her? What they’d just pieced together in their heads? How did one tell an infant that Lemony was trying to frame criminals for a murder that their  _ parents  _ committed? 

_ “Laboheme?”  _ Sunny asked, more insistently. 

“The- the Opera…” Klaus bit his lip, glancing to Violet. “Um… it- it seems that- what happened at the Opera…” 

“Yes,” said a dark, sickeningly sweet voice behind them. “Tell her what happened at the Opera.” 

Violet’s head shot up, and then Klaus’s, his arm instinctively reaching out to grab Sunny and yank her closer to him. They stared up at Esme, who was smiling down at them in a cruel way. 

“Tell your baby sister,” she said, “What your parents have done.” 

Violet took a deep breath, then whipped a knife out of her pocket, and said, “Klaus, Sunny,  _ run.”  _

She didn’t have to ask twice. Violet jumped to her feet, throwing the knife at Esme’s chest, but unfortunately Violet giving her siblings forewarning also served to tell Esme something was going to happen, and she managed to leap out of the way. Violet quickly took off after her siblings, digging into her pocket for another knife. 

They raced down a few aisles, before ducking down behind a row of cabinets. “How did she-” Klaus began. 

“Firetruck. We left the firetruck-” 

“But that wouldn’t tell them-” 

“Unless they talked to the counter guy-” 

_ “Shit.”  _

“Okay.” Violet took a breath. “We need to get to Duncan and Isadora and get out of-  _ duck!”  _

She pushed Klaus down, just as something flew over their heads. Violet turned to see one of Esme’s shoes, knives replacing the heels, landing against the side of a cabinet and sticking. 

“Oh, I see,” Violet nodded, as she pushed Klaus and Sunny ahead of her, turning to stick her tongue out at Esme as the woman started running after them. “More knives. Guess what, though?” she pushed Klaus and Sunny to the left, then ran to the heel, ripped it out of the cabinet, and said,  _ “I got this now!”  _

She pushed Klaus and Sunny down an aisle as Esme raced past, and then whispered, “Think she’s got the door blocked?” 

“I’d assume so.” 

“There’s gotta be a window. We can shimmy out and get Duncan and Isadora. Run to the left, side of the building should be that way.” 

Klaus nodded, and Sunny leaned against him, whimpering slightly. They started running, as Violet stayed behind her siblings, glancing back to see if Esme was behind them. 

After only a moment though, she let out a shout of surprise, as a row of filing cabinets, just beside them, came crashing down. Violet pushed Klaus aside, spotting Esme at the end of the toppled cabinets, and then said, “Alright, Klaus, officially? We’re on an A Flat.” 

He nodded, and took off running. They maneuvered through aisles, hearing more crashing behind them, and Violet waved the stiletto heel in her hands, trying to get used to the weight. “I dunno how accurately I can throw this.” 

“Vi, can we get out of here and then discuss that?” 

“Right, yeah.” 

Sunny shrieked, and Klaus quickly hauled Violet beside him as a filing cabinet fell right where she’d been standing. Violet then said, “Okay, F minor-”  _ “Nobody talk!”  _ -and they pushed on. 

“Come on, dears!” they heard Esme call, and Violet gripped the knife-shoe tighter. “We just want to have some  _ fun!”  _

At  _ fun,  _ another aisle started crashing. Klaus whimpered, the noise overstimulating him quite a bit, and Violet put her arm around him and kept pushing them forward. 

“Don’t you want to see Mummy and Daddy again?” 

Violet blinked away tears, and breathed a sigh of relief when she saw a wall up ahead. She raced them forwards and then ran them down until they found a window. Violet opened it, as Klaus threw the Sunnybag onto the ground and started strapping their sister into it. He slid it onto his back, whispered for his sister to hold on, and Violet helped him slide down onto the side of the outer wall. He slid slightly, and Violet turned, watching another row of cabinets start to topple. “She’s getting close.” 

“Then hurry out!” 

She glanced down. There wasn’t room for her to go beside him, and he wouldn’t get down far enough for her to start for quite some time. 

“New plan.” Violet said. 

“What?” 

Violet shrugged her bag off and tossed it out the window. 

_ “What?”  _

“I’ll circle around so Esme doesn’t see where you got out.” 

“Violet-” 

“If I don’t meet you in the Quagmires’ room, run somewhere, get out. I’ll find you, I promise.” 

Before Klaus could argue more, Violet shut the window, and then called,  _ “Klaus, go for the door! I’ll hold her off!”  _ and took off running. 

She didn’t stick around to hear if Klaus yelled at her or if Sunny made a noise of protest, because another row of filing cabinets came tumbling down, and Violet ducked down an aisle, breathing deeply. 

“Well, well, well.” she heard Esme say, a little distantly, “Looks like our little Snicket is all alone.” 

Violet shut her eyes and gripped her jacket with one hand and the knife shoe with the other. 

“Come along, darling. Don’t you want to say goodbye to your mother?” 

Violet shook slightly as she edged her way down the aisle, trying to soften her footsteps. 

“Your Mother’s  _ dying _ to see you, you know! All  _ three  _ of you!” 

Another row fell down, this one closer to the door. Violet breathed a sigh of relief, knowing that Esme had clearly taken her bait. She backed up a little, trying to keep her head low and her steps quiet. 

And then she felt an arm on her shoulder. 

She screamed and whipped around, swinging the knife heel. She jumped with surprise as she saw that Henchperson of Indeterminate Gender leap back, the heel cutting across their arm. They let out a gasp, and Violet took off running.  _ Fuck,  _ how many of them  _ were  _ there?  _ Fuck, fuck, fuck…  _

She kept moving, the files blurring around her, ignoring how close or far the cabinets were toppling, trying to still the beating panic in her heart and not look down at the blood on the knife heel… 

She turned a bend and saw Esme at the end of the aisle, knocking down another row. Violet stepped back, throwing back her arm in preparation to toss the shoe. Esme turned, a flicker of surprise in her eyes. 

Then Violet was grabbed from behind again, and this time the weapon was knocked from her hand. 

“Well, well, well,” Olaf whispered, as Violet screamed and tried to struggle away, “What have we here?” 


	40. Klaus searches the Hospital

**CHAPTER FORTY**

_ Klaus searches the Hospital _

“You sure it feels okay?” Isadora asked. 

Duncan shrugged. “I mean… not okay, no, but the medication makes it better.” He sat up a bit more, glancing at the door. “You think we can get clothes on now? I don’t like the hospital gown.” 

“We’ll have to wait until the doctors finalize everything.” 

“And then they ask for money and we have to explain we’re orphans on the run from the law.” 

“Technically,” Isadora cocked her head, “The Baudelaires are on the run from the law. We’re running from a madman and his acting troupe.” 

“Oh, God,” Duncan slapped his forehead. “Isa, we’re just on the run from a theater kid.” 

Isadora burst out laughing. “You say that as if we’re not  _ huge _ theater nerds!” 

“He’s worse than us, though.” 

_ “How?”  _

Duncan giggled a little, curling up his knees to hug them. Then he glanced over at the door, his face falling slightly. “When do you think they’ll be back?” 

“Soon.” Isadora said, patting his hand. “They’re just running up to the library of records and coming back once they get that file. Then we’ll all figure out what it means.” 

“Where did you say the telegram came from?” 

“Black Cat Coffee. You know it?” 

Duncan shook his head. “Must be a local café, instead of a chain, or we’d’ve seen adverts, right?”

“You’d be surprised how many companies exist without our knowledge, Dun.” 

“Though,” Duncan pressed, “I bet if we figure out where there are Black Cat Coffees, we can find where the original note was sent from. Meaning-” 

“We can find Lemony’s friends.” 

Duncan nodded, smiling a little. “Then hopefully they can tell us where they sent the third part of the file. So whatever’s in it, we can have it all together, and-” 

Isadora held up a hand; when Duncan stopped talking, he, too, could hear frantic footsteps in the hall. She stood up and moved to the door, opening it slightly and peering through. “Uh-” 

She leapt back as Klaus pushed the door the rest of the way open, tumbling his way in. He kicked the door shut as Sunny screamed from his back, and then he raced to the corner where the edge of Duncan’s bed met the wall, pulled the Sunnybag off his back and leaned it against the wall, and then dropped a second bag beside it. 

“Klaus…” Duncan said quietly. “Why do you have Violet’s bag?” 

Klaus opened his mouth to respond, and then burst into tears. 

Sunny wailed from her bag, struggling to get out, and Klaus crumpled to the ground, hugging himself and rocking. Duncan shared a terrified glance with Isadora, and then he leapt off the bed, throwing his arms around his friend. 

“It’s okay. Klaus, breathe. Klaus,  _ breathe.  _ You need to talk to us. We need to know what’s happening.” 

Isadora raced over and knelt between the Baudelaires, but before she could move to help Sunny, the toddler finally tore through the bag’s straps, tumbling to the ground. Still screaming, she raced for Klaus, flinging herself against his leg. 

“Klaus, Klaus, look at me.” Duncan leaned back, taking Klaus’s face in his hands and making eye contact.  _ “Look at me.  _ We’re here. We’re listening. What do you need?” 

Isadora shook, putting one arm around Klaus and one around Duncan, careful not to touch the bandaging around his shoulder. Klaus kept shaking, trying to slow his tears, and she finally said, “Okay, one thing at a time. Have we been found?” 

Klaus shakily nodded. 

“By Olaf?” 

Another nod. 

Isadora took a deep breath. “Where is Violet?” 

Klaus gripped the edge of his shirt, and then reached down and grabbed Sunny’s hand. Though the toddler was also crying, she looked up at him and nodded, scooting closer.  _ I’m here. We’re here. We’re getting through this. _

“She- she’s still there…” Klaus whispered. “She said she’d meet us here but- but there’s no way. I waited at the bottom of the building, nobody came out of the window… she didn’t come out… they must  _ have her…”  _

Duncan shuddered, then glanced at the clock. Damn, it was already, like, six AM. How late had they reached the hospital? How long had they been here? How long…? 

“Do you know who was there?” Isadora asked. 

“I- I think it was just Esme, but… but the rest of em will have to be here.” Klaus said. “They have  _ Violet,  _ they’re going to  _ kill her- Isa, they’re going to kill her-”  _

“We won’t let that happen.” Isadora said. 

Duncan narrowed his eyes, and then, his investigative brain whirring into overdrive, he said, “If Esme is here, are your parents?” 

Klaus blinked away more tears, and Isadora reached to wipe his eyes. “I- I think so. I- that’s what they want. To kill us in front of them. He’s going to  _ kill her.”  _

“If your parents are here, then they won’t leave for a while.” Duncan considered. “They’ll have your parents in the hospital, but there are still doctors and nurses running around, so they won’t be able to hide them for long- unless they’re knocked out and under a pseudonym.” 

“What?” Isadora asked. 

“We put me under a pseudonym.” Duncan said. He had gone into reporter mode- facts now, emotions later. It was a tricky mode to be in sometimes- he was pretty much banned from family funerals after what had happened at Aunt Margery’s- but for now it was helpful, and he could tell. Klaus was looking at him, something shining in his eyes that wasn’t tears. Someone had a plan, so there was hope. 

Duncan leaned over, picking up Sunny and bouncing her on his knee while he thought, ignoring a throb in his shoulder. “We put me under a pseudonym,” he repeated, “So Olaf will put- no, no, if he wants to torture them, that’ll be loud. They’ll need to be in a wing where people won’t question screams. He won’t kill Violet yet, there are too many people here. Too many witnesses. But he’ll have to hide her… until he gets you.” 

“Us?” Sunny asked. 

“He wants maximum pain for your parents, right? So he needs you two for that… and he must know you’re here…” 

Sunny whimpered, and Isadora put a hand on Klaus’s knee. 

“Violet probably doesn’t have long, though, so we’ll need to move fast. We need to get out and look for her- search every room. Though, I suppose breaking out without paying for my treatment could be an issue, they’ll track us down.” 

Isadora considered, and then said, “We could leave you here.” 

“We’re not splitting up again!” Klaus cried. 

“Uise!” Sunny squealed.  _ “We could wear a disguise!”  _

“Not a bad plan.” Duncan nodded. “I bet there’ll be a storage closet somewhere. We’ll throw on doctor’s coats, beards, wigs, whatever. If Olaf can get by with disguises then so can we.” 

“We can’t search every room in the hospital, though.” Isadora said, shaking her head. “This place is enormous, I’m not even sure we could find a comprehensive map.” 

“We’ll have to try.” Duncan began, just as they heard a low buzz. They jumped, before realizing it was from an intercom above them. 

“Attention, patients,” said a cold, eerily familiar voice, and Sunny hissed while Klaus glared at the speaker as if intending to catch it on fire with his eyes alone. 

“Fuck.” Isadora muttered. 

“Babs, your former department head, has just retired to take up an occupation that involves jumping off roofs.” Olaf said coldly. They could almost hear his shiny eyes above his voice. “I am Doctor Mattathias Medicalschool, and I am now in charge. Everything shall continue as planned, but we would like to announce an exciting new program- tonight, we will be performing a cranioectomy on a fourteen-year-old girl in the operating theatre. It’s a very dangerous procedure that will hopefully go well- but, well, accidents happen. We hope to see you there. Proceed.” 

The intercom turned off, and the children looked to each other, all with levels of fury rising in them. 

“Well,” Klaus said, “There’s Violet.” 

“We can’t wait til tonight. We can’t let him do something.” Isadora said. “We’ve gotta get her out of here.” 

“Cri?” Sunny asked.  _ “What’s a cranioectomy?”  _

“Well,” Klaus said, “‘ectomy’ means ‘to remove,’ and ‘cranio’ means…” his eyes widened. “Head.” 

They stared at each other in horror, and then Duncan said, “Okay. We find a supply closet, we disguise ourselves as doctors, we _find Violet_ and/or your parents, and we get the fuck outta here.” 

“We can’t just walk into random rooms, though. What if they expect us to do surgery?” Klaus said. “We need some reason to-” 

They heard a distant singing, then, outside their door. 

_ “We’re volunteers fighting disease! _

_ And we’re cheerful all day long! _

_ If someone said that we were sad! _

_ That person would be wrong!” _

They looked to each other. 

“The Antivaxxers.” Klaus nodded. 

“Antivaxxers it is.” Isadora shrugged. “Now let’s get out of here before a doctor comes by and finds out we don’t have money.” 

It was relatively easy to slip into a supply closet. They managed to get surgical masks on, and Isadora tied her hair into two buns while Duncan messed up Klaus’s hair. They had to help Sunny into a lab coat so that she didn’t trip over it, rolling up the ends and sleeves, and once they were all prepared, Klaus held her hand most of the time as they walked out. 

When the Volunteers Fighting Disease passed by, Klaus waved his hand. “Excuse me!” he called through his mask. “We have the day off and would like to spread cheer with you all!” 

The Bearded Man, at the head of the group, gave a wide smile. “Well, of course, brothers and sisters!” he gestured, and the other Volunteers cheered. “Come on over and grab a heart-shaped balloon!” 

Klaus cautiously lifted Sunny up so she wouldn’t get trampled, hoping nobody questioned why he was carrying a “doctor.” Nobody did, of course, and Isadora and Duncan stuck by him, holding heart-shaped balloons to try to obscure Sunny from view. Duncan flinched every now and again, and once in a while someone bumped into his shoulder which elicited a gasp, so Isadora made sure to stick close by him, hold him by the arm and make sure he stayed upright. 

From room to room they went, singing along to the repetitive, annoying jingle with too many verses to keep track of but the same tune for each one, meaning Isadora and Duncan, who were trying to sing along, kept mixing up lines- not that anybody noticed, the Volunteers were too preoccupied cheering the patients. While they held balloons, Klaus scanned the beds of every room, trying to see if anyone was Violet in disguise, wearing a mask that could conceal her face, or if there were any beds she could be hidden under, closets she could be stashed in. Isadora and Duncan kept standing by the edge of the volunteers in case any of them needed to be distracted from Klaus tearing up wardrobes behind them, but thankfully nobody seemed to notice. Or care. 

They went from room to room, floor to floor, hour after hour. But by the time afternoon had come, they were still only about halfway through the hospital, and still had no sign of Violet. 

“What do we do?” Duncan whispered, as they continued down the hall and the Volunteers sang around them. 

“We need to find where she is specifically.” Isadora murmured. 

Klaus considered, and then said, “Duncan, you said she may be under a pseudonym, right?” 

“Yeah, probably.” 

Klaus hesitated, and then stopped them as a group of Volunteers went into a room. The Bearded Man was holding open the door, and Klaus said, “Excuse me, sir, may I see your patient list? I believe I may have forgotten about a patient of mine today-” 

“Oh, of course, brother.” the Bearded Man shrugged, handing over the clipboard. “I hate reading the names of all these sick people anyway. Too depressing.” 

“Thank you!” Klaus waved. 

The Bearded Man went inside, letting the door slam behind him, and once it did, Isadora whispered, “Fuckin antivaxxers, man.” 

“Ocu!” Sunny shouted.  _ “Come on, let’s find somewhere to look that over!”  _

“Right, yeah.” Isadora nodded. “Into another storage closet to go over these patient names.” 

They found one nearby, and once they ducked in, Klaus moved to a sidetable, unclipping the papers and spreading them out. “Okay, so we’re going to need to figure out which name is Violet.” 

“We could cross out everyone we visited.” Isadora said. 

“That’ll take  _ forever.”  _ Duncan groaned. 

“Visi.” Sunny said. 

“She’s right.” Klaus said. “We can cross out the wards we visited and at least narrow it down.” He handed some papers to Isadora, then reached just the papers of where they hadn’t been. “Okay, what fake name do we think she’d have?” 

“Easiest would be anagram, I’d say.” Duncan shrugged, leaning over the table. 

“Ana?” Sunny asked. 

“It’s a word or phrase with the letters scrambled in order to encode it.” Duncan explained quickly. “Like… if they hid you and called you ‘Yunns.’” 

“Eeo.” Sunny narrowed her eyes. _ “I can’t read.”  _

“Luckily, we can.” Isadora said. She glanced around the shelves of the closet, and ran to one, taking a can. “Alphabet soup. Sunny, bite these open, we’ll use the noodles.” 

“What?” Duncan said. 

“Everyone take the letters to ‘Violet Baudelaire.’” Klaus understood, nodding along. 

“And scramble names along.” Isadora said. 

“Actually, we can narrow it down more. It’ll have to have a ‘V’ in it, won’t it?” Klaus said. “So anyone with a V-” 

“We check there.” Isadora nodded. “Hurry it up.” 

With the three of them working along, it only took about a half hour of flipping papers, scrambling names, before Klaus triumphantly held up a paper. “Laura V. Bleediotie.” he announced. “Anagram for  _ Violet Baudelaire.  _ We found her.” 

“Thank fuck. Also, I’m not doing this doctor shit anymore.” Duncan took off his white coat, tossing it to the ground. 

“You can’t just walk around the hospital without a disguise.” Isadora sighed. 

“It’s too hot!” 

“Deal.” 

Duncan sighed. “It’s pressing on my bandages and it hurts.” 

Isadora narrowed her eyes. “Are you saying that just to get sympathy or-” 

Sunny held up her hands. “Gaughgit!” _ “Let’s just go get Violet, okay?”  _

They nodded, and Klaus picked up Sunny again as they set out. Klaus directed them up the stairs, scanning the halls for the right room number, his hand shaking a little as he held the paper in his hands. 

When they reached the room, Isadora tossed it open and ran in, and then slid to a stop. 

“Klaus, there’s nobody here.” 

_ “What?”  _

Duncan raced ahead, looking around. There was one bed, pressed against the wall and a little rumpled, as if someone had just been removed from it. As the Quagmires moved to it, ducking down to see if maybe she was beneath, Klaus stepped into the room, placing Sunny on the ground and squeezing her hand. 

“She’s not here.” he whispered. “She’s  _ not here.”  _

“Of course she’s not here,” said a voice behind them, and Klaus stiffened, “We’ve already moved her.”

Duncan and Isadora instinctively dove under the bed. Klaus turned to see that Count Olaf was walking forwards, his shoes  _ clacking  _ against the ground as he did. Klaus’s first thought was  _ he probably can’t see the Quagmires from here.  _ His second thought was  _ oh, shit, he can definitely see us.  _

Olaf stopped at the doorway, crossing his arms, and then he smiled and nodded. “Great disguises. I wouldn’t have recognized you if I hadn’t told you what to wear.” 

Klaus froze in confusion, and Sunny cocked her head. Then, carefully, Klaus said, “Oh, yeah. We, um…” 

“You almost look like a boy.” Olaf shrugged. “Good work there. Now what are you doing here? You’ll be needed in the Operating Room in just a few minutes.” 

Klaus shook slightly, and Sunny squeezed his hand, before saying, as clearly as she could, “Knife.” 

“Yes, we were trying to find a sharper knife.” Klaus nodded, nervously laughing. “Can’t perform a cranioectomy without a proper knife!” 

“Of course.” Olaf smiled wickedly, and then said, “Of course, we’ll need more weapons, too, for when her bratty siblings show up.” 

“Her siblings, yes.” Klaus muttered. 

“Once we have all of them in one place… then we can begin the real show, won’t we?” 

“Yes.” 

“Well, you find that sharper knife,” Olaf said, “And then hurry down. If you’re late, I’ll have to start without you. And we wouldn’t want  _ that. _ You’ll want to be there.” 

“Of course…” 

Olaf turned and walked away, and Klaus quickly kicked the door shut. Once it closed, he turned and said, “You two need to get out of here.” 

“What?” Isadora crawled out from under the bed, helping Duncan to his feet. “What did he-” 

“He thinks we’re his troupe members. Probably the white-faced women.” Klaus muttered, squeezing Sunny’s hand. “We have to go or he’ll realize he was wrong. We’ll go in, free Violet, and meet you outside. We’ll need to… to find a way out… but you can’t be seen with us. It doesn’t seem like he knows you’re here.” 

“We’re not leaving you!” Isadora shouted, stepping forwards. “Not when that bastard  _ wants _ you there! It’s a trap, Klaus, and you know it!” 

“A trap, yes, but he doesn’t know we’re… us.” Klaus gestured to his and Sunny’s disguises. “Sunny can probably bite whatever ropes are holding her, I’ll find a way to stall and get her out, and… we’ll meet in that unfinished wing of the hospital, hide there for a bit, and then find somewhere to run. We can… can probably hijack a car… we’ll figure it out.” 

“Klaus! We’re not leaving!” Duncan insisted. He hugged himself, and said, “There’s gotta be a better way. You can’t just walk down there and expect to get out.” 

“Sacer.” Sunny smiled quietly.  _ “That’s why we’re sending you outside.”  _

“Then you won’t get caught with us if we get found out.” Klaus said. “We have to protect you.” he looked to Duncan’s wound, his face paling a little. “We’ve done a shit job of it so far.” 

“Klaus…”

He picked up Sunny, holding her close. “I’ll protect Sunny as best I can, but he expects to see us down there. If things go bad, he’s got a good chance of slipping away in a crowd due to her size. You go get the Quagmires if we get separated, Sunny, okay?” 

She nodded, but Duncan just shook his head. “There’s gotta be a better way.” 

“Well, if you can think of one, I’d love to hear it.” Klaus sighed. “Because we’ve got about five minutes before we have to be down in the surgical ward.” 

Olaf walked down the hall, leaned against the wall, and then pressed his walkie-talkie. On the other end, Esme said, “Your idiot henchpeople have just gotten the ugly little girl sedated, and I’m taking care of keeping the others  _ quiet.  _ This better be good, we don’t have much time.” 

“It is.” Olaf’s eyes shone. “The brats are on their way to the theatre. Be ready to begin.”


	41. An Unpleasant Reunion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so uuuuh
> 
> major trigger warning for this one. needless to say we live up to the "graphic depictions of violence" warning. 
> 
> love y'all
> 
> ~ midas

**CHAPTER FORTY-ONE**

_An Unpleasant Reunion_

Beatrice rocked slightly, glancing at the door. “What time do we think it is?” 

Bertrand rubbed his hand over her wrist. “Early morning, I’d guess. You can hear footsteps start picking up, but… not too much.” 

They glanced over towards Quigley, who was laying as close to them as he could. He’d dozed off softly; after reciting the Elephant poem a few times, Beatrice had sung to him, and then they’d managed to talk through things a bit. _No matter what happens to us,_ they’d made him promise, _no matter what they do or what you see, you stay there. Unless they come near you or threaten you, stay hidden and curled up in the corner, stay against the pole, and do not draw attention to yourself. We will protect you and keep them from you as much as possible. Just stay there, we promise we will keep you safe._

They were going to do their best to keep that promise as much as possible. 

Beatrice laid her head on his shoulder and said, “I never understood how you did that.” 

“It’s just simple observation.” he smirked slightly. “Or was it dedication?” 

“No, you said observation. Don’t downplay yourself, darling. It’s impressive.” 

“It’s really not.” 

She started playing with his hand, flipping his palm or running her fingers between his. “But it is.” 

“It’s not as impressive as the stuff you do.” 

“That’s child’s play.” she smiled, and then leaned her head on his shoulder. “And then what did I say after that? I can’t remember.” 

“You told me that if I continued with the self-deprecation,” Bertrand smiled, “You were going to hit me in the face with a chair.” 

She shut her eyes. “How old were we?” 

“I wanna say… fourteen. It was after we escaped the toy store blockade.” 

“Yeah.” 

She ran a hand over his cheek, and then kissed it, and laid her head on his shoulder. “This looks bad.” 

“We can get out of it. We’ve gotten out of worse.” 

“No, we haven’t.” 

Bertrand glanced to the ground. “No, we haven’t.” 

She leaned against him some more, and they fell silent just as Quigley stirred on the floor. They could see the moment he awoke, because he curled in on himself, surprised by the cold of the floor and the weight around his leg, and then his shoulders dropped, and he sniffled slightly, and they knew his memories, the gravity of his situation, had hit him. 

Beatrice carefully pulled away from Bertrand, leaning as close to him as she could. They knew by now that they could not physically reach him, but still… being close was better than nothing. 

_“I took my love, and took it down.”_ she sang softly. _“Climbed a mountain and I turned around…”_

Quigley sat up, his chain clanking loudly as he pulled himself against a pillar and looked over at her, his dark eyes fixed on her strained smile. 

_“And I saw my reflection in the snow-covered hills… til the Landslide brought me down…”_

Without a word, Quigley reached out his arm, and Beatrice reached hers, and they managed to brush fingertips again. 

_“Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love? Can the child within my heart rise above? Can I sail through the changing ocean tides? Can I handle the seasons of my life?”_

_“Ooh-ooh…”_ Quigley began, humming the part of the song he knew. _“Oo-ooh…”_

Beatrice smiled, and sang with him, _“Ooh-ooh, oo-ooh…”_

They heard a door slam nearby, and they both jumped, terror hitting them. Quigley started to breathe rapidly, his eyes darting to the door that led to the stairs that led to their captors, and sure enough, they heard footsteps clanging down, and some distant, muffled shouting. 

“Quigley, hide.” Beatrice breathed. He opened his mouth to argue, but she begged him with her eyes, pointing to the corner, and said, “Remember. Don’t do anything. Stay there. Please.” 

Slowly, he nodded, averting his eyes from them. As he backed into the corner though, pulling himself into the darkest corner to hide from sight, he looked up and whispered, “I love you.” 

“We love you, too.” Bertrand said, and Beatrice nodded and moved beside her husband, trying not to shake and staring ahead at the wall. 

Just as Bertrand moved to put an arm around her, the door flew open, and as they flinched at the light, Olaf called out, “Baude _laires!_ I’ve got a _surprise_ for you!” 

They turned to the door as he walked in, just in time to see him haul in their kicking, struggling, teary-eyed daughter. 

And for a moment, everything around them was completely forgotten. 

_“Violet!”_

_“Violet!”_

Olaf smiled and yanked on her arm, tossing her at her parents. She let out a high scream and scrambled as fast as her limbs could move her, flying across the floor and diving into her parents’ arms. For their part, they threw themselves at her, and within an instant, she was wrapped and squeezed between her parents, and she let out a horrible sob, trembling and pressing herself against Beatrice, who was hugging her daughter to her chest, and Bertrand, who had his arms around her, pressed against her so he knew he was there, he was there and he wasn’t going anywhere, and he wasn’t going to let her go. 

Violet finally broke, and said, “Mama! Mama, Poppa, I… I don’t-” 

“We’re so sorry.” Beatrice cried, clinging to Violet. “We’re so sorry, we love you so much.” 

“Violet, we’re here.” Bertrand managed, as he too started crying. “We’re here, baby girl, we’re so sorry-” 

“I missed you so much- I-” 

“And,” Olaf said, quite dramatically, before he walked forwards, grabbed the back of Violet’s shirt, and yanked her back, just out of her parents’ reach, “Time’s up. Hope you enjoyed that.” 

_“No!”_ Beatrice’s voice hit a pitch she didn’t know was possible, as she hurled herself, trying to somehow reach past the chain, but Olaf simply stepped back, dragging Violet along with him, no matter how much she kicked and screamed and reached forwards, her hand outstretched towards Bertrand, who had gone white with panic and was trying to grab for her. 

“Violet!” he finally yelled, and Violet started to sob harder, trying to break Olaf’s grip. 

It was about then, as they were screaming and trying to get back to each other, that Beatrice and Bertrand finally got a good look at their daughter. Her hair was wild, her eyes red and pouring tear after tear. Her jacket was gone and part of her sleeve had been torn, revealing the scar she’d gotten while rescuing Klaus what seemed a lifetime ago. But they didn’t just see that, they could see new scars, new bruises, with no idea where she got them or how she got them or how _long_ they’d been there. Her shoes were missing, too- she’d probably tried to use them as a bludgeon- so she was just in dirty socks, slipping against the cold floor as she tried to pull herself away from the sharp fingernails digging into the skin of her arm. 

Olaf, meanwhile, didn’t even look concerned or bothered. He simply held Violet a little farther, about an arm’s length from him, still keeping a tight hold on her wrist, and he said, “She’s a fighter, I’ll give you that. Tossed one of my henchpeople over her shoulder before we figured out how best to _keep her down._ If you can believe it, this is her drugged up, imagine how much trouble we had to go through before we got a needle in her. Had to gag her for a bit too, but we assumed you’d want to hear her screaming about now.” 

_“No!”_ Beatrice screeched, still trying to throw herself forwards, the clamp around her leg feeling heavier than it ever had as she kept falling, _falling, falling_ to the floor, pain shooting through her as she tried to reach her terrified daughter. _“No, no, no! Violet! Violet!”_

“Let her go! _Let her go!”_ Bertrand screamed, fury and horror churning inside him and crowding his mind with a panic that seemed to be the only thing he could focus on. _“Violet!”_

Olaf smiled, as if he was watching a funny movie, and then he said, “Wow. Think how excited they’ll be when your bratty siblings get here.” 

“They’re _not coming!”_ Violet turned on him, her voice as loud as she could make it, even as she wept and kept trying to pull herself away. “They’re running! They won’t come for me, they got out, that’s what we _do! We run! And they’ll keep running until they can fucking end you!”_

Olaf gave her a _tut-tut,_ like she was a misbehaving puppy, and then she managed to wrench her arm away from him. She tried to run forwards, but she barely made it a step before Olaf grabbed her from behind and immediately hurled her behind him. She landed against the wall with a horrible _thud,_ and she screamed as he then moved forwards, lifted her up by the shirt, and slammed her to the floor again. 

_“Violet! VIOLET!”_

“No! Don’t hurt her! Olaf, leave her _alone!”_ Fury won out for the moment, and Bertrand started cursing, struggling against his bonds. _“You piece of shit BASTARD, don’t touch her!”_

“I think, for every word they say,” Olaf said, kneeling beside Violet, who was struggling on the floor, “We give you a new bruise. Does that seem fair?” 

“Rot in _hell!”_ Violet attempted, so he lifted her again, kicked her into the wall, and then grabbed at her hair, pulling her back so he could do it again. 

_“No! Violet!”_ Beatrice screamed. Something in her clamp broke, but unfortunately that didn’t allow it to move; instead, something sharp pressed into her ankle, and she screamed louder, her mind a blur. “Violet!” 

“Olaf, please, stop it! _Stop it!”_

“Tell me, Baudelaires,” Olaf said, pulling Violet back away from the wall and then wrapping an arm around her chest, holding her against him as she tried to kick at him, “What should we do first with this little darling? You won’t actually have much time, so we should get all the _fun stuff_ done as soon as possible.” 

Violet let out a choked shout, and then as he kicked her again, she pushed away just enough to vomit onto the floor. Bertrand screamed and tried to move to her again, but Olaf just knocked her to the ground. 

_“Violet!”_

_“Violet, no!”_

And just as Olaf stepped over her vomit, grabbing at her again, he was suddenly knocked over, tripping over Violet and falling to the floor himself. 

_“No!”_ Beatrice screamed again as Quigley, barely reaching Violet and Olaf himself, stepped back, throwing his arms back down after having pushed the man down. 

“Leave her _alone!”_ he screamed, as Violet struggled to get up, her body shaking uncontrollably and sobs wracking through her. “Don’t _touch her!_ Don’t you _dare touch her!”_

Beatrice and Bertrand screamed, and Olaf got to his feet, something dark and burning behind his eyes. He stepped over Violet, grabbed Quigley by the shirt, and then threw him into the support beam he was chained to. Quigley stumbled back and screamed when he made contact with the pillar, and Olaf immediately walked forwards, grabbed Quigley’s arm, and then reached into his pocket. 

“Now,” he said darkly, “What did we say about speaking to me?” 

“Don’t-!” 

_“Let him go, no!”_

Olaf ignored the protests and simply reached into his pocket, withdrawing a knife and pulling back Quigley’s sleeve. “Struggle as much as you want, it’ll make it hurt much more.” 

Violet managed to finally scramble into a somewhat upright position, and as Quigley started to scream, she managed to push herself forwards, for a moment confused at what was happening, who was here, where she _was._ She crawled forwards to her father, who was shouting and reaching for her and looking somewhere else with wide, terrified eyes, and she could hear her mother screeching and pleading for something but her ears were ringing and her head was spinning and she wanted to throw up again… 

She heard the boy scream behind her again, and paused, just a few feet from her father. She turned, unable to see the boy in the dim light, though she could see Olaf stepping away from him, and a knife in his hand, and the boy was clutching his arm and she thought she could see a flash of red- oh, fuck… oh, God… 

Violet started scrambling for her father again, racing across the floor best she could, but Olaf just had to walk a few strides to drag her back again. Bertrand started to sob, then, still reaching for her as if he didn’t dare put his hand down, but he was shaking and wavering and looked ready to fall. Beatrice was looking between Violet and the boy in the corner and Olaf’s shiny, angry eyes, struggling to control her own panicked breathing. 

“I think a lesson needs to be learned here, and _all of you_ need to learn it.” Olaf hissed. Violet opened her mouth to say something, or scream, or cry, but he grabbed her arm, flipping it so her palm was faced up, and before she could do anything, he took the knife and drew a deep cut across it. She let out a shriek, and Beatrice and Bertrand screamed even louder, loud enough that they were desperately hoping _somebody_ would hear them, somebody would come and _save their daughter-_

When Olaf removed the knife, absent-mindedly wiping the blood on his pant leg, Violet kept bawling, but she stopped kicking and nearly collapsed, almost falling on her knees as her legs buckled, and she started screaming, _“Momma, Poppa-”_

“Don’t hurt her! You piece of _shit, don’t hurt her!”_ Bertrand cried. 

Beatrice, desperately, threw herself forward once again, and once again she felt metal dig into her ankle. She screamed out, “Just _use me!”_ Violet and Bertrand froze over, though both kept sobbing, as she screeched, “Just take me and _hurt me_ and do _whatever you want_ but _let her go, please! You can do anything to me, just leave her alone!”_

Olaf very calmly looked over at her, and then tossed Violet to the wall again. She landed with a thump on the ground, and all she could do was curl and cry, her legs too shaky and wobbly to stand, as he walked over to Beatrice and grabbed her face, making her look right at him. 

“What makes you think I can’t do whatever I want,” he said coldly, “To _any_ of you? You are in no position to bargain.” 

_“Please.”_ Beatrice was shaking, and she felt tears falling down her face and dropping to his uncaring hands. “Please, she’s our _baby,_ she’s just a child.” 

“And you think I care?” 

“O, please…” Beatrice’s voice completely broke. “Please if you- if _any part_ of you remembers how we used to be, please, you’ll know this is wrong, she’s our baby, please stop…” 

Olaf responded by stepping back, then stepping behind Beatrice, where her clamp was, the broken piece jutting into her leg. He dropped to his knees, and then pressed it harder against her. 

She shrieked so loud that Violet absolutely collapsed, her hands flying to her ears and her sobs taking her over, so she could do nothing but wail against the floor. Bertrand screamed, too, his hands flying to his wife, grabbing her shoulders, and Quigley, who had only just managed to regain himself after what had just happened, quietly cried and shrunk down, burying himself as best he could in the shadows. 

That was about when the door opened, and one of the white-faced women poked her head in. She blinked in the dim light, and said, “Yo, boss, we have a… situation.” 

“What?” Olaf glared at her, standing upright. “What could be _so_ important you interrupt-” 

“It’s, um…” the woman gestured her head at Violet, then the Baudelaires, but with their eyes on each other or shut tight and sobbing, they missed this signal. “There’s… trouble.” 

Around then, her eyes adjusted to see more than vague silhouettes, and her eyes widened in shock at the scene. Olaf, not even noticing this, took the opportunity to lean down and use his knife to drive a swift, quick cut over Beatrice’s leg. 

“Unfortunately,” he said, as Beatrice screamed again, “We’re a bit pressed for time, so we couldn’t have too much fun right now. Your daughter has a doctor’s appointment that we don’t want to be late for.” 

“What?” Bertrand gasped, pressing his wife against him. “What are you-” 

“You’ll be invited to attend- secretly, of course.” Olaf smiled, strode over to Violet, lifted her to her feet, and started dragging her to the door by the arm again. “Can’t have you messing things up. If the operation goes as planned, you’ll get to see _all_ your children momentarily. If it does not… well, you’ll get to watch your firstborn bleed out in a great spectacle.” 

“No! Violet!” Bertrand shouted, and Beatrice managed to pull away from him just enough to reach out her arm, as if she could grab her daughter from so far away. 

_“Violet!”_

_“Don’t hurt her! Let her go!”_

_“VIOLET!”_

Violet still cried as Olaf pulled her to the door, but right before he slammed it, she called, _“Momma, Poppa!”_

The door shut, and Beatrice screamed into her husband’s shirt, and he held her close and sobbed into her shoulder, and Quigley started bawling into his own lap, and the room fell darker than it had been before. 


	42. The Heimlich Hospital Fire

**CHAPTER FORTY-TWO**

_The Heimlich Hospital Fire_

It was a few hours later when the henchpeople came for their prisoners. When they came Bertrand and Beatrice were still sobbing, and Quigley was as close to them as he could get, though also curled into a ball on the floor and holding himself, trying to block out the rest of the world. When Beatrice realized there were people in the room, she broke away from her husband, whom she’d been holding, and started screaming and hurling herself at them. They were all a bit concerned, but eventually Olaf came in, angrily informing them that Esme was setting up and they’d have to hurry. When he came, Beatrice looked at him with absolute fire, but she also froze over, the pain in her foot shooting towards her, so by the time Olaf had pulled her back and gotten the handcuffs on it was too late to do much other than glare and cry. 

Her and Bertrand were handcuffed before removed from the wall, and some kind of gag thrown over their mouths. They heard orders and threats whispered around them- don’t make any noise, we’ll give you something to cry about if you don’t shut up, but they barely processed enough to get moving when Olaf gave a kick to Bertrand’s shins to get him to move. He glanced back, too, just once as they left the room, and saw Fernald and the Henchperson heading for Quigley. Something in him calmed slightly when he saw the Henchperson gently touch the boy’s shoulder, whispering something cautious to him, but that thought was gone when he was pushed through the door, and he lost sight of the child. 

Once in the hall, they were moved to another room, where they had some drug or another injected into them- they thought for a while it was the knockout, but after a few minutes their heads got too bleary, and yet their eyes remained open; some kind of opiate, likely. Enough to keep them sedated and unable to do much fighting, but only just enough that they remained awake to see what would happen. 

They lost track of what was happening next- they might’ve been moved again, might’ve been pushed, might’ve been hurt. They only remembered a few things- their minds flashed to Violet, wherever she was, trapped and alone, and how they _had_ to find a way to save her, she was their daughter they had to find her. Then they flashed to Quigley- was he still in the cellar? What had they done to him? And Klaus and Sunny, lost and alone and _in so much danger._ And at one point, Bertrand managed to slide his hand into his wife’s. They noticed that. 

Then when they gained their attention back, they were being put somewhere- beneath bleachers, Beatrice guessed, she’d been on a soccer team in her youth and remembered hiding under the bleachers to make out with Lemony, and thus recognized the thin strips of light between each row, the thumps and clangs as people started going up and down the seats. Their handcuffs were chained around a support beam, meaning the two of them were a few feet too far from each other. Beatrice didn’t like that, but even if the drugs and the gag weren’t keeping her from voicing her displeasure, the pain that would jolt across her whole body reminded her to keep her mouth shut and her head low. 

When they looked ahead, they could see just enough through the rows to see the room they were in. The hospital’s operating theatre, apparently- large, circular, with crumbling gray walls and a stage just in their viewpoint. They heard a clacking of heels as Esme stepped onstage, waving to the viewers as if they were her delighted fans, and a rolling of wheels as a gurney was pushed onstage. And they both felt their hearts sink as, squinting through the bleachers, they saw their daughter, atop the table. Her hands were strapped to the sides with rope, her legs bound together, and her hair had fallen over her face. Even from the distance, they could tell she looked pale, and was breathing too slowly. 

Bertrand started to cry again, and Beatrice held still. She could sense someone behind them- Olaf? Another henchperson to guard? Probably Olaf, he _loved_ to watch them suffer. The rest of the troupe was probably scattered around the theatre, waiting for the trap to begin. 

And begin it did, as Esme threw up her arms and said, “Friends and enemies, welcome to the Heimlich Hospital Operating Theatre! I am your Nurse, and once our brilliant doctors arrive, we will begin our cranioectomy! The world’s _first_ cranioectomy, attempted on a teenage girl who was _all too happy_ to volunteer.” 

The Baudelaire parents were nearly deafened by cheers from the rows above them. Beatrice wondered if they’d be heard over these people even without the gag. She glanced from side to side, trying to sharpen her mind and knock off the opiate, to figure out a way out. Bertrand, meanwhile, kept his teary eyes locked on Violet. 

That was, until the door opened. They heard the slam, and Beatrice jumped with surprise, and Bertrand shut his eyes for a second, trying to stop the flow of panicked tears. 

“And right on cue.” Esme said, her voice low and sweet. “Our wonderful doctors, here to do their job.” 

Beatrice looked to Bertrand, who still had his eyes shut, and then tuned back towards the stage, trying to peer through. She’d gotten pretty good at looking through bleachers, in case her and Lemony heard something and wanted to make sure they weren’t about to be surprised. Tears sprang to her eyes again as images of Lemony flashed before her, and she struggled to focus. 

“These two associates of mine,” Esme was saying, as they heard more nervous footsteps on the stage, “Are Doctor Tocuna and Nurse Flo. Why don’t you give them a big, _wonderful_ welcome?” 

_How could she enjoy this so much?_ Beatrice wondered as the crowd thundered with applause above and around them. _Why would she enjoy causing innocent children to suffer?_ She peered through the bleachers again and felt her heart stop as she saw the careful shoes of one of the “doctors” approach- _oh, God. Oh, Klaus, run, please…_

“Now, as you know,” Esme said, and they heard a paper unrolling- she must be showing a poster, just out of their sight, “A cranioectomy- Nurse Flo, hold this knife and stand over the body. Make sure _everyone can see the knife,_ alright?” A bit of a pause, and then a laugh. “Yes, wouldn’t want that to slip in front of everyone, would you?” 

Beatrice lost sight for a moment as someone in the bleachers leaned down to whisper something to the person in front of them. Beatrice strained at the pole, hoping they’d hear the chains clanking, but they did not, and when they sat up, she only had sight of Esme and a figure behind the gurney. A knife was held above Violet’s body, as if floating. Her whole body tensed up and she felt so, so cold. 

“So, as I was saying,” Esme continued, “A cranioectomy is a procedure in which the patient’s head is removed. Scientists have discovered that many health problems are rooted in the brain, so that the best thing to do with a sick patient is remove it. However, a cranioectomy is as _dangerous_ as it is _necessary._ There is a chance that our dear, ugly little Laura V Bleediotie…” Esme’s heels clanked as she stepped in front of the gurney, leaning on it and likely smirking down at Violet’s unconscious face. “Well, she could very well die while the operation is being performed. But sometimes one must risk accidents in order to cure illness. Isn’t that right, Doctor?” 

There was a pause, and then a shaky voice. “Of course it’s right, Nurse. A patient’s death would be a terrible accident. One might think we’d want to wait until-” 

“No waiting necessary. This is as safe as it will get.” As Esme threw her hand out, Bertrand shot a quick look to Beatrice. She returned it, her heart pounding. “Come along then, _Doctor._ Once this is done, we can _move on_ to our next location. To perform more cranioectomies for more distinguished hospitals.” 

“Yes…” 

“To more patients, some of them much _bigger_ than others- wouldn’t you like to meet such patients-” 

“Yes, yes!” 

“Well, then, why don’t you begin? Slice around her neck- no, Nurse, knife _in view._ That’s the point of an operating theatre, so _everyone_ can see _everything.”_

“We know what an operating theatre is. But my associate cannot hold her hand up forever.” 

“Well, then, _you_ take the knife from her and _cut off her head._ We don’t want…” a threatening step forward. “We don’t want any accidents to happen. Someone’s head exploding, for instance. Or too much loss of blood. Or someone to walk in and see who is here, hm?” 

“Of course, Nurse.” 

“Now, tell your Nurse to give you the knife so you can give these fine people a show, and then you can leave. Wouldn’t that be nice?” 

Beatrice and Bertrand shared another look as Esme walked a little forwards, spreading her arms for another audience cheer. Though it was hard to see each other in the dark, they could tell they were thinking the same thing. And when they glanced back, they were just in time to see a knife- very, very slowly- cut through the rope between Violet’s legs, before the “nurse” returned to her station behind the gurney.

“Now.” Esme turned, smiling. “Nurse Flo, could you…” 

She paused, and Beatrice almost smiled, then. Her face, which had been triumphant, taunting, now just showed confusion.

There was a long silence, as she stepped forwards, her heels clicking again. Then she pointed a shaky finger at the nurse, and said, “Weren’t you… shorter?” 

The Nurse looked at her, and then smiled. 

“It may not be particularly wise,” she said, her voice rising in the suddenly quiet theatre. 

And with that, the Doctor took another knife from his pocket and cut through the bonds trying Violet’s hands. 

“But it’s a _thrill_ to be disguised.” 

And with that, the girl grabbed the end of the gurney, tossed her knife at Esme, who only barely managed to dodge, and shouted, _“Stranger Danger!”_

The boy hopped on the edge of the gurney, ripping his surgeon’s mask from his face, and called out, “That’s all, folks!” 

And then the boy took off running. 

Beatrice tried to let out a muffled cheer, but was unable to even make much noise before another knockout drug was jammed into her arm. 

“Hurry it up, we haven’t got all day!” Duncan shouted. 

“I’m sorry, do _you_ want to push a gurney with two people on it?” Isadora called as she ran the gurney into a door, throwing the doors open. 

“We agreed that I physically _could not,_ which is why you are here.” 

“Then don’t judge, and let’s hurry it _up!”_

Duncan nodded, and then slowly lifted Violet, repositioning her so that he could see her face. “Violet, come on. Wake up. Violet…” 

His plan had worked so far, but that didn’t mean it was smooth sailing from here. But it really was their best bet- Olaf’s troupe was expecting a boy and a toddler, not a boy and his triplet sister who could easily get a gurney off a stage. Klaus and Sunny were outside, getting their ride, and as soon as they bust through the front doors… 

“Attention!” 

Isadora nearly froze, leaping with shock as Olaf’s cold voice rang out across the speakers. But even as she kept running, she and her brother heard the announcement, ringing clear as day. 

“The Library of Records has, unfortunately, set on fire. The blaze was believed to have been begun by five midget children, at least three of whom are in the hospital right now. A reward will be given to those who apprehend these arsonists. Oh, also, you’re… probably going to want to evacuate the patients or something.” 

“Oh, well, that’s just peachy!” Isadora groaned, and she turned a bend so sharply with the cart that it rattled, nearly falling over. 

“Watch the _wheels!”_

“I’m _trying!”_

Duncan opened his mouth to retort, until he saw a slight stirring under his eyes. He looked down, beaming. “Violet! Violet, wake up, we’re almost out!” 

She was fidgeting slightly, her mouth curled in a look of discomfort. He lifted her and managed to hold her as best he could as the cart rattled through, and Isadora reached the stairwell. “Okay, we’re gonna have to carry her down, there’s no elevator in this place.” 

“Also you shouldn’t use elevators in a fire. You could get stuck.” 

“Duncan, just help me.” 

Duncan nodded and slid from the gurney, flinching as he hit the ground. He managed to pull Violet a little off the table, just enough for Isadora to grab the unconscious teenager and throw her over her shoulders. 

“You got her?” 

“Yeah. Get the door?” 

Duncan held open the door, waited for Isadora to go, and then the two of them charged down, taking the steps three at a time if need be, almost sliding into the walls with how fast they were moving. 

Violet blinked open her eyes when they reached the second floor landing, but she didn’t manage to speak until they were halfway down the stairs. “Wh-what the… what?” 

“Violet!” Duncan cheered, as jumped down to the first floor. “You’re awake!” 

“Wh- what ha- why were you- what?” 

“Don’t talk, you are probably still on a _lot_ of drugs.” Isadora said. Duncan ran for the door, and she kept to his heels. “You’re going to be okay, just-” 

Duncan opened the door, and they instantly ducked down as a giant plume of smoke burst over their heads. 

“Fuck!” Isadora shouted, ducking down just before her or Violet could breathe it in. Duncan threw himself to the ground, shouting as he hit the floor but still instinctively throwing his arms over himself. 

“Okay, okay, new plan.” Isadora muttered. She knelt down, struggling to hold Violet’s weight like this, and peering through the smoke. “Vi-girl, can you move?” 

Violet blinked. “What’s going on?” 

“I’ll take that as a no.” 

“Wh-where’re- where’re-” 

“Klaus and Sunny are outside, we need to crawl just a few feet. We’re close to the entrance.” Isadora promised. “Duncan, we- Duncan!” 

Duncan was still curled on the ground, and when he glanced up at her, Isadora saw the panic in his eyes. 

“Is- Isa- Isa it’s- it’s the fire again- it’s a fire again it’s _so much smoke we have to- we have to run- why did we let Dad go back for Quigley and Mom, why couldn’t we- why-”_

Isadora froze, and then her heart broke. 

She scooted over, managing to maneuver a hand over her triplet’s shoulder. “We’re not home, Duncan. We have to run.” 

“I- I can’t go out there-” 

“You _can.”_ Isadora said, her voice breaking. “Duncan Dylan Quagmire, we are _not_ dying here. We have to get to Klaus and Sunny and get Violet out of here.” 

Duncan opened his mouth, glancing between Isadora and Violet on her shoulders. “I…” he started to cry, but he nodded. “I just-” 

“If I recall correctly- and I’m no Quigley, but I’m pretty good with directions-” Isadora said, “We should just have one turn on the hall before we reach the exit. To the right. Do you think you can grab my foot?” 

“What?” 

“I’m going to go through with my head low, to avoid the smoke. You can crawl because you’re not carrying a human person, but you could hold on to me so we don’t split. Can you do it?” 

Duncan hesitantly nodded, then grabbed Isadora’s ankle. 

“Let’s go.” she said. “Violet, hold on.” 

Violet mumbled something and fluttered her eyes shut, and Isadora took off. She moved as fast as she dared with her friend on her back and her brother grabbing at her foot, taking several steps forward and ducking as low as she could. She glanced up every now and again, when she thought it was safe, to see where the smoke was blowing. Hopefully she would be able to tell when the hall ended… wait, better idea. She scooted slightly to the side, moving the group until she could see the thin wall beside her. She picked up the pace some more, and moved until she saw the wall turn into a corner. 

“We’re gonna turn!” she had to shout, as there were sounds of screaming coming from every other hall, the pounding of the smoke bursting past, and what sounded like an alarm, somewhere in the distance. 

She turned, and breathed a sigh of relief when she saw the front doors of the hospital were open, letting enough smoke out that she could stand a bit more upright. Duncan carefully got to his feet beside her, and Violet muttered something about being able to stand if they held her arms, though they didn’t have time to move her until someone turned around. 

“Hey! Are those the arsonist kids?” 

Shit. 

Isadora shook her head, wordless terror gripping her, and Duncan grabbed her arm. 

Someone started towards them, and then suddenly, there was a burst of smoke before them. Duncan and Isadora jumped, terror hitting them as people starting running and shouting that _the fire reached us, keep going!_

When the smoke in front of them cleared, however, they saw no fire, but just Klaus, Sunny in one arm and the other hand outstretched. 

“Smokebomb!” he called. _“Violet!”_

Isadora ran to him, and he helped her get Violet down, both of them putting an arm under her while Duncan took Sunny. “What are you doing?” he asked. “We said to wait outside!” 

“That was before the hospital caught fire!” 

“You could get hurt!” 

“And so could you!” Duncan reminded him. 

“Eyi!” Sunny groaned. _“Argue when we’re not in a burning building, please.”_

They nodded, and started rushing out the doors, eventually managing to mingle among a crowd outside. Duncan grabbed Klaus’s free arm, making the children a decent chain, and Klaus managed to direct them to the street, where a white van had parked half-hazardly against the curb. 

“I’ll drive, get her and Sunny in the backseat.” he said. 

They nodded and Duncan raced to the door, throwing it open. Isadora leapt in, helping Violet up and laying her down on the seat. Duncan passed Sunny to her and then ran to the shotgun seat. Once his door was closed, he said, “What’re we doing now?” 

“I don’t know.” 

“Where are we going?” 

“I don’t _know.”_ Klaus turned in his seat, eyes scanning over the girls. “Violet, are you okay? What’s wrong? What did he do?” 

Violet blinked and shook her head to clear it. Sunny reached over, putting a tiny hand on her hair, helping to push it back. 

“I-” Violet shook slightly. “I- Klaus, we-” 

Duncan glanced out the window, and then said, _“Duck!”_

They all ducked down without question, and when Klaus plucked up the courage to peer up, he saw the Hook-Handed Man, carrying something large in his arms, rush to a black car, parked close to the building. 

“We need to go before they see us.” Klaus muttered. “Or before the owner of this car finds it.” 

“We could wait til they drive and go in the opposite direction.” Duncan suggested. 

Violet shook her head, and sat up a bit more; Isadora threw out an arm to put around her. “N-no…” 

“No?” Klaus looked back at her, panic in his eyes. 

“No.” she shook her head, and then managed to say, “I- we have to follow him.” 

“Are you _insane?”_ Isadora snapped. 

“She’s drugged.” Duncan reminded her. 

Violet shook her head, grabbing Sunny’s hand. “I- I can think straight for now, I think. I… we have to go after him.” 

“Violet, we are _not-”_

“Klaus.” Violet turned to him, and blinked away tears. “He has our parents.” 

“Violet, I know-” 

“They’re _here.”_

Klaus froze. 

Sunny was the one who spoke next. “Amop?” _“You saw them?”_

Violet shuddered and nodded. 

“They’re here. And- and someone else, I think- he has them and we need to get them out-” 

Klaus shook his head. “He’ll notice us following him.” 

“We’ll keep our distance. Or we can slash his tires or something.” Violet said. She pulled her hair back, thinking hard. “Once his car’s stopped, we get our parents and kill him.” 

“Violet-” 

“I know what he can do, Klaus.” Violet said. Slowly, she held up her hand, and Klaus jumped to see a new, fresh slash across her palm. “I _know._ He’s a monster.” she shook, and then shut her eyes. “So we have to get our parents out of there. We have to kill him before he can kill anyone else.” 

Klaus looked between the Quagmires. After a second, Isadora’s eyes hardened, and she nodded. Duncan sighed, shrugged, and said, “Yeah, let’s go murder the ass.” 

Finally, he looked to Sunny, and Sunny gave him a smile and a thumbs-up. 

“Sometimes I worry about you.” Klaus said to the toddler, who stuck out her tongue. 

As he shifted the car into _Drive,_ watching the window for when the black car would drive off, Sunny reached to the ground and flipped up the top pouch of Klaus’s bag. 

“File.” she said. 

Violet blinked in confusion, and then realized and smiled. 

“We have the file.” she whispered, as Klaus hit the gas. “The Baudelaire file.” 


	43. Violet breaks into a Carnival

**CHAPTER FORTY-THREE**

_ Violet breaks into a Carnival _

They tried to stay as far from Olaf’s car as they could without losing his trail. Klaus and Sunny switched on the wheel while Violet fell asleep first, dozing off on Isadora’s shoulder. She seemed perturbed in her sleep, fidgeting quite a bit and kicking a little, so Isadora ran her hand up and down her arm and tried to keep her as comfortable as possible. She managed to pull the hospital gown off of her, tossing it behind them and straightening out Violet’s clothes. 

“She lost her jacket.” she commented at one point. 

Klaus shook slightly, but kept his eyes on the road. “Do you think she’s okay?” 

“I think so. Just shaken up.” Isadora muttered. “I’m sure you’ve been through worse.” 

Klaus shuddered and was about to say that they had not, but… the more he thought about it, the more he realized that “worse” was probably the entire stretch of time starting when they walked into Lemony’s apartment, and wouldn’t end for quite some time. 

Duncan seemed to notice his fear, as he reached over, putting a hand on Klaus’s arm as he drove. “Hey, you okay?” 

Klaus shut his eyes and nodded. “Just worried about Violet. I- we don’t even know what happened.” 

“She doesn’t look too hurt.” Duncan said. “Just that cut-” 

“Duncan, you don’t understand.” Klaus gripped the wheel. “Olaf’s threatened- he has plans for each of us, just to torture our parents. The things- the things Violet’s  _ already  _ been through, with him and with…” he tried not to close his eyes, he had to focus on the road, focus on the car that was honestly just a dot in the distance right about now… “It’s just… really scary stuff.” 

Duncan and Isadora shared a look, and then Duncan squeezed his arm a little tighter. “I- I know you’re scared. But she didn’t even seem that hurt when we found her, just confused. What matters is we got her out- we  _ all _ got out of there.” 

Klaus bit his lip. 

“And, hey.” Isadora leaned forwards, also putting her hand on his shoulder. “Listen, Klaus, I… I think I know a bit of what’s going on, and I don’t think anything happened. I think she just got… scared and a bit scarred. Nothing more.” 

“Are you sure?” 

“We can always ask her when she wakes up.” 

“How do we have  _ that _ conversation? And with Sunny in the car?” 

“Sunny’s asleep.” 

Klaus glanced back for just a moment. “She’s faking it.” Sunny flipped him off. 

“Listen, Klaus,” Duncan said, “No matter what happens, we’re all together, and we have a plan. Even though we’re, like, driving right at this bastard- we have weapons, we have the upper hand because  _ he _ doesn’t know we’re coming, and we have each other.” 

Klaus slowly looked ahead to make sure there wasn’t a bend in the road soon, and then he turned to look at Duncan, tears at the edge of his eyes. 

“Yeah.” he finally said. “We’re together.” 

Then they fell silent and Klaus kept driving. 

It was late in the next day when Olaf’s car started to slow.

Klaus, who was driving at the time, hit the brakes hard. Everyone jolted as the car slid to a stop, and Sunny let out a wail of annoyance. Violet sighed and rubbed her eyes, before picking her sister up and bouncing her on her knee. “What’s up? You almost hit a rabbit again?” 

“Olaf’s pulling in somewhere.” Klaus set the car into park, and then leaned up as far as he could get, peering through the windshield. “He went under an arch with a sign on it, and I think I see a booth or two, but that’s all I can spot from here.” 

“Great. We can stop driving.” Violet yawned and glanced around. “Klaus, keep the car here, we’ll walk the rest of the way. We don’t want Olaf to see the car.” 

“Then what do we do?” Duncan asked. 

“We figure it out when we get there.” 

Slowly, Klaus slid open the door, and everyone clambered out of the car. Violet took a minute to open her bag, pulling out a spare sweater to throw over her shirt, before putting her bag back on her back, smiling at the familiar weight. The straps on the Sunnybag were broken, so Violet held one hand and Klaus held another, helping her walk a little as they started off. 

“Where are we, exactly?” Isadora asked. 

“The Hinterlands.” Klaus explained, adjusting his glasses slightly. “Unfortunately pretty open, meaning we could get spotted at any time. Hands on knives, kay?” 

Isadora and Duncan quickly nodded and threw their hands to their pockets. 

Klaus hesitated, and then turned to Violet. “Are you okay?” 

Violet shrugged, staring down at Sunny. “Still a little… bleary, I guess is the word. But other than that, I think I’m okay.” 

“What… what happened?” 

Violet bit her lip. “He took me to see Mother and Father. Lots of threats, lots of…” she gripped Sunny’s hand a bit tighter. “Lots of hurt. I don’t remember a lot, they drugged me up pretty bad. He didn’t have much time to- to do much, though, cause they were prepping me for surgery. I don’t even know why- why they bothered to  _ do  _ a surgery-thing, I was-” 

“It was a clear trap.” Duncan said, eyeing her confusedly. “To draw Klaus and Sunny to you.” 

Violet shook her head. “I just… I guess I just expected you to keep running.” 

“We’re not losing anyone else.” Klaus said. “We’d  _ never  _ leave you behind.” 

“All we do is run.” 

“Are we running now?” 

“Kinda.” 

“Erly.” Sunny muttered, looking down at her feet as she took some more steps forward.  _ “But we’re running towards something. Not away.”  _

“That’s right.” Klaus nodded. “We’re running to our parents.” 

Violet glanced back up at the distant sign, watching it get bigger and bigger with every step they took, and shook her head to clear it. “I think there was someone else, too. But… it might be the drugs, fucking with my head.” 

“Someone else?” Klaus asked. 

“I think you mentioned that.” Isadora muttered. 

Duncan quickly whipped out his commonplace book, flipping through. “Yeah. When you told us to drive to Olaf you mentioned someone else, I made a little note here.” he pulled out a pencil and started writing some more. “Who was there?” 

Violet shrugged. “I don’t know. I kinda thought… I don’t know, maybe a child. A boy, I think, but I’m not too sure. I couldn’t get much of a look, it was dark and…” she clenched her fist. “I was a bit distracted at the moment.” 

“Do you think it’s someone important to your parents?” 

“I can’t think of any kids they’d know other than us. Maybe if one of their old friends had a child? But then… I just… I don’t wanna be a downer, but I don’t see why that kid would still be alive.” 

“Maybe Olaf or someone else in the troupe has a kid,” Duncan suggested, scribbling fast, “And he’s just an abusive piece of shit.” 

“Would not surprise me.” Klaus muttered. 

“I don’t know. I think he was chained up, too.” Violet considered. “You’d think that if it was a kid of his or his employees-” 

“What do you mean  _ chained up?”  _ Klaus jumped. “You didn’t mention that!” 

Violet paled and glanced back at the sign. It was a bit bigger, they could probably read it in a few steps if they were paying attention. She lowered her voice, hoping they’d take her cue to be quieter. “I didn’t… think it was necessary to point out?” 

“Did he  _ chain you?”  _

“Not, um… not me. Just…” she glanced quickly to Sunny, wondering if they should discuss this in front of her. Sunny just gave her a worried look, and she said, “Just… had Mother and Father chained to the wall. So they couldn’t… get very far. Or… get to me.” 

Klaus also squeezed Sunny’s hand, and Isadora and Duncan moved so they were right beside Violet and Isadora could grab her other hand comfortingly. 

“I’m gonna kill him.” Klaus muttered. 

“Well, that’s the plan, brother dear.” Violet sighed. She looked up and then said, “Right, okay, anyone ever heard of Caligari Carnival?” 

Everyone looked over at the sign, with fading letters and a picture of a boy being chased by a lion, and shook their heads. 

“Cool.” Violet fell quiet for the next few paces, but when she could see more, she said, “You see that rollercoaster?” 

“Looks busted.” Isadora muttered. 

“Feel like nobody would want to go to a carnival with a broken rollercoaster.” Duncan deduced. 

“Now, Duncan, Isadora, here’s a great lesson for you.” Violet turned to them, narrowing her eyes. “When a place is not crowded, it means you are less likely to be spotted, but it also means you’re less likely to get help when you need it.” 

Isadora nodded, but Duncan replied, “That’s better for us, I think. We’re on the offensive, so  _ Olaf  _ has less help than he needs.” 

Violet gave him a surprised smile. “I guess that’s about right. But, we still need to be careful.” She looked up again. “What else do you guys see up there?” 

“Phone booth and ticket booth. Ticket booth isn’t occupied.” Isadora said. 

“Caravans, and tents. Not very many.” Klaus said. 

“Olar.” Sunny said.  _ “Olaf’s car.”  _

Violet took a deep breath, glancing at the black car, parked roughly in front of one of the caravans. “Right. Nobody’s moving about, probably because it’s getting late. But we should be cautious. I suggest we move behind the caravans til we get to the one Olaf’s parked in front of. Listen in and figure out what he’s doing so we can plan. Or, if we’re lucky, we can bust in and immediately kill him.” 

“Sounds good.” 

They fell silent, and once they reached the carnival, Klaus picked up Sunny and held her as they scampered behind the booths, and then behind a battered caravan. Klaus pointed ahead to the one Olaf was parked near, and they all groaned when they saw the VFD eye painted on the side. 

“Of fucking course.” Violet muttered. 

She crept up first, pulling a knife from the pocket of her bag and keeping it in hand, just in case. As they made it to the side of the caravan, they started hearing raucous laughter. Klaus gestured to Olaf’s car, then pointed to the tire and made a slashing motion. Violet considered, then pocketed her knife for just a moment to sign back at Klaus. 

_ If the tires are slashed, he’ll know someone’s here.  _

Klaus shrugged, and Violet crept by the caravan door, leaning against it to listen. Though the adults inside were so loud- inebriated, she assumed- that she didn’t really need to, and the others heard just fine. 

“I’m telling you, Lulu, these children might be more trouble than they’re worth.” Olaf said, and they heard a clink of some kind of glass. “We actually  _ had _ one of them in the hospital, but her bratty siblings got some other orphans to do their dirty work and help her escape. Honestly, I’m starting to think we should just kill one of the Baudelaires and leave their body where the kids can find it, just as a warning.” 

Violet and Klaus froze, and then relaxed a little when Esme said, “Now, darling, we talked about this. It’ll be much more fun to kill the children in front of  _ both _ of them, then pick one to watch the other one die first.” 

“Maybe we could cut a foot off. Didn’t we discuss that? To keep them from running again?” 

“Unfortunately none of us knows how to deal with blood loss.” Esme tutted. “Can’t have them die before we want them dead.” 

“My Olaf,” a new, unfamiliar voice, a bit quieter than the others. “I still don’t know what you want Madame Lulu to do. I’ve asked the spirits for the location, please, of the Baudelaire children, please, many times. They are starting to get restless, please. You do not want to deal with angry spirits.” 

“Angry or not, they better tell me where those brats are heading next. It takes them long enough each visit as it is.” 

“My Olaf, the spirits are tired, please, and Madame Lulu is tired. You come all the time, asking her to look into her crystal ball and find the same fugitives, please, for you, and Madame Lulu is not, please, seeing much results. Madame Lulu needs to be paid, you know, to keep the carnival running, please. It’s in danger as it is, please. There are not enough freaks, please, in the House of Freaks, because these are the only ones who will not demand to be paid. The gift caravan is lousy, please.” 

“Oh, Lulu, quit whining. We’ll get you your money.” 

“How, my Olaf?” 

“Yeah, Olaf, how are we paying her?” the voice of the Hook-Handed Man. 

“Wait.” a White-Faced Woman. “Are  _ we  _ even getting paid?” 

“Oh, shut up.” Olaf said. “Listen, Lulu, I’m sure we can think of something. Perhaps this…” a pause as he rifled through a bag. “Pearl necklace, yes. Stole it from a nurse at Heimlich Hospital.” 

“No, no.” Esme’s sharp voice. “You promised that to  _ me. _ Lulu needs to stop  _ asking so much  _ of my boyfriend.” 

“I thought she was married.” Duncan whispered to Isadora. 

“She’s a bitch, Duncan, what did you think?” 

Violet shushed them and then returned to her post at the door. Still, she signed quickly to Klaus, _ Esme seems jealous. Maybe we can use that.  _ Klaus shrugged, while Sunny bit the collar of her shirt and strained to hear the adults’ voices. 

“-girlfriend of yours, my Olaf.” Madame Lulu finished. 

_ “My  _ Olaf.” Esme said. 

“I just assumed she was here, please, for the Baudelaires.” 

The children froze. 

“I mean, torturing that  _ whore _ and her parasite of a ‘husband’ is a bonus part of this expedition.” Esme was saying, and her voice got a bit low; they could almost hear her nasty smile. 

“Then why don’t you, please, keep all the prisoners in one place like before? There’s only so many places, please, to hide someone in this wasteland, please, of the Hinterlands-” 

“We  _ can’t _ keep them together, they keep running off and making a mess of things.”

“It’s  _ hard, _ please, for Lulu to keep these people in her carnival and also run a business-” 

“Oh, please, Madame Lulu,” they heard Olaf say, “Surely we can think of some way to repay you and your…” a pause, as he took a chug of whatever alcohol they were drinking, “Spirits. How about a new show? New shows draw audiences…” 

Violet sighed and gestured to a spot a little away from the caravan. They all slowly crept away, and once they were a safe enough distance, Violet whispered, “They’re staying a while, and our parents are hidden somewhere here. It’s too dark right now and they could leave that caravan at any time, so we should find a place to hide, and then tomorrow get some disguises on and search through.” 

“It’s risky.” Isadora said, drumming on the ground with her fingers. 

“Do you think this ‘Madame Lulu’ is really magic?” Duncan asked. “Olaf said she showed him where you guys were.” 

“Naw.” Violet shook her head. “It’s just like San Fernando Valley.” 

“What’s San Fernando?” 

“Mother and Father thought they might be being tracked, but we’d spent all our money when I needed new glasses.” Klaus explained, “So they hid at a fair in a town called San Fernando. Mother gathered newspapers, Father and I snuck around town and eavesdropped on people, and Violet worked the lights.” 

“We set up a caravan and Mother played fortune-teller.” Violet said. “We used the gathered local news and information Klaus and Father got and ‘predicted the future’ until we had enough money to get the fuck outta there.” 

“She’s probably running the same scam.” Klaus shrugged. “Olaf found us at Monty’s and the Mill on his own, but I bet for Josephine he came here.” 

“That Volunteer taxi driver probably sent a telegram about us that Lulu intercepted.” Violet considered. “And at Prufrock- I bet she either got information about new students or someone got a photo of us wandering the grounds.” 

Klaus narrowed his eyes. “I wonder…” he trailed off. 

“What?” 

Klaus shook his head. “Not important right now. We need to find somewhere to hide.” 

“Are you sure we can’t look now?” 

“If we search in the dark, we lose a lot of visibility, meaning it’s easier for us to fall into a trap, and if we turn on a flashlight, we’re spotted.” Violet said. “And while Olaf and his idiots may be drunk and probably about to pass out, we have no idea if Lulu plans on sleeping, or if they decide to wander around a bit. Tomorrow, though, we can quickly discern if they’ve left by if Olaf’s car is still there, and if they stay, we sneak around in the light, figure out where they are, and either avoid them until we find our parents or start the whole ‘murder’ plan.” 

“Somnum,” Sunny said, meaning something like,  _ “Where are we gonna find somewhere to sleep? All the employees are probably loyal to Lulu.”  _

Violet narrowed her eyes, and then Duncan said, “She said she’s not paying the employees of the freakshow. If we throw some money their way I bet they’d keep quiet.” 

“Good idea.” Violet nodded. “Which caravan do you think-” 

“Probably the one with ‘freaks’ spray-painted on the side.” Isadora suggested. 

“Great. Let’s head over.” 

They crept to the caravan, checked to make sure nobody was about to exit Lulu’s, and then Violet knocked on the door. 

They waited a moment, before a man opened the door, blinking. He looked down sadly at them. “Oh, carnival guests. Have you come to laugh at the freaks? Cause our hours don’t extend after dark.” 

Violet glanced at the man, noticing a hunch on his back. She then held out a fistful of cash. 

“You keep this, let us sleep in here, and tell no one.” 

His eyes widened. “You’re  _ paying us?”  _

“Yeah. Let us in, please. We are tired as  _ hell.”  _


	44. Sunny takes an Interest

**CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR**

_Sunny takes an Interest_

Once inside the caravan, the man who’d let them in introduced himself as Hugo. He woke up two other adults in there, telling them they had secret guests, wasn’t that exciting? They eventually got up, and a skinny girl approached first, swinging down from a hammock close to the ceiling. 

“My name is Colette,” she introduced, smiling sweetly. “And if you’re going to make fun of me, you might as well do it now.” 

“Why would we make fun of you?” Klaus asked. 

“Because I’m a contortionist.” Colette admitted sheepishly. Then she pulled her arms back, and they watched as she bent them into many unusual positions. “See? I’m a freak.” 

“Bravo.” Sunny said. 

“My sister thinks that’s very impressive,” Violet smiled, “And so do we.” 

“It’s kind of you to say so, but I’m ashamed of being a contortionist.” 

“Why?” Duncan asked, bewildered. “It’s so cool!” 

“It’s not… normal.” 

Isadora smiled a little. “Normal is an illusion, dear. What’s normal for the spider is a calamity for the fly.” 

“Stop being goth.” Duncan whispered. 

“Never.” 

Colette _hmm_ ed, considering, and the other man approached, holding out both his hands and shaking Klaus and Violet’s hands at once. “I’m Kevin. As you can see, I’m an ambidextrous freak.” 

“Doesn’t ‘ambidextrous’ just mean you can use both hands equally well?” Klaus asked. 

“See? I bet that’s why they came. To laugh at Kevin the ambidextrous freak.” 

“Ambidexterity isn’t freakish.” Duncan said. “It’s not even that unusual, honestly, we have an uncle who’s ambidextrous, and he runs a secret library.” 

“A what?” Klaus whipped around. 

Isadora slapped her forehead. “God _damnit,_ that was a VFD thing wasn’t it?” 

“Oh, _son of a bitch!”_ Duncan stomped his foot and slapped his leg in frustration. 

“We’ll circle back around to that.” Violet said. She turned back to the carnival employees. “So, like we told Hugo, we need to stay here in secret for a little while and nobody can know, not even Madame Lulu. In exchange, we’re paying you. Think you can keep your mouths shut about us?” 

The employees glanced at each other. Hugo showed them the money and shrugged, and Colette said, “We can… certainly try. But Madame Lulu says we should always give the people what they want-” 

“And if someone asks about you-” Kevin began. 

“We’re people.” Klaus said. “So hiding us is giving us what we want.” 

Colette nodded as if he’d just told her the secrets of the universe. “That _is_ true.” 

“And we’re getting paid. We’ve never been paid before.” Hugo said. 

“What would we even do with money?” Kevin asked. 

“We could save up for a farm.” 

“We can’t leave the carnival,” Colette shook her head. “Freaks like us can’t go anywhere.” 

“Again. Ambidextrous uncle.” Duncan said. 

“You don’t have to just accept being the punching bag of society, you know.” Violet said. “There’s tons of shit out there and tons of people who won’t care what you look or act like. And, honestly Hugo, a farm does not sound like a bad idea.” 

“Thank you!” 

“We can set up some hammocks for you.” Colette said. “Nobody ever enters our caravan, so if you’re in the corner you won’t be seen.” As Kevin moved to start setting up beds, she asked, “Oh, um, what are your names?” 

“Classified.” Violet said. 

“Wow, that’s easy.” Colette clapped her hands. “Okay, Classifieds, we’re happy you’re here!” 

They were awoken by a furious pounding on the door. Violet sat up immediately, swinging off the hammock and taking Sunny with her. Klaus, who’d been on watch, quickly ran to Duncan and shook him awake before yanking him down to the ground. Violet held Sunny up from their hiding spot to kick Isadora’s hammock until she awoke and slid beside them. This was all done in about the ten seconds it took Hugo to get to the door. He gave them a quizzical look, before finally opening it. 

They heard the rough voice of the Hook-Handed Man. “Took you long enough, freaks! Madame Lulu and Count Olaf are off fetching the new show, so I’m in charge, and you better put on a good performance-” 

“Don’t worry, sir,” Hugo said quickly, “We’re professionals.” 

“Let me finish. -or I’ll hit you with this tagliatelle grande!” 

“We’ll be right out, sir!” 

The door closed, and Hugo turned around. “I guess our guests can stay in the caravan until we’re done.” 

“Olaf and Lulu are gone.” Duncan pointed out, climbing up. 

“But the rest of the troupe is here.” Klaus added. 

Colette swung down from the rafters from her hammock, while Kevin grumpily got out, stretching both arms equally. “There’ll be a couple people here. Maybe… ten on a good day!” 

“Might not be worth it.” Klaus said. 

“Might be our best shot. We don’t know how long they intend on staying.” Violet said. 

“Well, whatever you choose,” Colette shrugged, “We’ll be in the House of Freaks. We have a break at lunch, so we’ll see you then.” 

The carnival employees left, and Violet placed Sunny on a counter before turning to the others. “Some of us could do some regular scouting around, while the others work as lookout. It’d probably be a bad idea to all be in one place in case he finds us… though, also, strength in numbers.” 

“We could split two-and-three.” Isadora said. “Sunny in the larger group, obviously.” 

“I dunno, Sunny’s a pretty good weapon on her own.” Klaus shrugged. 

“Normally, I’d be upset that you’re suggesting splitting up so soon after whatever the fuck just happened with that hospital,” Duncan said, “But Colette did say there’s not many visitors on a good day, so a group of five _would_ attract attention. What henchpeople are still here?” 

“I think everyone but the Bald Man. I didn’t see him at the Hospital.” Violet shuddered slightly. 

“Some of them could’ve died in that hospital fire.” Klaus said. “But we didn’t hear many of them through the caravan.” 

Violet shook her head. “What we should do, first, is figure out where our parents are. When Hugo, Colette and Kevin get back, we can ask for a general layout- or we could do a quick lookout, someone get on the caravan’s roof. I could do that, I’m pretty good at sketching locations and blueprints. Then we figure out where our parents are most likely to be hidden, bust them out, and stab Olaf to death.” 

“Yeah, we can figure out splitting vs not splitting later.” Klaus nodded. “Sunny, we- what the hell are you doing?” 

They turned, to see that Sunny had stood on the counter, shaking only a little as she opened a cabinet and was taking jars and containers out, putting them down beside her. 

“Help.” Sunny said. 

“I don’t get it.” Violet said. 

Sunny cocked her head. “Laem.” _“I wanna cook lunch for Hugo, Colette and Kevin, for when they get back, as a thank you.”_

Violet put a hand over her mouth, and Isadora turned so Sunny wouldn’t see her mouth _aaw_ to her brother, who was smiling and giggling a little. Klaus clasped his hands together and held them to his face a moment, a smile bursting across his face, until he finally could say, “That’s… that sounds wonderful, Sunny. But you’ll need to know what you’re making.” 

“Luddy. Greene.” Sunny said. _“I’m making spaghetti. While you all were talking, I found olive oil, garlic, an anchovy can, some capers, a jar of olives, and some parsley.”_

“Holy shit.” Violet said. 

“Roberts,” Sunny waved a hand. _“If you all could get me tomatoes, noodles, and a pot, I can get started on the sauce.”_

“Oh my…” Isadora sat down, hugging herself and burying her face in her knees so she wouldn’t squeal and make Sunny feel patronized. 

“That’s… very thoughtful, Sunny. Amazing.” Violet finally managed. 

“What recipe is this?” Klaus asked. 

“Puttanesca.” Sunny shrugged. “Remmis.” _“I helped Father make it a few months ago, when we were by that lake and needed to cook quickly.”_

“You remember it?” 

“Duh.” Sunny gave them a quizzical look, then bit onto the jar of olives, trying to get the lid off. 

The children all shared bewildered, but enchanted looks, and finally Violet smiled a little and said, “Isadora, why don’t you come to the roof with me, then? The boys can help Sunny.” 

“I’m a shit cook, but I can gather ingredients and probably chop stuff.” Klaus said. 

“I can definitely help, I used to do the cooking with Mother because Isadora and Quigley weren’t allowed in the kitchen.” Duncan shrugged. 

“Good plan.” Violet smiled. Then she walked over and gave Sunny a tight hug. Sunny huffed, angered at the sudden gesture, but when Violet pulled away, she asked, “You’re growing up, baby girl.” 

Sunny shook her head. _“Toddler._ Not a baby.” 

“Not a baby.” Violet grinned and nodded. 

Violet and Isadora managed to get the carnival roughly sketched from the caravan roof, though they didn’t see any of the troupe moving around, which could be good or bad- they might be inside, unable to see them, or they might just be sneakier than they’d thought. They eventually swung down and helped Sunny complete the pasta, though Duncan had managed to help her with stirring and slicing, and Klaus had figured out how to use the stove without setting a fire. As they waited for the pasta to cook and the sauce to get warm enough, Sunny dug through to try and find dessert. Eventually, she found the materials to make hot cocoa, and as she and Duncan made enough for everyone, she started sprinkling cinnamon in. 

“There aren’t many large enough places to stash a person, and Lulu said they were both in different places.” Violet said, unrolling the paper while Duncan and Sunny worked. “We’ve got all the caravans and tents- five of each. I think we should check Lulu’s tent first, you’d think it’d be easier to hide someone in there than in another employee’s. We’ll need lookouts, though, in case she comes back. Quagmires, I’m thinking you could stand out by the opening- you’re noticeable to them, yeah, but not as much as us. I can send Sunny into small spaces, and Klaus and I-”

The door opened, and they heard Kevin talking to the others. “-utterly humiliating, just like every other day.” 

“It wasn’t that bad. We didn’t get tomatoes thrown at us like last week.” Colette said brightly, swinging in first as Kevin followed. 

“I can still smell the tomatoes, ugh.” Hugo said, walking in. Then he froze. “I- oh, no, there’s- what?” 

The employees looked over, as Sunny waved and had Duncan help her bring bowls out. As he started dishing things out, Violet rolled her map up, hanging it to Isadora, and said, “We made you lunch, as a thank you. It was Sunny’s idea, she seems to be taking an interest in cooking.” 

Hugo blinked confusedly, and Kevin said, “You made lunch? For us?” 

“Yeah, why not?” Klaus shrugged. 

“Pasta!” Sunny called, as Duncan started putting bowls by the chairs. 

Hugo looked amazed. “Nobody’s ever done that before.” 

“Well, get used to being human beings, friendos.” Isadora said. 

“And we made hot chocolate!” Duncan added, gesturing to the mugs. 

“Is this for real?” Colette asked, bending her body into a shape that looked similar to an S. “Are you for real?” 

“Course. We’ll have some lunch, and then we’ll move around the carnival a bit.” Violet said. “Now eat while it’s still warm. I might actually hide out behind the caravan with mine, keep watch.” 

“No, you’re eating with us.” Klaus shook his head. 

“Come on, bro-” 

They were interrupted, in their argument, by a loud screech of tires. They jumped, and Violet instantly started to head for the door. Klaus stopped her, grabbing her arm, and Isadora quickly said, “No, they’ll spot you immediately.” 

“Parva.” Sunny said, as Duncan helped to the floor from the counter. _“I’m small. I’ll hide in a bush and see what’s up.”_

“Are you sure?” Violet asked shakily. 

Sunny didn’t respond, instead toddling straight for the door. Hugo gave them a concerned look, while Kevin quickly opened the door for her, before he and Colette went out themselves, curious. Hugo quickly went after them, and as the door slammed, the children quickly went to the wood, pressing their ears against it. 

Sunny, for her part, stayed behind Kevin’s legs for a while, peering around and hissing a little when she recognized that, indeed, the screech had come from Olaf’s car, where he and Lulu were getting out- at least, she assumed that was Lulu, she was hanging out with Olaf and didn’t look like the rest of the troupe. There was something attached to the back of the car, some large container with a blanket thrown over it. The few members of the Caligari crowd were moving closer, wondering what that low rumbling coming from inside was. Sunny crept along the ground, eventually finding a trash can to hide behind. She peered over as Olaf walked out, spreading his arms wide. 

“Guests and Employees! Freaks and normal people!” Olaf shouted, waving his arms. “Caligari Carnival is proud to announce the arrival of our newest, _boldest_ attraction! _Viola!”_

At his cue, Lulu took the edge of the cover, and threw it off. Sunny reeled back when they saw what was inside- _lions._ So _many_ lions. Lions were packed in so tightly that Sunny couldn’t count them, and they were roaring loudly and fiercely, trying to push their way out of the large cage, about as big as the other caravans but with less walls and more metal bars. She instantly felt horrible, watching the large cats struggle for release, and then leap back as Olaf pulled a long, thick whip from his belt, throwing it out and striking against the lions through the bars. The frightened lions started yelping, pressing themselves back, and when they were finally quiet enough, he turned around again, and Sunny crept a bit forwards. 

“These wonderful lions are going to be the most exciting thing at Caligari Carnival!” Olaf announced, as the guests and few, sparse employees started paying very, _very_ close attention. “As you all know, unless you are _incredibly_ dim-witted, a stubborn mule will move toward the carrot, because it wants the reward of food, and away from the stick, because it does not want the punishment of pain. These lions will do the same. The whip is the stick, as they will avoid the punishment of the _whip-”_

With a flourish, he flicked his whip at the lions again, who cowered behind the bars, causing some visitors to applaud. 

“But, my Olaf,” asked Lulu, leaning against the car and smirking, “If the whip is the stick, please, what is the carrot?” 

“The carrot?” Olaf let out a horrible laugh. “The reward for the lions who obey me will be a _delicious_ meal. Lions are carnivorous, which means they eat meat, and here at Caligari Carnival, they’ll have the finest meat we have to offer.” 

At that, he gestured his whip at the small group of the employees of the freakshow. “These freaks you see before you aren’t normal people! They lead depressing lives, and will be happy to exhibit themselves in the name of entertainment.” 

“We do that every day.” Colette said. 

“Then you won’t mind being the most _important_ part of the lion show.” Olaf replied. “We’re not going to feed these lions regular meals, so they’ll be very, very hungry by the time the show begins. Each day, instead of a show at the House of Freaks, we’ll randomly choose one freak and watch the lions devour them.” 

Everyone cheered again, except for Hugo, Colette, Kevin, and Sunny, who backed up behind the trashcan, breathing deeply and trying not to look at the panicked, hungry lions. 

She heard the crowd cheer and talk excitedly amongst themselves, while Hugo, Colette and Kevin quietly whispered worried words to each other. Lulu clapped her hands, and Sunny saw the troupe gather- the Hook-Handed Man, the White-Faced Women, Esme… that seemed to be about it. Sunny lowered herself and crept a bit closer, straining her ears. 

“-is brilliant for thinking of the lion show.” she finally caught Lulu saying. “He is brave man for hitting lions with whip, please. And he is generous man or giving lions to Lulu.” 

“He _gave_ those to you?” came Esme’s sneering voice. “So what did you get _me,_ darling?” 

“Darling, I got you our captives.” 

“We have to _share_ those! I don’t want to share gifts. Sharing isn’t _in.”_

“He gave lions to me, please, in exchange for fortune-telling tomorrow.” 

“Oh, and what sort of gifts will you ask for next?” 

“Be reasonable, my dear.” Count Olaf said to his girlfriend. “The lions will make Caligari Carnival much more popular, so Madame Lulu can devote her time to fortune telling and give us the information we finally need to kill the Baudelaires and steal that Quagmire fortune.” 

“Ugh, I am _so_ tired of having to deal with those Quagmires. So annoying, so whiny-” 

“Esme, please, voice down.” 

“Don’t tell _me_ what to do!” 

“Well, all of us are going to go dig the lion pit, by the old rollercoaster.” 

“Oh, _I_ am not digging any pits. I might break a nail. Besides, I need to talk to Count Olaf _alone.”_

“Alright, alright.” Sunny positioned herself behind a pole, and peered over just in time to see Olaf roll his eyes. “Let’s go to the guest caravan where we won’t be disturbed. The rest of you, get to work!” 

“Follow Lulu, please, and she will show you where we dig.” Lulu said. 

The henchpeople shrugged and followed after her. Olaf started towards the guest caravan, mumbling to himself, but as Esme started to follow, she stopped a moment, and then slowly started to turn. 

Sunny whipped back, squeezing herself behind the pole and trying to make herself small. She held her breath, trying to minimize noise, and shut her eyes, waiting. 

She thought she heard footsteps head towards her, and she steeled herself to start biting limbs off again, until there was a call. 

“Esme! I thought you wanted to talk, you’re going the wrong way!” 

“Ugh, fine! We need to have a _long_ discussion about this…” 

She walked away, and once the door to the guest caravan slammed, Sunny took off back for the House of Freaks. When she reached the door, she kicked at it, and the it almost instantly swung open, and Klaus had her in his arms within a few seconds. 

Duncan shut the door, and Sunny looked over to see Violet was already gathering everyone together. She’d sat down the employees, and Duncan and Isadora were shoving the food into a box. 

“Sunny, does he actually have lions? Is that right?” Duncan asked. 

Sunny nodded, leaning against Klaus’s chest. 

“Then we’ve got to hurry.” Violet said. She turned to the employees, who looked to be in a nervous shock. “Hugo, you said something about a farm?” 

“Uh, yeah, I-” 

“You’re going there. Does Lulu have gas?” 

“What?” 

“Car gas. Stored anywhere.” 

“There’s some behind the guest caravan.” Kevin said. 

Sunny shook her head. “Tou!” _“Esme and Olaf are there now.”_

“One of you three needs to sneak by and grab all you can carry.” Violet said. “Probably Colette, feel like you’re the sneakiest. Get all the gas, and then- just outside the carnival, there’s a car we took here. You guys get into that and get the fuck outta here.” 

“What?” Hugo said. “But Madame Lulu-” 

_“Fuck_ Madame Lulu, you are not getting fed to lions.” Violet said. She tied her hair back. “Sunny, where’s the rest of the troupe?” 

“Tippi.” _“Digging a pit by the rollercoaster.”_

“So Lulu’s tent and caravan’ll be empty.” Violet said. “Quagmires, we’ll search in there, you stand guard. You three get the gas and pack whatever you need from here. I might need it.” 

“Need it?” Kevin asked. 

“There was something attached to the car, right?” 

“A cage.” Colette nodded. 

“How big?” 

“Esm.” Sunny said. _“Caravan-size.”_

“And I heard him do a dramatic sheet pull-off, right?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Tonight, when it’s dark and everyone’s asleep, we’re going to attach this caravan to Olaf’s car instead of that cage.” Violet said. “Hopefully we’ll have our parents by then, and we’ll have some people in the car and some in the caravan while we bust out.” 

“I think the car _is_ close enough you might manage that.” Colette said hesitantly. “You’d have to push the caravan quite a bit, though.” 

“Doesn’t matter, we can do it.” Violet shrugged. “I can invent something if we don’t have the strength. If we don’t find our parents, then…” 

She took a deep breath, and pulled her ribbon out. “Then, well… we merge into the crowd, and make Olaf into cat food.”


	45. Splitting Up is Never a Good Idea

**CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE**

_Splitting up is Never a Good Idea_

The employees headed out very quickly. Colette got the gas, and the children ran them to the car helping them carry their bags. On the walk, they did their best to assure them that _yes_ they deserved happiness and _no_ they did not deserve to get eaten by lions. Once Kevin got in the driver’s seat, Violet gave them all a hug, and then passed them as much money as she’d gotten together. 

“Good luck out there.” she said. 

Duncan passed them the box of food. “Puttanesca is in there for the trip, so you don’t have to stop and get the extra food from the back that fast. And this box is the hot chocolate, we steadied it as best we could.” 

Isadora handed the box to Colette, and then said, “Go find your own adventure, yeah?” 

Colette beamed over at them, blinking away tears. “Thank you so much. We don’t know how to repay you.” 

“You can repay us by getting out and living your best life.” Klaus said. 

“Luck!” Sunny wished, blowing a kiss. 

Once the car drove away, they raced back to the carnival, and Violet edged to Lulu’s tent, sneaking past the sparse guests still wandering and excitedly talking about tomorrow’s show. 

When they reached the tent, she turned and said, “We’ll be in here for only a little bit, to see if there’s somewhere she could have hidden our parents. Just stand here, and if someone comes near, come inside and tell us, we’ll break out the back.” 

They nodded, and Klaus shouldered Sunny, gave them a wave, and then the Baudelaires raced inside. 

“Okay,” Violet said quickly, as she observed the tent, “Look for hiding places.” 

Klaus put Sunny on the floor, and then ran to the nearest chest. “Locked.” 

“I got it, you check under the table for a trapdoor.” 

Klaus nodded, and as Violet started picking the lock on the chest, he lifted a tablecloth, careful not to jostle the crystal ball on top. “Hey, Vi, there’s a little library down here. Lots of paper and shit.” 

“Yeah, see? It’s just like San Fernando.” Violet nodded. She opened the chest, and shook her head. “Just costumes. I’ll dig through, though, in case there’s a switch or false bottom, but I doubt it.” 

Sunny ran to Klaus. “Mesa.” _“I got the table, you check the curtains.”_

He nodded and let her crawl under before running to the curtains and pushing them aside. “A bunch of levers and gears.” 

“Cool! Dibs!” Violet called. “You get the trunk.” 

“Are we just playing hot potato with everything in this tent?” 

“Yeah, pretty much.” 

Klaus sighed and went back to the truck, and Violet pulled her ribbon and scanned the levers. “It looks like it’s just the lighting system we used in Red Acres, unfortunately. There’s the mirrors, the fan belt… except she doesn’t have a flashlight, just a hole in the tent. Probably why she seems to only tell fortunes in the morning, that’s where the sun’ll shine through.” 

Sunny crawled out from under the table, shaking paper off of herself. “Idde.” _“No trapdoors or levers.”_

“There’s gotta be something.” Violet murmured, stepping back and kneeling by the bottom of the pulley system. “You’d think Olaf would trust her enough to hide someone here.” 

Klaus hesitated, before glancing up from the trunk, where he was digging through clothes, and said, “Violet?” 

“Hmm?” 

“Do you think… do you think that he’ll feed our parents to the lions?” 

Violet shut her eyes, and Sunny crawled over to him and hugged his leg, whimpering a little. 

“Do- do you remember they told us that they used to train lions? Maybe- maybe he thinks it’ll be- be funny, to feed them to-” 

“He’s been pretty insistent on killing us first.” Violet shivered. “If anything, he’ll probably want to feed _us_ to them first, if he can find us.” 

“Hold on.” Klaus felt something light at the bottom of the trunk, and pulled it out, spreading it on the floor. Violet came over, and said, “That looks like a map.” 

“I’d say it’s of the Hinterlands.” Klaus said. “See, there’s the carnival here, and that’s Mount Fraught-” 

“Spill.” Sunny said, pointing at a brown splotch. 

“You see, Sunny,” Violet said, smiling a little as she focused, “That may _look_ like a splotch, but considering the size, shape, and color-” 

“That’s a note of VFD headquarters.” Klaus said. 

“Pretty nearby, interesting.” Violet _hmm_ ed. “Makes sense that Lulu’s in VFD, she has the costumes and fortune-telling training and the Eye, and I bet she got most of those papers from the cult itself.” 

“Do you think Olaf knows?” 

“She’s got the eye on her tent, but he’s also an idiot, so…” 

“That’s- wait, shut up.” 

Violet quieted, and she heard what he had. 

Footsteps, getting closer. 

“The Quagmires-” he began, moving for the flap, but she grabbed his arm. 

_“They’re probably not there if they’re not alerting us.”_ she hissed. _“Come on, let’s move.”_

“But then- where-” 

“We have to get out of here first, get Sunny.” 

Klaus raced for his sister and lifted her up, and Violet grabbed his arm again and dragged him to the curtain that hid the mechanics. She shut it behind them, and they stood still a second as the tent flap opened. They heard a sigh and footsteps enter the tent; Violet signed quickly that she thought it was probably Lulu, it didn’t sound like anyone else. Klaus nodded, though he kept his eyes boring into the curtain in front of them, as if he could set it on fire and burn Madame Lulu from there, and they slowly backed up, moving their way around the wall and looking for a flap to slip under. 

They heard the woman stop outside, muttering something, and Klaus shut his eyes. They’d left the map on the floor, the chest open. _Fuck._

“Who is _there,_ please?” 

She sounded furious. Violet edged towards the wall, but sighed when she found it wasn’t enough to slip under. Klaus clutched onto Sunny, his glare intensifying even more. 

“Who dares disturb Madame Lulu’s tent? The spirits are _angry,_ please-” 

Violet and Klaus shared a look, and then she nodded, and tossed her smokebomb just outside. Lulu shouted as it erupted, and the children burst through the smoke, rushing past her and racing outside. Once they got out, they ran for the nearest caravan, which thank _God_ happened to be empty, ducking inside just as Lulu came out, shouting and cursing. 

They sank to the floor of the caravan, and turned to each other. 

Klaus looked a bit distracted, staring at the door and reaching to fiddle with his jacket. “Should we have captured and interrogated her?” 

“Olaf would notice she was gone.” 

“We…” Klaus shut his eyes. “Really could’ve gotten information out of her.”

“We can try that later, maybe, but for now…”

Klaus hugged onto Sunny, and then he asked, “And where are the Quagmires?” 

Isadora bounced on her feet for the first minute or so, trying to pay attention to the bleak area around them. Her attention was then distracted when Duncan started stepping away. 

“Where are you going?” she hissed. 

“I thought I saw someone over there.” he gestured to the side of Lulu’s caravan. 

“And nobody’s coming, so we’re in the clear.” 

“I just…” he crept away. “I’ll check it out.” 

“Dun _can!”_

He shrugged at her, and then strode to the side of the caravan, peering over the side. 

When an arm grabbed his and yanked him behind the caravan, then, Isadora didn’t even think, instead immediately taking off, running as fast as she could and grabbing her knife from her pocket. She slid to the side of the caravan, raising her weapon, and immediately said, “Hands off my brother!” 

She recoiled, raising the knife higher, as she locked eyes with Esme Squalor, who had a hand over a terrified Duncan’s mouth to muffle his shouts. 

“Now, now, no need for that.” Esme said. Then, to Isadora’s surprise, she lifted her hands, and Duncan stumbled out of her reach, running to Isadora’s side and grabbing her arm. “We don’t need to fight here.” 

“Pretty sure we do.” Isadora said. 

Esme sighed and moved around, circling the children. Isadora pushed Duncan behind her, backing up until they were basically against the outer caravan wall. “Of course we don’t. We don’t really have much of a problem with _you two.”_

“You hurt our friends.” Duncan said, shoving a hand into his own pocket to look for a weapon. “You hurt their _parents._ We’re not going to let that slide, bitch.” 

Esme scoffed, putting a hand on her hip. “Really? Your _friends?_ What have they ever done for you?” 

“It doesn’t matter. Back the fuck up or we’ll throw a knife into your head.” Isadora said. 

“Oh, please.” Esme threw up her hands, rolling her eyes. “I’m unarmed. I just want to talk.” They eyed her suspiciously. “You can pat me down if it makes you feel better.” 

Isadora hesitantly lowered the knife, though she still kept it in hand. “What do you even want, then?” 

“I want to make a deal.” Esme said. She stepped closer, and Isadora again pushed Duncan behind her. “I think we have a common interest.” 

“The hell we do.” Duncan spat. 

“Of course we do.” Esme lowered herself slightly, so she was at eye-level with the teenagers. “I suspected you all might be here, you know, but it’s nice to see I was right, like always. I’m sure you’ve heard of our little show tomorrow?” 

“Where you’re going to toss innocent, exploited people to starving lions?” Duncan hissed. 

“Yes, it’ll be grand.” Esme smiled wickedly. “But here’s the thing; the freaks need not die. There are other people I’d much rather toss to these lions.” 

“Like Lulu?” Isadora guessed. “Or the Baudelaires?” 

Esme scowled. “I will be _dealing_ with Lulu myself. Was going to conscript the freaks to do it, but they seem to be playing hooky. But I think we can make a deal. I can ensure that _Beatrice_ and her boytoy are watching the pit, watching their charming lions driven to eating people they like, and you-” 

“If you think we’re going to strike _any_ kind of deal with you,” Isadora hissed, “You’re dead wrong, we’d much rather kill you right here and take off than let you manipulate our lives.” 

Esme smirked, then, very darkly. “Oh, you haven’t even heard my deal yet.” 

“You have five seconds,” Isadora said, raising the knife again, “To convince us not to kill you right here.” 

“Alright, then. I’ll make this simple.” Esme said. “If you do what I say, and help me feed these horrible, troublesome children to the lion pit, then I will give you back your brother.” 

The knife dropped to the ground. 

Isadora and Duncan were frozen an instant, breathing slow and staring hard at the smirking woman. Duncan shook, clinging to Isadora’s arm tighter and widening his eyes. Isadora, meanwhile, shook her head. 

“No.” she said. “N-no. You’re lying. You’re _bluffing._ Our brother died in the fire and you know that. You don’t-” 

“Well, then,” Esme said, and then she reached into a pocket and tossed something to the ground. “Guess he won’t need this.” 

Duncan and Isadora stared down at the dirt, where an unmistakable, purple commonplace book skidded in their direction. 

Isadora started to shake, and Duncan dropped to the ground, kneeling in front of the book and staring at it, as if he didn’t dare pick it up. 

“Wh-” Isadora breathed. 

“Silly boy was being loud, so we took this as a warning.” Esme shrugged, looking down at her nails instead of the distraught triplets before her. “Then he _kept_ misbehaving, so we had to-” 

“Where _is he?”_ Isadora’s voice broke, and she looked at Esme with such a fire in her eyes that if she’d been looking at anyone else in that moment, they likely would’ve retreated instantly. “What did you _do to him?”_

“Oh, quite a bit, though I admit Olaf does most of the work.” Esme said. “Don’t worry, though, he knows _all_ about your little stunt in the hospital. Well, no, he doesn’t, but I’m sure he knows we had a reason for his latest punishment.” 

“You… you…” Isadora gasped. Her hand reached for her knife, before remembering it was on the ground, beside Duncan. 

“But here’s the thing. We only have him for your little fortune. And I’m already fabulously wealthy.” Esme said. “I’m sure we could stand to see him go, but, well, we’ll need something in return, won’t we?” 

Isadora stared at her, shaking with fury and terror, and felt like her world was closing in around her. 

“Of course, if nothing unusual happens tomorrow, I’m sure Olaf would love to know you’re all here. But if something _exciting_ goes down, he’ll be most thankful that our little problem is solved, so thankful that I bet he wouldn’t notice one little boy going missing.” She smirked, then stepped forwards. Isadora stood her ground, and then gasped, tears springing to her eyes, as Esme stepped on the commonplace book, grinding it harder into the dirt with her heel. Duncan, eyes still glued on the notebook, didn’t move. 

“And if you try anything before then,” Esme’s voice grew dark. “Not only will we deal with all of you, but we’ll be fair. Everything you do to us gets done to your brother. And maybe a little extra just for how mouthy he can be.” 

“You…” Isadora tried to speak again. 

Esme reached over and patted her on the head; Isadora couldn’t even recoil, shock still coursing through her. “Oh, don’t worry, little one. You won’t even be doing anything bad. Just getting rid of some children who shouldn’t even be here. They’ve done horrible things, too, you know. They’ve killed and destroyed.” 

“They-” 

“They uprooted your lives, darling. If it weren’t for them, you’d be safe.” Esme smirked. “Besides, they aren’t even telling you the whole truth.” 

“Yes, they are.” Isadora whimpered. 

“Of course they aren’t. Didn’t Violet tell you she got to see your little brother at that charming hospital, or does she just not want you distracted?” 

Isadora froze over, her breath catching in her throat. 

“I’m sure you’ll be in the crowd tomorrow. After the lions eat, you can meet me behind Lulu’s tent, and I’ll hand over your prize before me and _my_ Olaf leave to set fire to some annoying volunteer headquarters. See you then.” 

She stalked away, and Isadora stood still, staring after her. 

“She… she has to be lying somehow. There’s- she can’t- we-” Isadora stuttered. 

Then she looked down, to Duncan, still kneeling in front of the commonplace book. Slowly, she knelt beside him. “She… Duncan, she- she can’t-” 

Duncan reached forwards and picked up the book. He brushed dirt off the cover, and then hugged it to his chest and began to weep.


	46. Klaus starts a Fire

**CHAPTER FORTY-SIX**

_ Klaus starts a Fire _

Violet stumbled around the House of Freaks’ Caravan. “We should go out.” 

“The carnival’s almost empty, they’ll see us.” 

“They have to be out there.” 

“Mani.”  _ “Calm down, we can search when it gets dark.”  _

“We shouldn’t have just- we should go look- Klaus, if he gets Isadora and-” 

“I know.” Klaus bounced Sunny on his lap and shut his eyes. “I know. But we’re no use to them if we get captured. You said so yourself-” 

“I can’t let them get hurt because of us again.” 

“I… I know.” Klaus shook. “When they suggested going into the operating room instead of us I almost said no, but they were right, it was better strategy. We just-” 

Violet held up a hand to shush him, and they heard footsteps heading for the caravan door. Violet grabbed her knife hesitantly, while Klaus reached for a smokebomb. 

The door opened, and Isadora stumbled in, her arm around Duncan, who was hugging himself and shaking. She kicked the door shut, and Violet instantly ran forwards, going to Duncan’s other side and putting an arm around him. She helped Isadora sit him down, and watched as he curled up, putting his head in his lap. Klaus put Sunny on the ground and raced over, sitting beside him and hugging him. Sunny, for her part, ran to Isadora and hugged her legs. 

“What happened? Are you okay?” Violet asked. 

“I- we-” Isadora stuttered. 

Violet quickly sat her down, too, and pulled off her jacket, throwing it over Isadora’s shoulders. “What did he do? Did he catch you?” 

“Tort.” Sunny said.  _ “Slow down, they’re scared.”  _

Violet took a deep breath, then nodded, sitting between Isadora and Duncan. She lifted Sunny to her lap, and then said, “Okay. Take your time. We’re here, and we can- do we need to guard the door, at least? Can you tell us that? Cause I-” 

“He has Quigley.” Duncan said. 

Everyone fell silent. 

“Wh-what?” Violet said. 

“He has Quigley.” Duncan said. Slowly, he uncurled himself, and showed them a small, purple notebook clasped in his hands. “He has  _ Quigley.”  _

He pulled the commonplace book back to him, and Klaus hugged him tighter. “Are you sure?” 

Duncan nodded, tears brimming on the edge of his eyes. “This is his book. He would’ve had it with him when- when the fire- it’s the only thing he would’ve-” 

He shook hard again and leaned up against Klaus. 

Violet turned to Isadora, who was staring at the table. Finally, she spoke. “She- Esme. She came to us. Told us that- that they have Quigley. They have our brother.” she hugged herself, pulling Violet’s jacket over her. “They- they’re hurting him. They’re hurting him because of us.” 

“Isa-” 

“She…” Isadora shut her eyes, and then stared down at the ground. “She said she’ll give him back if we push you into the lion pit.” 

Violet shuddered, and Sunny curled up against her, breathing deep. Klaus blinked over at her. 

Isadora ran a hand through her hair, then turned to Violet, a question in her eyes. “Esme says you saw him.” 

“What?” 

“When you were captured. She says you- you saw him.” 

“I… I don’t…” Violet thought hard. “I was  _ drugged _ out of my mind, we’re lucky I can remember anything, I…” 

“Was he the boy?” Isadora asked. “The boy who helped you? You said- you said there was a kid-” 

“I… it’s possible.” Violet shut her eyes. “I didn’t get a good look and I was super high, I… I guess he kinda did sound like Duncan, but that’s about the voice most boys your age have.” 

“What happened to him? Tell us everything, please. What do you  _ remember  _ about him?” 

Violet shut her eyes, and Sunny grabbed her hand, squeezing it a little. “I- he tried to help me. Olaf was… he was… talking about…” she shuddered again. “And he grabbed me and then the boy- he ran at Olaf, pushed him down. He couldn’t- he couldn’t get very far, he was also chained to something…” Isadora let out a cry. “But… he pushed Olaf, I was on the ground. I… everything is so blurry right now, but I remember being confused and hearing everyone screaming and… Olaf cut him. I remember that. He cut his arm.” 

“He cut his  _ arm?”  _

“I- I think so? I was dragged out before anything else happened- I don’t know…” Violet shuddered. “I don’t even know if it  _ was _ Quigley.” 

“It… it probably was.” Duncan mumbled, pressing himself against Klaus as much as he could and trying to stop the tears. “He- he would do something like that. He-” 

“They have him. They have Quigley. He’s  _ here.  _ He’s here somewhere.” Isadora started crying, too, rocking back-and-forth. “She- she- she said if we do anything- if we try and stop her- she’ll hurt him. She’ll hurt him like she already has- she’ll  _ hurt him if we do anything and she wants us to kill you- she- God, what are we supposed to do?” _

“Okay, take a moment.” Klaus said. He held out a hand for Isadora to take, stretching across the table, and he said, “Okay, so we need to find our parents and Quigley and get out as fast as possible. If Esme knows we’re here, we don’t have a lot of time.” 

“If we do anything, she’ll hurt Quigley.” Isadora shivered. 

“Not if we get him out first.” Violet said. She also grabbed Isadora’s hand, and then said, “Okay, here’s what’s happening. We’re going out and searching now- I know it’s dark, and we shouldn’t search in the dark, but we’ll figure it out.” 

She stood up and started tying back her hair, and Isadora straightened in her seat, her eyes full of hope at the sight. Sunny crawled onto Duncan’s lap as he looked over, too, and Klaus carefully unwrapped his arm from his friend, standing up and walking to Violet, who was pacing. 

“We can cross Lulu’s tent off the list. We’ll check all the tents, and then figure out how to search the caravans- the other employees will be sleeping so we’ll have to be  _ super  _ careful.” 

Klaus leaned against the outer wall, and then jumped. “Did you guys hear something?” 

They shook their heads, though Isadora looked a little panicked. Violet went to the wall, listening carefully, and then said, “Think it’s just the wind. Okay, so, we’ll have to tie the caravan to the car, but I’m thinking we do that after our families are out. Hide them in the caravan while we connect.” 

“While we connect.” Klaus nodded, still leaning against the wall and narrowing his eyes. 

“Okay.” Violet clapped, before returning to the table, reaching for her sketch of the carnival. She drew an  _ X  _ over Lulu’s tent. “We need to figure out what’s most likely and go there first. We’ll have to hurry, and we will need weapons on us at all times. We have no idea who’s guarding them or who could spot us moving through the carnival, and we will  _ not  _ be caught off-guard again.” 

“What if someone finds us?” Duncan asked, shivering and hugging Sunny to him. 

“Then death. Instantly.” Violet said. “We don’t have the time for mercy or bargaining.” 

The Quagmires slowly nodded, and Sunny absent-mindedly bit her finger. 

“What’s most important is we never split up again, that keeps leading to disaster. Is that understo- Klaus, for fuck’s sake.” 

The Quagmires jumped and turned, to see that Klaus was no longer in the caravan, and the door was swinging open. 

Klaus had opened the door as quietly as possible, and then stepped out, silently moving his way to the ground and then to the back of the caravan. He was not surprised in the slightest to see Lulu there, muttering as she tied a rope to the edge, the other connected to Olaf’s car. The thought had occurred to him when Violet had said it, and as his eyes followed the rope, twisting and turning and tying together, something dark sparked within him. 

“The devil’s tongue knot.” he said, and Lulu almost jumped out of her skin, her eyes widening in terror as she gasped and looked up at him. “Good plan. Almost always holds.” 

“I- who-” 

Klaus raised an eyebrow. “Let me guess. Olaf said he needed a spare caravan, and you think it’d be fine to just let your employees sleep in the cold, probably without telling them first.” 

Lulu gaped at him a moment, and then straightened herself, trying to look intimidating. “The freaks will not, please, be around for long. They can sleep in their tent until they are fed to lions, please. Who are you?” 

“I bet Olaf wants the caravan for easier transportation of his prisoners.” Klaus said, clenching his fist. “I’m assuming he had them in the trunk before, but now he wants them split up. And there’s three of them, and while I think they could probably fit in that trunk, it’d be a tight squeeze. Not that he cares about their comfort.” 

“Who  _ are  _ you, please? What are you doing in Madame Lulu’s carnival, please?” 

“Oh, you can drop the act, Lulu.” Klaus rolled his eyes, before crossing his arms. “We ran the same scam. We know how you’re working. And, honestly, at least our Mother had the sense to not play the mystical foreigner trope, we just pretended she was possessed.” 

“Your-” her eyes widened, and then her false accent dropped. “You’re one of the Baudelaire children.” 

“Ding, ding, ding.” Klaus said, imitating the ringing of a bell. “Give the girl a prize. She’s finally used her brain.” 

He reached into his jacket pocket, and pulled out a knife, pointing it right at Lulu. “Let’s take a walk.” 

She stepped backwards, just as the door slammed open again. “Klaus!” Violet whisper-shouted. “Klaus, what the  _ hell _ were we saying about splitting-” 

Her eyes fell on Klaus’s knife, and she stiffened. 

“I’d get everyone out.” Klaus said to her, keeping his eyes locked on Lulu. “We have something to discuss with Madame Lulu. Except I am  _ tired  _ of calling her that,” his voice broke slightly, “So can she  _ please  _ tell me what to call her, lest I call her nothing but ‘bitch.’”

The woman stared at the knife, and then said, “O-Olivia.” 

“Olivia, cool.” Klaus said, as Violet hesitantly descended the stairs, gesturing for the Quagmires to follow her. Duncan stepped out, carrying Sunny in his shaky arms, with Isadora trailing behind him. “Cool. Now…” he took a threatening step forwards, and Lulu stepped back. Klaus moved under the rope connecting the caravan and car, and continued walking backwards with her. 

“Where-?” Olivia began. 

Klaus honestly didn’t know; he felt like he was on autopilot. “I just have some  _ questions  _ for you, Olivia. There are some things I’d like an answer for.” he said. He heard the others rush to stand behind him, confusion and fear radiating off of them. “Like, first of all, why you think it’s okay to exploit people’s insecurities and then refuse to even give them the dignity of payment.” 

“I-” 

“And then, to top it off, let a dickhole of a man feed them to lions for entertainment value.” 

“I- they’re not-” 

Klaus continued pushing her backwards, twirling the knife threateningly in his hands, as they walked closer to the looming, broken rollercoaster. “They’re not what?  _ Human?  _ You wanna know what makes a human, Olivia? Empathy. Maybe try that sometime.” 

Olivia opened her mouth wide, and Klaus quickly said, “Scream and you get stabbed.” 

She shut her mouth. 

“Another question,” Klaus cocked his head. “Why do you think it’s okay to tell a monster where to find  _ children,  _ scared children who you  _ know _ he’s planning to torture and murder? Why do you think it’s okay to hide their tortured and injured parents and a lost, scared  _ kid  _ in your carnival?” 

“Klaus…” Violet whispered, glancing towards the other caravans. “Just ask her where our parents and Quigley are, and let’s go.” 

“Yes, I’d like to know that.” Klaus said. “But, I do have one more question for her.” 

“I- I don’t know where your parents are! I let the troupe hide them-” 

“I think you’re lying to us.” Klaus said, and then he reached forwards and pushed her farther, past the tents, and she skidded across dirt. “But you can tell us where they are in a moment. I just have one thing to ask you  _ first.”  _

“Klaus-” Duncan began. 

“Count Olaf found us because he found out that Lemony was sending messages to our parents.” Klaus said, and he twirled the knife again. “They found out they were in contact, and so killed Lemony and drew us there.” 

Violet stiffened, the same thought that had been filtering into Klaus’s mind from their arrival suddenly pummeling her. 

That was about when they heard a roar, and jumped, realizing just where Klaus had taken them, whether he knew it or not. Sunny whimpered, and Isadora put one hand on Violet’s arm and one on Duncan’s, as they looked to see, just a few feet behind Lulu, a freshly-dug lion pit. They could hear the creatures pacing and growling, probably upset at having been awoken. 

“I- I don’t-” 

“So tell me,” Klaus said, and he stepped even closer, his knuckles white around the knife’s handle. “How did he find out Lemony was talking to us?” 

Sunny let out a small cry, and Violet started to shake- with fury or fear, they couldn’t quite tell. 

“I- I just-” 

“I bet you intercepted a telegram, decoded it, figured out who it was for, and dangled it in front of your crush.” Klaus’s voice went very, very dark, and he pushed her again. She was now on the edge of the lion pit, and seemed keenly aware of this, as she started sputtering, trying to say something. “I bet you knew the best present for him would be people he could torture like a sadistic  _ bastard,  _ keep them in physical and mental anguish and throw  _ three kids into a world of pain on their own.”  _

“I just…” Olivia finally said, her voice small, “I give the people what they want.” 

“No.” Klaus shook his head. “You’re just a coward, Olivia, a coward who will burn the world to keep herself safe.” 

He turned, then, looking to the others. Isadora was looking at Olivia in shock, and then she said, “Where’s our brother?” 

“I- I cannot tell you-” 

“Can’t or  _ won’t?”  _ Duncan snapped. 

“Please, I promise, I don’t know. I just told the henchpeople to tell me where to draw crowds away from if lots of people arrive, they wander around themselves, I don’t know-” 

“But you  _ let them  _ keep our  _ brother  _ here.” Duncan said. 

“Renny.” Sunny said.  _ “And our parents.”  _

“And you told him where to find our parents, by telling them who they had to kill.” 

“I didn’t-” 

“Don’t  _ tell us you didn’t know!”  _ Klaus’s voice broke again. “Don’t  _ tell us,  _ because you  _ did!  _ You  _ knew  _ what you were doing and you  _ did it anyway!”  _

“Please, I just did what I was asked.” 

“You were asked to do horrible things, and you did them. And you’re a horrible person.” Klaus said. “The way you treat your employees, the way you throw everyone under the bus to keep yourself afloat… you…” 

He turned again, and locked eyes with Violet. Violet shuddered once more, before holding herself very still. And then she nodded. 

Klaus turned back to Lulu, staring at her teary eyes, and then said, “You killed our dad.” 

And then he threw his knife into her, causing her to stumble and fall backwards. 

Klaus immediately ran back to the others, and Violet clutched them all into a group hug as the roars and screams hit them. Then, after a second, Violet dragged them out behind a tent, as they started hearing caravan doors slam open, people start shouting. Rushing. 

“Klaus, what do we do?” Violet asked. 

Klaus sank to the ground, staring at the bloodied knife in his hands. 

“Klaus!” 

Klaus looked up, blinking away tears. Violet put her hands on his shoulders, breathing slowly. He caught on, and breathed along with her, slowing himself down to avoid panic. He glanced to the others; Duncan was curled around Sunny, the two of them covering their ears, and Isadora hugged them both. 

“What did I do?” 

Violet shut her eyes. “We can talk about that later. Klaus, they’re going to know we’re here.” 

Klaus bit his lip, and then said, “Then we get them out of the carnival. Away from us.” 

She widened her eyes at him. “You’re not suggesting G-sharp-minor.” 

“Do we have another choice?” 

“Wh-” Isadora asked, and they turned, worried they’d see that she was scared of them, or hate them. After all, they’d failed to get information out of Lulu and just put them all at risk. But she just gave them a look, one that said she understood. 

She cleared her throat, and then said, “What’s G-sharp-minor?” 

Klaus shuddered, and Violet pulled her bag out. She reached past the Baudelaire file, shuddering as if she touched the most precious thing in the world, and then she pulled out a box of matches. 

“Burn it all.” she said. 

“Olaf will get in his car, but they’ll take off fast.” Klaus looked down at the ground. “We may not be able to hit him.” 

“Esme said…” Duncan shivered. “Esme said they were going to burn a VFD Headquarters.” 

Violet’s eyes lighted. “The stain.” 

“What?” 

“There was a map in… in a tent.” Klaus said. “We know where the headquarters are. Mount Fraught.” 

“Where the Snow Scouts hike every False Spring?” 

“It’s not False Spring yet.” 

“But I bet there are Snow Scouts nearby.” Violet said. “And I’m sure we can convince them to start out early.” 

They looked to each other, and Klaus whispered, “So. Ready to set some shit on fire?” 

They nodded, and Violet struck her match. 


	47. The Slippery Slope

**CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN**

_ The Slippery Slope _

Beatrice started stirring when the car was taking off. 

She heard some voices, though it took her quite some time to process what was even being said. Something about a fire, something about “lions…” was she supposed to get up and feed the lions? Surely it was Bertrand’s day to do morning checkins… wasn’t it? When had she seen her lions last?

“Shouldn’t we put them in the caravan?” 

“We don’t have time to  _ clear it,  _ you imbecile! We can’t let them find anything useful in it.” 

She felt dizzy, and for a period of five seconds she wondered if she was going to puke. She managed to hold it, though, and she realized that she was curled up very tightly. Something was atop her now- had it been there a while or just been placed?- and suddenly there was a slam, though more muffled noises.  _ “Going… headquarters… before… here somewhere…”  _

She almost dozed off quite a few times, but eventually she felt a jolt underneath her, and suddenly movement, a rocky movement. She realized there was something sharp pressing into her side, but not sharp like a weapon, more like the edge of a box or chest. And there was something sliding under her leg- a blanket, or a coat? 

By the time Beatrice processed things, her mind clearing up, they had been driving for quite some time. She eventually moved a little, and heard a small yelp. 

“Quigley?” 

She tried to blink open her eyes, but it was pretty much useless, she couldn’t see anything in front of her. 

A snuffle, a shuffle- movement on top of her. Was Quigley laying on her stomach? No- no that was his  _ foot, _ he was laying on top of- 

“Bertrand?” 

“I’m here.” she heard Bertrand say, though everything was so muffled she could barely hear him. “Quigley, are you okay?” 

“I-” Quigley choked on his words. 

“Quigley, are-” 

_ “No!  _ No, I’m not okay!” he burst. Beatrice’s heart broke as she heard him start to weep. “I’m  _ not okay,  _ none of this is  _ okay!”  _

“I know.” she heard Bertrand say. “I know, and we’re so sorry.” 

Quigley started crying harder, and Beatrice could feel him shaking. “I- I can’t do this. I can’t do this, they- they won’t stop, they won’t  _ stop, _ I- I just want to get out, I just want them to leave me  _ alone…”  _

“Quigley, we can get out of here.” Bertrand said. “Just stay calm. Where are we? It feels… very small.” 

As Quigley shuddered, Beatrice shut her eyes and let her senses take over. She could feel that blanket beneath her, and something cold- metal. Quigley was partially on top of her, and she could feel something press against her on both ends- that box, and… oh, that must be Bertrand, she could feel him breathing now. 

“We-we’re in his trunk. The car trunk. U-usually they put me in the backseat but they were rushing. That’s- that’s probably why you’re awake, they probably forgot to inject you again…” 

“That sounds likely.” Beatrice shivered. “Quigley, what happened? Do you know?” 

“I- I don’t know much. I was in this booth? Near this broken rollercoaster, but I kept hearing weird things. Like… animals? Lions? Lots of roaring. Digging. I heard- just before we left, I heard  _ screaming,  _ this awful  _ screaming, _ and… and then so many people were shouting and it got really hot and I could see smoke and…” he trembled again, and Beatrice tried to reach to touch him, but the space was too cramped to allow her to move her arms. “I was  _ so _ scared. I was… I’m still not- I don’t know if I was scared they’d leave me or they’d come  _ get me.  _ But- but they did, the- the nice one, the one with hooks, he cut my ropes and took me here and I was just- I was  _ so scared  _ but O-Olaf just told me to be quiet and shoved me in here and shut the lid and it’s  _ so dark and small and I can barely breathe and I want to be literally anywhere else right now…”  _

“I know. We’re so sorry.” Bertrand said. 

Beatrice tried to concentrate. “Quigley, are you tied up?” 

“N-no, they didn’t have time- the Hook-Handed Man couldn’t get the rope untied, that’s why he cut it, just told me to behave and-” 

Beatrice squirmed slightly, flexing her wrists. “I don’t think we’re tied either.” 

“But there’s not much we can do in a trunk.” Bertrand muttered. 

Beatrice considered, and then said, “Quigley, can you see anything?” 

“I- a little? There’s a bit of a light coming from the lock, but… it won’t move, I-” 

“What kind of lock is it?” 

“I don’t know!” 

“Don’t freak out. Just reach over and describe it to me.” 

Quigley adjusted slightly, and though he accidentally kicked her in the chest, she could feel him relax slightly; now he had something to do, he didn’t have to be alone with his thoughts. He started talking, describing as best he could, and Beatrice held still as she felt Bertrand shift against her. While neither of them were inventors quite like their Violet, Bertrand had a bit more of a mechanical mind than she, and thus he was a bit better at lockpicking. 

“Quigley, you might be able to pick the lock.” he said. “You’d just need a loop of strong twine. Do you know what else is in here?” 

“N-no… I see a box, but I think that’s wine, and there’s a bag you’re laying on, Bertrand-” 

“See if you can slide it out from under me. There could be something in there. If all else fails, we’ll break my glasses and see if we can use a shard, but I don’t think that’ll work well.” 

“Probably won’t, dear.” 

Quigley moved again, squirming through the cramped space, and Beatrice heard shuffling and tugging as he tried to slide the bag out from under Bertrand’s head. “S-sorry-” 

“Don’t be sorry, just get the bag.” 

Quigley nodded and after a few panicked minutes, he managed to yank it back, and Beatrice felt his foot kick her in the chest. “Oh! Sorry!” 

“It’s okay.” she breathed. “Just open it. Use the light from the lock to search it.” 

Quigley managed to edge the bag to the side enough to open it. “Costumes. Lots of costumes.” 

“VFD disguise kit.” Bertrand said. “Beatrice, what could be useful in there?” 

Beatrice considered; as a former actress, she’d had that kit memorized since she was younger than Quigley. “See if you can find a monocle.” 

Another few minutes of silence as Quigley dug through, and then, “I think I- I think I found one!” 

“Good! Good job!” Beatrice said. “Now, slip the cord around the lock of the trunk. You should be able to wriggle it around enough to open it.” 

“Are you sure? What if they-” 

Beatrice listened, and then backed up slightly, though the edge of the box poked more into her side. She was almost against a wall, and she could hear a faint conversation. “Yes. They’re driving, and talking, they won’t notice. See if you can get it open and tell us what’s outside.” 

Quigley slid the back back onto her stomach, and then started maneuvering the monocle cord. They fell silent, waiting, and after a few moments, there was a  _ pop,  _ and a  _ hiss,  _ and the trunk slid open. Quigley jumped, grabbing the handle and holding it down so that nobody in the cat noticed the trunk opening, and then he peered through the crack, starting to shake as gusts of wind burst in, slamming into him. 

“Are you okay?” Bertrand asked. “And what’s outside?” 

“I- there’s a rope. Attached to a… a caravan. Like from a carnival- I think we were at a carnival.” Quigley shivered. “I- I don’t know if there’s anyone inside, though-” 

“Is there a window?” 

“Yes, and a door- it’s swinging open and shut, whoever was in it last never closed it. Hence why I think nobody’s there.” 

“Is the window near us?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Take something from the costume bed and throw it at or through the window. See if you can. Do you think you can?” 

“I- I don’t know. My- my dominant hand is- that’s the arm that got-” 

“Just throw as much as you can until you hit it.” 

Quigley nodded, and then slid the trunk more open. Beatrice squinted as much more light suddenly hit her, and the wind chilled her in her torn, loose clothing. Quigley hesitated a second, waiting to see if anyone in the car noticed, and then he reach into the bag, pulling out some kind of amulet. He tossed it, and it landed just beneath the window, skittering to a ledge around the edge of the caravan’s bottom and holding there precariously. He bit his lip and pulled out what looked like half of a pegleg, and then he tossed. 

The crash was lost in the other sounds going on- the wind, the car, the rocks under the tires, some kind of birds crying in the distance, but the pegleg smashed through the window and landed inside. Quigley stood still, waiting a moment, before saying, “Nobody’s looking. I don’t think anyone’s there.” 

“Okay. How far away is it?” 

“P-pretty far. It’s only connected by a rope.” 

“How thick is the rope?” 

“I don’t  _ know?”  _

“Is it thicker than your fist?” 

“I- I think?” 

Bertrand hesitated, before saying, “You can crawl across it.” 

“What?” 

“You're a good climber, just use that. Crawl across the rope and get to the caravan, and get inside.” 

_ “What?”  _

“If there’s nobody there, we can break in, cut the rope, and find a way to escape.” 

“I- I don’t know if I can- we’re moving so fast- I-” 

“Quigley.” Beatrice shut her eyes. “Quigley, I know it’s scary. But you have to do the scary thing first and get scared later. This may be our only way out and we  _ can’t-  _ we  _ can’t  _ let them have you any longer. Go across, Bertrand and I will follow. We promise.” 

Quigley shook, and then said, “Okay. Okay.” he shut his eyes, and managed to reach out of the trunk, gripping a thick rope with both hands. The car jolted around a turn, and he screamed into his arm, tears springing to his eyes. 

“It’s going to be okay, we promise.” Bertrand said. “Quigley, we’re going to protect you.” 

Quigley nodded, and then looked up, blinked away his tears, and started muttering a soft song under his breath. 

_ “Twas brillig and the slithy toves, did gyre and gimble in the wabe…”  _

He slowly pulled himself farther, reaching farther down the rope and ignoring the pains in his arms and the rocking of the car and the wind forcing itself against him. 

_ “All mimsy were the borogoves, and the mome raths outgrabe…”  _

Beatrice held her breath as he reached father, steeled himself, and then moved his legs around the rope. For a moment, it looked like he’d fall, but he managed to cling to the rope just enough to hold a shaky balance. He crept a bit farther, and then, with relief, he started to mutter more, and though the words were lost in the wind, Beatrice knew what he was saying. 

_ “Beware the Jabberwock my son, the jaws that bite, the claws that catch… Beware the jubjub bird, and shun the frumious Bandersnatch…”  _

She heard Bertrand slide up to a sitting position, and he said, “You go next-” 

“No.” she shook her head, almost banging it against the trunk’s wall. “You’re closer. I’d have to climb over you. Just go.” 

“Bea-” 

“I’ll be right behind you.” 

He moved a hand over her ankle, and she flinched. The pain from the hospital was still… well, excruciating, honestly. 

“Will you be able to?” 

“I’ll be okay.” she promised. “We’re former Volunteers, love, a simple rope climb will be child’s play.” 

He leaned over and gave her a kiss on the forehead, one both of them wished could last longer. Then he turned, once again seeing Quigley, now almost to the edge of the rope. He was reciting much faster, trying to move faster, the fear clearly getting to him. He almost slipped once or twice, and both times Bertrand froze over and put his hands on the edge of the car, prepared to jump and try to grab him if that should happen. But finally, Quigley edged to the caravan’s wall, and he shakily gripped the window ledge, trying to avoid the broken glass fragments and pulling himself upright. He shakily remained there a moment, before edging along towards the door, gripping first to the ledge and then to a chip on the corner, trying to make it as best he could. Finally, he swung himself, and they lost sight of him for a minute, until they saw him crawl up to the window, gesturing for them to come on, relief in his eyes. 

Bertrand smiled at Beatrice, and then made his own way to the rope, She knew he’d be fine; they’d done many things like this before, whether they wanted to or not. When he was out of the trunk, she slid herself to the edge, taking a few seconds just to breathe in a less confined space, before she pushed herself up, grabbing the edge of the trunk and pulling herself up. As expected, Bertrand had basically reached the caravan by then, and she watched as he pulled himself up to the window and crawled along the edge to the door. Once he swung inside, she steadied herself, taking a deep breath. Her foot hurt like hell, yeah, but she could probably move on one… probably… 

She reached out a hand to grab the rope, and then screamed. 

A knife had come swinging at her, curving from the front of the car, and landed in the back of her hand. She heard Bertrand scream her name, but she instead pulled herself up and turned, meeting eyes with Esme, leaning out of the shotgun seat and looking absolutely furious.

She shouted something to Olaf, and Beatrice knew there wasn’t hope now. Her hand was starting to throb and bleed, and surely Olaf would stop the car and… and… 

She looked across, to see Quigley reaching an arm through the window, as if he could hope to reach her from there. Bertrand, meanwhile, was leaning out the door-  _ no.  _

He was going to try to get her. He couldn’t. There wouldn’t be time, and then they and Quigley would be right back where they started… 

She wasn’t about to let that happen. 

She took a deep breath, and then gave him a rueful smile. Though she knew he couldn’t hear, she whispered, “Take care of them.” 

Then, before Olaf’s car could even slow, she yanked the knife out of her own hand and sliced it across the rope, before watching the caravan tumble down the mountain.


	48. Quigley's Escape

**CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT**

_ Quigley’s Escape _

Bertrand did manage to get the door shut right as the caravan started tumbling, so at least they wouldn’t fall out of that. But neither of them were in the mood to celebrate that, because both of them were absolutely horrified. 

_ “Beatrice!”  _ Bertrand screamed, racing as best he could to the window. He looked through just before the caravan got out of sight of the car; it was still speeding along.  _ “Beatrice!”  _

Quigley screamed, and as the caravan wheel hit a rock, it jolted, and he fell, sliding down the floor and landing with a thump against the wall. He let out a cry, and Bertrand managed to pull himself out of his fear for a moment to race to his side, pulling him to his feet. 

“What do we do? What do we  _ do?”  _ Quigley asked. 

Bertrand tried to breathe slow, but it was a bit hard with everything going on. Beatrice,  _ his _ Beatrice, his  _ wife…  _ she was still  _ there,  _ she was still there, she- she cut the rope- she- 

“We have to get out of here.” Bertrand finally said. He looked down at Quigley’s terrified eyes, and knew he had to pull himself together, keep it stable just for a while, just keep anything more from happening to him. He took a deep breath, and then looked around the caravan. It had a table, several cupboards… 

“Hammocks. Get the hammocks.” he said. 

Quigley nodded and raced to the hammocks, jumping to knock them down. Bertrand ran to the cupboards and threw them open, grabbing whatever sticky food he could find. He shoved it all into a pot and grabbed the nearest utensil- some kind of spatula, but he didn’t have time to complain or even find something else- and he started stirring it all together. 

Quigley got the hammocks down, and called, “What now?” 

“We need to tie them into a drag chute. Do you know what a drag chute is?” 

Quigley nodded. “But I can’t-” 

“Then pour this.” He handed the pot to Quigley. “It’s sticky. It won’t stop the wheels, but it’ll slow us until the drag chute is ready. Pour them out that window, back there, the way we’re falling.” 

Quigley nodded and ran to the window, managing to push it open and pulling himself up to pour out of it. Bertrand started tying as fast as he could, remembering the knot that Violet had excitedly taught him how to make when she was seven and going through her pirate phase. It was supposed to be sturdy, and by God did he hope it was. 

He ran to the other window, and reached through, ignoring a glass shard that scratched against his arm. He tied one end to the side, and then another, and gathered the middle in his arms. “I’m going to throw it out! Once it’s out, grab whatever you think might be useful, and we’re going to jump out this window!” 

“Is that safe?” 

“It’s safer than being here!” 

Bertrand tossed the chute, and then grabbed a nearby box- a chess set, looked like- and started pounding at the glass shards still remaining in the frame, trying to get as many of them out of the car as possible without them hitting the chute. 

After a moment, he tossed the set to the floor, and then ran to Quigley, who had a bundle of items he’d hastily grabbed in his arms. Bertrand glanced towards the kitchen, and quickly grabbed whatever food jars he could find, before saying, “We’re as slow as we’re going to get. We’re going to jump on three. Are you ready?” 

“If we wait until we’re ready,” Quigley shook, “We’ll be waiting for the rest of our lives.” 

Bertrand gave him a sad smile. “One… two… three!” 

They ran and leapt at the window, Quigley first. They both fell onto the dirt ground, rolling slightly as they hit. Bertrand felt pain jolt throughout his body, but as he sat up, he was thankful to see that they’d gotten out just in time, as the caravan immediately skidded off the edge of a path, falling down a cliff. 

He turned, rushing over to Quigley, who was curled up around what he’d grabbed. He knelt beside him, dropping the food and helping him sit up. 

“Are you okay? What hurts?” 

“Everything… but, like, what’s new?” Quigley groaned. He huddled against his items, before turning to Bertrand with teary eyes. 

“It’s going to be okay.” Bertrand said. He glanced around, and said, “We’re in the Mortmain Mountains. We can…”

“What about Beatrice?” Quigley asked, shaking. “She’s still-” 

“I know. I  _ know.”  _ Bertrand tried to keep his voice from breaking as he put his hands on the boy’s shoulders. “But she knew what- she knew what she was doing. What’s important is we get you safe.” 

“N-no! We  _ all _ need to be safe! I’m not more important than you!” 

Bertrand bit his lip. “But you’re our responsibility now, which means we do have to put you first. You’re here because of us, and we won’t let anything more happen to you.” He sighed, and then scooted back. “What did you grab?” 

Quigley hesitantly dropped his items onto the ground, scanning them. “Two coats, a sweatshirt, a knife, a ukulele and… I think this is a handmirror.” 

“Okay.” Bertrand sat down, eying the items. Carefully, he took the sweatshirt, folding it and tying the sleeves together into a handle. “This can function as a bag for a short trek. I have some food, get a coat on. You may have noticed it’s cold.” 

“Where are we again?” 

“The Mortmain Mountains. I’d guess Mount Fraught.” Bertrand narrowed his eyes. “There’s- the only thing close by is a VFD Headquarters, which would be about a day’s travel on foot.” 

“I thought you said we shouldn’t go there.” 

“No, but they’ll have food and supplies.” Bertrand said. “Either I’ll sneak in and get some, or you pose as a neophyte and get what we need. Once we have supplies, we can probably find a way out. Once we’re out, we can find the children, get you all somewhere safe, and…” 

He looked over, and his face fell slightly. He was finally getting a good look at Quigley, and it wasn’t good. 

“Is something wrong?” 

“How long have you had a black eye?” 

Quigley looked at the ground. ‘That… that was yesterday. After the hospital.” 

A fury rose in Bertrand, but he pushed it down. He leaned forwards and hugged Quigley close to him, and Quigley swiftly pressed himself as close to the man as he could, clinging to him tight. 

“You were very brave.” Bertrand said. “You still  _ are.  _ You’re a brave young boy, you know that?” 

“I- I-” 

“And we can’t thank you enough, for trying to save our Violet.” Bertrand pulled away, trying not to cry, and instead wiping a tear from Quigley’s cheek. “You have been so brave, every step on these horrible… these unfortunate events.” 

Quigley took a breath, and then smiled a little. “My- my parents used to say, that sometimes what- what might seem like a series of unfortunate events may, in fact, be the first steps of a journey.” 

Bertrand smiled sadly. “Our instructors used to tell us that. It might be one of the few things they got right. Just keep your chin up, okay?” 

He slowly picked himself up, before gathering the items in his makeshift bag. He and Quigley threw on coats, and then Bertrand held his hand as they started down the slope. 

They walked through most of the day, until the sky was starting to grow dark in the evening air. They weren’t planning on stopping to sleep, as they knew they needed to get there as quickly as possible, but Quigley interrupted their long silence with a question. 

“Can you say the poem again?” 

Bertrand smiled. “Tell you what. I’ll say the poem again if you sing yours.” 

Quigley gripped his hand tighter, shivering as snow blew into his face. “It’s- it’s just a song we used to sing on long car trips.” 

“It’s Lewis Carroll.” 

“Yeah, when Isadora was a baby that’s all that would calm her down, reciting Carroll stuff. Or so Mother said.” 

“Well, let’s hear it.” 

Quigley brightened a little, then sang under his breath as they kept going. 

They eventually reached a frozen stream, as the sun was setting, and Bertrand started following that, knowing that the headquarters would be at the center of where the streams met. Quigley swung their arms, brightening up a little as they moved along. 

_ “One, two! One, two! And through and through _

_ The vorpal blade went snicker-snack! _

_ He left it dead, and with its head _

_ He went galumphing back!”  _

Bertrand stopped, then, holding up a hand. “Do you hear anything?” 

Quigley stopped, too, instantly stiffening. He thought. “Some kind of buzz. Maybe snow gnats. They live in the Mortmain Mountains and tend to sting for no reason at all.” 

Bertrand smiled. “You read a lot about the mountains?” 

“No, but it was the only interesting book I found in Dr Montgomery’s library while I was waiting for Jacques.” Quigley said. “It also had secret codes for a VFD headquarters, would that be important?” 

Bertrand stopped, and then turned and stared at him in shock. “It absolutely  _ would. _ How did you expect to get in?”

“Oh, I just thought we were going to go through a window.” 

Bertrand opened his mouth to respond, and then stopped again. “The sound’s getting closer. And… slower.” 

Quigley listened, too. “It doesn’t sound like bugs now. Running footsteps, slowing to a walk- I bet they’re walking on sticks or rough snow patches. Maybe it’s someone who can help?” 

Bertrand shook his head. “As much as I’d like that, I don’t think there’s anyone in these hills who could help. Unless it’s False Spring already.” 

“Not for a few days, I don’t think. But then again, I’m not sure if I’ve got the date correct.” 

Bertrand squeezed his hand, peering over the snowy ground. Then, quietly, he said, “Quigley?” 

“Yes?” 

“Stay behind me.” 

Quigley unquestioningly obeyed, though he did press himself against Bertrand's side in a kind-of hug. He whimpered slightly, and Bertrand tried to steady himself as best he could. 

Then two figures emerged around the bend in the path, and stopped, staring at them. 

“Well,” said a man with a beard but no hair, “This is a surprise.” 

“Would you look who it is?” said a woman with hair but no beard. 

Bertrand stared in rapt horror, and then he said, “Run.” 

Quigley grabbed his arm, and Bertrand leapt across the stream, dragging him across the snow. They heard a sharp whistle, and Bertrand cursed, pushing Quigley into a mess of trees. 

“What’s going on? What-” 

“They have eagles. They’re sending the eagles after us.” 

_ “Eagles?”  _

“Big ones. Listen to me.” Bertrand knelt by him, putting hands on his shoulders. “If those two-” 

“Who are they?” 

“Arsonists.  _ Terrible  _ ones. You  _ cannot _ go near them, do you understand?” Quigley nodded. “Okay. If they’re here, VFD Headquarters has already burnt. Meaning they won’t expect us to go there. It’s at the center of the mountains, but if you can find a cave with a-” 

“Vertical Flame Diversion?” 

“Yes, use that. I will meet you there.” 

“You’re-” 

Bertrand shushed him, then grabbed his arm and dragged him into a bush. They held still as they heard a bird call, and then a swooping above them. 

“I am going to direct them away from you.” Bertrand said. “But I have the knife, so I’ll at least have a bit of a defense. You need to get to the headquarters. Wait there for me.” he waited a moment to see if the eagles had passed, and then pulled them back out. He shrugged off the makeshift bag and handed it to Quigley. “There’s food there. Wait until you run out, if I’m not there by then, assume the worst and find your way into a town, go to the police.” 

“I don’t want to leave you, too!” Quigley cried. 

Bertrand bit his lip, and then gave Quigley a quick hug. “I don’t want too, either. But you need to be safe. Please, please promise me you will get to those headquarters and won’t turn back for me.” 

Quigley took a deep breath. “Only if you promise you won’t die.” 

Bertrand tried very hard not to cry, but nodded. “Promise. Now go.” 

Quigley already had tears streaming down his face, but he nodded as well, and then he took off, and Bertrand ran in the opposite direction. 


	49. The Snow Scouts hike up Early

**CHAPTER FORTY-NINE**

_ The Snow Scouts hike up Early _

“Move, I’m gay!” Isadora shouted, pushing her way through a bunch of hiking children. 

They scattered, confused, as Isadora pushed past them all, the other children racing behind her. Duncan waved an apology as Isadora continued shoving children aside and the Baudelaires didn’t seem to care. 

Violet had managed to use some vines and a stolen fan belt to repair a rollercoaster engine, and after yanking it off the track they managed to get it to run in the dirt as the carnival burnt around them. They crowded inside best they could while Violet got it to run, and once it ran out of power, they hiked the rest of the way. That took up about a day, and they’d finally reached a nearby town and located a sign-  _ “Snow Scout Pre-Camp Campout!”  _

Isadora directed them towards the largest tent in the center of the campsite, and pushed open the flap, yelling, “Yo, who’s in charge here?” 

A man, sitting at a table and flipping through papers, jumped, looking up in shock. “What the- who-” 

Isadora walked to the table, slamming her hand down, and the others filtered behind her, crossing their arms and trying to look intimidating- but, honestly, Isadora, who was tired of sitting around on a rollercoaster and ready to find her goddamn brother, was really winning at that. 

“Are you in charge?” she asked. 

The man blinked. “Er, yes. I’m Bruce, are you-” 

“Oh, we’re signing up. We need to be Snow Scouts,” Isadora said, “For you see, this year is a special year! False Spring is coming early!” 

Bruce stared at her. “What?” 

“Yes! We just found out. It’s so new that the  _ Daily Punctilio  _ hasn’t even gotten the news yet.” Isadora grabbed a newspaper from the desk, waved it, and then tossed it behind her. It landed against Klaus’s chest, and he  _ oof _ ed and tried to grab it. “It’s a very special year! False Spring is coming early, if we all leave now we may still be able to make it!” 

“Is that so?” Bruce asked. 

“Oh, yes.” Isadora nodded. “It’s because of the hemisphere and leap days and- um-” 

“Rosh Hashanah.” Duncan added. 

“Yeah.” Isadora said. “Very complicated. Bit hard to explain, but we rushed over here as soon as possible, we wanna be there or Early False Spring. Only happens once a century-ish, you know. Where do we sign up?” 

Bruce shook his head in confusion, but then shrugged. “Well, we were all just learning how to make fires, anyway, I guess. Your parents will have to sign the paperwork-” 

“Oh, they’re getting here after False Spring. Let us take the early bus.” Isadora said. “They’ll take care of everything once we get back, where are our uniforms?” 

Bruce pointed towards a chest by the edge of the tent wall, and as Isadora rushed over, Klaus asked, “Excuse me, is this today’s  _ Punctilio?”  _

Bruce nodded, and Klaus carefully put the paper down on the desk, before moving to join Isadora. Concerned, Violet moved beside him. “What’s up?” 

“The date…” Klaus mumbled, as Isadora started digging through uniforms, looking for the right size. “It’s… tomorrow’s my birthday.” 

Violet sighed, and then gave him a side-hug, as Isadora pulled out some coats. “We’re in such a hurry, we may only need coats.” she called to Bruce. “You go get the rest of the Scouts, okay?” 

He stumbled out, still a bit confused, and Isadora threw a coat on. “Alright, so, Duncan, what do you remember about Snow Scout shit?” 

“The pledge, which is written on the back of the coats and means nonsense.” Duncan said, showing them the alphabet pledge. “A couple of survival skills… I swear there was something we forgot about-” 

“Uncle  _ Bruce!”  _ came a familiar shout behind them, as the tent flap was thrown open. “Everyone’s  _ moving _ and  _ packing stuff up  _ and we  _ have a few more days until- oh, what the fuck!”  _

They all turned, and met eyes with a stunned Carmelita Spats. 

“Um,” Duncan said, “Hello?” 

Carmelita froze, and then slapped her forehead. “What in the actual  _ fuck  _ are you doing here?” 

“It’s a long story. What are you doing here?” Violet said. 

“She’s a Snow Scout.” Isadora observed. 

“Yeah, no shit!” Carmelita groaned. She raced over to them, crossing her arms. “Why are you  _ here?  _ You shouldn’t  _ be here!”  _

“Uh, we need to get to the mountains.” Klaus said. “So, uh… we’re…” 

“Scouts.” Sunny shrugged. 

“Son of a-” Carmelita shut her eyes. “You need to  _ go.  _ That weirdass Coach Genghis thinks you’re heading here so you should go-” 

“Why would he think that?” Violet asked.

“Because he asked me and I said the first place I could think of, I didn’t think you’d  _ actually be here!”  _

“Aw, Carmelita cares about us.” Isadora cooed, putting a hand over her heart and smirking. 

“I do  _ not,  _ I just happen to hate him more! So fuck off, will you?” 

“Can’t. Olaf’s already ahead of us.” Violet said. “You see,  _ he’s  _ in the mountains now, and we’re going to go murder him for kidnapping our parents and their brother-” 

“Oh, great, now he’s got their brother-” 

“-and we need to get to the mountains, where they’re planning to burn a- a place.” Violet did  _ not  _ want to get into a discussion of what VFD was in this situation. “So we’re saying False Spring is happening early to get us up there. Think you can play along?” 

“No! We always camp for a week before we head to the mountains-” 

“Are you False Spring Queen?” Duncan asked. 

Carmelita stopped. “What?” 

“Quigley and I used to have a Snow Scout interest. Are you False Spring Queen?” 

“Of course! I am  _ every  _ year because I’m just that special.” 

“Wouldn’t you like to celebrate that as soon as possible? Wouldn’t that be more fun than just hanging around the camp doing nothing?” 

Carmelita opened her mouth, then closed it, then crossed her arms and huffed. “I mean- sure, I don’t  _ like  _ being here, but it’s what we  _ always  _ do. We can’t just change the way things are.” 

“Inde.” Sunny said.  _ “And what fun is that?”  _

Before Carmelita could respond, the flap opened again, and Bruce walked in. “Carmelita! There you are! We’re just packing up- False Spring is early this year, you know.” 

Carmelita flinched as he spoke, glancing back hurriedly, before recovering herself and saying, “Of  _ course  _ I know that! I’m the smartest girl in the world!” 

“Of course you are.” he patted her on the head, then looked at the other kids. “Why don’t you help the others pack up?” 

“We’d love to.” Violet said, forcing a smile on her face. She grabbed Carmelita’s arm. “Carm, you wanna help?” 

“Uh- sure. Whatever.” 

They stalked out of the tent, and as soon as they were out, Violet’s smile dropped. She turned to Carmelita, and whispered, “Do you want us to stab him?” 

“I can handle him.” Carmelita muttered. Then, carefully, she pulled a knife out of her pocket. “Some weird kids at school taught me how to do that.” 

“Well, let us know if you want us to do anything.” Violet said, as they headed towards a tent some kids were disabling. “Because we will.” 

“Don’t doubt it.” 

The Scouts swiftly moved out across the mountains, with nobody really paying much attention to the five new children, one of whom was clearly a toddler. Sunny had been wrapped in the smallest coat they could find, which still went well past her feet, so Isadora carried her most of the way up the hill. The other kids ended up drifting to their own groups to chat with each other, and Bruce remained ahead with the map, so they mostly stuck with each other. 

After a while, Klaus whispered, “Uh, Violet?” 

“Yeah?” 

He grabbed her hand, staring at the ground. “Did… did I do something bad?” 

“What?” 

“With Olivia? I… I  _ killed  _ her. In a  _ horrible way.”  _ he blinked away tears. “And she-” 

“Hey.” Violet squeezed his hand. “I’ve killed, too. And you know what? It-” 

“But Orwell was actively trying to kill us. Olivia was-” 

“She was helping Olaf to kill us. And… you were right.” Violet squeezed his hand once more. “Whether actively or passively… she killed our Dad.” 

Klaus stared at the path. “I… I wanted to meet him so badly.” 

“Me, too.” 

They fell silent again, and then she said, “Let’s think of something else. What’ll we do for your birthday tomorrow?” 

“Kill Olaf.” 

“Sounds good. It’s your birthday so you get to pick a method of execution.” 

“Something fast. So he can’t get away.” 

“Smart.” 

“And so we don’t have time to regret anything.” 

“We won’t.” she promised. 

They looked up, then, as Carmelita stalked over to them from the front of the group. She trailed beside them, before saying, “Everyone up there is boring. So, the hell have you guys been up to?” 

“We’ve killed someone.” Isadora said. 

“Cool! Tell me about that.” 

“Only if you ask nicely.” Duncan said. 

“Not gonna happen.” 

“You wanna be bored?” 

“Not especially.” 

“Then ask.” 

“... _ please  _ tell me, cakesniffers?” 

“Close enough.” 

They did their best to explain things to Carmelita without freaking her out, and by the time they got to Klaus pushing someone into the lion pit- to which she thankfully only replied, “Oh, epic,”- they noticed Bruce calling to the kids about their stop up ahead. 

“What stop?” Isadora asked. “What stop is he talking about?” 

Carmelita sighed and rolled her eyes. “Every year we go to the same cave and tell Snow Scout Stories and eat marshmallows until our stomachs hurt and camp out until morning- snow gnats are more active at night. We’ve got masks to protect us from them but they’re such a  _ drag _ to wear, we just let Stephen carry them in case of emergencies. Anyway, the snow gnats hate smoke so our campfire scares them away.” 

“You have a campfire  _ in _ a cave?” Klaus said. “That  _ cannot  _ be safe.” 

“Hasn’t killed us yet.” 

Violet hesitated, and then tied her hair back. “I bet there’s some kind of device that lets the smoke escape, otherwise it’d definitely fill up the cave. I wonder…” 

“Well, we’re here, so wonder while we’re telling Snow Scout Stories.” Carmelita sighed, gesturing towards a cave before them, where some Snow Scouts were already heading. “I’ve got a very interesting one about the most precious, beautiful, smartest girl in the whole wide school.” 

“Oh, joy.” Isadora said. 

“Have you considered just retelling  _ The Taming of the Shrew  _ as a high school tale?” Duncan asked. 

“No, we’re talking about me.” 

“God.” 

The Snow Scout stories seemed to last forever, but the children managed to distract themselves. Sunny would toddle around behind a rock so the other scouts couldn’t see, dramatically re-enacting what was being told, with the other kids barely stifling their giggles. When Sunny grew tired, they backed themselves into a corner, and Isadora quietly jotted down poetry ideas, while Violet or Duncan would take turns singing quietly to try and lull Sunny to sleep. 

After a while, Klaus said, “I still feel bad.” 

Violet hesitated, and then put a hand on Duncan’s shoulder to quiet him. She turned back to Klaus, and then said, “I… I know. Can I be honest a second?” 

“Of course.” 

She curled up slightly. “I sometimes feel bad about Orwell.” 

“You shouldn’t, she was going to kill us-” 

“And so was Olivia.” Violet turned to Klaus, meeting his eyes. “But I think some part of us is always going to wonder if we did the right thing or the wrong.” she glanced at the ground, then shook slightly. “That must be how our parents feel. Especially now, with… all this happening.” 

Klaus leaned over, putting a head on Violet’s shoulder. “I guess we’re just a whole family of murderers.” 

He jumped as he felt another hand on his shoulder, and turned to see Duncan had moved over to hug him, with Sunny leaning over his lap to grab at Klaus’s coat. Isadora came over, too, and they were soon all huddled together. 

“We just want you to know,” Isadora said quietly, “That whether or not you were right or wrong… we still think you’re noble enough.” 

“Is that even good?” Violet asked, her voice a little choked. 

“It’s the best we can hope for.” Duncan said. 

Klaus and Violet gave the Quagmires grateful smiles, and then Isadora smirked a little. “Besides, Sunny still hasn’t killed anyone.” 

“Penmark,” Sunny said, meaning something akin to,  _ “Don’t be so sure.”  _

“What does  _ that  _ mean, young lady?” 

Before she could provide some kind of snarky response, they heard a clatter, and some shouts. They whipped their heads around, staring as some kids ran back to the fire, a masked boy in a tattered coat in tow. 

“We found this kid digging through our supplies!” said Baya, looking peeved. 

“I think that’s our mask, too!” Jaedon shouted. 

“I- I’m sorry!” the boy cried. “I- I got lost and- and you guys had food and I’ve been walking all night and all day and-” 

“Oh, don’t worry, friend!” Bruce waved his hand. “Baya, Jaedon, let him go, it’s fine. He can join the troupe! We’re accommodating! Isn’t that right? Snow Scouts are accommodating, basic-” 

The only scouts who did not follow him in reciting the pledge were Carmelita, who was looking at the boy curiously and hesitantly glancing around, and the children in the corner. Violet stiffened and grabbed onto Klaus’s arm, and Duncan and Isadora, after staring in frozen shock for a moment, slowly and shakily stood up. 

When the pledge was over, Bruce said, “Why don’t you sit down and tell us a story? I’m sure a traveler like you-” 

Carmelita glanced back, and saw the frozen forms of the Quagmires, and then turned back and loudly said,  _ “No!  _ I’m in the middle of my story so  _ I’ll  _ continue!” 

She kept loudly talking, keeping everyone focused on her, as the Baudelaires rose, and the Quagmires stumbled over to the masked boy, who was watching the scouts in confusion. 

Then they reached him, and he turned, and also froze. 

They stood for a long time, just staring at each other. Isadora was close to tears, and she opened her mouth to speak, before Duncan, who was staring ahead, prodded her, gesturing to the scouts.  _ Too many people around. Don’t be direct.  _

She turned back, tears still edging from her eyes, to the masked boy. Duncan was shaking slightly, and the boy just stood, hoping they couldn’t hear him cry. 

Then, slowly, Isadora whispered, her voice completely breaking,  _ “Twas brillig and the slithy toves did gyre and gimble in the wabe…”  _

Her voice faltered, so Duncan squeezed her arm, and then continued, just a bit louder,  _ “All mimsy were the borogroves and the mome raths outgrabe…”  _

There was a long, cold silence, before… 

_ “Beware the Jabberwock, my son,”  _ the boy whispered, almost as if he didn’t believe what was happening, what he was saying.  _ “The jaws that bite, the claws that catch.”  _

Isadora choked back a sob, and Duncan clung to his sister’s arm, almost falling over. 

_ “Beware the jubjub bird…”  _ he continued, and now they could definitely hear he was crying,  _ “And shun the frumious bandersnatch.”  _

Then they continued to stare at each other for a very long time. 


	50. Quigley plays catch-up

**CHAPTER FIFTY**

_Quigley plays catch-up_

It was torture, trying to remain quiet and unsuspicious as the Snow Scouts continued their stories and marshmallow-eating and chatting around the fire. The masked boy ended up sitting opposite them, a little away from the fire, curled up and staring ahead, while Isadora and Duncan stayed with the Baudelaires, shivering and leaning against them and trying not to cry or draw attention to themselves. 

Bruce finally called for a lights-out, and the scouts spread out sleeping bags and laid down to sleep. It felt like forever, waiting for everyone to pass out, to make sure nobody could see them. Carmelita was the last to sleep, but she did see them remain awake, gave them a curt nod, before curling herself up into a ball. 

When they were sure everyone was asleep, the masked boy moved first, rushing to the remains of the campfire. Isadora and Duncan shakily stood, and Violet and Klaus grabbed each of their hands for support as they walked over, with Sunny toddling behind them. 

“I-” Duncan began. 

The masked boy quickly waved his hands. “Too many people. We don’t know who’s a light sleeper.” he said. 

“But-” Isadora tried. 

The boy gestured up. They looked, to see the last wisps of smoke from the campfire disappear through a hole in the ceiling. 

“A chimney?” Violet asked. 

“Vertical Flame Diversion.” the scout whispered. “Chimney and secret passageway. It runs from this cave to the Valley of Four Drafts. If we climb up there, we can reach headquarters within hours, instead of hiking all the way up the mountain. There’s carved toeholds in the sides, so we should be able to climb-” 

“Headquarters?” Klaus stiffened. “What headquarters?” 

The boy hesitated. “VFD, but it’s burnt. Nobody should be there but the person I’m supposed to meet.” 

“Supposed to meet?” Sunny asked carefully. 

The boy stared a while, and then said, “If you’re who I think you are, I think he’s your father.” 

Violet let out a cry, and Klaus grabbed her arm, choking back his own tears. “Are you-” 

“We have to hurry.” he said. “To slip away unnoticed. We can talk once we’re in headquarters, I promise, I…” he hesitated. “I missed you.” 

Before the rest of them could say anything, he scrambled up the footholds in the wall, swinging into the chimney. Without another word, Isadora followed, and then Duncan, and then, quickly, the Baudelaires; while the Sunnybag’s straps were still useless, Klaus managed to zip her into his coat, and she grabbed onto the collar to keep her position. 

It was a long, dark passage, and they realized quickly that it was very echoey, so they had to do their best to remain as quiet as possible so as not to awaken the scouts. This was difficult, as a number of spiders had moved into the footholds and did not take kindly to being awaken, and the farther up they moved, the more freezing winds would push down on them, rushing from the top of the mountain where their passage would end, and the children ended up pressing against the wall, trying to remain still and silent and ignoring the absolutely horrible chills they were getting.. They had to keep climbing for most of the night, in silence and each wondering their own horrible wonders, such as how the masked scout could have escaped, what had happened to him before then, if he was really going to meet the Baudelaires’ father, and… what would happen if they were caught. 

In the very early hours of the morning, the children finally reached the top of the hole, and the masked boy climbed out first, leaning against the wall to catch his breath as everyone clambered into the dim, curved hallway, glancing up at the small grate in the ceiling where the smoke was escaping. 

Violet looked up at the grate, and reached for her ribbon. “If that leads to the very center of the Valley of Four Drafts…” she whispered. 

“The smoke will scatter.” the masked boy whispered back. “Nobody will see it.” 

“Where there’s smoke, there’s fire.” Klaus said. 

“Exactly.” the scout nodded. “But come on. The entrance to headquarters should be this way, if I remember the book I read correctly.” 

“When did you read a book on this?” Isadora asked nervously, as they crept along the hallway, following the masked boy. 

“After the… when I was alone.” he said. 

The cold winds continued to press into them as they crept along the hallway, until they reached a large metal door. Instantly, Violet tied her hair back and ran forwards, her face lighting up at the sight of a contraption where the doorknob should have been. It looked a bit like the spiders they had to avoid in the passage, with curly wires spreading out in all directions, but where the head might’ve been, there was the keyboard of a typewriter. 

“Mother once told us about the Vernacularly Fastened Doors,” Klaus said, “But we didn’t think we’d see them.” 

As he pulled Sunny out of his coat, holding her at his side, Duncan asked, quickly taking out his commonplace book, “What’s a Vernacularly Fastened Door?” 

“Coded lock.” Violet said. “It operates on language. See how the wires are curled around the hinges of the door? They’re locked in place unless the right sequence of letters on that keyboard are typed in. There are more letters than numbers, so it would be much more difficult to guess the code.” 

“You have to type three specific phrases in a row.” Klaus said. “Unfortunately, it’s different for every door.” 

“I wrote down the codes for this one in my commonplace book.” the masked boy said. But then he reached to his tattered pockets, and froze. “Which… I don’t have.” his voice went very quiet, and very shaky. “I don’t have it.” 

Isadora took a deep breath, then said, “We do.” 

Duncan hesitantly pulled the purple book from his pocket, and held it out. The boy stared for a long while, then took it from his brother and flipped the pages. They could hear a few sniffles from his mask as he flipped through. 

“The- the first phrase is the name of the scientist most widely credited with the discovery of gravity.” 

“Well, that’s easy.” Violet said. She turned and typed S-I-R-I-S-A-A-C-N-E-W-T-O-N into the keys, and as she finished, there was a muted clicking sound, as if the device was warming up. 

“The second is the Latin name for the Volunteer Feline Detectives.” the masked boy said. “Which are lions. Panthera Leo.”

Violet nodded and typed in P-A-N-T-H-E-R-A-L-E-O, and they heard a very quiet buzzing, and a shaking of hinges. 

“What’s the third phrase?” Isadora asked. 

The masked boy sighed. “The central theme of Leo Tolstoy’s novel _Anna Karenina.”_

“Ugh, _fuck_ Tolstoy.” Isadora groaned. 

They could almost hear the masked boy’s careful smile. “Knew you’d say that.” 

“Thankfully, I _have_ read that.” Klaus said. He passed Sunny to Violet, before speaking as he typed into the typewriter. 

“The central theme of _Anna Karenina,”_ he said, “Is that a rural life of moral simplicity, despite its monotony, is the preferable personal narrative to a daring life of impulsive passion, which only leads to t-r-a-g-e-d-y.” 

Once he finished typing, he stepped back, and the wires around the hinges moved for a moment, before stopping, dropping them into silence. 

“Um?” Isadora said. 

“It’s stuck,” Violet said, staring up at the wires. “Hold on a moment.” 

And after a moment, indeed, the wires jiggled, and a door swung open.

And then they walked into what at first seemed to be a black and charred field. After a moment, it became quite clear that they were in the remains of what had once been a grand and impressive building. They could see the burnt wood of a table, remains of silverware, probably still hot to the touch, collapsed walls, the pendulum of a grandfather clock, what halves of spyglasses scattered among the ash, an iron archway reading _LIBRARY_ to their left, and a refrigerator, leaning to the side of the ash. Beyond the crumbling walls was a large, white, frozen waterfall, shining in the dim morning light. 

“It must’ve been beautiful once.” Violet said. 

Then they turned to each other, and Isadora, trembling, said, “We’re alone.” 

The masked boy nodded, and then removed his mask. 

They stared for another long time, and then Duncan and Isadora raced forwards for their brother. They almost tackled him, hugging him so tight and so fiercely that they nearly fell over. Quigley didn’t seem to mind, though he flinched a little at the touch, because he also threw himself into the hug, burying his face in his siblings’ coats and starting to cry. 

“Quigley!” Isadora shouted, gripping his coat and pulling him to her. “Quigley, oh my God!” 

Duncan couldn’t speak, he just started to sob, rocking back-and-forth as he clutched his brother. Quigley finally lost balance, falling into his siblings’ arms, and they lowered him to the ground, continuing to hug him close as they could. 

When they finally pulled away, after what must have been at least ten minutes, in which the Baudelaires simply sat on a fallen beam and watched them, Duncan ran a hand over Quigley's tear-streaked face as he continued to bawl. “We…” she choked. “We thought you were dead.” 

“And then- and then Esme threatened us-” Duncan said. 

“She had your book-” 

“She said she would hurt you-” 

“We were _so worried-”_

Quigley choked out, “I missed you _so much!”_

Isadora put a hand under his black eye. “Who did this to you?” 

“It- it doesn’t- I-” 

“We’ll kill them.” Duncan said. “We swear to _God_ we will.” 

“N-no, we-” 

“Oh, my God, you’re so hurt.” Isadora felt a scar on his cheek, and then pulled back his right sleeve, looking at bruises around his wrist. “Oh, my God-” 

“S-stop, please, I just…” 

Isadora hesitantly pushed the sleeve back, then quickly hugged Quigley again. When she pulled away, she said, “What happened? Where have you been?” 

“I… I…” Quigley glanced up, then, and met eyes with the Baudelaires. He froze a moment, and then said, “You’re the Baudelaires.” 

Violet stood and walked over, kneeling in the circle around Quigley, and Klaus quickly lifted Sunny and carried her over to sit beside Isadora. Violet quietly nodded, then asked, “You know our parents?” 

Quigley took a deep breath, then nodded. He sat back, scooting a little so he completed the circle, and he said, “I… um, after the- the fire- Mother put me in a tunnel, but she never came back and something was on top of the door so I couldn’t- couldn’t get out- so I kept walking until I reached this house, it- Monty Montgomery’s house?” 

Klaus bit his lip. “We’ve been there.” 

“It- it was empty, so I stayed there until- this man found me, Jacques Snicket, he- the told me not to tell anyone where I was-” 

“Son of a bitch.” Isadora muttered. 

“-and then he- well, he wouldn’t tell me much about VFD but I figured out enough, I think, and…” Quigley started rocking back-and-forth, focusing on telling the story so he wouldn’t have to think about the details. “He was studying something so he didn’t have much time for- well, he wasn’t there a lot, and one day he left to investigate something and never came back…” 

_“Bastard.”_ Duncan muttered. 

“No, I’m sure he-” 

“We met him, he’s a bastard.” Isadora waved her hand. “But then what happened?” 

“Then… then the Baudelaires found me.” Quigley said.

Violet jumped, and Klaus asked, “What are you talking about?” 

“They- they escaped Olaf and were- they were looking for you. But they- they found me, they took me so that I wouldn’t be alone and VFD couldn’t get me- we were trying to find you, all of you, but you weren’t at Prufrock, and they thought you might be in the city so we- we were heading there…” Quigley hugged his knees. “They saved me. They saved me so many times, I… but we- we got _caught_ again. They found us, and they- I _killed_ someone.” 

“What?” Duncan said. 

“There was- this person in Olaf’s gang, he tried to grab me while I was trying to run so I stabbed him and- and I _killed him, I killed someone, I-”_

Klaus put an arm around him, and Quigley jumped. “Was he trying to hurt you?” he asked cautiously. Quigley nodded. “Then, you’re not to blame.” He said that shakily, trying to convince himself as well as Quigley. 

“I just… I turned and stabbed him and the light went out…” 

“Hey.” Violet put a hand on his knee. “We’ve killed people, too.” 

“What?” 

“Yeah, self-defense. We’re trying to murder Olaf right now. But… we want you to know that you’re not a monster or anything.” Violet said. Sunny crawled over Klaus’s lap to put her own hand on Quigley’s knee. “It’s okay.” 

Isadora and Duncan reached over, each taking one of Quigley’s hands. He took a deep breath, and Duncan said, “You’re still a good person, Quigley.” 

“You’re still our brother.” Isadora added. 

Quigley took a breath, and then, before he could cry again, continued, “They caught us, they… they took us away, I was- they hurt us, they hurt _them,_ then I just… but when we were leaving a- a carnival? I think? There was a- a caravan attached to the car, we were in the trunk- me and Bertrand got in it but Beatrice- she got hurt and she cut the rope and we- we _fell…”_

“Mater?” Sunny asked. _“Our mother’s still there?”_

Quigley shook. “I’m sorry, I’m _so_ sorry-” 

“Hey.” Isadora said. “It’s not your fault. None of this is.” her voice broke. “Nothing’s your fault, okay? So you shouldn’t be sorry.” 

“But- but I-” 

“Just keep going.” 

“I… Bertrand got us out, but we got separated, these two arsonists were in the mountains hunting us, and… he said if he escaped he’d meet me here. He’d meet me here.” 

“Our Dad?” Klaus asked. “Our Dad’s meeting us here?” 

“Poppa?” Sunny asked. 

“I- I hope- he _promised,_ he said he’d stay alive, I… I shouldn’t have left…” 

“Quigley.” Isadora said. 

“I shouldn’t have left him, I- I shouldn’t have-” 

“Quigley, look at me.” 

Quigley finally paused, looking over at his sister, and she squeezed his hand. “Quigley, don’t talk anymore. You don’t have to talk. Just… just hug us and cry until you feel better, okay?” 

Quigley took a deep breath, and then followed her instructions. 


	51. And prate about an Elephant

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys heads up, I'm going to take another quick hiatus after today's chapter. Just to finish school and catch up. Should not be as long a hiatus as last time! See you soon! <3
> 
> ~ Midas

**CHAPTER FIFTY-ONE**

_ And prate about an Elephant _

When everyone had calmed down, Violet managed to come up with a schedule for guard duty, where two would watch the surrounding area while the others slept. Klaus insisted on going first, and Violet was pretty sure he suspected that she’d try to stay overtime. Duncan sat with him, and Violet fell asleep still hearing them mumble something to each other. Isadora had spread out enough blankets to wrap her and Quigley up, staying against him even as he kicked and turned a little, clearly not sleeping well. Sunny stayed curled beside Violet, though she slept perhaps least of the group, sitting up every now and again to watch the horizon and wait for her father to arrive. Besides, well, it was  _ daytime,  _ and Sunny wasn’t used to sleeping in bright light. 

After a few hours, Klaus awoke Violet for her watch, but when Duncan moved towards his siblings, Quigley sat up, rubbing his eyes. 

“I’m already awake, I might as well.” 

“Are you sure? You’ve just been through a lot-” 

“So have you. I’ll watch, you sleep, I’ll wake Isadora up in a bit.” 

Duncan hesitated and then nodded. He helped his brother up, and then they touched their foreheads together a moment, just feeling each other. Then Duncan took his place beside Isadora, and Quigley wandered over to sit by Violet. 

They were silent for a long while, listening for any sounds of approaching strangers. Quigley bounced his leg, playing with his zipper, and Violet twirled her ribbon over her hands, sometimes pulling back her hair and thinking of how to build an invention to make it easier to see through snow. 

She turned after about an hour, her eyes scanning over her siblings. Sunny had finally succumbed to exhaustion, snoozing beside Klaus, who was only moderately pushing against her in his sleep. Duncan and Isadora were hugging each other, and after waiting a moment to ensure they were also asleep, she turned to Quigley and whispered, “It was you, right?” 

“Hmm?” he asked, staring into the distance. 

“In the Hospital. You were in the cellar with us, weren’t you?” 

Quigley shut his eyes, and then hugged himself. “Yeah.” 

She gave him a quick look, scanning over his face, and then said, “I’m… sorry you had to go through that.” 

“I’m sorry that happened to you.” Quigley said back. 

“Why did he even take you?” 

“Wanted to kill my siblings and use me for my family fortune.” Quigley said. He glanced back at his siblings, and then said quietly, “I thought they’d killed Duncan for a while. They told me… but I didn’t know if I believed it, if I  _ could…  _ and then I saw him and Isadora in the cave and…” he shuddered. “I was just so  _ relieved _ I couldn’t speak for a moment, and… and they were _ there…”  _

“I get that.” Violet nodded. She scooted a little closer to him. “When I saw- when I saw my parents in there,  _ heard _ them, I almost forgot I’d been kidnapped, I just knew they were  _ there.”  _

Quigley nodded, hugging his knees. 

They were silent another moment, and then Violet slid her hand over Quigley’s. He flinched, turning to her, and she said, “Thank you.” 

“For what?” 

“You know.” 

“I-it’s what any decent person would’ve done.” 

“But he hurt you. You knew he would, and you did it anyway.” 

“I…” 

She sighed, running her hand over his, and then she said quietly, “Can I see?” 

“You… you probably don’t want-” 

“Can I see?” she said, more insistently. 

Slowly, he nodded, and reached for his left arm, pulling on the sleeve a little. Violet reached over, pushing it back as far as it would go, and staring down at the massive scar still left over from a few days before. 

“It’s… it doesn’t really hurt that much right now.” Quigley tried. 

Violet kept staring down. Then she used her free hand to pull out her ribbon, and she quickly tied back her hair. “We’ve got a first aid kit in the Sunnyb- in Klaus’s bag. We can probably-” 

“It’s fine, really.” 

“I doubt they gave you any first aid, we should at least-” 

“Look, it healed and it’s probably not infected, we’re fine.” 

“There’s gotta be something I can do.” 

“It’s okay.” 

“No, I’ll help.” 

“Really, it’s fine, we should focus on guarding. It doesn’t hurt, I’ll be fine, promise.” 

“You better be telling me the truth.” Violet and Quigley both looked up, realizing their faces were rather close together. Quigley froze, his cheeks going red, and Violet said quietly. “Seriously. Promise it’s okay for now?” 

“I promise.” Quigley said quietly. 

Violet smiled a little, then pulled away slightly and looked back down at his arm. She flinched a little at the scar, pulling his sleeve down for him. “There, now you’re not cold.” 

“It’s really not  _ that  _ cold.” 

“That’s cause it’s almost False Spring, the weather gets unusually warm before going-” 

“-back to cold, yeah.” 

“We better be out of here before it ends.” 

“Well, your father said to wait til I ran out of food… I don’t think he thought you’d all be here, though- fuck, I left my bag-” 

“We’ve got plenty of food.” 

“I’m… I’m just worried.” 

“Who did you say he was running from?” 

“Two people… a man with a beard but no hair, and this woman with hair but no beard. They had this… aura of menace, I guess. Bertrand just said they were dangerous arsonists. And that we shouldn’t go near them.” 

Violet considered, running through a list of people her parents had pointed out to her as bad. “I don’t think they mentioned them, but we were a bit, well, busy on the run. And they didn’t want us to be worried all the time.” She sighed. “Sucks that we are now.” 

“Hopefully we can find some way out soon.” Quigley said. 

Violet hesitated, and then reached for her bag. “Actually, at the hospital, we found this-” 

“Wait.” 

She froze, her hand just over the flap. “What?” 

He held out a hand, and she heard it, too; distant, echoey footsteps. Someone was coming. 

“Get your siblings up, duck behind that fallen beam.” she instructed. He nodded, leaping over the ash to race to his triplets. Violet slung her bag over her shoulder and quickly shook her siblings awake. Almost immediately, Klaus caught the look in her eye and jumped up, grabbing his bag as she picked up Sunny. He gathered their blankets in his arms as they raced off, the Quagmires just a little behind, a little more tired. 

Once they were down, Quigley said, “Someone’s coming. It could be Bertrand.” 

“Or it could be Olaf.” Violet said. “Or one of the other arsonists.” 

“Woh?” Sunny asked.  _ “How do we know who it is?”  _

“If we look, we risk exposing our position.” Violet said. 

“If we hide, we risk letting our dad think we’re not here.” Klaus added. 

“Did we ever go over this potential situation?” Violet asked, running a hand through her hair, pulling out the ribbon and stuffing it into her pocket. “What do we do?” 

“Is there a code?” Quigley asked. 

“What?” 

“A code. That you have for each other.” 

“We change our codes at every hideout, and it’s mainly knocking patterns.” Violet muttered. “We won’t have anything for right now.” 

“You could wait to hear his voice.” Isadora said. 

“What if he’s being threatened, though?” Klaus said. “Or if someone imitates his voice? Violet can imitate voices pretty well, maybe Olaf found someone…” 

“Maybe you can get him to say something only you’d know.” Duncan said. 

“Like  _ what?”  _

“I don’t know.” Duncan bit his lip. He rocked back-and-forth, and said, “I mean, we… we used _Jabberwocky_ when we found Quigley. The car song we all know.” 

“Yeah, we used the poem.” Isadora nodded. 

“The…” Violet shut her eyes, and then grabbed Klaus’s hand tightly. “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” 

“I think so.” 

Sunny nodded. 

They heard a clatter; someone had reached the remains of the headquarters, tripped over something. They were here. 

Now or never. 

Violet squeezed Klaus’s hand, and then shouted, loud as she could, her voice breaking,  _ “It was six men of Indoostan!”  _

There was a deathly silence, as only the wind blew through the ash, silence falling over them. 

Violet took a breath, and then choked out, tears springing to her eyes,  _ “To learning much inclined!”  _

Still silence. They thought they might’ve heard footsteps edging closer, but they might’ve imagined it. 

Violet started to cry, so Klaus put an arm around her and called,  _ “Who went to see the elephant, though all of them were blind!”  _

Sunny grabbed onto Violet’s coat, as tears also came to her, and she cried out, sounding out the words as best she remembered,  _ “That each, by ob-ser-vation!”  _

They sat, gripping each other’s hands, as the Quagmires watched them carefully, occasionally glancing towards the wall, as if they could see through it and find out who was coming. 

Then, quietly, only just barely heard above the wind, a soft whisper.

_ “Might satisfy his mind…”  _

Violet leapt to her feet and jumped out from behind the pillar, staring in complete shock. She immediately dropped her bag to the ground, and took off running.

_ “Poppa!”  _

Klaus lifted Sunny and took off after her, barely a blur as they all ran to their dad. The Quagmires jumped to their feet, and watched as Violet tackled her father, the two of them falling to the ground; Bertrand, however, recovered quickly enough to break her fall, before sitting up and clutching her close, only removing one arm for a few moments, enough to pull Klaus and Sunny in as well. Klaus dropped to his knees, pressing his head in his father’s shoulder and pulling up against him as tight as he could, while Sunny leapt forward and buried herself in her dad’s tattered shirt, starting to wail and cling to him. Violet, meanwhile, started shaking and sobbing, barely keeping her arms around her father as she was wracked with a storm of tears. 

_ “Dada! Poppa!”  _ Sunny wailed. 

“Dad! You’re here! Daddy, you’re here!” Klaus cried. 

Bertrand didn’t speak for a long while, just pulling his kids closer and hugging them tight, tying and failing to keep from crying with them. The Quagmires carefully stepped forwards, watching, and then Isadora sat on the edge of the fallen pillar, and her siblings joined her, grabbing each other’s hands. 

Violet continued to sob uncontrollably, and Klaus soon joined her, and eventually Bertrand pulled away, putting one hand on a cheek of each of his children, while Sunny continued to cling to him. He scanned them quickly, eyes darting to every bruise or scar, before he said, “Are you okay?” 

“Dad.” Klaus just leaned into his hand, reaching up his own to hold it still against his face.  _ “Dad.”  _ Violet didn’t even speak, she just kept crying, staring over at him. 

Bertrand pulled them back into a hug quickly, whispering, “I’m here, I’m okay. We’re going to be okay.” 

“Poppa…” Sunny cried. 

He pulled away again, slowly lifting her up. Sunny smiled and blinked away tears as he looked at her and said, “Sunny, my baby, you’re a toddler now.” 

“Big!” Sunny nodded. 

He placed her down, and while she grabbed onto his leg, as if letting him go would make him vanish, he glanced up, catching sight of the Quagmires, and his face flickered a moment, before understanding hit him. “Quigley, you found them! You’re okay?” 

Quigley nodded, grabbing Isadora’s arm and leaning onto her shoulder. He could wait his turn for a hug, the Baudelaire children had been waiting long enough. 

Violet kept crying, and Bertrand turned away from the Quagmires to wipe her tears. “Hey, it’s okay. It’s okay, I’m here. Nothing’s going to happen to you again.” his voice broke a little. “Did they hurt you?” 

“Poppa…” was all she croaked out. 

Bertrand glanced between all his children. “I- I only just got away, I- I don’t think I was followed, so we-” 

“Are you hurt?” Klaus asked. “Do you need first aid?” 

“No, I- I should be…” he shivered. “What about you-?” 

“We’re  _ fine. We’re fine.  _ You’re here.” Klaus said. 

Sunny beamed, then looked over at Klaus, her face shining. “Happy Birthday.” she said. 

Klaus continued to weep, and the Baudelaires embraced each other again. 


End file.
